General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsInteresting day at work today.... (chik-fil-a)
(I work in an office for a major organization)
So today I come into work and see my supervisor standing next to a coworker of mine. As soon as I sit down at my desk, the two of them engage in a conversation within 5 feet from me that starts off with my supervisor saying "So, today we are going to pick up some chik-fil-a. We'll get it for lunch."
Then my coworker turns to me and says "Hey, want some chik-fil-a?" I tell her I'll pass.
About 4 hours later the chik-fil-(a massive amount) is in the lunch room. The same coworker from earlier walks by and says "Hey, sure you don't want some chik-fil-a?" Again, I tell her I'll pass.
Then at the end of the day, I am leaving the building. Same coworker is leaving with a bag of chik-fil-a (apparently they were not able to devour the ridiculous amount of food they purchased earlier), and as I am walking out the door she says "You should have tried some of this chik-fil-a. It would be good for you."
It is known to people at work that I am in a same-sex relationship. Part of me wondered if this was an attempt to create a hostile work environment, or if she was actually completely oblivious to what she was doing.
I have never had any problems at work before, so I am leaning towards "completely oblivious".... but it was very borderline. However, I am sure it was not a coincidence that my coworker and supervisor suddenly decided to get chik-fil-a today.... and I didn't observe them asking anyone else if they wanted some.
Raster
(20,998 posts)And yes, she knew EXACTLY what she was doing.
arely staircase
(12,482 posts)That was no coincidence.
Mira
(22,380 posts)that has in the past stopped her from showing her colors was lifted by the Chick -Fil -et actions. Just lifted. Not removed.
I'd steer clear of her with big smiles, and few words.
I'm proud to say I've never ever darkened the door of any of those places. Now I know I never will.
If I worked there, I would document stuff like this, like you just did, and do it privately, at home, using names, dates and times.
It may escalate.
Systematic Chaos
(8,601 posts)...with the exception of a side salad with fat free dressing or a Veggie Delite from Subway, which is to say not at all.
So, you had two valid reasons to pass it up, right?
As for the office employees, if they haven't said or done anything suspect before, I'd assume their intentions were good and they were just offering you free food. I'd recommend not worrying about them at this stage, though I understand why you'd be scratching your head.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Just because someone isn't overtly hostile doesn't mean their intentions are innocent. Did you not get the memo about why it was Chik-fil-a day? I think the OP would be wise to assume the worst.
This was a deliberate attempt to provoke.
progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)they would have said "we're going to taco bell, want something?" and that would have been it. Not constantly repeating the name of the place, and then coming up and saying "you should have had Taco Bell, it was really good." That's not normal conversation. It was deliberate.
Systematic Chaos
(8,601 posts)Given the state of my life right now, you'll have to forgive me for desperately wanting to look for something positive in a given situation whether it's there or not.
Yeah Its Spin
(236 posts)cures tha gay
JI7
(89,248 posts)that it just happened to be today. ok, lets say it was.
but repeatedly asking you throughout the day if you want some ??????? and the comment at the end of the day "it would be good for you" ?????
think of other times where people are truly just being nice and offering food. if you say no, ,they might ask one more time, but they aren't going to make comments even at the end of the day and the "it woudl be good for you" type crap.
get the red out
(13,462 posts)Usually at work when there is left over food people look for takers saying "I don't want this to go to waste, surely someone can take it home". I've never heard anyone say "It will be good for you". And if you are just trying to use up food, you don't keep coming back to the same person who didn't want any to begin with.
nightscanner59
(802 posts)That's exactly what demonizing a whole group produces. This overblown sense of superiority in the eyes of Gawd would not earn the Cheezus seal of approval-- did not he say something akin to "let the sinless throw the first stone?"
Yes the Chick has actively engaged in far more discriminatory activity than just speech, in the form of donations to uber right wing factions, interviewing practices that exclude those "not of the faith", of young folks fired (on drummed-up infractions) but well known for suspected gay activity
still_one
(92,187 posts)Kalidurga
(14,177 posts)probably tread lightly see if your Human Resource person is more or less inclined to help. If s/he is inclined let them know what your concerns are. If not then I am guessing you have a 1-800 number to report to. At the very least this will be documented.
Tom Ripley
(4,945 posts)justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)then I would definitely report this to HR. It could be construed as a form of harassment.
BBGC
(61 posts)And possibly the only place I have ever worked that includes only the federal mandated protected classes in its policy.
progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)dballance
(5,756 posts)I grew up in the South. Although many HR professionals are appalled by what goes on they are usually powerless to effect any real changes. Or to bring real grievances to light and have the corporation act on them.
