I had a bit of an epiphany.
Last edited Mon May 7, 2018, 05:45 PM - Edit history (1)
No, this isn't a hug a Deplorable thread but let me preface my remarks by quoting Thomas Jefferson."I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend."
I have a friend at the gym whom I am deferential to because he's old enough to be my dad. He's retired LAPD and a nominal Trumpee. He's also funny. I asked him when he was on the force if he ever did community policing. He asked me if that's some kind of liberal idea. I told him that by getting out of your squad car and interacting with the people you are policing you can establish a rapport with them. I then asked him if he ever had an African American partner, a Mexican partner. a gay partner, et cetera... He laughed and said yes. He seems pretty mellow for a retired cop. especially a retired LAPD cop.
Any way my home is about four or five blocks from the gym. I usually walk there and walk home. During my workout I aggravated an ankle injury and it was hard to walk. I asked him for a ride home and he gave it to me.
The atmosphere at my gym can be toxic. Folks get in heated arguments about politics and end up complaining to the management. I'm more bemused by it all. My real life personae is much more mellow than my online one. I am trying to decrease the chasm between the two.
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Is that there is a certain tendency among some to turn every discussion of a topic into a discussion of the other person's character.
For example, the topic is X.
Person A: "I think so-and-so about topic X"
Person B: "I see it differently and think such-and-such."
Person A: "That's because you are the kind of person who thinks that sort of thing."
At that point, once it becomes personalized, the conversation heads into toxicity. Rather than discuss the facts or exchange perspectives on them, it is now a discussion of what Person A asserts to be a character flaw of Person B. Further discussion is pointless, because rather than to have a difference of perspective, anything Person B has to say is simply further evidence of a character flaw instead of a difference of opinion or perspective.
Once someone starts talking about "you" (and not in the generalized sense of "you" as a casual construction used in place of "one"
, the well is poisoned.
Even better in an online discussion is when one not only attacks the person instead of the idea, but due to the convenience of online discussions, assembles what amounts to a bill of indictment against the character of their interlocutor. "Well, of course you think that, since last week on (other subject) you said A, and then in another discussion you said B, so it simply boils down to you being an asshole" or words to that effect.
All too easy, and all too common. I'm sure I've been guilty of it on occasion myself. But it is a toxic habit.
allow people to hide behind aliases would be fine, but none will have me. 
I do keep reminding myself I should post as if I were chatting face to face. And keep reminding myself.
I like your gym friend. "He asked me if that's some kind of liberal idea." Lol. Funny guy.
I once did volunteer work in the central communications department of the LAPD, back in the days when the 911 lines were manned by cops who rotated in for a period after 2 years on the job. Definitely more good guys, some probably very good, as long as loyalty to uniform didn't pull the wrong way, anyway. Then there were the others. There were no new lessons there for me because of my life as a child, but they were certainly refreshed. NEVER challenge a strange cop, not even from the other end of a 911 line.
we were surrounded by badly policed LA city and county areas. The Glendale PD were also well mannered and professional up front, and comparatively well behaved otherwise. Although I understand the Supreme Court had to teach the city a lesson or two before we moved there, that's what people expected when we were there. This was before the internet made a lot more public, though, and can't speak for what's known now.
I'm remembering, though, a dignified, well groomed, middle-aged Hispanic coworker in a traffic jam ahead of me who responded to a traffic cop's telling her to "move your ass" (his version of "please drive on" to someone with indigenous coloring and features, I guess), by saying, "I BEG your pardon!" and hitting her brakes. He was immediately afraid, and rightfully so. She wasn't, and she didn't even know she had a witness.
Why wouldn't you?
The people I bump into or even talk to on a regular basis aren't necessarily my friends.
