August 28, 2016

I feel so betrayed.

I never knew there was something done to me down there. There were hints. Like when I went to a gblt friendly clinic for a yeast infection that seriously had me thinking of a fork to ease the itch when I had no insurance. The gym looked at me and gasped . I asked is it THAT bad? She asked if I had female genital surgery and I said I didn't think so,she dissapeared into a room came out with another doctor went in that room and was in there a good while. She came out said I had a yeast infection gave me meds and I left. My father made me swear never to get genetic testing And though my young years dresses were forced on me my mom and aunt forced me down to pluck my eyebrows my father would yell at me to "be a girl". All of this has made no sense until now. My mom was drugged up when I was born and I spent a month in a incubator sure I was premature but what else did they do. I'm a ftm transgender .I have been on testosterone now coming up on 6 years. I haven't grown down below. I have a nice goatee, a deeper voice I look masculine .but getting bottom surgery is not possible unless they can grow one from my own cells and attach it and hope it works
I think I was born intersex and they lopped off part of my clitoris because back in the sixties people were so godamn stupid when it comes to gender
I feel hopeless

October 22, 2014

when will this end?

I'm so tired of republican assholes. I'm so tired of having to pay to exist? Why must I suffer just because I'm disabled? Poverty is a form of abuse. I'm so below the poverty line it's so hard to live.How long are people going to suffer this fucking oligarchy of putrid rich assholes,tolerate banks scamming,hedge fund managers making bets with other peoples lives. How long are americans going to put up with being used,thrown away,worked to death,deprived,abused and made to suffer by people with too much preying upon those with barely enough?I wonder do Americans want to be slaves hoping for a scrap from a rich pig who could care less if you live or die as long as you obeyed the rich and worked from youth to death.
Does anyone remember when things were more equal,when everyone had enough for vacation ,to have, a secure home,to live a little? When living on disability was a little easier and section 8 wait lists were like 4 years instead of ten or twenty and there were people and programs that helped,that have long been destroyed to appease the rich whom barely pay tax anymore. If we took the money away from all the oligarch pigs each person could be a millionaire living off interest. But no Americans have forgot what it means to have some,is it because they've gone without for so long or clinging to the vain hope they will make the next big thing and join the oligarchs are people really that stupid?

April 21, 2014

70 Bux?

I need food and money to make ends meet.70 dollar pants,I cannot afford.Wish made in america meant made for lower class people too. That disabled people didnt get shafted and financially abused by the rich .I hate having to buy from disgusting places like walmart where they try to hide their evil ways in a broken or convoluted supply chains. I hate going to goodwill because they pay the disabled people working there 75¢ an hour.

April 21, 2014

I hate corporations

they are psychopathic in structure,just like thier executives and owners. We can survive without toleratingt wealthy pigs and thier resource abusing exploitative pyramid scams called "corporations".

January 26, 2014

underground panther is back

Im back.i m living at a place that sucks and has no web. So i got a phone with Unlimited net.it is fucking hard to get is used to typing typing on this thing. But regardless I'm back. And i have missed and worry worried about all of you. My life has gotten very difficult. But that has only made my fangs stronger and my claws sharper. When food stamps got cut i really needed du i was so pissed. I'm glad to be back here.

June 24, 2013

GMO crops set ablaze...

Though the controlled corporate media apparatus is suppressing the story, 40 tons of GMO crops were torched, prompting an FBI investigation. There has been a COMPLETE MEDIA BLACKOUT, outside of local circles has dared to mention it, perhaps because government fears that if the public learns that other people are getting fighting mad (literally), they might join in, and become an actual revolution. It was only reported locally live on KXL Radio and echoed by the Oregonian, where the ONLY web mention exists, hard to find because the headline wording is carefully avoids the most likely keywords for a search.

Here’s what happened — 40 Tons of GMO Sugar Beets were set ablaze in Eastern Oregon, yesterday. FORTY TONS — the entire acreage of two full fields of crops IN THE GROUND were set ablaze over a THREE NIGHT PERIOD OF TIME. That means ARSON.

