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Wed May 23, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-19: Too Many Exits Edition (SEASON FINALE!)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-19: Too Many Exits Edition (SEASON FINALE!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Hey websites please stop asking me to review your updated privacy policy because we both know that ain't happening! We are back everybody! And I cannot wait to unveil the exciting changes coming to the Top 10 in June. Which is only 3 short weeks away. Are there any runners in this audience? I’m not exactly what one would call a “runner”. You can tell. You know we always like to report on weird shit in the introduction and if you really want to see some crazy shit head to San Francisco on May 19th. There were 40,000 that showed up to San Fran so you’re bound to see some truly crazy shit. That was last Saturday and it was the site of the annual Bay To Breakers 12K ½ marathon. And the Bay To Breakers even t is different because there’s two options for running this race. The first is that you can run in costume – and there were a lot of interesting costumes. This is San Francisco we’re talking about here. You had everything from a group of people doing their best impression of Blue Man Tobias from Arrested Development to people dressing like Ruth Bader Ginsburg to promote her new documentary called “The Notorious RGB”, to people dressed like “Team Yanni vs Team Laurel” (don’t get me started on that BS), to of course lots of Star Wars costumes. The other option is that you can run the race – ass naked. Yes like Bart in the Simpsons Movie. But my personal favorite had to be the woman who went as both – and did her own self-censoring nudity:

Yeah so that happened! Got to love creative people out there. OK that’s enough of the intro – we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first it was also the season finale for another show, and we have to show you a clip from Saturday Night Live’s brilliant opener from Saturday:

God fucking damn it. Two months after Parkland, have we learned nothing? Because another mass shooting happened – this time in Texas. In the number slot this week of course we’re going to dedicate it to Gun Nut Apologists (1) and the resulting “same shit, different day” scenario that keeps coming up over and over. In the second slot this week is Dan Patrick (2). Yes, the Lt. Governor of Texas has quite literally shot his mouth off and we will tell you about the resulting stupidity. Taking the third slot we’re going to introduce you to a New York attorney named Aaron Schlossberg (3) who went full MAGA Trump on a group of Latino protestors in NYC. Taking the 4th slot is of course Donald Trump (4). So Trump made some shocking and horrifying comments about immigrants and was specifically referring to the violent South American gang MS-13, or was he? In slot #5 is a new installment of our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this time we’re going to shock you with some (not at all surprising) statistics about America's undying love of the firearm. At number 6 is our weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit, and this week our resident pastor is going to show you some of the ways that the Christian right is working hard to bring about the apocalypse through their support of the Dark One. At number 7 we have a new installment of “This Fucking Guy” and this week we’re going to profile a guy in the Trump administration who we should be paying a lot more attention to, and that’s interior secretary Ryan Zinke (7). At number 8 is Infowars (8). They are gearing up to launch a 24/7 news channel. If you think Alex Jones is crazy on a 4 hour cycle, wait until you see him on a 24 hour cycle! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot we have a new installment of our favorite segment “People Are Dumb” because well, people are dumb! Finally this week it’s the grand championship of our Stupidest State 2018 contest! I can’t wait to see what we have in store as we crown our champion! Who will it be? Will it be the almighty Florida or will it be my old Kentucky home? We have the commissioner of the NFFSA here and the champagne is on the ice! Plus we have a very special musical guest – one of the biggest bands in the world right now, and we got them for our crappy little show. I’m of course talking about the one, the only Panic At The Disco! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Gun Nut Apologists
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Excuse me a minute.

God damn it. Have we learned nothing? No, of course we haven’t. I know what country I live in, and I know what year this is. It’s not even been two months since Parkland and we’re literally starting the same cycle of bullshit over again. Another week and yet another mass shooting. This time it’s also at a high school - in Texas.

Shots were fired at a high school in Southeast Texas Friday morning, leading to injuries, school officials said. A person was arrested at the scene as authorities swarmed the campus. Several local news organizations reported multiple fatalities, citing law enforcement sources.

The shooting occurred at Santa Fe High School in Galveston County, south of Houston. There was no immediate word on how many people were injured or what their condition was. But the president of the Houston Police Officers’ Union, Joseph Gamaldi, tweeted that a wounded officer was being transported to a hospital via helicopter. “Please keep the officers in your prayers,” Gamaldi wrote.

“The situation is active, but has been contained,” the Santa Fe Independent School District said shortly after 9 a.m. Central Time. “There have been confirmed injuries.” The district said law enforcement officers were securing the building.

An assistant principal at Santa Fe High School told ABC-13 in Houston that a shooter had been “arrested and secured.” The television station reported that law enforcement sources said the shooter appeared to be a student.

Students told the station that there was an evacuation at the high school as a fire alarm sounded. Some ran as the shooter began firing. There was a panicked scene as students sought to contact parents.


That’s definitely not the worst thing about this shooting that happened. Even that very day this idiot who graduated Kent State – a site where a mass shooting happened – posted this:

I wouldn't be concerned with the fact that someone is trying to take her AR-15. I would be more concerned that someone has taken her empathy, common sense, and dignity because she is clearly lacking all 3 of these things! So getting back to the story at hand – you want to know the definition of “too soon”? Just ask this guy who was coming to the high school with a gun and a MAGA hat, because, reasons:

In a video that’s gone viral on Twitter, a man carrying an American flag and a holstered gun on his hip says he showed up at the scene of a high school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas, to “Make America great again.”

According to the Houston Chronicle, the man was speaking to KHOU-TV when a reporter asked him what what was going through his head when he heard about the active shooter situation at Santa Fe High School on Friday morning.

