(Onion) Ethicists Update List Of Acceptable Things To Masturbate To

[kpete]

Ethicists Update List Of Acceptable Things To Masturbate To
APRIL 18, 2011 | ISSUE 47•16

Experts say the new list would help Americans more effectively pleasure themselves.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Unveiling what may be the most comprehensive guide to socially responsible self-pleasure ever published, a group of leading ethicists released Monday its list of things that are acceptable to masturbate to.

The 2011 edition of the Standards and Values in Autoerotic Practices is the first revision in 17 years of the venerable reference used to determine what images and thoughts are appropriate stimuli for bringing oneself to orgasm.

"This list recognizes our changing cultural attitudes and offers an ethical framework to address all aspects of the current masturbatory climate," said Harvard University philosophy professor Greg Hawkins, the publication's lead editor. "Now, when pleasuring themselves, Americans can determine whether to proceed with a clear conscience, or recoil in self-disgust."

Many changes reflect new realities posed by the Internet, which was barely mentioned in the last edition of the SVAP. For example, the revised guide declares it "permissible" to reach climax while perusing photos from the Facebook profile of a coworker or a spouse's friend; however, masturbating to online hidden-camera videos of a woman using a tanning bed is deemed "troubling, and unfit for self-gratification."

sorry, the rest:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/ethicists-update-list-of-acceptable-things-to-mast,20076/

[LynneSin]

1. Acceptable things for Republicans to Masturabate to......

[joeybee12]

2. Actually, for me, a picture like that would get me to stop....forever! nt

[rurallib]

3. don't forget

[anneboleyn]

10. Yikes. That's a tossup, so to speak.

[Ikonoklast]

13. Why is Emo Phillips wearing that funny hat?

[rurallib]

17. Mr. Phillips weeps for this comment.

[Urban Prairie]

4. Fappitty-fappitty fap-fap-fap...

[cliffordu]

6. LOL.....

[XemaSab]

8. Somewhere a stable in Kentucky

is missing its horse. :o

[Ikonoklast]

15. "Why the long face, Anne?"

"Here's a nice carrot for you."

[Arugula Latte]

12. You are a bad, bad person.

:rofl:

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

14. Oh you bastard! How about awarning next time?

:spank:

[Swede]

7. Be sure to use the right hand.

[anneboleyn]

11. Or the reich hand? (ba-bum).

[anneboleyn]

9. Hee. Oh my, I'll be frigid after viewing that pic!

[xchrom]

5. Funny. Nt

[Urban Prairie]

16. Standards and Values in Autoerotic Practices ?!?

Is Christine O'Donnell aware of the existence of such a filthy, evil, sinful, and smutty publication???

:wow:

If not, she should be notified ASAP, so that she can publicly denounce and forbid its use forthwith, condemn the authors who created it, and warn rightwingers who might innocently consider acquiring and making use of it, of their certainty of becoming damned to Hades for eternity as a result!!111!!

:evilfrown: :evilgrin:






:+ :silly: :crazy: