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Wed Apr 18, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-14: Debbie Does The Deep State Edition

Last edited Thu Apr 19, 2018, 11:03 AM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-14: Debbie Does The Deep State Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! 15 minutes with us can save an average of 15% or more on your car insurance! We are back everybody! So I want to talk about some music news to start with. First off – I can’t wait for the autobiography of Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And this is classic Peppers – his new autobiography is going to be titled “Acid For The Children”. And believe me, I bet Flea has some stories. And then there was Coachella. There were lots and lots of great things happening during the weekend. And some not as great. I love music as you know by the amount of bands and acts we’ve had on this show. And look in the age of “Me Too”, I might get some never ending shit for this, but do we really need pregnant women making sexy dance moves on stage? I’m looking at you, Cardi B. Yeah I think a whole lot of people were turned off by that. And can we talk about Cardi B for a minute? What is her appeal exactly? Her music is not that great, and she seems to be one of those “look at me” celebrities. Hey look at me, I’m 7 months pregnant and I can twerk on stage! Sorry but that ain’t sexy, Cardi. Some guys might get turned on by it. I mean shit, I’ve seen Porn Hub – there is some weird shit that gets posted on that site. But look as I’ve said before – this is a comedy show, not a horror movie. What? You can be pregnant and still be attractive! I look at it this way - there’s sexy and then there’s trying to be sexy, and Cardi B was trying to be sexy, and well, I would say don’t. Yes, I am ready to throw down on that sir. We’ve got 90 minutes here, I’ve got time to tangle! Yeah so I wasn’t exactly as impressed with Cardi B as some people are. OK enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to get to – but first John Oliver is back and he uses tax day to explain very plainly how corporate America’s greed is screwing you over big time:

Taking the first slot this week of course is the guy who we currently call “president” and that is Donald J. Trump (1). When your ratings are in the toilet, what’s a guy who is obsessed with ratings supposed to do? I know! Send missiles to another country! With love. At number 2 this week is also the guy we call “president”, Donald Trump. So Caligula is going out golfing again, but this week, across the street from Mar-A-Shithole, Stormy Daniels is taking her show to the nearest strip club. Taking the third slot this week is Michael Cohen (3). Holy shit this is too damn good – Cohen’s mystery 3rd client has been revealed and it is too good. In the fourth slot is Congress V. Zuckerberg (4). Yeah the testimony between Congress and Mark Zuckerberg over how Facebook uses your data against you was a category 5 shit storm and we will cover the highlights from that. Taking the 5th slot is an all new installment of “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to take a look at all the things going on during tax day 2018. In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, and this week – our resident pastor is going to talk about the possibility of whether or not demons exist. At number 7 is a new installment of “This Fucking Guy” and this week we’re going to profile right wing billionaire Phil Anschutz, the owner of the Coachella festival. At number 8 is the Alt Right. So Alex Jones went off the deep end, while the Alt Right held a march in Boston – in the middle of a Monday afternoon. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and this time we’re going to get drunk and discuss a documentary movie called “The King Of Kongs”. Would you be surprised to learn that the subject of the movie got busted for cheating? Well, it cant be that surprising. Finally this week it’s the start of the Elite 8 for our Stupidest State competition! This week we’re live from the home of the San Jose Sharks – HP Pavilion in San Jose – and it’s the Gun Nut Conference championship! This week – who will bring their big guns to the dance? Florida? Or will it be last year’s Flyover League champions Montana? Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Bay Area punk legends NOFX! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So in case you’re living under a rock – or probably hiding under a rock – you know by now that the guy who we currently call president, Donald J Trump, created a fiery show of epic proportions that easily eclipsed the one happening on Saturday night in Indio. Look we get it – Assad is the bad guy here, and what he did is completely inexcusable. But of course with the real president of the United States – Vladimir Putin – pulling the strings, here’s what we get.

As President Trump basks in widespread approval for the U.S.-led missile strike aimed at Syrian chemical weapons installations, the White House still faces a quandary over U.S. policy toward that country's civil war — as well as some sharp questions about the president's war powers.

Trump has yet to articulate a long-term U.S. strategy for dealing with the grinding, multi-sided war in Syria, which has lasted more than seven years, killed hundreds of thousands and triggered an epic refugee crisis.

Only days before the missile attack, Trump had called for a rapid U.S. troop withdrawal from Syria, which critics said would yield control of the country to Russia and Iran, key allies of Syrian President Bashar Assad. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) was among those who said that Trump's words had "emboldened" Assad to use chemical weapons.

Now, in a turnabout, Trump is promising to keep troops in Syria, according to France's president. Trump may also slap new sanctions on Russian companies, according to Nikki Haley, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

Yeah so that happened. And come on it’s Donald Trump! Of course he’s going to declare it a success. But if this isn’t a grave misuse of presidential war powers I don’t know what is! So of course here’s where it all went south.

President Donald Trump declared "mission accomplished" on Saturday after the U.S.-led predawn airstrikes in Syria dealt what Pentagon officials called a "very serious blow" at "the heart of the Syrian chemical weapons program."

While Syrian television reported that the nation's air defenses had responded to the strikes, "none of our aircraft or missiles in this operation were successfully engaged" by President Bashar al-Assad's regime, said Lt. Gen. Kenneth McKenzie, the director of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

"The Syrian response was remarkably ineffective," he told reporters Saturday morning.

Gee, where I have heard that before? Oh I know! Only one of the biggest political fuckups in history!

Yeah so this is a case of “same shit, different year”. And once again a blunder that is probably going to get a whole lot of people killed is back in the news. And that might be a new one on the list of phrases future presidents should probably avoid.

If there was a new employee handbook for people who’d just obtained the position of “leader of the free world,” there would be some surefire entries in the section about presidential phrases to avoid:

“I am not a crook,” would be an easy add, for reasons both obvious and historical. So would “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

New hires would be discouraged from summing up economic policy stances with the phrase: “Read my lips. No new taxes.”

And then there is “Mission Accomplished”, the historically loaded phrase US President Donald Trump tweeted Saturday after US-led airstrikes in coordination with British and French forces that struck the “heart” of Syria’s chemical weapons network.

“A perfectly executed strike last night. Thank you to France and the United Kingdom for their wisdom and the power of their fine Military. Could not have had a better result. Mission Accomplished!” Trump tweeted.

A perfectly executed strike! Nobody has better missiles than I do. Assad is a stupid loser. So yeah that happened. And not only is he defending it, he’s doubling down!

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump on Sunday defended his use of the phrase “Mission Accomplished” to describe a U.S.-led missile attack on Syria’s chemical weapons program, even as his aides stressed continuing U.S. troop involvement and plans for new economic sanctions against Russia for enabling the government of Bashar Assad.

Stepping up the pressure on Syria’s president, U.S. Ambassador Nikki Haley indicated the sanctions to be announced Monday would be aimed at sending a message to Russia, which she said has blocked six attempts by the U.N. Security Council to make it easier to investigate the use of chemical weapons.

“Everyone is going to feel it at this point,” Haley said, warning of consequences for Assad’s foreign allies.
“The international community will not allow chemical weapons to come back into our everyday life,” she said. “The fact he was making this more normal and that Russia was covering this up, all that has got to stop.”

Trump tweeted Sunday that the strike was “perfectly carried out” and that “the only way the Fake News Media could demean was by my use of the term “Mission Accomplished.”” He added that he knew the media would “seize” on the phrase, but said it should be used often. “It is such a great Military term, it should be brought back,” he wrote.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Pop quiz hot shot! You’re the president of the United States and you just bombed the shit out of an Arab country! Where do you go to celebrate? Well if you’re Donald J Trump, you go to your favorite destination – Mar-A-Lago! For a few rounds of tax payer funded golf. By the way remember when Sean Hannity said this about presidents and golf?