“Get to the school,” the man says in the video, tweeted by San Francisco Bay-area NBC journalist Scott McGraw. He said his plan of action was “offering support” and that “‘God bless y’all’ will go a long ways right now for a lot of people.”

The video then cuts to an unidentified man, who calls the man with the gun “an embarrassment.”

Yeah dude you’re definitely not helping and you may want to get the fuck out. So now we’re in the “who’s to blame” phase of the mass shooting stages of grief. Of course you should know by now that the mass shooting stages of grief do not include “acceptance”. They’re pretty much “blame everyone but the gun”. And nobody does it better than the NRA’s Dana Loesch:

National Rifle Association spokeswoman Dana Loesch accused the media of "creating" mass shooters by extensively covering perpetrators' identities.

"The media has got to stop creating more of these monsters by oversaturation," Loesch said on NRATV]. "I'm not saying don't responsibly report on things as they happen."

"Look, I understand it. But constantly showing the image of the murderer, constantly saying their name is completely unnecessary."

Loesch's comments came a day after a gunman opened fire at Santa Fe High School, near Houston, Texas, killing at least 10 people and injuring another 10.

Read more: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/388459-nras-dana-loesch-says-media-is-creating-mass-shooters

Well, Dana, let’s extrapolate your hyperbolic rantings here for a minute. If the media really did create this monster, what does that say about our media? Well when you see what kind of person the shooter is, and who he supports, well…

Dimitrios Pagourtzis, the suspected gunman who opened fire at a Texas high school on Friday morning, apparently posted photos of neo-Nazi iconography online, according to social media accounts flagged by classmates and reviewed by The Daily Beast.

Galveston County Sheriff Henry Trochesset said the suspect was a 17-year-old male student at Santa Fe High School where 10 people were killed. The suspect was taken into custody, Trochesset told reporters. Explosive devices were left inside the school near Houston, authorities said. The suspect reportedly had an assault-style rifle, shotgun, and pistol.

Pagourtzis was identified by law-enforcement officials as the suspect to CBS News and the Associated Press. Two Santa Fe students also told The Daily Beast that Pagourtzis was the gunman and they confirmed a Facebook account with Pagourtzis’ name belonged to him. Attempts by The Daily Beast to reach Pagourtzis’ family were unsuccessful.

On April 30, Pagourtzis apparently posted a t-shirt with “born to kill” printed on the front, boasting that it was custom-made.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/dimitrios-pagourtzis-reportedly-idd-as-santa-fe-texas-shooting-suspect

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[font size="8"]Dan Patrick
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One guy who clearly isn’t helping is the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick. So Houston is his district, and he offered some of the most asinine suggestions on what we can do to end this madness once and for all. No, he didn’t propose firearm control. No, he didn’t propose that any kind of restrictions on firearm sales or anything that might you know, save lives. What he did propose was one of the most asinine suggestions yet.

In addition to the "thoughts and prayers" pro-gun politicians dependably trot out after a mass shooting, there's usually a wealth of ass-backward logic to explain why guns shouldn't receive any blame for the bloodshed.

In the wake of this morning's Santa Fe High School shooting, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick wasted no time with the contortions.

Within hours, the Republican was at a press conference ruminating on how to stop future school shootings. Apparently, limiting access to guns isn't one of the options on the table, but redesigning thousands of Texas schools sure as hell is.

“We may have to look at the design of our schools moving forward, and retrofitting schools that are already built, and what I mean by that is there are too many entrances and too many exits to our over 8,000 campuses in Texas," he said.

"We’re going to have to be creative," he added.

Too many exits? Here’s the thing – Dan, you know what also devalues life? Guns. Thank you! And it’s bad enough that the NRA has made us sitting ducks, let’s arm teachers, close off all the exits, and appoint wannabe Rambos as hall monitors! What a great idea! Doing something creative might be, I don’t know, actually doing your job and protecting the people who elected you! Thank you! And that wasn’t all – Dan actually made things worse by blaming everything but the gun!

The Texas lieutenant governor, speaking two days after 10 people were killed in a school shooting in his state, said abortion, divorce and violent video games and movies show that 'we have devalued life,' which he pointed to as a cause of school shootings.

Republican Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick told ABC News Chief Anchor George Stephanopoulos on "This Week" Sunday, "We have devalued life, whether it's through abortion, whether it's the breakup of families, through violent movies, and particularly violent video games."

Patrick continued, "Psychologists and psychiatrists will tell you that students are desensitized to violence, may have lost empathy for their victims by watching hours and hours of video violent games.”

He said, “the problem is multifaceted. It's not any one issue. But we, again, we have to look at our culture of violence, just our violent society, our Facebook, our Twitter, the bullying of adults on adults, and children on children. We have to look at ourselves, George, it's not about the guns, it's about us.”

And we’re still not done yet! Guess what NRA approved talking point surfaced last week courtesy of Mr. Patrick? Yup you guessed it! Let’s arm teachers! And we wonder why the rest of the world is laughing at us!

Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick (R) responded Sunday to the high school shooting in Santa Fe, Texas by pushing for arming teachers and reducing school entrances.

In an interview with CNN, the well-known conservative made the case for arming teachers saying, “We need armed teachers, trained how to handle active shooters.” He continued, “We need to get down to one or two entrances into our schools.”

Patrick visited injured students Friday with Governor Abbott and Senator Cruz where students and parents told them that their teachers needed to be armed. Patrick used the example of a former Marine teacher who could only lock the door in defense of students. He said, “some feel had he been able to carry a gun, he may have been able to stop that shooter.”

In an ABC interview, the Lt. Governor referenced the Second Amendment saying, “Our teachers are part of that well-run militia.” He added, “It’s guns that also stop crimes.”

The former State Senator argued that the plague of school shooters isn’t just about guns, “it’s about us”.

So it’s bad enough that bullets are coming from one direction, let’s arm the teachers and have armed hall monitors patrolling the hallways of our schools. Remember when Bush famously asked the question “Is our children learning”? Uh no they are getting shot at. And our elected officials – especially in Texas – aren’t helping things. If you think what Dan Patrick is proposing is certifiably insane, wait until you see what his boss is suggesting! Think the TSA but worse!

One of the most obvious changes that Texas can bring about is to improve school safety, Abbott said, noting that many in Santa Fe had asked him for that. After laying flowers at the high school on Sunday, the governor spoke about metal detectors and screening students for mental health problems.

Abbott said schools should consider screening students' social media accounts for threats or troubling behavior.

"We need to do that," he said, adding that Dimitrios Pagourtzis, the suspect in the Santa Fe shooting, had pictures on his Facebook page of a T-shirt that read, "Born to kill."

Abbott said Friday that he'd been planning to roll out several proposals for new gun laws in Texas before the shooting, including "speeding up background checks" and keeping guns away from people "who pose immediate danger."

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[font size="8"]Aaron Schlossberg
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So our current president, or the guy who we currently call “president” has the best people who support him doesn’t he? Well there’s an attorney in New York who’s currently under fire for going full MAGA Trump Train on a group of unsuspecting Latino workers in New York City. So let’s delve into a bit the kind of character that Mr. Schlossberg is. And by the way this is the kind of thing you never want to become famous for, but we suspect that he’ll have a nice, cushy job waiting for him at Fox News or Breitbart once the dust settles on this thing.

NEW YORK – A Jewish attorney in New York City came under fire on Thursday after video showing the lawyer berate two Spanish-speaking persons inside a Manhattan restaurant went viral.

The clip shows Aaron Schlossberg scolding two employees on Wednesday for communicating in Spanish during a lunch hour rush at the Fresh Kitchen restaurant on Madison Ave.

“Your staff are speaking Spanish to customers when they should be speaking English,” Schlossberg tells a staffer as another customer records the confrontation.

As the 42-year-old makes his way out of the restaurant, he can be seen angrily issuing a threat to call US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents on the workers.

“And my guess is they’re not documented,” Schlossberg told to an employee, who appeared to be a manager. “So my next call is to ICE to have each one of them kicked out of my country.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Well guess what? If we didn’t say that was the worst thing Mr. Schlossberg has done, we’d be lying! Because of course he went full MAGA, and you never, ever go full MAGA.

Years before Manhattan lawyer Aaron Schlossberg became the internet’s current racist du jour, he was a bright-eyed student at the Haverford School, an elite private school on the Main Line, where, according to one classmate, he was not particularly well-liked.

“He was always a jerk,” Michael DiDomenico posted Thursday in the Lower Merion Community Network Facebook group.

DiDomenico claimed that he had “kicked his butt a couple times” — Schlossberg’s, that is — when they were kids and lamented that Schlossberg’s antics in New York had harmed the reputation of the prep school.

“I don’t know what his problem is,” DiDomenico said in an interview Friday, adding, “As a classmate, I’m disappointed that it hurts the Haverford School.”

And that’s *STILL* not the worst thing Mr. Schlossberg has done! Back in 2009, he was arrested and did jail time going full MAGA before going full MAGA was even a thing!

You’ve heard a lot about a fellow named Aaron Schlossberg this week. That’s what happens when racist villains get caught on viral video ranting like some racists are wont to do.

The week in Schlossberg started with the attorney berating employees in a New York City café because, in his apparent estimation, speaking Spanish in America warranted threats of calling ICE to get them deported.

It continued with eminently watchable videos of him fleeing reporters on the streets of the Big Apple making the social media rounds.

But as the 42-year-old's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week comes to a close, there's one more nugget of interest.

When word broke that Schlossberg has local ties – i.e. to The Haverford School on the Main Line – whispers of a local arrest in 2009 also surfaced.


So you know the old saying “with friends like these, who needs enemies?”. But one thing I absolutely love is creative protests, and nothing is more creative when people come together than to tell a racist to fuck off.

NEW YORK -- An online campaign was created in the wake of a lawyer's tirade against Spanish-speaking workers, with a single aim: sending a mariachi band to perform outside his Upper West Side home.

Attorney Aaron Schlossberg has come under fire for a video that shows him ranting against Spanish-speaking employees at Fresh Kitchen in midtown Manhattan on Tuesday. As the video shows, Schlossberg presumed the employees live in the U.S. illegally on welfare paid by his taxes.

After he was identified, people shared previous footage of Schlossberg engaging in xenophobic hate speech. They also changed his law office's Google listing to a Spanish restaurant and drove his firm's Yelp rating down.

If that wasn't enough, a "Mariachis For Aaron" campaign on GoFundMe raised $1,094 in two days -- more than double its goal -- to send a Mariachi band to his office for a "Latin Party" with demonstrators.

"We are countering hate and racism with the sound of music," writes Mark Goldberg, creator of the GoFundMe account. "Any leftover money will be used to send a delicious Taco Truck lunch to the staff and a copy of all federal and state statute mentioning undocumented immigrants do not qualify for welfare."

By the way – one thing you never, ever want to do is to have the same name as someone who’s famous for all the wrong reasons. Because lost in all the news surrounding this MAGA supporter is a guy who has the same name as him.

This is life in the social media age: With every high-profile scandal comes a public shaming, and when society rolls out the online pillory, there’s a fair chance it contains an innocent person.