Evidence is that 6,500 plants were destroyed BY HAND, ONE PLANT AT A TIME. That, in turn, implies A LOT OF PEOPLE were involved: would you want to stick around once a fire was going and wait to be discovered? No, someone (many someones) probably wanted to move as quickly as possible. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A MOVEMENT, a kind of ORGANIZED REVOLT — and this is exactly the kind of retribution that many have warned was coming; when lawmakers and corporations refuse to honor the Constitution and instead engage in ‘legalized’ criminal acts such as enabled by the ‘Monsanto Protection Act.’

http://politicalblindspot.com/eco-revolution-gmo-crops-torched-in-america


Just found out This is true.

http://www.oregonlive.com/pacific-northwest-news/index.ssf/2013/06/genetically_engineered_sugar_b.html


looks like a lot of someone's are pissed...

June 22, 2013

What about the weak makes the strong hate them?

Being poor isn't always the poor person's fault.I'm poor. wonder why I am the object of right-wing scorn,hate and smear.I can hardly function.Depression draws my days away,dissociation has made much unbearable.My life is not happy or anything.I had dreams but it seems I never had enough money to live them,so I have given up on dreams.

In 4th. grade I wanted to be a veterinarian,study the lives of south american cats,living in the treetops.But no,even though I had a teacher notice I was intelligent and had me on my own study modules,nothing ever was done about it by the school. Ever since 1st. grade I was being bullied all day,and even though this one teacher was so very kind and observant ,it was not enough to overcome the damage done by a violent cold home life or the bullying ,bullying that happened as teachers stood by watching gangs of kids trying to corner me by the fence in the playground to beat my ass.

I never knew WHY I was hated by the entire school.I was hated by people in schools I didn't even attend. I just knew the world seemed to reject me,and that knowledge was seared into my soul everyday. By time I got to high school I had deteriorated and lost it.I spent many years in the psych system.The psych system did plenty of damage,drugs ,restraints, solitary confinement,mind games,humiliation,the psych wards are sometimes run by sociopaths. The power structure of a psych unit is a set-up just like the Stanford Prison Experiment.And so is our society.

Sometimes it would be dangerous to defend yourself or stand up for another whom you know was innocent. To have a moral backbone meant you got targeted as a troublemaker. And I was. Some psych wards and treatment centers have been very abusive to me and will not accept me because of this. It's stupid and sad but the autrhoritarians running these places HATE me.And that makes me laugh inwardly.I'm doing something right. I worry about the people there though living under these asshats.

And I see this same old shit republicans do and people that don't care do all over again like the assholes who put wounds in my mind and body reflected in the backlash against the Moral March in NC.on the 17th,already the Civitas bullies are making a hate list. Just like Bully kids would make obscene drawings of me and drop them casually on my desk knowing it would hurt me,trigger me.What kind of monster would find joy in doing that? A person without love,empathy or an understanding that I am because We are.

I hate the bible,but even a broke clock is right twice a day..The line,The world hates me, the world hated me from the beginning and it will hate you too..The world seems to hate anyone who stands up for the weak and abused and say NO you can't treat people like that. Love & empathy in a person makes it so, You hurt I hurt because WE hurt.So you have to do something about it,your entire being is pushing you to stand up for WE.

I am so tired,the house I'm living in,the only safe place I've ever known, is being auctioned off in September.I have no clue where to go or what to do. My mind is frozen overwhelmed.
My family plans things behind my back.I have very little reason to live really.I don't know what anyone's plans are.The program I go to they ain't helping me with this. All I want to do is curl up in a ball. But I can't,and there is nothing I can do.So I sit here unable to be calm.To not have anger,sadness,frustration,anxiety eating me up day after day.

But everyday it seems those of us who are hated,those of us who have an ethical understanding of right and wrong on a deep level are being hurt. We have been voiceless,corrupted abused,fighting a battle that never stops against those who see freedom as the freedom to abuse,exploit,dominate,control or use people. I have to exist if anything to keep screaming NO!!! to those who would destroy.