Or when Trump said this?

But this week he’s going to have some unexpected company. That’s right – the strip club across the street from Mar-A-Shithole is going to be the home to a very special guest this week!

Stormy Daniels, who claims to have slept with a married President Donald Trump long before he successfully ran for the nation’s highest office, performed in a Florida burlesque show over the weekend—less than 5 miles away from the president’s famed "Winter White House," Mar-a-Lago.

Daniels, real name Stephanie Clifford, appeared at Ultra Gentleman’s Club in West Palm Beach, just a 10-minute drive from Trump’s estate and nestled right next door to Trump International Golf Club, The Palm Beach Post reported Sunday.

For Daniels, it was one of the many stops along her “Make America Horny Again” tour, an obvious reference to the president’s campaign mantra. She took the stage around 11:20 p.m., according to the Post, and was dressed like the superhero Wonder Woman.

Daniels was booked for the show in January, when reports about the $130,000 Daniels allegedly received from Trump's personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, began circulating. The club's manager, Stacy Saccal, said she was skeptical that Daniels's fame would last this long.

Really, Stacy? You’re surprised it would last this long? This is 2018 here, everyone is famous forever thanks to social media. I mean come on, Farrah Abraham is still famous because reasons. But I can’t wait for the porno of this one – “Make America Horny Again”. Or I may offer my own suggestion – “Debbie Does The Deep State”. Thank you! And we’ll get to Michael Cohen in a minute but even he’s feeling the effect of Stormy. Not in that way, sir!

Porn star Stormy Daniels turned a hotly anticipated court appearance by President Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen into a three-ring circus on Monday, creating a media frenzy when she rolled up to the hallowed hall of justice in black stiletto heels.

Meanwhile, inside the Manhattan federal courthouse, the Cohen case took another twist when a mystery client of his was revealed to be Fox News Channel personality Sean Hannity.

Cohen had been ordered to appear in court after his own lawyers last week struggled to explain why records obtained in government raids on his office, home and hotel room should be shielded by attorney-client privilege — repeatedly failing to name any of his clients apart from Trump.

But Daniels, best known before her claim of sleeping with Trump for such XXX movies as “Big Busted Goddesses of Las Vegas” and “The Witches of Breastwick,” easily upstaged the man-of-the-hour as she strutted through a throng of photographers and news cameras outside the Pearl Street courthouse.

Yeah great choice of music! Let’s get on the pony and ride! Whew!!!!! Is that really what we’ve reduced the presidency to – porn stars and golf? And come on, how can Trump be secluded? He’s still got his unsecured Android phone with him! Is this a polar vortex or a porno vortex? Hey o!!!

In the land of hanging chads and where the Cash Me Outside girl is a local celebrity, of course, a porn star and self-proclaimed former mistress of the president of the United States wouldn’t miss the opportunity for a drive-by burlesque show.

That it was within spitting distance of the Winter White House at Mar-a-Lago and the golf course that bears Donald Trump’s name, made Stormy Daniels’ stop on her “Make America Horny Again” tour a perfect fit in the bizarre news that regularly emanates out of Palm Beach County.

And so, as President Trump addressed the nation on U.S. bombs dropping on Syria on Friday, Stormy — her given name Stephanie Clifford — a few hours later solicited patrons at Ultra Gentlemen’s Club to slap dollars on her oiled-up body.

Well, among other things there is that. You know what? Can I hear some more Pony? Yeah that’s my shit! And by the way if you’re in Miami and you’re thinking of going to see Make America Horny Again, and why wouldn’t you? My advice would be to get there early, I bet Stormy has some good opening acts!

The porn star who claims to have had sexual relations with President Donald Trump is just hours away from taking center stage at at Ultra Gentlemen’s Club in suburban West Palm Beach.

This stage is where controversial adult entertainer and porn star Stormy Daniels is set to perform, just a few miles away from Mar-a-Lago and Trump International Golf Club.

The club’s general manager says Daniels’ show is expected to attract 1,200 people during her four performances Friday and Saturday night.

The 39-year-old last performed in West Palm Beach in 2006, the same year she claims she had a one-night affair with the President.

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[font size="8"]Michael Cohen
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When your attorney is a crook, how are you going to get out of this mess? I mean you know your situation is fucked when your attorneys have their own attorneys. Last week I called this phenomenon “attorney-ception”. It’s a trial within a trial within a trial. Well this week the concept of that was taken to insane new levels.

Michael Cohen, longtime personal attorney for President Donald Trump, on Monday showed up at U.S. District Court in lower Manhattan after skipping an initial Friday hearing.

Cohen is asking Judge Kimba Wood to bar prosecutors from getting the first look at client files seized from him by the FBI last week. A lawyer for the president, Joanna Hendon, on Sunday filed a motion asking the judge to grant the president the privilege of reviewing the documents first.

The hearings follow the April 9 raids, in which federal agents seized materials from Cohen's office, home, hotel room and electronic devices.

Both Cohen and Trump argue that they should be allowed to decide which of the documents should be permanently withheld because they are protected by attorney-client privilege.

U.S. attorneys pushed back against Cohen's request in a filing Friday, saying that "Cohen is in fact performing little to no legal work," and alleging that "zero" emails were exchanged between Cohen and Trump. Their assessment was based on already conducted searches of Cohen's email accounts which had not been reported before the court filing.

Seriously! Now Trump’s lawyers are appearing with Trump’s porn stars! I mean is there anyone who they aren’t in bed with? Both literally and figuratively? Oh but here’s my favorite part – he’s complaining about privacy! Cue the world’s tiniest violin!

President Trump’s personal lawyer said he is worried about the confidentiality of roughly three clients since he branched off from the Trump Organization in 2017 — including the president and beleaguered RNC fundraiser Elliott Broidy.

Michael Cohen, who is under investigation by Manhattan federal prosecutors and the FBI, made the disclosures in a filing Monday morning as part of his bid to block the feds from reviewing documents that might be protected by attorney-client privilege.

On Friday, Broidy, a Trump fundraiser, stepped down from his Republican National Committee post after he admitted that Cohen arranged $1.6 million in hush money to a former Playboy model whom the donor had impregnated.

“It is unfortunate that this personal matter between two consenting adults is the subject of national discussion just because of Michael Cohen’s involvement,” Broidy said in a statement.

Cohen declined to name the third client, saying that person has requested his name not be made public.

Dude, seriously, Mr. Cohen, you work for the Donald Trump administration. Your privacy rights went bye bye when you signed up! But this week Cohen named 2 of his 3 ultra-prestigious clients – Donald J. Trump and GOP fundraiser Elliot Brody. Can anyone guess who the third is? Anyone? Well here’s who is behind door #3!

The legal battle over federal investigators' raids on President Donald Trump's personal lawyer Michael Cohen took an unexpected turn Monday as an attorney identified Fox News host Sean Hannity as one of Cohen's legal clients.

Cohen's attorneys had acknowledged publicly that he represented Trump and former Republican National Committee deputy finance chair Elliott Broidy in legal matters, but they had sought to avoid naming a third client. Under direct orders from a judge, Cohen's attorney Stephen Ryan named Hannity as the client in court on Monday.

The revelation came amid an extraordinary showdown between a sitting president and his own Justice Department over access to files seized in the raids on Cohen's home and office last week and over whether the materials are protected by attorney-client privilege. Hannity's connection to Cohen was revealed after the conservative commentator — one of Trump's staunchest defenders — fiercely criticized federal officials for the raids, without disclosing his own connection.

Even before the surprise disclosure about Hannity, the afternoon hearing before U.S. District Court Judge Kimba Wood was a spectacle. Cohen came under scrutiny after he acknowledged paying $130,000 to porn actress Stormy Daniels shortly before the 2016 election so she would keep quiet about an alleged sexual encounter with Trump. The Wall Street Journal reported last week that Cohen also negotiated a deal in 2017 to pay $1.6 million to a woman who said Broidy impregnated her.

Come on, even Larry David is playing you off, Sean! And yeah sure you can define “representation” all you want because that’s what the GOP does – they just make shit up as they go along! But hey I’m at least surprised that you found a real estate attorney who’s willing to give you advice for $10. That’s a bargain!

Sean Hannity used his radio program to deliver his first personal statement after being outed as the mysterious client Michael Cohen legally advised in 2017.

Cohen was trying to keep Hannity’s name off of public record during his court hearing today, but he was forced to identify his third client after the judge told him there wasn’t sufficient legal ground for the patron to retain his anonymity. When reporters reached out to Hannity before the start of his radio show, his initial response was “We have been friends a long time. I have sought legal advice from Michael.”

On Hannity’s radio show, he remarked how “very strange” it was to see the coverage from Fox News in light of the bombshell about their own anchor.

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[font size="8"]Facebook
[br] [/font]

Another thing that happened if you’re living under a rock – or hiding under a rock – is that Mark Zuckerberg went to Washington last week to testify about Facebook’s increasingly shady business practices. And well, he was met with less than appealing enthusiasm, and shocker – most of the insanity was coming from the right!

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg took nearly 600 questions on Capitol Hill, giving a rare window into his views on some of the thorniest issues online.

What kinds of data does Facebook collect about its users? Who owns that data? What does Facebook do with it? And how does Facebook keep it safe and private?

Testifying about these issues in the Senate on April 10 and the House on April 11, Zuckerberg chose his words carefully, dodged or referred questions to his “team,” or gave only partial answers. The responses he did give were in some cases misleading because they lacked relevant information that could cast Facebook in an unflattering light.

We found some of the missing links. For this roundup, as is our custom, we won’t be awarding Pinocchios.

Yeah so Facebook you’ve got some ‘splainin to do! Especially you, Mark! Look at me! Ok, tell us what did Facebook do with all that data it collected? What are they using it for?

Facebook’s chief executive will confess that the company did not do enough to stop its tools for being used for harm, as he prepares to answer hard questions in his first ever appearance before Congress this week.

Mark Zuckerberg will say that advertisers and developers will never take priority over Facebook’s mission of “connecting people” as long as he is in charge of the social network, according to prepared testimony published by the House commerce committee.

The Facebook founder will say it made “mistakes” that allowed the leak of data of up to 87m users to Cambridge Analytica, the data analytics firm that worked for the Trump campaign. He will list the series of changes Facebook has made in the last three weeks since the revelations but admit there is “more to do”.

Mr Zuckerberg will also address concerns about Russian election interference on the platform. “We were too slow to spot and respond to Russian interference, and we’re working hard to get better,” he will say, adding that Facebook is working with the US government to understand the full extent of Russian influence in the 2016 election, while also trying to protect the integrity of elections around the world.

Are you fucking kidding me? A mistake? No! saying 2+2=5 is a mistake! Butt dialing your ex girlfriend is a mistake! Dropping an obvious fly ball during a tie game in the 9th inning is a mistake! This is a colossal fuckup that affects the whole damn planet! Well as if things weren’t going south enough already, it’s about to get worse. So much worse. Especially when Mr. Machine Gun Bacon gets involved.

But it turned out that all Cruz wanted to do was grind an old axe: his belief that Facebook has demonstrated a “pervasive pattern of political bias” in its monitoring and regulation of the content shared to its platform. He proceeded to rattle off a laundry list of examples: A “Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day” page that was banned in 2012, around the time that a number of Americans were protesting the fast-food chain after its chief operating officer made comments against same-sex marriage. Palmer Luckey, the virtual reality prodigy who parted ways with Facebooks after it was reported that he backed a pro-Trump conservative group that trafficked in anti-Hillary Clinton content. Diamond and Silk, the outspoken Trump fangirls who were reportedly told by Facebook this month that their “content and brand” were “unsafe to the community.”

“There are a great many Americans who I would say are deeply concerned that Facebook and other tech companies are engaged in a pervasive pattern of bias and political censorship,” Cruz said.

Zuckerberg conceded that Silicon Valley is “an extremely left-leaning place,” but denied Cruz’s insinuation that the bias had infiltrated the machinations of Facebook. When Cruz asked Zuckerberg if any members of the Facebook team tasked with monitoring users’ content had ever supported Republican political candidates, Zuckerberg said that he did not know.

Yeah really, all Ted Cruz seemed to care about was whether or not Trump fans Diamond & Silk were blocked from Facebook because they’re Trump supporters. Nah, Teddy, don’t you read the 100 page terms of service agreement when you signed up? No one does because that thing is the length of War & Peace, but Facebook can delete accounts at any time for any reason. But then there was this:

But according to Monday’s filing, Zuckerberg repeatedly admitted in his testimony that the Menlo Park, California-based company is “responsible for the content” on its platforms.

The filing also quoted Zuckerberg’s testimony that Facebook had a responsibility to ensure that its tools were “used for good,” and that “terrorist propaganda” qualified as “clearly bad activity” that should be reduced.

“What emerges from Zuckerberg’s testimony is a picture differing markedly from the one painted before the district court,” the filing said. “It is not simply a ‘hands off’ publisher of other people’s content.”

The plaintiffs are seeking a “summary” order voiding Garaufis’ dismissal immediately, and returning the case to him.

Facebook told Garaufis that content it hosts “is organic, and that Facebook is not responsible for it,” Robert Tolchin, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, said in a statement. “Confronted with overwhelming evidence and public pressure Zuckerberg has now been forced to admit what we have alleged all along.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Last Minute Taxes
[br] [/font]

Ed. Note: The original piece we had planned on low cost airlines has been postponed due to the Southwest incident. It will show up on a future edition. Now back to our regularly scheduled program!

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is:

Taxes. You can get your taxes in two flavors. If you are expecting a handsome refund, you’re probably looking forward to all the new things you can buy, until your precious refund money runs out. But now this week, there are millions of do it yourself taxers who are scrambling to get theirs done before the midnight deadline on April 17th. So what happens if millions of Americans file their taxes all at once?

(Update: Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin told the Associated Press late Tuesday that online tax filers would get an extension from the IRS. Click here for details.)

Hours before the midnight Tax Day deadline, the IRS page for paying your tax bill using your bank account crashed.

The IRS "Direct Pay" page allows filers to transfer funds from their checking or savings account to pay what they owe. As of 4 p.m. ET on April 17 — Tax Day — the page was unavailable.

Direct Pay is a free service.

The "Payment Plan" page, where filers can pay their tax bill in installments also appears to have crashed.

Taxpayers tweeted their frustration on Tuesday morning.

That’s right – if I can’t hear you, it’s not illegal. So what happens then if you can’t get through to the servers? Well, unlike trying to buy concert tickets, you’re not shit out of luck. So with that out of the way, who is really benefitting from taxes? Well it’s not you!

Tuesday at midnight is the deadline for millions of Americans to file their taxes for 2017, the last year before sweeping changes to the U.S. tax code went into effect in January. So while American taxpayers are seeing news reports of better than expected earnings for big banks, thanks in part to lower corporate tax rates, most won’t see a tax cut of their own until they file their 2018 taxes in a year.

President Donald Trump signed the $1.5 trillion tax cut, the largest reorganization of the tax code in a generation, into law on December 22, 2017. The law gave tax breaks to individual and joint filers, including lower rates and a larger standard deduction, and also slashed the top corporate tax rate from 35 to 21 percent. Those new rates went into effect on January 1, 2018.

That change gives corporations, which typically pay their taxes every quarter, a more immediate indication of the tax law’s benefit than individual and joint filers, who usually pay their taxes at the end of the year. Both corporations and individuals are operating under the new tax regime in 2018, but the differences typical filing schedules make corporate benefits apparently early. (Some individuals, most notably freelancers who don’t receive W2s from an employer, also file quarterly.)

No, Homer, we’re not sure why we would need to deduct gambling losses in order to purchase a cheeseburger. Just remember that while you may be enjoying your refund money – your boss probably had to pay $0. But yes – even he filed for a tax extension. You know – the guy who so far has refused to disclose his tax and financial statements.

It’s true, many Americans do procrastinate on their taxes and file for an extension: FiveThirtyEight reported that about 13 million Americans asked for an extra six months to complete their tax forms in 2015. However, for what it’s worth, it appears President Obama was pretty good about filing his taxes by the April deadline.

Of course, there might be a few reasons Trump is late like so many of us. His business — which he has not fully divested from and which is the subject of an ongoing lawsuit from the state of Maryland and Washington, DC — is complicated, after all.

Maybe this will be the year that Trump finally releases his tax returns for the American people to see, as he neglected to do during the 2016 presidential campaign, and he wants to make sure they’re right.

Or, my favorite theory: This is a covert way to draw more attention to the Republican tax bill. The New York Times reported this week that “no one’s talking about the new tax law,” given the way news coverage has fallen off since the bill passed and Republicans have struggled to turn it into an effective campaign message.

So the guy who we currently call “president” has yet to release what he is currently worth on his tax returns. But who’s complaining about high taxes? What you need to know about who really is complaining:

On Capitol Hill, CNBC broadcast interviews with Republicans and Democrats live on scene. Republicans in the House also set up studios on Capitol Hill for camera crews behind a "House Republicans" backdrop, which they typically reserve for major events like the president's annual State of the Union address.

In addition to the TV hits, Republican released a slew of prepared media touting changes from the law, known as the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, or TCJA.

"On Tuesday, April 17, we Americans file our taxes — for the last time — under the old, broken tax code," wrote Republican Rep. and chief tax writer Kevin Brady in an op-ed for USA Today. "Yes, for the last time. Goodbye and good riddance to that outdated, monstrosity of a tax code that took too much of your money, sent our American jobs overseas, and kept our economy so slow many workers didn't see a pay raise for a decade or more."

President Donald Trump wrote an op-ed of his own that claimed the tax law was driving economic growth.

He has the best taxes, folks. Nobody has better taxes than he does. But no one does it better last minute than those who live in the US. After all, procrastination is what makes us #1! USA! USA! USA! So why are taxes such a big deal? Look at this from the 1930s and 1940s.

Before tax preparation software guided Americans through the process of filing tax returns before the Tax Day deadline — which falls on April 17 in 2018, though Tax Day is usually but not always April 15 — there were quacks like Donald Duck.

During World War II, the federal government needed an easily recognizable face to explain a process that was unrecognizable to many Americans at the time. As TIME previously reported, while the modern income tax was introduced in 1913, only the richest Americans paid it in the early years. That changed with the attack on Pearl Harbor, which prompted Congress to pass a new Revenue Act in 1942 to fund the U.S. war effort. The number of tax returns filed skyrocketed from 7.7 million in 1939 to 36.7 million in 1942, and about 50 million in 1945, according to the Tax Foundation, a tax-policy think tank.

So Treasury Secretary Henry Morgenthau tapped Walt Disney — who was already heavily involved in making films to boost the war effort — to crash-produce The New Spirit, a motivational film explaining income taxes to Americans in 1942.

That’s right – Disney is the key to the economy! There you have it folks. That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

So, my fair congregation – do DAYMONS exist? That is the question I have on the table for you this week, and one you should ponder long after you leave my church this week. And by the way how great is the Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up for them! Do DAYMONS exist? And in what capacity could they do some major damage to one’s soul? Well brother Alex has a theory about that!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist who publishes Infowars, claims that he never knowingly spreads false information. Last night, he told listeners that when he was a teenager he used to be courted by attractive women who attempted to convert him to Satanism and prevent him from starting Infowars.

During Infowars’ latest ongoing “emergency” live-stream marathon session, Jones claimed that attractive young women at his high school would pretend to want to date him in order to try to convince him to join a satanic cult. Jones claimed this happened multiple times.

“Every time I thought some hot 17-year-old, when I was like 13 or 14, really wanted to date me and I’d drive out to some big old mansion of theirs—and I mean real mansions, helicopter pads, private landing fields, you name it—God almighty, after the third or fourth time I had been with them, they’d tell me, ‘By the way, we worship this god and we want you to come to this event, we want you to engage in this activity because Lucifer is really God,’” Jones said.

He added, “They knew inter-dimensionally because believe me, they weren’t trying to get the average person to go do that. Everybody thought like, ‘Why are you dating the head cheerleader or the head senior when you’re a freshman in high school?’ Well, because she was driving me out there in her $100,000 Mercedes and that was 30-something years ago, driving me out there in her $100,000 Mercedes that’d be a $300,000 Maybach today, to try to get me into the cult.”

Brother Alex, what brand of covfefe are you smoking this week? Because it must be too much, or not enough, I don't know how that shit works! Because using it is a SIN!!!! And it is the most egregious of SINS!!!! And you must be cleansed of this wicked sin!!! And I can point to where it says in the good book. But let’s ask Sister Liz if DAYMONS exist!

Fringe right-wing conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin posted a video on YouTube last night in which she declared that a gruesome video showing Hillary Clinton cutting the face off of a living child exists and will soon be released for all the world to see.

“I know with absolute certainty that there is a tape that exists that involves Hillary Clinton sexually abusing a child,” Crokin said. “I have gotten this confirmed from very respectable and high-level sources.”

Crokin said that reports that Russian-linked accounts posted a fake Clinton sex tape during the 2016 election are false, saying that no such fake video exists and that the stories about it are simply an effort to confuse the public “so when and if the actual video of Hillary Clinton sexually abusing a child comes out, the seeds of doubt are already planted in people’s heads.”

“All I know is that, one hundred percent, a video of Hillary Clinton sexually abusing a child exists,” she said. “I know there’s many videos incriminating her, I just don’t know which one they are going to release. But there are people, there are claims that this sexual abuse video is on the dark web and I know that some people have seen it, some in law enforcement, the NYPD law enforcement, some NYPD officers have seen it and it made them sick, it made them cry, it made them vomit, some of them had to seek psychological counseling after this.”

“I’m not going to go into too much detail because it’s so disgusting, but in this video, they cut off a child’s face as the child is alive,” Crokin claimed. “I’m just going to leave it at that.”

Holy shit!!!! You know a good rule for my fair congregation is never fall asleep while you’re watching reruns of Dexter. Because these are the kind of fucked up fantasies you will wake up with the next day! I mean because that is a SIN!!!! Can I get an amen??? But apparently an election of the wrong party will not only unleash demons, it will cast an hour of darkness upon us! Great Evil Dead sequel, by the way!

Right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau participated in another Truth & Liberty Coalition livestream event last night, where he warned that if Democrats gain control of Congress in the midterm elections, it will “inaugurate an hour of darkness” in America.

Wallnau said that he is working to help conservative Christian voters connect locally so that they can “pray together and begin to exercise spiritual authority for God to show up” in their local elections.

“This president, if he is in any way made vulnerable in the House or in the Senate,” he said, “the combined power of business, academia, media, entertainment, and government and funding is going to impeach this man and undo everything that he has done. And when that happens, it’s going to inaugurate an hour of darkness that God did not want over America. He wanted restoration and reformation, He didn’t want just a window of grace and then annihilation.”