I left my job as Director of Information Services - the top IT guy (just under VP) at a corporation in small-town TN when I was outed by a gossipy little bitch and I'm not sorry I called her bitch. She was a friend of one of my best friends wives. Of course I had confided in my best friends who I really am. And of course they shared that with their wives. I don't have a problem with that. I believe being part of a married couple is sharing everything.
Unfortunately one their wives shared my sexual orientation with one her friends who worked in a rather low-level position at the same company at which I worked. It was probably a real feather in her cap to out the Director fag at work.
Well it was all down-hill from there. No annual review, no annual raise, no bonus. The writing on the wall was quite clear. It was a trucking company made up of rednecks and white trash who managed to do well and become the owners and most of the VP's. They were the epitome of the "good 'ole boys network."
There was nothing the HR director could do to make any sort of difference. And there was nothing overt enough I could think of legal action. They may have been white trash but they paid retainers to good attorneys.
So my best advice is, unfortunately, don't go to HR. Don't make yourself a target. Fight battles you have a chance of winning.
dballance
(5,756 posts)"You should have tried some of this chik-fil-a. It would be good for you."
I would have leaned toward the obliviously stupid opinion, but I can't see many interpretations of that person's statement when it includes the "It would be good for you" sentiment.
What exactly would have been "good for you" by trying that food? Good for you to eat obviously breaded, deep-fried chicken and starchy waffle fries that are oil-fried and drowned in salt and Ketchup which is mainly sugar and tomato sauce?
Under no circumstances can I fathom any doctor or nutritionist telling you that meal would be "good for you."
I'm going to bet your poor schmuck co-worker has thoughts he/she can still save you from your aberrant lifestyle you obviously chose to live and throw in the face of your family, society, God and Jesus Christ.
Or your co-worker knows how bigoted your whole work place is and was trying to tell you to try to "fit in" because most people in your office don't like fags and you're singling yourself out for abuse.
I'm sure they're praying for you in any case.
Realistically speaking I don't think there is a damned thing you can do about this affront. It's too subtle and not witnessed by others who might not think as I believe this particular co-worker does.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)They throw multiple birds into the same grinder and steamer and then use a meat glue and squirt the mixture like a plastic into uniform shapes. Then they coat that with another slurry of breading that goes on like a spray paint. Then it's quick frozen and shipped
Take a bite and you could have the flesh of hundreds of birds swirling around your bridgework.
And to think, the owner of the company claims semen is disgusting?
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)they use breastmeat...it is not ground up...ever.
but you don't care...makes you feel better because it matches with what you THINK is true.
sP
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)[img]['img]
[img][/img]
http://www.chick-fil-a.com/Food/Menu-Section/Classics
Fla_Democrat
(2,547 posts)chickens only come in one shape?
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)Fla_Democrat
(2,547 posts)cut chicken breast. It's ok, I get it.... you have never been there, and are going off the 'typical' chicken sandwich available most places.
The only thing I have found to beat it is a local place... Lindy's
http://crawfordvillelindys.com/menu.html
I prefer the one on East Lafayette, but all of them are good.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)[img][/img]
Family owned with a lunch special under $5.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)between a marketing/advertising photo and the real product.
sP
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)[img][/img]
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)what FOOD marketing/advertisement photo looks worse than the product?
do you KNOW what a chicken breast filet looks like? have you ever eaten at chick-fil-a? because if you had, you would know your opening salvo in this little exchange is a lie? and if you haven't...you would be just spewing garbage.
sP
adigal
(7,581 posts)There is no way it was good for the OP, so please try to not wander off the subject 15 ties.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)posts a complete and utter lie and it's not ok to call them on it? ok...i see what makes you happy.
sP
adigal
(7,581 posts)ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)i am simply responding to the lie and the continued effort at propagating it. look back through and you'll see that even though, as you say, i have corrected it, he/she continues to press that this is not real chicken. the point i am trying to make with individual in question is simple : fight chick-fil-a and their religious adherents with FACTS, not made up bullshit.
however, i can certainly see where this could be disconcerting for the OP in a thread about workplace environment...so i will concede that point and simply hope that the other person i am trying to deal with here gets the point.
thanks,
sP
Occulus
(20,599 posts)Because that works, ever, with people like that.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)We have been spared from this megalomaniac's crappy food.
dballance
(5,756 posts)they were real chicken breasts. From my experience I don't think they grind everything up and then spit out cookie-cutter "breasts" for their sandwiches. I don't remember about the nuggets so I won't say those, like so many other fast food chain's nuggets, might not be an amalgamation of many chickens. I can tell you where the breast is on a chicken but I'll be damned if I can tell you where the nugget is
When I used to eat at CFA the chicken was obviously a real, whole chicken breast. I'd lean to the opinion that their buyers look for a certain size and shape of chicken to buy for consistency's sake and to be able to project and control costs by being sure of what they are buying. That is their job. I know Tyson's does a pretty good job of packaging chicken breasts, legs, and wings that all seem factory-made.
Oh a side note. I went to college with an acquaintance whose grand-parents owned large chicken farms. The kind with thousands upon thousands of chickens in, apparently, nasty conditions. He would not EVER touch chicken or chicken wings whenever a group of us went out to bars or resturants. He told us once that if we knew what really went on, on those farms we'd never eat chicken again either.
xmas74
(29,674 posts)the nuggets are cut bite sized from the same breasts used for the chicken sandwiches. The grilled are obviously not breaded, the fried are breaded in store, the nuggets are cut from the same chicken breasts and are also breaded in store.
They've donated in the past cups and such for youth sports and I've watched them prep the nuggets while picking up the cups. I would venture a guess that they won't be donating as much as they used to. At least I no longer have to do all the begging for sports so I won't have to go back.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)They were free range and the dogs were there to protect them from predators. They went into the coop at night on their own.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)I got about as many people correcting me on this as I got over a gun issue.
ipfilter
(1,287 posts)They use 100% breast meat. It is first dipped in a wash of egg and milk then dredged in a seasoned flour mixture. They are cooked in a pressure fryer in peanut oil. If a breast is over the weight limit it is trimmed and those trimmings are thrown in with the nuggets which are diced tenderloins. The frying of course destroys any nutritional value. It may be 100% chicken but it's still fast food.
The corporate culture is that of sanctimonious church goers who look down their noses at everyone. It's pretty common knowledge that they encourage their franchise owners to hire kids from local churches. I remember watching an orientation video where the CEO said they are closed on Sunday so the workers can go to church....bleh.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)Did you know Ken Lay of Enron used to start off board meetings with a prayer?
Their God is all about profit.
[img][/img]
ipfilter
(1,287 posts)also prayed to the god of mammon for sales and profits during weekly "prayer meetings". Fortunately they were not mandatory meetings.
dballance
(5,756 posts)So don't hate to admit it.
You got a job in a fast-food restaurant as a kid because you maybe wanted to buy your own car or the next new, awesome game console. I can't imagine you had the foggiest clue about what corporate was doing with the money at that time. In the grand scheme of things you did the right thing by trying to be independent, earn your own money and be self-sufficient. That's admirable.
So be okay with yourself. I am.
xmas74
(29,674 posts)they really are whole chicken breasts and they are breaded in store.
(I know the manager of the local Chik-Fil-A and I've watched them do it. Same with the nuggets-whole chicken breast cut into bite size pieces and then breaded in store.)
I didn't say the breasts were high quality. They are usually the smallest breasts and often come from places like Tyson's and such but it is a real chicken breast and it really is breaded in store.
I won't be eating there anymore but it's not because of the product-it's not compressed chicken bits, compared to most fast food chicken sandwiches. I'm not eating there because the Cathy family is full of homophobes who donate to causes and organizations that I don't approve and I don't want my money funding their causes.
Tunkamerica
(4,444 posts)making leaps that just aren't true.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)AndyTiedye
(23,500 posts)Your supervisor has let you know what he really thinks of you. This will not end well for you if you stay.
Find another job if you can.
LuvNewcastle
(16,844 posts)The actors involved in that little morality play were trying to be offensive and thought they were being funny and clever about it. There certainly is some hostility there, but complaining about it would more than likely accomplish nothing. I would try my best to find another job with a better class of co-workers.
AndyTiedye
(23,500 posts)indie9197
(509 posts)don't know what else to say...
indie9197
(509 posts)maybe I was too harsh. If you like working there keep up the good work. Maybe you can change their opinion of alternate lifestyles. If you go to HR there will be repercussions. HR is not there for the workers. Good luck
CrispyQ
(36,461 posts)That is the truth! To the OP, You co-workers were showing their bigotry, but I'd look for another job before I would take anything to HR.
I was an assistant to a CFO for a few years. HR reported to her. In that time, there were a couple of sexual harassment complaints, both legit. Even though they took the complainant very seriously & handled it appropriately, let me tell you, behind closed doors, it didn't matter if you were the complainant or the harasser, your name was dirt to upper management.
truebrit71
(20,805 posts)...