I dreamed of making this house a sanctuary,I tried to find good roommates who had empathy but they wouldn't contribute to the household they had no understanding of I exist because we are. And some were very exploitative,sociopaths,I had to evict them because they were abusing me..

It was emotional torture trying to make a sanctuary..

Anyway I try to help regardless where there is someone who needs me to if they ask.I volunteer to help too,I try to do what I can, and I don't by stand regarding abuse~ever.. But lack of money makes life so fucking hard to live because being poor,disabled,having PTSD gives you a stigma,a stigmata that will follow you everywhere no matter your kindness ,intelligence ,creativity,courage or love...or dreams that have died or still live.

Joy is rare thing when you are so raw inside and aware,of what evil the assholes of this world do and want to do .I'm scared. TPP,the spying,and more. I know deep down we are being set up somehow,to be made powerless, to stop those who would dominate us and play king,god itself with our lives..I do not bow to gods or kings. They'll try to break me.They'll try to break all of us who are honest,have a mind of our own care and have courage in our hearts.

Would I be labeled a terraist because I tell the truth or get frustrated and rant my true feelings? especially because I'm poor,crazy and have guts to say no and tell the truth to power...Yeah.
I have been been mistreated for shaming authoritarians who'd rather get people to believe lies.
Why? Is it because the bullies out there,the republicans convinced themselves am I everything that is wong with society.They SAY it's because I'm poor and disabled .But I think it is by what others have done to me in the name of trying to make me be what they wanted me to be,or to control me or exploit my tender heart,my body.And I didn't just shut up ,blend in,and go along with it.Because I won't tolerate abuse,and I am aware of what the mind of a sociopath is about.

I never asked to be born. I often wish my body didn't require food or water ,never had to sleep,could not get sick or get wounded and that my mind had never been hurt, and could never be hurt or manipulated that my body could never be violated, that I was beautiful and popular and seen as a good person,there was nothing wrong with me. I bet alot of people wish that too.

I wish I could be happy.Protected from the cruelty in this world ,find joy in something,be a joy to be around all the time, be free of the constant stress of worrying about survival and protecting my mind and body,and the dangers this civilization game brings to humanity .But why I can't handle what others take in stride I do not know. It makes me feel incompetent. But I deal with it all anyway.But I can feel the damage it is doing.

I wish I was more entertaining,fun had friends who liked to come over and hang out maybe do things together ,maybe even try to change things in the world. In reality I live isolated mostly. Transportation is a problem,I have problems ,others are stressed and have problems.This world is a monster to me,and the hatred of the weak by the wealthy ,the strong,the healthy, the popular,the 'attractive' is pathological,it surrounds us like toxic air and it will ruin our ability to survive together or ever know what it means to be safe more than awhile.

The cycles of war,peace,democracies,authoritarianism,war, peace,have been going forever.Just like the cycle of violence in an abusive relationship it's the macro and the micro,same pattern..How long will we suffer the cycles of empire and the hyper exploitation civilization and the market and abuse causes until all the I's get together into a WE, say NO more you,WE have had enough of THAT shit out of the likes of you..

Everyone has to find it inside themselves to become a WE and stand up to the smooth talking manipulators,liars and bullies,the fear inside, the hateful people and tell them to shut up and do what is necessary to stop them,even if it's death.Death not to deter crime or punish people. But to stop the abuser who refuses to stop abusing others.Sometimes the abuser won't get it with words or a punch in the nose.Sometimes you have to do what most think is wrong to do what is right,that is what I mean by a Deeper moral understanding. If you are not a sociopath you cannot become one,even if you kill a sociopath. Sociopathy is not contagious no matter how bad you have been abused. It takes a certain personality type to be an abuser\sociopath\ rule the world and micromangage millions of lives via technology and seek full spectrum domination over others lives in this entire world who are not for the most part sociopaths.