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even the LAWRD himself thinks this is ridiculous!!! But DAYMONS apparently also exist within our own education system! Just ask the “Activist Mommy”!

Elizabeth Johnston, a right-wing activist better known as “The Activist Mommy,” appeared on the “Focal Point” radio program yesterday to discuss the “Sex Ed Sit Out” effort she is leading, which encourages parents to remove their children from school for a day later this month to protest what she sees as “graphic, gender-bending sex education.”

Johnston told guest host Matt Barber that after this “Sex Ed Sit Out” effort is complete, she is going to turn her attention to suing school systems that promote “obscenity” by teaching sex ed to students.

“What they are teaching in the schools is obscenity, and we have good obscenity laws in this country, we just don’t have leadership enforcing those obscenity laws,” she said. “And you know what? It’s time that we hold leadership accountable. It’s time that we make sure that obscenity laws are enforced and so I feel like—Sex Ed Sit Out, that is going to be, after we get through this event on the 23rd—that is going to be an area that we move into very naturally.”

So DAYMONS exist in our schools, in our politics, and everywhere on this planet we live on. And they all must be cleansed of sin!!!! But apparently we are the DAYMONS folks, because according to Brother Larry, we are going to cut their heads off when we win!

Over the weekend, right-wing attorney and crackpot conspiracy theorist Larry Klayman joined right-wing birther conspiracy theorist Joel Gilbert on Infowars, where Klayman warned that liberals cannot be allowed to remove President Trump from office because that will eventually lead to liberals literally beheading conservatives.

“They’re trying to seize control of the country,” Klayman said. “Once they get ahold of it, they’re going to build it up in their socialist/communist/atheist radical anti-American image.”

“They want a socialist state, they want a police state, they want to squeeze God out of this country,” he added. “We are fighting a war, in effect, to the death. Our lives are at stake. All of our lives are at stake and they’re not going to stop with just getting rid of Trump. Once they get rid of him, they’re coming at us, the conservatives, the libertarians, those that will not go along with their socialist radical views.”

There you have it!!! That’s where DAYMONS exist! We are the DAYMONS!! I hope that is the take away you get from today’s sermon. Mass has ended, may you go in peace. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Phil Anschutz
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It’s now time for:

This week we’re going to Coachella everybody!!! Well, sort of. Actually we’re going to talk about the owner of Coachella, right wing billionaire Phil Anschutz. If you don’t know who he is, he owns Anschutz Entertainment Group (AEG) – a company that is very slowly taking over the entire entertainment industry from the way we purchase tickets to actually owning the venues we go to. While we’re paying attention to the Kochs and the Mercers for the havoc they have wrought on this country, Phil Anschutz is the Jared Kushner of billionaires – he just sits in the corner, plotting his next evil move. Like a character in a horror movie. Only this is much more terrifying!

This weekend, hordes of music lovers and teepee enthusiasts will descend on Indio, California, for the annual Coachella Music Festival. The first big festival of the season, Coachella has a reputation for attracting the worst of the worst: entitled rich kids in knockoff Native headdresses, bankers in bindis, and these people. Think Fyre Festival, but financially solvent.

A few years ago, The Washington Post revealed that the often-problematic festival’s issues went way beyond appropriative accessories. A 2016 report on America’s “enemies of equality” is often cited as blowing the lid off Coachella and its founder, Philip Anschutz, the owner of entertainment conglomerate AEG. The Freedom for All Americans campaign reported that Anschutz, one of the richest people in America with a net worth of $12.9 billion, gave large sums of money to the Alliance Defending Freedom, the National Christian Foundation, and the Family Research Council.

According to the Post, the National Christian Foundation “funds a lot of the groups aggressively working to chip away at the equal rights of LGBT Americans.” The Family Research Council, which expressly says on its website that it “believes that homosexual conduct is harmful to the persons who engage in it and to society at large,” has been deemed an “extremist group” by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

So that $475 you shilled out for your 3 day Coachella pass? Yeah it’s going to fund the exact opposite of everything the festival originally stood for! Yeah so never mind that Beyonce and Jay Z have a 1,000,000 person entourage, your money is going to fund Anschutz and his causes like destroying LGBT civil liberties!

You'd be hard pressed to find a more anti-freedom lobby than the ADF. The organization is suspected to be behind seventeen proposals in fourteen states that directly target LGBT rights – a repressive political wave following the legalization of gay marriage in June 2015.

The ADF is also behind this charming little legal guide to helping churches shield themselves from the message of pro-sexual freedom that is apparently "spreading like a virus" in American churches.

Philip Anschutz, the 39th richest man in the United States, contributed nearly 110,000 dollars to the ADF between 2011 and 2013, and 80,000 dollars to a variety of other anti-LGBT organizations.

In a press release, Ian Silverii, director of ProgressNow Colorado, directly accuses these groups of advocating violence toward LGBT folks, as is the case of the extremist hate group Pray in Jesus Name.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That’s right – money from your Coachella ticket goes to anti-LGBT hate groups like Focus On The Family. Oh and if you think that’s not the worst thing he’s done lately, our buddy Phil seems bent on shutting down America’s local newspapers.

After the Denver Post announced that it would be laying off thirty people, or around 30 percent of the newsroom staff, the Denver Newspaper Guild, which represents 25 of those getting pink slips, put out an open call for a wealthy benefactor to buy the publication from Alden Global Capital, the hedge fund that's been stripping it down like a stolen car for years. Billionaire Phil Anschutz seems to fit this bill, and he has a notable interest in newspapers, having purchased the Colorado Springs Gazette in 2012.

But a story shared by Denver City Councilman Kevin Flynn suggests that Anschutz may prefer to let the Post die in order to replace it with a resurrected version of the Rocky Mountain News, which was shuttered in February 2009.

According to Flynn, Anschutz's right-hand man, the late Jim Monaghan, told him his boss simply wouldn't buy the Post because "he doesn't want to inherit the contracts." In other words, closing the Post would end the union contracts there, after which Anschutz could launch the Rocky as a non-union shop, like the Gazette.

And the Denver Post is just one paper! I mean we all know what they did last week when they mistook Coors Field for Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia – a pretty obvious mistake to make except for the fact that it clearly says “Phillies” if you look closely enough:

And that’s just one newspaper! But there’s a method to Anschutz’ insanity. It seems for every evil thing he does, he does one thing that kind of makes it better… ish?

Billionaire businessman Philip Anschutz, the entertainment conglomerate chairman known for bankrolling controversial right-wing causes, donated $1 million to Elton John AIDS Foundation’s LGBT Fund earlier this week, according to a press release.

The fund “tackles the stigma, discrimination and violence that prevents LGBT people in Sub-Saharan Africa from accessing the health and HIV services they need.”

"My gift to the Elton John Foundation is intended to emphasize that we support freedom of all people to live their lives peacefully, without interference from others," Anschutz said in a statement provided to Billboard.

Except Mr. Anschutz is out to channel Scrooge McDuck – like most right wing billionaires do. And $1 million? Come on, Phil’s probably got that much in his couch cushions. But if you want any more insight into this 78 year old Christian conservative, here’s more.

Not that just anyone with a fat billfold can sign up. Weiss stresses that "we won't go forward unless we get significant support from people in Denver. And we don't want a person with a present agenda to be advocating to control the newspaper" — a description that some might see fitting billionaire Phil Anschutz, the Christian conservative marijuana hater who owns the Colorado Springs Gazette . Anschutz has long been rumored to have an interest in owning a Denver daily, but comments by his former right-hand man shared with Denver City Council member Kevin Flynn suggest that he would prefer to buy the Post when it hits bottom, shut it down and use its assets to revive the defunct Rocky Mountain News as a non-union paper.