LiberalAndProud
(12,799 posts)The undercurrent you felt was subtle, but I think present.
I hope your tomorrow is better.
dimbear
(6,271 posts)Never know when you might want to remember very exactly.
document document document
Sherman A1
(38,958 posts)Document everything and continue to ignore their non-work conversation (including sports, weather, etc) . You may end up being isolated, but that is probably better than the alternative of letting them get you blood boiling.
Don't let them get any reaction from you and eventually you will find that they calm down and stop bothering you.
CrispyQ
(36,461 posts)It's hard to be isolated in your work environment, but if the OP is going to stay there, this is good advice.
Starry Messenger
(32,342 posts)woo me with science
(32,139 posts)rad51
(89 posts)I hope this is a misunderstanding and you have no further problems.
Spitfire of ATJ
(32,723 posts)So now some crappy breaded fried chicken parts are a cure for teh gay?
The Doctor.
(17,266 posts)Sure, they look and dress like adults, but they are children.
KurtNYC
(14,549 posts)It seems like they were trying hard to get a reaction from you.
Have they ever brought in Chik-fil-a before? Is there any other explanation for them suddenly foisting chick-fil-a on everyone ?
Shankapotomus
(4,840 posts)I'm sorry you have to put up with that.
I just want to give you a hug.
Get out of there, if you can.
BBGC
(61 posts)Definitely will be out the door after that....
Keep your head up, some people are clueless and others are assholes from your story I cant tell which is which so leave it alone, focus on what makes you happy.
GaYellowDawg
(4,446 posts)And I'm sorry you were subjected to their bullying.
In an ideal world, you'd secure another job, then go to HR and get those two in really hot water, and be able to demand a really fat severance check on your way to a better job in a better environment. But it's not an ideal world, and not being there, I can't legitimately offer advice - only sympathy.
Jeff In Milwaukee
(13,992 posts)You're better than they are.
slampoet
(5,032 posts)a conversation that you are a participant in.
I did this in Rhode Island when my boss hired a skinhead from the Aryan Brotherhood as a coworker
cap
(7,170 posts)There was a call to the rightwing to go out and buy food at chick fil a in support of their homophobic agenda. I would pull up some news reports/"call to action" talking about supporting chick fil a by buying food there on a certain day. It's a little too obvious. Someone went and supported chick fil a by buying a huge amount of food... so much that they had to take it home. If they had bought it on another day, it might have been coincidental.
Do you guys usually eat chick fil a? If not, I think you got a very clear cut complaint going to personnel. It would have been one thing if they had bought chick fil a and not said anything to you. The other thing is that given that it is a large company, they generally want to steer clear of controversy and may not want to support chick fil a. A lot of big companies these days are doing diversity training for LGBT. If so, your company may not want anything to do with chick fil a.
reflection
(6,286 posts)You probably should have asked her to clarify why it would be good for you. Make her say it.
tjwash
(8,219 posts)So be careful
justiceischeap
(14,040 posts)HR has been known to act in the "employee's" favor. I work for a well-known non-profit. I've encountered sexual harassment twice (neither directed at me but I overheard it). One was fired immediately because he was a contractor the other was given warnings until he "jokingly" threatened to bring a gun to work, which earned him a pink slip.
HillWilliam
(3,310 posts)I'm getting to a "certain age" and have attained a certain irascibility with idiots. I can see how that conversation would go.
Her: "Come have some Chick-fil-A"
Me: "Let me lend you a dog. I have six and can spare one for an hour or so."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "You've obviously lost your damn mind and need some help finding it. Dogs have good noses and might can help you track it down. My PART. NERRRRR wouldn't mind so long as you took good care of her." (cold, pointed stare over my glasses...)
I have little patience for fools.
GoCubsGo
(32,080 posts)Like most of the people standing in those lines yesterday, she likely has no clue as to what is the real controversy. She got her marching orders from a faux Christian (Hucksterbee) to go eat at this restaurant in order to defend another faux Christian who is supposedly under attack from all us evil, godless llibruls. The suckers that lined up to by Cathy's slop yesterday likely have no idea about his background, and what sorts of things he helps finance. (And, I dare say that a significant portion of them either wouldn't care, or agree with him, if they knew.)
Ganja Ninja
(15,953 posts)Or about your friend that use to work there and would spit in the sauce every day.
grasswire
(50,130 posts)good one.
goclark
(30,404 posts)and heard that said to you ~ I would have gladly been arrested for slapping that fool!
That Idiot should have been fired!
Keep us posted and if I were you I would keep a little tape recorder in my pocket and always ask a friend to be around you at all times so they can catch the remarks.