And until people quit being solipsists,understand some people are NOT like themselves,recognize what a real danger is VS. themselves making bogeyman,being manipulated emotionally, being offended or freaked out themselves things won't change.People need to own their emotions and quit thinking something that's different is always dangerous because they feel anxiety,uneasy offended or scared.People need to emotionally mature. And that means seeing that we all are not the same,we are equal and different at the same time and that is to a point OK.
But also some people among us really do exist that love to tear down dreams,to scapegoat,to bully ,to take and society will never be safe and people to exist around because these bullies they just don't want to stop doing the abuse stop the bullying,stop hating, stop thinking themselves superior and entitled to take it all to themselves,those so called 'winners'.

Some people they actually like causing harm to others,dominating them,tearing them apart.And these people think they are so much superior,we can chicken and egg the causes of sociopaths all day,love will not change them,therapy can't help because they like getting bashing those who cannot fight back, they like getting away with abuse,being assholes and monsters and they love to tear the souls out of people like me because they think I am inferior to themselves.Every social darwinist asshole puts themselves as superior.And they don't see any reason to change what they are.

But I know what they do they project upon the ones they hate,the weak,the poor,disabled,victims,what they really under that 'winner'mask, what they truly ARE.

They try to force us the victims,the poor,the people who care and are wounded to become like THEM in personality by abusing us hating us keeping us poor,hurt powerless.Because if we abuse,exploit,hate,use,rape,destroy others souls,The bullies have no one who dares stand up to say NO to what the sociopaths do to the ones like me who don't give up on our moral understanding of right and wrong and don't keep our eyes down when looking at a wannabe king..The sociopath can get away with causing pain to others and shutting down empathy and killing love itself if people LET them.

The sociopath,the republican asshole,the assholes everywhere they want a world without love courage,wisdom,understanding,kindness empathy,honesty and bravery,for these are the things inside some of us that says NO to racism,authoritarianism,abuse,financial abuse and all the other b horrors these anti humane asshole people try to do to others,especially those who are wounded by their kind,or can't fight back.

Someday I have a silly dream I can't let go of that maybe people will stop letting bullies who think their superior rule,maybe someday ...we will finally agree...I am because we are. and we will not be abused anymore because of a few I's that will not change who want to rule,abuse and exploit.My life has sent me asking why and my whys led to this.We have to stand up not just a few,all of us who do not like to abuse others.

The truth is this world never had to become like this. It does not have to be a monster, it will have death, sickness,injury and isn't that painful enough?.The sociopaths among us want to be passive monsters let them do what they want.We have to say NO you can't do that to US because I say NO, and I have a right to be what I am because WE have a right to be what WE are.Even if YOU,social darwinist self entitling,vicious,morally dead,empty ,black heart,do not care, cannot love,want power over us more than life itself,bully do not like it. Society has grown so big atomized and impersonal it has took away some of our power.WE have to get aquainted with I,US and EACH OTHER again, to become WE again..

Someday maybe WE will break up and leave the abuser and the abusive system.

Until then I can and anyone else who'll join in can scream NO You can't DO that to me because WE are not going to tolerate the intolerable anymore. Sadly this hell will remain.The murder will continue,the bullying and hate will the exploitation and abuse will.The strong will hate the weak, will remain until WE do something to stop it. We have to save each other to save ourselves. The world does not have to be like this.

June 13, 2013

sexual harassment....as a political stance

Sexual Harassment Is A Grassroots Political Movement
By Amanda Marcotte
Thursday, June 13, 2013 11:17 EDT