That’s what happened this week to Aaron B. Schlossberg — a 24-year-old beekeeper, skiier, and Ultimate Frisbee enthusiast in Burlington, Vt. — after a video went viral that showed New York attorney Aaron M. Schlossberg launch a racist tirade at restaurant workers conversing in Spanish.

The Vermont Schlossberg was at his job in a Burlington outdoor goods store when his cellphone began buzzing with Twitter notifications, he said in a phone interview Friday morning. Soon, his name was everywhere — except it wasn’t really his name.

“ ‘Aaron Schlossberg’ was trending, and that’s usually not a good sign when your name is trending on Twitter,” he said

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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You know there’s times when you just can’t help not making Nazi comparisons. Especially when the guy who you currently call “president” literally dehumanizes an entire group of people! Seriously, remember when the worst thing we had to worry about was what brand of mustard Obama used on his hot dog? Oh how I missed those times! Of course that’s what they won’t tell you, sir! Yeah sure they kind of tried to help calm down the inevitable shit storm that followed when Trump made one particular comment about a group of people trying to cross the border, and if there’s anything that could possibly be considered the most sensitive subject among MAGAholes is the border. Well let’s explain.

Tripling down on its efforts to prove that President Donald Trump was only referring to members of the MS-13 gang as “animals” — not all undocumented immigrants — the White House released a statement Monday morning explaining the origins and crimes of the “violent animals of MS-13.”

The statement — titled “What you need to know about the violent animals of MS-13”—outlines some of the horrific crimes committed by members of the gang in the suburbs of New York City and Washington, D.C. in the past two years. The statement called MS-13 members “animals” nearly 10 times.

During a panel discussion with California officials who oppose the state’s sanctuary immigration policies last week, Trump appeared to refer to immigrants who have been taken out of the country for attempting to illegally enter the U.S. as “bad ” people and “animals.” Trump later clarified — both to reporters and on Twitter — that he was referring to members of the MS-13 gang. Read a transcript of the conversation in question here.

In the new statement, the White House repeatedly referred to the group as “the MS-13 animals” as it outlined the brutal rapes and murders the group is believed to have committed in recent years, as the gang has risen to national notoriety for its violent attacks in the U.S.

“MS-13 is a transnational gang that has brought violence, fear, and suffering to American communities,” the statement said. “MS-13, short for Mara Salvatrucha, commits shocking acts of violence to instill fear, including machete attacks, executions, gang rape, human trafficking, and more.


Yeah you know what? Let’s roll back a bit! Did Trump say those extremely horrible things about MS-13, did he mean it about all “illegal” immigrants, or was Fox News just feeding him some bad intel? Well no matter which way he said it, it is absolutely terrible no matter what context its’ in.

WASHINGTON — President Trump used extraordinarily harsh rhetoric to renew his call for stronger immigration laws Wednesday, calling undocumented immigrants "animals" and venting frustration at Mexican officials who he said "do nothing" to help the United States.

“We have people coming into the country or trying to come in, we're stopping a lot of them, but we're taking people out of the country. You wouldn't believe how bad these people are," Trump said.

"These aren't people. These are animals."

Trump's comments came in a freewheeling, hour-long White House meeting with local California leaders opposed to so-called "sanctuary city" policies. "California's law provides safe harbor to some of the most vicious and violent offenders on Earth, like MS-13 gang members putting innocent men, women, and children at the mercy of these sadistic criminals," he said.

His comment about "animals" came after Fresno County Sheriff Margaret Mims complained that state law forbids her from telling U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement about undocumented immigrants in her jail — even if she suspects they're part of a gang.

But Trump might actually be wrong about MS-13. Yeah some of the things that they’re saying are extremely horrible crimes and there’s no way that anyone should get away with them. This is why media deregulation is dangerous, and why Trump will only make things worse.

President Trump claimed Tuesday night in the State of the Union address that the changes he wants to U.S. immigration laws are needed to keep Americans safe. The central piece of evidence in his argument was MS-13, the deadly gang also known as Mara Salvatrucha.

“Tonight, I am calling on the Congress to finally close the deadly loopholes that have allowed MS-13 and other criminal gangs to break into our country,” Trump said. He also invited the parents of two young women killed by MS-13 members in Long Island to be his guests at the speech.

But in pointing to MS-13 to try to scare Americans into harsh new immigration restrictions, Trump is overstating the danger the gang poses here in the United States. Worse, by using the gang to demonize all Latino immigrants, Trump is building inner-city walls that alienate communities and risk making criminal organizations more powerful, both here and overseas.

Things are different in the United States. According to Justice Department estimates, MS-13 is a small gang, compared with the Bloods, Crips and Almighty Latin King Nation. The estimated 10,000 MS-13 gang members in the United States account for less than 1 percent of the estimated 1.4 million total gang members in the country. According to CNN, 104 of the 1,300 gang members arrested during an Immigration and Customs Enforcement sweep last May — 8 percent — were linked to MS-13.

And the gang did not come from south of the border. MS-13 is as American-made as Google — or, for that matter, as Trump. MS-13 was founded in Los Angeles in the 1980s by children of Salvadoran immigrants who fled a brutal civil war, a war which was substantially funded by the United States. The early members were teenagers who hung out on street corners and bonded around reefer and rock concerts, not unlike thousands of other kids living in Southern California’s underprivileged communities.

Read more: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2018/01/31/trump-is-wrong-about-ms-13-and-his-rhetoric-will-make-it-worse/

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[font size="8"] Top 10 Investigates: Responsible Gun Ownership
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates.

America has the highest concentration of guns in the entire world. It also has the highest concentration of mass shootings in the world. Every time a mass shooting occurs, we have the same dialogue coming from conservatives and members of the National Rifle Association about “responsible gun ownership” but when you look beyond the headlines, there really is anything but responsible gun ownership. And we will take this time to show you a heap of responsible gun owners.