Since the New York Times piece appeared, Weiss says, "We have been inundated with calls from people who have deep pockets" who aren't looking at buying the Post as a way to simply turn a quick buck.

"This is going to take patient capital," he allows. "We expect that whoever buys the paper will have to make strategic long-term investments that will pay off handsomely, but not in six months or a year or even two years. But they'll pay off eventually, and Colorado will have a great newspaper."

Never mind that Phil funds anti-marijuana causes *AND* owns the world’s largest music festival where there was a fucking marijuana bar present! That’s Phil Anschutz – this week’s:

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So the Alt Right, or Alt Lite, or New Right, or Diet Alt Lite, or Diet Reduced Calorie Sugar Free Alt Lite (now with 50% less high fructose corn syrup), or whatever these morons are called this week, have been having a banner week. Last week we talked about how Alex Jones has been in a huge free fall with that insane press conference, and this week, he had what might be one of his most insane revelations yet. So Alex claims that women were trying to seduce him to Satanism. Well, I always figured because he regularly channels the devil. Thank you! And then Alex further went insane by saying this:

Alex Jones, a conspiracy theorist who has spent the last week using his network to promote the idea that a deadly gas attack in Syria was a “false flag” designed to justify the military involvement of other countries in the region, screamed a slew of profanity aimed at President Trump before breaking down in tears in response to Trump’s announcement that U.S. would carry out airstrikes in response to the gas attack.

On Friday night, Trump announced that the United States military had bombed targets in Syria in retaliation for a chemical gas attack that had been carried out on April 7. Many world leaders believe that the Assad regime in Syria conducted the attack, pointing to reports that the chemical nerve agent sarin was used as it was in a similar attack last year. In response, Trump ordered the military to bomb three of the Syrian government’s chemical weapons facilities.

When news broke of Trump’s announcement about striking Syria, Jones and co-host Owen Shroyer took to the air to report live on the attacks, during which Jones briefly became a sobbing mess.

“I feel like I just had my best girlfriend break up with me and the left will make jokes but this ain’t funny, man,” Jones said, his voice trembling.

Oh come on Alex, you voted for a con artist! Don’t be surprised when you get conned! Yeah exactly thank you sir! It’s the art of the deal, folks, ok? If that’s not enough our favorite wannabe tough guys the Proud Boys are back! And like the Dropkick Murphys song says, they are looking for trouble!

The Proud Boys, a truly bizarre “western chauvinist” fraternity that was recently named a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, is hosting a Patriots Day rally in Massachusetts headlined by three figures who inhabit the far reaches of right-wing politics.

According to a Facebook event created by the New England chapter of Proud Boys, the April 16 rally will feature alt-right icon Kyle “Based Stickman” Chapman, who was charged with assaulting counter-protesters at a rally in Berkeley last year, right-wing Senate candidate V.A. Shiva Ayyadurai, who has cozied up to alt-right activists, and YouTube pundit Carl “Sargon of Akkad” Benjamin, who calls himself “liberalist” despite offering himself as an ally to the fringes of the far-right.

The rally will be hosted by John Medlar, a “local free speech activist” who also organized a “free speech” rally at Boston Common last year shortly after a woman was murdered at the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. The event page promises “music, rousing speeches, and open-mic free speech.”

Because if there’s one way to attract an audience, it’s on a Monday afternoon when most of the people you cater to are working the drive through at McDonalds, or at school accusing their political science teachers of too much liberal bias. In fact last year at the same rally, there were more counter protesters than actual protesters!

Last year’s rally at Boston Common ended early after it was overwhelmed by counter-protesters. Ayyadurai also spoke at that rally.

The Proud Boys and their founder, CRTV host Gavin McInnes, have a well-documented history of spreading hate and vitriol. Former Proud Boy Jason Kessler helped organized the “Unite the Right” rally, which several Proud Boys attended. McInnes has made a career out of peddling transphobic, misogynistic and anti-Muslim rhetoric—ideas that have taken hold with many members of his organization.

The group also has a history of violence at rallies, some of which may be motivated by the fact that the final “degree” of Proud Boys membership requires physically assaulting an anti-fascist “Antifa” protester.

True but back to Alex Jones for a minute – you know we’ve railed on his attempts to label mass shootings false flags. Well this week he got his ass handed to him!

Since the tragedy in Connecticut, Jones has doubled down on his claims about the shooting and Infowars continues to put forward “false flag” conspiracy theories after nearly every major mass tragedy.

The new suits come on the heels of a marathon of press events Jones hosted in Washington last week, at which he spoke about his fight against a separate lawsuit from a person he had claimed was responsible for the murder of a counter-protester at last year’s Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville.

The plaintiffs in the lawsuits filed late last night are being represented by Mark Bankston, who filed another recent suit against Jones seeking damages for a plaintiff who Infowars incorrectly identified as the Parkland shooter. The suit, Fontaine v. Jones, alleges that Infowars’ false reporting resulted in death threats for the incorrectly accused young man and seeks $1 million in damages.


But I can’t get out of here without mentioning how the right wing is reacting to their news about Sean Hannity this week.

News broke this afternoon that Fox News host Sean Hannity was the secret third client of Michael Cohen, the lawyer who allegedly arranged massive payouts to women who had affairs with President Trump and former RNC fundraiser Elliot Broidy. Hannity’s name surfaced in connection with Cohen’s challenge to the FBI’s seizure of records from his office based on assertions of the need to protect attorney client confidentiality.

The news came as a shock to many in the media, but Trump-supporting conspiracy theorists have already begun their work weaving the revelation into their ongoing conspiracy theory narrative alleging that the so-called “deep state” or “shadow government” is secretly working to undermine the Trump administration, its allies in the media, and conservative voters.

Last December, Hannity told former White House strategist and Breitbart executive Steve Bannon that he feared that he “may end up in jail” for defending Trump against a deep-state effort to remove Trump from office. “By the way, people like us may end up in jail,” he told Bannon. “Let me tell you. They will stop at nothing. This is what I’m trying to get across to people. This is serious. This is the rule of law in this country now.”

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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It’s now time for:

And man do I need a drink this week. And I definitely need a few drinks to get me through a Proud Boys rally. So tell me bartender, what goes well with Donkey Kong? A barrel of whisky thrown right at me? Eh, I think I’d rather have a double Jack & Coke, thanks. This week, a record was torn down just like the NCAA yanking it from Joe Paterno. What? Too soon? Well I’m talking about a documentary movie that was made a few years ago called “The King Of Kongs”. So what happened exactly?

Well, we’ve officially found our video-game version of Icarus. One of the highest-scoring gamers of all time, Billy Mitchell — who was propelled into geeky stardom thanks to the 2007 documentary King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters — has been stripped of all of his high scores due to substantial cheating evidence against him. Per Variety, Twin Galexies, which is the world’s largest tracker of video-game records, made the ruling after months of investigation. “With this ruling, Twin Galaxies can no longer recognize Billy Mitchell as the first million point Donkey Kong record holder,” the group said in a statement. “According to our findings, Steve Wiebe would be the official 1st million point record holder.” Because of the scandal, Mitchell has been banned from competitive gaming for the rest of his life, and Guinness Book of World Records has also been alerted.

Thank you sound effects guy! And no one beats that level, damn it! So how did Billy Mitchell get stripped of his title exactly?

Famed high-score gamer Billy Mitchell, best known for his role in “The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters” documentary, was officially stripped of his “Donkey Kong” and other video game high scores and banned from submitting scores to the world’s largest tracker of video game world records following a decision that he cheated, Twin Galaxies announced today.