" I am sure it was not a coincidence that my coworker and supervisor suddenly decided to get chik-fil-a today.... and I didn't observe them asking anyone else if they wanted some."
ellie
(6,929 posts)Fried, processed crap is good for you? I would have told them, thanks but I am too concerned with my health to eat that. Go ahead, though.
99Forever
(14,524 posts)Insults by proxy.
On the upside, at least now you know who the real homophobic jerks are.
HopeHoops
(47,675 posts)gollygee
(22,336 posts)I'm sorry you're dealing with a work environment like that. I hope it's just the one person.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)Make sure to write times and dates and who was involved. Remember all the names you can of people who noticed that they didn't ask if they wanted chicken.
DCKit
(18,541 posts)You did the right thing. However, I agree with the other posters about the hostility.
On the other hand, just how long are those folks willing to support Chik-Fil-A? Your refusal to play their games could result in a personal bankruptcy or three.
If they do, in fact, stop buying, then what's the point? A one time, empty gesture and the franchise ends up going out of business.
You've already won the battle and the war.
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)Of course not. That said, you did the right thing - at least at this point.
I would (as suggested herein) start keeping a record of this, and any future comments, etc. that might be out of line. You should not have to be subjected to treatment like this. Of course, we all know we don't live in a perfect world, but a historical record will certainly be valuable should you ever find it necessary to pursue a matter like this with H/R, etc.
As much as possible, I'd ignore them...and smile every time I saw my paycheck in my bank account! Someone told me long ago: "You shouldn't live to work. You should work to live." So work there to have the means to enjoy your life OUTSIDE of this organization and do your best to enjoy your time away from these people. The best payback is to be genuinely happy in your home life, and let that show when you have to be in your work environment. These idiots will most assuredly be sorely jealous of that!
Best of luck!
MagickMuffin
(15,937 posts)She probably would have gasped and reached for her smelling salts.
I'm sorry you have to work with intolerant people. Unfortunately, this is something we must all endure because these people have no self control. They just can't seem to help themselves when it comes to hurting other people. They are weaklings and do not understand how to think for themselves. This is what happens when we lose the ability to use critical thinking skills. We become intolerant of our fellow human beings.
Just know in your heart that you are loved, and they do not matter in the least of who you are.
ecstatic
(32,701 posts)after you've already said no? I think she may have been trying to use you as a token and maybe as a possible photo op, but I'm naturally suspicious. Maybe when you find yourself alone with her again, ask her if she knew about the owner's comments.
Rob H.
(5,351 posts)Continuing to ask you after you said "No"? I think you're right to believe it wasnt a coincidence. On a side note, I'm in the South, and the Chick-fil-A's here were jam-packed yesterday to the point of causing traffic problems.
southmost
(759 posts)hard to prove, but obvious to me.... happened here at work too...
GardeningGal
(2,211 posts)However, if someone had said to me that "it would be good for you", I would have asked them to explain how exactly that food fried in a bunch of fat was good for anyone. That way you could confront them without getting into the political issue.
As I've gotten older I prefer to speak up to people like that instead of letting them get away with it. Sometimes they are oblivious but more likely it's someone trying to be passive/aggressive and I'm tired of the BS.
Odin2005
(53,521 posts)YUCK!!!
just1voice
(1,362 posts)No need to hold people accountable for anything.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)did you actually just use the word 'racist' in relation to this conversation??? holy FUCK!
sP
Zoeisright
(8,339 posts)I very, very, VERY much doubt it was innocent. Are you in a position to file a report?
BBGC
(61 posts)I doubt it would do any good anyway.
I'm letting this slide on the possibility no harm was intended, but I will be observant of future behavior.
tilsammans
(2,549 posts). . . meanwhile, document such conversations. Just in case.
Here's to your successful search for a job with tolerant, caring, non-judgmental coworkers!
adigal
(7,581 posts)Okay, I am learning to give people the benefit of the doubt. But it seems pretty obvious they were doing this to bait you. Shame on them. I am very sorry this happened to you. Is there any place you can report this? I know, probably not. I am sorry.
ProdigalJunkMail
(12,017 posts)leads me to the conclusion there was no 'innocence' to it and that they were trying to make a point and that the point was creating a hostile environment...it really does need to be reported...
sP
Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)patrice
(47,992 posts)awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)sounds an awful lot like telling a lesbian she is gay because she hasn't been screwed right. It sounds like intimidation to me.
progressivebydesign
(19,458 posts)And yes, a hostile workplace. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. It was totally inappropriate and cruel.