A country where one in three households owns guns is a country where a lot of children grow up alongside deadly weapons. New calculations indicate just how many of those kids live in homes where adults fail to safely store their firearms.

According to the analysis, an estimated 4.6 million American children reside in a household where at least one gun is kept loaded and unlocked. The study’s authors also determined that the share of child-rearing gun owners who don’t secure all their firearms has more than doubled since the last time similar research was conducted.

The findings were published online on May 10 in the Journal of Urban Health, a little more than a week before a gun rampage outside of Houston provided a horrific illustration of the dangers that arise when firearms are left accessible to children and teens.

Kids find guns and unintentionally shoot themselves or others. Unsecured firearms are a leading means of youth suicide. As the nation was reminded last Friday, children also sometimes use their parents’ or caregivers’ guns to commit homicides or mass murders: The 17-year-old student charged with fatally shooting 10 and wounding 13 more at his high school in Sante Fe, Texas, on Friday reportedly carried out his attack with a shotgun and revolver belonging to his father. A federal analysis of school shootings released in 2004 found that 65 percent of perpetrators used a gun owned by a relative.

Yes, there are more unsecured guns than there are school children in this country. So if you’re sitting at home and you are wondering how did we get to this point, well that might be one of your answers right there. But the solutions to gun violence aren’t just obvious – they’re staring us right in the face, yes, just picture that image for a minute!

Mass shootings actually make up a small fraction of America’s gun deaths, constituting less than 2 percent of such deaths in 2013. But America does see a lot of these horrific events: According to CNN, “The US makes up less than 5% of the world’s population, but holds 31% of global mass shooters.”

The US also has by far the highest number of privately owned guns in the world. Estimated in 2007, the number of civilian-owned firearms in the US was 88.8 guns per 100 people, meaning there was almost one privately owned gun per American and more than one per American adult. The world’s second-ranked country was Yemen, a quasi-failed state torn by civil war, where there were 54.8 guns per 100 people.

Another way of looking at that: Americans make up less than 5 percent of the world’s population yet own roughly 42 percent of all the world’s privately held firearms.

These two facts — on gun deaths and firearm ownership — are related. The research, compiled by the Harvard School of Public Health’s Injury Control Research Center, is pretty clear: After controlling for variables such as socioeconomic factors and other crime, places with more guns have more gun deaths. Researchers have found this to be true not just with homicides, but also with suicides (which in recent years were around 60 percent of US gun deaths), domestic violence, and even violence against police.

Yes America owns so many guns that it eclipses the next 42 countries combined. That is an absolutely shocking statistic and one you should definitely take away from this week. But it gets worse – so much worse. We’ve been having this same conversation about guns more or less the last 40 years and it’s always the same thing. But it seems it’s got progressively worse in the last

Today, 19 children will die or receive emergency treatment for a gunshot wound in the U.S. And tomorrow, another 19 will. And then another 19 the next day. In fact, 91% of all children who die from firearms in high-income countries across the world come from the United States, and guns are the third leading cause of death for all children between ages 1 and 17. Those are a handful of the sobering statistics reported in a new study on gun violence in Pediatrics.

Yet the myth persists that the freedom to own a gun without a universal requirement of background checks or a legal requirement to store those guns safely and out of children’s reach supersedes the lives of American children. Until the U.S. as a whole decides to recognize and accept what the tremendous cost of current lenient gun laws is, more than 1,000 more children will die next year. And the year after that. (Read here how to reduce your child's risk.)

Deaths of children and teens under 18 years old had been declining from 2006 to 2013, but they have increased over the past two years, just as the number of guns owned in the U.S. have dramatically increased.

One in ten children’s deaths in 2014 and 2015 resulted from a gunshot wound, noted Eliot Nelson, MD, a professor of pediatrics at University of Vermont Children’s Hospital in Burlington, in a commentary about the new study.

Yes holy shit indeed. But as has already been pointed out, America loves guns and death machines more than it loves its’ own children. But denial is definitely one of the most powerful drugs known to man – and America is in deep denial about guns. But never mind that Americans think that the solution to a gun problem is more guns.

Gun control is still going nowhere in Congress. And in fact, with every major mass shooting in America, gun-rights supporters seem to be digging in even further -- and bringing the rest of America along with them.

It's an echo of a familiar theme from NRA head Wayne LaPierre. "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun," LaPierre said frequently amid the more recent gun-control debate.

And most Americans agree with this logic, according to a 2014 Pew Research Poll. Since the 2012 Newtown, Conn., massacre of 26 people, including 20 school children, the poll found a nine-point rise in the number of Americans who think gun ownership could "protect people from becoming victims of crime."

Increasingly, Americans see guns as the answer -- not the problem -- to mass shootings.

In fact, the pro-gun-rights lobby is so powerful and its voters so active that Democratic senators who support gun laws tend to reverse their positions before reelection, a 2014 research paper by the National Bureau of Economic Research found.


There you have it. That is one of the biggest problems in America today. Denial and more guns. That is it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It is time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it is our weekly duty to remind us that the holiest among us are the most full of:

So… my fair congregation, since the election of the Dark One, the holiest among us on the extreme far right are working hard to bring about the end of days! If you haven’t noticed this, you are not paying attention, and I suggest you should. After the US moved the embassy in the holy land of Isreal to Jerusalem, the proverbial shit hit the fan! But there are other ways did you know – you all know this – that the Christian right is trying to bring about the end of days! Like the Royal Wedding for instance!