“With this ruling, Twin Galaxies can no longer recognize Billy Mitchell as the first million point ‘Donkey Kong’ record holder,” the group wrote in its announcement. “According to our findings, Steve Wiebe would be the official 1st million point record holder.”

Variety has reached out to Mitchell and Wiebe for comment and Guinness to see if his record there will stand.

The decision comes after months of research by the administrators of Twin Galaxies, which tracks world gaming records and helps the Guinness Book of World records validate gaming scores, according to a statement released by the group Thursday morning.

Well on the plus side, I hear that Putin has a nice job for Mitchell in his hacker army. So Mitchell cheated! And of course there’s more to this story than you would believe. Wait – so who knew there was an official Donkey Kong forum?

The recent controversy began with a lengthy post on the Donkey Kong Forum from Jeremy Young, known on the site as Xelnia. Over the course of almost 2,000 words—complemented by multiple animated gifs—Young makes the case that Mitchell achieved three of his Donkey Kong high scores in emulated versions of the game rather than on original arcade cabinets. The evidence mostly comes down to subtle variations in the way that older emulators—like those that Mitchell would have used—render the environment on-screen. As Ars Technica explains, “While a real Donkey Kong cabinet generates and displays game scenes in a ‘sliding door’ effect, sliding from one side to the other, old versions of the Multiple Arcade Machine Emulator (MAME) instead build entire chunks of a level at once and then display them as a complete screen buffer.” That matters in part because it can change the way the game is played, while also making it easier to falsify the record.

In his post, Young stops short of suggesting that Mitchell actively cheated along the way to earning his high scores in the game, but with an emulator he easily could have. Young notes that using the emulator’s recording feature, Mitchell could have played in a stop-and-start style, allowing him to patch together a more ideal run. Further, there are no witnesses to the three scores in question (Mitchell submitted evidence by video tape), and he probably didn’t have the skills to create a recording from the hardware itself, which increases the likelihood that he used an emulator.

At least in drinking games the only way to cheat is if you spill or puke. And there isn’t any hacking into that shit either. Unless you know of some superhuman way to drink beer. But the cheating allegations against Mitchell aren’t just an isolated incident. Apparently there’s more!

In the wake of Young’s announcement, others have made additional accusations against Mitchell. As Ars Technica reports in an update to its original post, “Former Donkey Kong world record holder Wes Copeland has presented new statistical evidence that he says suggests Mitchell’s 1.05 million point game was patched together from multiple emulated plays.” Meanwhile, the site adds, another competitor managed to best his own previous No. 1 score in Donkey Kong, livestreaming a game in which he accumulated almost 200,000 more points than Mitchell had in the most impressive of his (allegedly fraudulent) runs.

Ultimately, Mitchell’s true gift to the competitive arcade community may have been the ease with which he filled the role of antagonist. In the years since King of Kong’s 2007 release, many other players have surpassed the accomplishments of Steve Wiebe, Mitchell’s good guy foil. While they may have paid prices of their own for their triumphs, it seems as if they’ve done so in a very different spirit, one that emphasizes mutual support as much as it does individual skill. From the outside, it’s hard to avoid the impression that they’ve come together in a spirit wholly contrary to the one Mitchell espouses in the film. Or, as Young puts it in the conclusion to his original post, theirs is a community “built on the idea of friendship through competition, camaraderie through our shared pains in pushing ourselves, our friends, and these games to their limits.”

So the moral of the story here is don’t cheat, kids! Unless you’re a republican or you’re working for Vladimir Putin, then it’s OK for you to cheat. So what does Billy Mitchel’s biggest rival, Steve Weibe think?

Steve Wiebe is speaking out as another record-keeping body has stripped away the accomplishments of his ‘The King Of Kong’ rival. On Thursday, video game legend Billy Mitchell was banned from competition and his records were wiped off the books after video game organization Twin Galaxies determined the proverbial villian of the 2007 documentary was cheating.

The two gamers battled to be the first to reach one million points in Donkey Kong, a feat Mitchell appeared to do first. But Thursday’s news changed all that. The accusations against Mitchell are a bit complicated, but it appears that his records were not set on a true arcade machine, using a MAME emulator rather than an arcade circuit board, thus making his achievements invalid.

Given the rivalry between the two competitors, it’s inevitable that Wiebe was reached to discuss what’s become of Mitchell and what he thought about the coda to their battles documented in the film.

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Round 1 Week 4
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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! I hope you all filled out your brackets! Round 1 of the tournament is over and man there have been some exciting developments. Last week – Missouri routed Utah to advance to the Elite 8 in a Family Values faceoff, while Virginia stunned the world champion Texas team flinging the batshit in a massive upset. This week we’re live in San Jose at the home of the San Jose Sharks – HP Pavilion for the Gun Nut Conference Championship! The winner moves on to the Final Four. The loser goes home. This week it’s a duel to the death in the states that have the craziest gun laws in our country. In one corner is Florida, they have not disappointed this year. In the other corner – Montana, and they are proving every bit as formidable as they were last year. This is going to be an exciting matchup! Can they do it? Let’s get out our brackets so you can follow along!

[font size="6"]Gun Nut Conference Championship: Florida Vs Montana [/font]

[font size="4"]Florida[/font]

So the last time we checked in with Florida, they were still reeling from the Parkland tragedy but that has spawned a new movement. But unfortunately I know what state this is. This is Florida, the state that has given us Florida Man and his wife Florida Woman. The state where meth and bath salts are considered a balanced part of your daily diet. And a place where shooting first and asking questions later is the most effective means of communication. It’s also the last place where you can stuff a gun in your pants and people will consider it a fashion accessory. So what has Florida been up to?

The pro-Second Amendment right wing officially broke its brain last month. Instead of civilly disagreeing with the Parkland-surviving teens who organized the March for Our Lives, Breitbart has accused David Hogg of giving a Nazi salute (didn't happen), commentators and sitting lawmakers have utterly misrepresented Cuban politics and accused Emma Gonzalez of supporting the Castro regime, the Daily Wire wrote an article making fun of David Hogg's actually very-good 4.2 grade-point-average, and social-media users have spread all sorts of memes comparing school-shooting survivors to Hitler.

Did you assume that photoshopping Hogg's face onto the body of a Hitler Youth member was the lowest the public discourse about this could go? Think again! A burgeoning take on right-wing pockets of social media seems to be that the Parkland kids actually caused the Stoneman Douglas massacre by bullying poor, poor Nikolas Cruz.

To be clear: There's little evidence that Cruz was bullied. Douglas students have consistently described Cruz as a frightening individual that most people steered clear from, and he was evaluated multiple times for psychiatric issues and threats of violence.

And even if any students bullied someone, that doesn't give anyone the right to walk into a school with an assault rifle and murder people. The meme here seems to stem from one of Gonzalez's speeches, where she says she and others "ostracized" Cruz — but the clip is ripped out of context and she is very clearly explaining that Cruz's actions (threatening others, taking tons of photos of his guns, drawing swastikas on his belongings) terrified people and made them want to avoid him.

Read more: http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/right-now-blaming-parkland-teens-for-bullying-nikolas-cruz-10221533

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Only in this country could you get shot at, and people would be blaming you for standing in the way of the bullet. It’s your own fault, damn it! But some good news is that Florida is at least taking *SOME* measures to prevent Florida Man from owning a gun.

In a truly surprising sequence of events, it took less than one month from the massacre at a Parkland high school for Florida lawmakers to take actual legislative action. March 9, Gov. Rick Scott signed a bill allowing law enforcement to petition the courts to take guns away from people thought to be a danger to themselves or others. It was the first firearm restrictions supported by Florida Republicans in more than 20 years.