One of the biggest misconceptions out there about sexual harassment is that it’s mostly intended as a kind of flirting, an attempt by the harasser to get positive attention and maybe even consensual sex. If you believe that, you’re much more likely to be hoodwinked by pro-harassment arguments about how innocent men are getting castigated, thrown out of conferences and bars, blocked on Twitter, etc. because they are either socially inept (Asperger’s is often trotted out as an excuse) or because “hypersensitive” bitches are freaking out because they love to “play the victim”. (Enjoy my take on this misogynist stereotype at the Daily Beast.) The reality is that harassment is usually about, well, harassing someone. It’s often disguised as flirting, but only so the harasser can (oh irony) play the part of the victimized innocent when his target pushes back. Disguising it as flirting also helps draw out the harassment, because the target often doesn’t want to be painted as “hypersensitive” and so she can be coerced with that into playing along and pretending she’s being flirted with when she and the harasser both know that he’s pushing her boundaries to get the pleasure of making her uncomfortable. Sometimes harassment is its own reward for harassers.
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/06/13/sexual-harassment-is-a-grassroots-political-movement/

June 9, 2013

the REAL Job creators

When you are poor every dollar you get is spent,put back into the economy.
Every dollar not saved by an individual is a dollar taken and shoved into a corporate tax haven.

So,those of us on SSI, homeless or working poor,we spend every dollar we get to survive,because too few bucks a month leaves no money left to save,every dollar is spent,and that way public funds go into the 1% pockets,when we buy food it is from a corporate grocery store a private profit enterprise.When we need shoes it goes to a private company,or we buy goodwill and support another tax free control system another corporate haven the church.

Being poor means NO wealth is held in our hands. It is powerlessness in a society where money talks louder than a million human voices, it means every dollar is sent to some corporation be it a dollar store,wal mart or giant.That means a reduction in well paying jobs.In other words more working poor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thousands of jobs have vanished from Memphis since the economy collapsed in 2008. Yet, the city hasn't dried up.One reason: the annual injection of billions of poverty dollars.Home to half of the region's 200,000 low-income households, Memphis ranks regularly among the nation's poorest metropolitan areas, making it fodder for national misery indexes. But less understood, and less visible, is a robust industry that has quietly grown up around the city's legions of poor.
https://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2012/dec/30/poverty-industry-drives-memphis-economy/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poverty is an industry,it exists to keep people poor because it is the working poor,the poor,disabled,and old they spend all they have to survive and thus prop up the economy for the over-rich when the bubbles they've blown pop. We the poor are here to stop the economy from fully tanking,our spending every dollar we get means jobs.Not the best jobs not as many jobs ,but jobs will remain nonetheless.because the rich need people to cook thier meals for them, mow thier lawns,etc.and..
Someone has to stock the shelves,someone has to grow the off label green beans,
someone has to slaughter the cows and kill the chickens,someone has to pick up the trash,sew the shoes,work the Mc.Donalds window,or give it to goodwill so we survive.Because by the end of the month we will be broke with empty stomaches.
montsano will help us fill them.

Why? Because we are kept poor so we have to spend every dollar we get.This helps the wealthy exploit humanity.


Most of the old and disabled are already poor.The government for the rich make sure we have none-to-spare.They do the same with the working poor with health care costs and regressive taxes and oppressive stress laden jobs so the working poor resent the non-working poor.
Which in turn creates the legislation that creates laws specifically against the poor (like anti-sit,and loitering)and against the poor attempting to relieve the psychological torment of being poor (drug war)which also trap working poor people in for profit labor camp formerly know as jails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.alternet.org/story/151732/21st-century_slaves%3A_how_corporations_exploit_prison_labor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When poverty takes over the working class,every dollar they get will be spent.
When poverty overtakes the middle class every dollar they get will be spent.

They too will be for all intents and purposes poor.

Meanwhile the 1% take more and more until we are all poor than the market will work like a predictable electric engine of wealth generation.And the wealthy can sit back and collect checks, from the magic money machine like they demonize the poor of doing.

Unlike the poor the wealthy will not spend every dollar they get.They will live like kings and become the true welfare queens they always were but love to claim the poor are doing like the true shameless hypocrites and moral degenerates that they are. protected by legions of loyal cops who love thier perks and hate the poor like they are conditioned by the rich to do.