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire said on his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning that the royal wedding this weekend between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle was a “psy op” intended to promote “the blending of the races.”

Daubenmire, who has declared that he is “proud to be white” because “white, heterosexual, Christian” men represent America’s only hope for survival, has fretted about the threat of white genocide, and has fumed that interracial marriage weakened this nation “because multiculturalism is spiritual AIDS [that] has brought an infection into what was once a great Christian American culture,” said that the marriage of Prince Harry to a woman of “mixed blood” is an attempt to corrupt the pure bloodline of House of Windsor.

“Let me just lay it out there, because most people won’t say it because they don’t want to sound racist,” Daubenmire said while wearing a literal tinfoil hat. “Prince Harry’s wife is half-black. Now, wait a minute. That ain’t that royal bloodline lineage there, is it fellas? Isn’t there a little bit of mixed blood coming in there?”

Daubenmire also took issue with the fact that Bishop Michael Curry, a black Episcopal pastor, delivered an address during the ceremony.

You know there may not be the blending of the races, but there is definitely integration of complete dumbasses in our society! Can I get an amen??? Now did you know that banning something that should be considered a crime against humanity will also result in the inevitable apocalypse?

Gordon Klingenschmitt and Matt Barber, anti-LGBT activists and co-founders of Christian Civil Rights Watch—“the civil rights cause of our day” according to Barber—posted a conversation last week criticizing a California bill targeting so-called conversion therapy and celebrating a new high-profile spokesman for the “ex-gay” movement.

Luis Ruiz, a survivor of the shooting at Orlando’s Pulse nightclub, was a speaker at the “Freedom March” organized earlier this month by “ex-gay” activists and “Activist Mommy” Elizabeth Johnston.

“I love this story,” said Barber, “because it’s a story of redemption and freedom from demonic oppression and persecution and a sin lifestyle that I believe frankly is spiritual in nature.”

Barber also loves the “ex-gay” story because, he says, it is “a clear and present danger to the born-that-way myth.”

Like many “ex-gay” activists, Ruiz describes an unhappy gay life of drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sex..

Yes this is only the most epic of fails! So apparently banning an evil practice is going to lead to Christianity being banned! Do these morons even hear themselves talk? Or do they say the most horrible thing they can think of to intentionally piss us off?

During a “Ministers and Leaders Conference” at his Florida church yesterday, right-wing pastor and radical conspiracy theorist Rodney Howard-Browne declared that the world is controlled by blood-drinking Luciferians and that many members of Congress are involved in pedophilia.

Howard-Browne, who laid hands upon and prayed over President Trump in the Oval Office last year, asserted that Trump has been obligated to withhold information about the assassination of President John F. Kennedy because otherwise “they would have to pick up George Bush senior in his wheelchair right now and stick him in Guantanamo prison because the Bush family is a crime cabal.”

Howard-Browne said that despite the fact that Republicans currently control all the levers of power in Washington, they still can’t get anything done “because the whole thing is controlled through the Luciferian structure of the globe.”

“At the highest level, the people that rule the planet worship Lucifer,” he said. “These people perform human sacrifices and drink blood.”

Well, Pastor Browne is right about one thing – the people who rule the planet do in fact worship Lucifer, and right now Putin is the man who rules the planet, and he has a rocket called “Satan 2” that he can wipe out entire civilizations with!! So Lucifer really is running the planet and he is bringing about the end of days!!! Can I get an amen??? But apparently we have a savior folks! Yes, a savior and son of the almighty who can vanquish these demons!!!

Monday morning’s “Prophetic Insight” newsletter from Pentecostal media operation Charisma highlights a blog post claiming that God has “released a flaming torch” over President Trump to push Trump’s enemies into “retreat and defeat.”

Christian media outlets’ relentless cheerleading for Trump, and their constant portrayal of Trump as carrying out a divine mission, certainly helps explain Trump’s sky-high approval among conservative white evangelicals, and his repeated efforts to keep that core of his base support happy.

Today’s post by author and preacher Andy Sanders includes a disclaimer that his article “is not intended to be political.” No, not at all:

Over the past several weeks, God showed me numerous attacks that the enemy is attempting to make against our president, Donald Trump. As I was praying about the attacks against our president, the Lord began to connect the dots. He started showing me how this person was connected to that group, and that group was connected to another group; and how particular events weren’t accidents, but rather planned out; and also how particular statement weren’t just comments blurted against him, but were strategic in nature.

Yes, what is wrong with these people? He gives you a real godly man, you repay him by electing the dark one and telling America to go fuck itself! But… be forewarned, my fair congregation! That although things may seem peachy now, DAYMONS and DEVILS wait in the wings!!

Wednesday’s CrossTalk program on VCY America featured a conversation about the danger of Catholicism merging with Islam to create the false one world religion warned about in the biblical book of Revelation. VCY America is a Milwaukee-based Christian broadcasting operation that owns 25 full-power radio stations, mostly in the Midwest, and reaches others through affiliate stations and online.

The featured guest was Mike Gendron, described as a former Catholic and the founder and director of Proclaiming the Gospel ministry, which is dedicated to trying to rescue Catholics who are “victims of deception” and convert them to “biblical Christianity.” Gendron’s group also sells an audio recording of his one world religion warning.

As RWW has reported, major Religious Right figures have said that Islam is not really a religion but a totalitarian ideology and therefore not worthy of First Amendment protection. Gendron has similar thoughts about the Catholic Church. He says that Catholicism is, like Islam, not only a religion but a political identity, and says that “they share a similar political ideology.”

On the Crosstalk page promoting the show, they list what Gendron calls the “common bonds” between the two religions, and he and host Jim Schneider talked through them. He says Catholicism and Islam both.