Though the law is only three weeks old, court records show it's already having a real-world effect in South Florida. In Broward County, law enforcement has successfully petitioned the courts to take guns away from seven people, including a mentally ill man who kept a "diary of delusions," a teenager whose peers were concerned he could be the next school shooter, and a disgruntled employee who threatened to shoot up his office. (No cases have been filed so far in Miami-Dade, according to a judicial spokesperson.)

New Times reviewed five of the seven cases in Broward to learn more about how the new law works and who it targets. (Because the other two cases involved juveniles, the details of those petitions are not public record.) Those court records paint a disturbing picture of people who, until recently, were within their legal right to possess firearms.

Yes we need 8 paces, damn it! So Florida is on a right path, I guess? And only in America can we grieve in a mass shooting by comforting the gun owners.

WASHINGTON — The day after a shooter killed 17 people at a Florida high school, President Donald Trump offered comforting words — for gun owners.

"We are committed to working with state and local leaders to help secure our schools and tackle the difficult issue of mental health," Trump said in brief remarks at the White House. "It is not enough to simply take actions that make us feel like we are making a difference. We must actually make that difference."

Translation: Your guns are safe.

"That's very encouraging that he's not mounting up with the anti-Second Amendment posse," said Larry Pratt, executive director emeritus of the Gun Owners of America, an advocacy group based in Virginia. "The response from gun owners will be principally that he didn't say the kind of things Hillary Clinton would have said had she been president and the way Barack Obama reacted to other situations like this."


[font size="4"]Montana [/font]

Hey everybody give it up for last year’s conference champions! Montana pulled out no stops as it shot its’ way to the top – both literally and figuratively. If you think Florida’s got a lot of guns, Montana has the highest concentration of gun manufacturers in the entire United States. And that’s a fact, you can look it up on Google. And as we learned last year – Montana has a toxic mix of doomsday preppers, end of the world conspiracy theorists, and white supremacists. And of course with hardcore guns comes hardcore racism. Since we last saw Montana, Montana has elected Greg Gianforte as its’ only representative. But well so much for freedom of speech!

Students walk out: On Wednesday, hundreds of students in Missoula walked out of class to protest gun violence in schools. (Here are the photos.) “In my opinion it’s sad that it’s taken this long for people to get this upset about it,” said Henry Charman, a senior at Hellgate who helped to organize the walkout.

Carroll College students plan to walk out of their classes on March 14 to protest Congress’ inaction on gun violence. In 1990, a man who appeared to be drunk walked into Carroll College's cafeteria and opened fire, killing one food service worker and wounding another.

Threats against schools: A Darby senior was in court this week after telling fellow students he was "going to shoot up the school." MacLean William Kayser, 18, told classmates that those wearing yellow shirts to school the following day would be "a target'' but those in red shirts would be safe. He then pointed at various students, saying “you’re a red shirt” or “you’re a yellow shirt,” according to an affidavit of probable cause filed Tuesday in Ravalli County Justice Court.

On Thursday, Missoula's Big Sky High School was on lock-in after graffiti was found in a girls' bathroom that said "Don't be at Big Sky at 1:20." The school allowed parents to pick up teir kids.

Uh yeah that’s about it in America. You have a constitutional right to protest but then you get punished by exercising that right. I mean come on this is a state where they have rallies *FOR* the 2nd Amendment:

HELENA – Nearly 150 people gathered on the steps of the state Capitol on Saturday in a show of solidarity for the Second Amendment right to bear arms as rallies for an end to gun violence took place elsewhere in Montana.

“Today is a great day in Montana and we will be heard,” said Brent Webber, who organized the March for our Guns rally in response to the March for our Lives events held nationwide Saturday in observance of the Feb. 14 shooting at a high school in Parkland, Florida, that killed 17 people.

A couple miles away an anti-violence rally was held at Helena’s Memorial Park. Other Montana observances were also held in Great Falls, Missoula, Billings and Bozeman.

Webber said March for our Guns event was for every Montanan who did not have a voice in this debate through the media.


By the way – Montana needs no introduction as to why it’s one of the single most violent states in the country. I mean after all, this is the guy who they chose to represent them in the House Of Representatives:

US congressman Greg Gianforte misled police after his assault of Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs in May, falsely stating that Jacobs had initiated physical contact and that the “liberal media … is trying to make a story”, according to the police incident report.

The records, made public on Friday, provide new details on the violent altercation that occurred on the eve of a special election to fill Montana’s sole seat in the US House of Representatives. Jacobs had approached the then candidate at his Bozeman campaign headquarters to ask a question about the Republican healthcare bill when Gianforte threw him to the ground and punched him.

The Republican was nevertheless elected the next day.

Gianforte subsequently pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault charge and was sentenced to community service, anger management classes and a $385 fine in June.

read the entire article at:


[font size="4"]And the winner is… [/font]

Holy shit this was quite the exciting matchup here! Florida brought their A game against Montana and they are not going to disappoint! The game went into overtime, with Florida winning by the final score of 91 – 78. Montana is going home. Florida is the Gun Nut Conference champion! Cut the net guys, you earned it!

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

One conference championship down, 3 to go! Next week, we’re going across town to Oakland, California, at the home of the Golden State Warriors – Oracle Arena - for the Family Values Conference Championship! And it will be Alabama vs. Missouri – who will be the more godly state worthy of advancing to thine Final Four?

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]NOFX[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, continuing our month long celebration of all things punk rock, my next guests are San Francisco legends! Their latest album is called “First Ditch Effort”. You can see them headlining Punk Rock Bowling on May 27th and they are bringing their “Punk In Drublic” beer and music festival to a city near you. Playing their song “Oxymoronic”, give it up for NOFX!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
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Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-14: Debbie Does The Deep State Edition (Original post)
Initech Apr 2018 OP
malaise Apr 2018 #1
dembotoz Apr 2018 #2
Initech Apr 2018 #3
malaise Apr 2018 #4
underpants Apr 2018 #5
Initech Apr 2018 #6
underpants Apr 2018 #7

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 05:08 PM

1. You're amazing

Rec - off to read

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 05:52 PM

2. Yes rec

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Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 05:58 PM

3. Hey this is the first time I've been on time in the last couple weeks!

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Response to Initech (Reply #3)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 06:09 PM

4. It's not just time bro

It's producing a Top 10 most weeks

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Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 08:14 PM

5. Funny NOFX story

At a previous job a good friend on mine was a veteran of the DC band world. The Slickee Boys.
One of the members of his band became friends with someone in NOFX. They were playing at the 9:30 Club (the Slickee Boys were close to the house band there) and they invited my friend and his bandmate to hang out. The opening act was on stage so they were hanging out backstage enjoying the free beer - basically it was a cooler with 2 cases of beer and some soft drinks. Once that was finished you bought your own.

My friend remembers the opening act (3 members plus a tech or assistant)traveling in a station wagon but I've read that they had an Econovan.

So NOFX takes the stage and the green room is left to the opening act. The lead singer opens up the cooler for a long awaited beer and finds a cream soda floating in the icy water. He tears the place up.

The opening act was The Police. Sting. That's the story anyway.

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Response to underpants (Reply #5)

Wed Apr 18, 2018, 10:00 PM

6. Wait - The Police were opening *FOR* NOFX????

That is insane!

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Response to Initech (Reply #6)

Thu Apr 19, 2018, 07:09 AM

7. The same guy and band were the headliners on a Friday night for 3 bands

The opening OPENING band was U2.

I asked my friend if he caught any of their set and he said "Yeah it was pretty clear the lead singer knew how to work the room"

In their travels they always checked to calendar back stage - they were either a day or two ahead or behind Los Lobos and REM. They were literally twisting around each other on show dates.

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