But eventually, I fear we will be unable to do much about it,because we will lack capital to help ourselves let alone each other by then. There will be many things working against us.The Media will portray the poor as monsters, the mentally ill as sociopaths,the media will socially condition people to fear poverty and fear the mentally ill and hate thoue on disability on medicare etc. Monsanto will make sure we can't grow our own food,the 1% will make sure we must pay a large sum to landowners,The corporations and poverty bashers will continue to create crazy laws against the poor ,and the cops will have a blast bashing poor people getting 'free money' to do drugs..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://docsarge.com/post/52378194062/5-insane-laws-written-specifically-to-harass-poor
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/06/07/1214483/-NY-Senate-Makes-It-A-Felony-To-Annoy-a-Police-Officer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and the resenting scared frustrated people having nothing to do and no future but think themselves deserving of better but knowing they won't get better will take it out on the weakest among us like they do already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1852825,00.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It will be harder and harder to escape poverty,than it already is.

Those unjust laws directed at the poor will make sure the poor go to jail because the over-rich want to use people for free labor..to manufacture stuff for even cheaper than chinese slaves do, because after jail we will have to pay the jail corporation what money we may have collected during the time the jail company fed us and housed us ,and whatever fines the court decided we have to pay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505143_162-57577994/as-economy-flails-debtors-prisons-thrive/
http://thebillfold.com/2013/06/bring-back-the-debtors-prison-take-me-im-yours/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The genetically modified food will make us sick weak afraid of our diminishing health

http://foodmatters.tv/articles-1/the-truth-is-out-on-genetically-modified-foods-and-its-not-pretty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(The healthcare for profit system is there to help and extract your money) .

Since we will be made sick by GMO's we will be less likely to get involved in other people being abused by cops,or sick from disease or bad food)

and our lives will be made short so we are easy to manage by vicious cops if nobody cares )

And if that fails there are always technology of control,mind controlling drugs(big pharma profits)and psychiatric diagnosis.(then you will be abused by cops ,bigtime always assumed dangerous after that jail,and cost free labor)
Remember Hitler killed political dissidents,the disabled and mentally ill first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.awpsych.org/index.php/bias-in-psychiatric-diagnosis-dsm-v-portal/74-bias-in-psychiatric-diagnosis-dsm-v/bias-in-psychiatric-diagnosis-dsm-v/101-psychiatric-diagnosis-too-little-science-too-many-conflicts-of-interest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a few generations of this shit people will forget what it was to be free,free from abusers,healthy,to have psychological rest,healthy food ,security,privacy, human rights or real physical rest,have money to own anything,and will accept slave hood because it's the normal thing to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-4-types-people-welfare-nobody-talks-about/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the world the 1% want to have.

A world of poor people spending every dollar they have, periodic slave labor and laws aimed at the poor ,laws against seeking relief from the stress of poverty,to put people in jail to be free labor to make the stuff the poor will spend their last dollar for,while the over rich sit back and collect their checks,the market tamed and predictable ,the 1% are the ultimate social parasite,wealthy beyond belief,the only true welfare queens that ever existed.

~~~~~~~~~~~`
In other words, the shadow economy is not only immense, but it is intricately sewn into the mainstream economy. Like a parasite, it is attached to the body of its host and drains its financial lifeblood at a rate and scale that is large enough to perpetuate global inequality and poverty.

There could not be a clearer case of an industry designed to benefit through active and willful exploitation, and at the expense of the majority of the world’s people. An industry designed with rules that enrich some through the impoverishment of others: the Poverty Creation Industry.
http://truth-out.org/opinion/item/15726-its-time-to-shine-a-light-on-the-poverty-creation-industry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't want the world the fucking1% want.Fuck all of them.
But what can we do to STOP them?

June 2, 2013

Giant Blue EarthWorms that Glow!!

After this thread Giant Hot pink Slugs
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022934846


I went back to that page and saw THIS:

http://scienceblogs.com/zooillogix/2008/05/22/giant-blue-earthworms-and-frie/

Gummy worms are REAL! Aaaaahhh!

And shit this worm is as long as my boa!