There you have it, folks! A satanic merger awaits us, and that will signal in the end of days! Although it was really the election of the Dark One! I hope that is the take away you get this week. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Ryan Zinke
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It’s time for a new installment of:

This week’s This Fucking Guy is a guy in the Trump administration who you may not be familiar with but should definitely get yourself more familiar with. He’s the interior secretary of the Trump administration – Ryan Zinke. In case you haven’t noticed, nearly *EVERYONE* connected to the Trump administration has been involved in some sort of scandal, and Zinke is no different. In fact he’s been abusing his position as the head of this department for quite some time.

The Trump administration on Monday proposed rolling back a 2015 rule that bans aggressive predator control tactics in national preserves in Alaska, including shooting bear cubs and wolf pups in their dens ― a move immediately blasted by environmental groups.

The proposal, slated to be published Tuesday in the Federal Register, would amend the National Park Service’s current regulations to again allow for controversial sport hunting and trapping techniques on roughly 20 million acres of federal lands in Alaska. The park service, part of the Department of the Interior, said lifting the prohibitions would increase hunting opportunities on national preserve land, as Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke called for in a pair of secretarial orders last year.

The proposed rule would allow hunters to lure brown and black bears with bait, hunt black bears and their cubs using artificial lights, shoot bear cubs and wolf and coyote pups in their dens, and use dogs to hunt black bears. It would also allow hunters to shoot swimming caribou from motorboats.

Yeah unfortunately it’s not a cartoon there guys. This is quite possibly one of the worst things the Trump administration has done and they’re going to get away with it. But this fucking guy Ryan Zinke is once again one of the worst things to happen to the Trump administration. And if they get their way on this “extreme hunting” tactic this is not going to be good for anyone, especially the bears!

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Trump administration is moving to reverse Obama-era rules barring hunters on some public lands in Alaska from baiting brown bears with bacon and doughnuts and using spotlights to shoot mother black bears and cubs hibernating in their dens.

The National Park Service issued a notice Monday of its intent to amend regulations for sport hunting and trapping in national preserves to bring the federal rules in line with Alaska state law.
Expanding hunting rights on federal lands has been a priority for Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke.

Under the proposed changes, hunters would also be allowed to hunt black bears with dogs, kill wolves and pups in their dens, and use motor boats to shoot swimming caribou.

These and other hunting methods — condemned as cruel by wildlife protection advocates — were outlawed on federal lands in 2015. Members of the public have 60 days to provide comment on the proposed new rules.

Oh come on, Mr. Zinke, what did bears do to you? I mean despite that they are godless killing machines, don’t deserve this kind of cruelty. Are they after your picnic baskets? What fresh hell could await us if this is unleashed? Well besides the fact that we’re living every day in this nightmare of an administration!

The Trump administration on Monday proposed rolling back a 2015 rule that bans aggressive predator control tactics in national preserves in Alaska, including shooting bear cubs and wolf pups in their dens―a move immediately blasted by environmental groups.

The proposal, slated to be published Tuesday in the Federal Register, would amend the National Park Service’s current regulations to again allow for controversial sport hunting and trapping techniques on roughly 20 million acres of federal lands in Alaska. The park service, part of the Department of the Interior, said lifting the prohibitions would increase hunting opportunities on national preserve land, as Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke called for in a pair of secretarial orders last year.

The proposed rule would allow hunters to lure brown and black bears with bait, hunt black bears and their cubs using artificial lights, shoot bear cubs and wolf and coyote pups in their dens, and use dogs to hunt black bears. It would also allow hunters to shoot swimming caribou from motorboats.

Environmental groups voiced disgust at the attempt to strip away protections.

Oh and in case you’re wondering – not only does Trump plan to roll back yet *ANOTHER* Obama era protection, he’ll do it with a big shit eating grin on his face! And he’ll have this guy to do it, who will once again abuse his position like everyone else in this administration has.

(CNN)In September, women gun owners and enthusiasts from the National Rifle Association headed to a plush Four Seasons resort in Texas for an annual retreat and clay shooting at the Dallas Gun Club with one of the weekend's headliners: Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke.

Zinke went to target practice with the women, posting about their marksmanship on Twitter -- #GalsWithGuns -- as part of his two-night stay. He also stopped at a posh office park in Dallas to meet with a small group that included wealthy Republican donors who raised money for Trump's presidential campaign. The meeting appears on the secretary's official schedule as an informal luncheon with community leaders focused on sporting and conservation.

Zinke's choice to meet with donors in the midst of official business is one of several travel decisions during his first year as secretary that have some critics questioning his priorities, even if they don't necessarily violate agency rules. Zinke's travel habits have already spawned two investigations, including one looking into whether his activities are in violation of the Hatch Act, which limits the political activity of federal employees.

So there you have it, another instance where the right to own a gun is more important than your right to live. That’s Ryan Zinke, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Infowars
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This is 2018. We live in an era where we are constantly just bombarded with one clusterfuck after another with this train wreck of an administration. So the last thing you need to stop a train wreck is another train wreck! I’m of course talking about Alex Jones. So what batshit crazy thing is Alex up to this week? And you know it’s going to be certifiably insane. So Infowars is gearing up to launch its’ own 24 hour a day news network. Think of it like Fox News but with more stories of celebrity spirit cooking and satanic pedophiles!

Infowars creator Alex Jones said that he was looking to hire “around 15 people, maybe even more” in order to transform Infowars into a 24-hour live television broadcast.

A video uploaded this morning advertises the network’s new recruitment drive, which Jones told viewers is aimed at taking Infowars live to television for 24-hours a day, a major expansion from the network’s current weekday programming from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern Time.

“We are launching our biggest recruitment and hiring operation ever in our 23-year history as we prepare to go 24 hours a day live on TV and radio from the Infowars news center here in Austin, Texas,” Jones said.

He added, “We’re looking to hire around 15 people, maybe even more, as we take the information war to the next level in the face of the globalists.”

So it seems that we may soon be subject to even more hours of the debased conspiracy theories, misinformation, anti-LGBTQ comments, violent rhetoric, unhinged ranting, and absolute meltdowns we can expect from Infowars.

And in case you’re wondering, Alex Jones is already batshit crazy on a 4 hour cycle. Imagine how he will be on a 24 hour cycle! Ooh, think of the products Infowars will be able to hawk! The lead industry must be loving this! Well here’s the kind of quality rant you’ll be able to expect!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist heading up Infowars, assured his listeners in a minutes-long screaming diatribe that he didn’t think they were stupid. He said that he could “feel the spirit rising” and that “the tide turned” so much that Infowars is breaking the backs of its enemies.

During today’s broadcast on Infowars, Jones said that he believed that Infowars viewers were intelligent, unlike liberals, who Jones said “think you’re a goldfish.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid. I’ve been betting on you my whole life. I believe in you,” Alex Jones screamed. “And we got Trump elected. And we got the economy coming back. And we’re kicking these traitors’ asses, politically, and we’re not backing down ever,” Jones said.

He screamed and snorted.

“I want to get these people,” he continued to scream. “We’re winning. I can feel the spirit rising, can’t you? The turning point was yesterday. I was sick all day, spiritually. I could feel the enemy launching with all its hate. But now, the tide turned today.”

Jones declared, “The tide turned on the 22nd day of May. We have broken their back. Yes! I can feel it.”

I have to say I love it when Alex gets that crazy because he really does grunt and groan like a baboon on safari. When he does that I say grab a bucket of popcorn and a beer and enjoy the show! So picture Alex Jones ranting like this 24 hours a day. Go on, do it. Do it now! It’s gonna be a train wreck. Especially when things like this get said.

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist heading up Infowars, told listeners today that Democrats use members of the violent gang MS-13 as its personal “meth-dealing army.”

Jones was reacting to remarks House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi made yesterday in response to President Trump describing MS-13 gang members as “animals.” Jones claimed that Pelosi criticized Trump because MS-13 is secretly used by the Democratic party to kill people.

“The Democratic party uses MS-13 to kill people. I have confirmed this with our law enforcement and Army sources. I’ve confirmed it with CIA sources, that the Democratic party uses MS-13 nationwide from Chicago to Dallas, Texas, from Austin, Texas, to LA. They use them as their secret army and they know Trump’s got a war going against MS-13 and has wiped thousands of them out, arrested thousands more,” Jones said.

He continued: “When MS-13 fights back, they’re getting smoked by the U.S. military all over this country right now and this Democrat dirtbag is pissed. Her meth-dealing army is in the crosshairs, you dirty, old, evil, globalist whore!”

I didn’t know we had a personal meth-dealing army. If so can I have some please? I may need some to get through the next two years! Preferably some from the Heisenberg signature blend. Alex must definitely be smoking some if he can’t even handle his own fans!

Alex Jones, the conspiracy theorist leader of Infowars, lashed out at viewers who doubted his claims that President Trump has ordered an Israel-Iran conflict media blackout and told them that they “don’t want to be helped” because they’d rather just “drink fluoride” and die.

Jones was streaming live video to his fans while driving yesterday and lashed out at the “dumb bastards” who doubted Jones’ claims that Trump has used executive wartime powers to order a media blackout regarding the ongoing Israel-Iran conflict. As he fumed, he told his critics that he is “not salmon shit,” whereas they are “squirting out the end of a salmon.”

“God, you libtards are dumb. You think because the big tech giants let you promote yourselves that that means you’re the leaders? I know I’m swimming upstream here because I’m not salmon shit. I’m a salmon. You’re squirting out the end of a salmon,” Jones said.

“Jesus, God,” he sighed. “The globalists told me a long time ago when [David] Rothkopf and [Henry] Kissinger group tried to hire me, they said, ‘Alex, you can’t get the public to wake up. They’re animals. We tried to help them. They only tear you apart.’ And it’s true.”

And by the way in case you’re wondering the caliber of person that Infowars is looking to hire, they recently interviewed a renowned, full blown 1488 white nationalist. So yeah forget MAGA, they’re going MAWA – Make America White Again! With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Faith Goldy, a white nationalist activist “journalist,” appeared on Infowars after anti-fascist protesters surrounded her at an event and knocked her phone out of her hand. Infowars, of course, never bothered to mention her extremist beliefs.

Over the weekend, Goldy went to a right-wing protest at the Quebec border at which antifascism counter-protesters surrounded her and knocked the cell phone she was using to record the encounter out of her hand. Infowars and other right-wing outlets have been able to build significant followings by pushing stories about violent anti-fascism protesters who supposedly terrorize all people who hold conservative views, so some outlets have booked Goldy to recap the violent encounter for their audiences. But none of the outlets featuring Goldy, such as Infowars, bother to mention her white nationalist beliefs and her resulting inflammatory rhetoric.

Goldy is a red-pill overdose victim who was fired from Rebel Media after she appeared on a podcast associated with the neo-Nazi blog Daily Stormer after she attended the alt-right “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, last year where counter-protester Heather Heyer was murdered. She has sworn-off so-called “civic nationalism” in favor of white supremacist “ethnonationalism” because “there is still a white majority” in the United States and she believes the government should work to maintain it. Last year, Goldy happily recited the “14 words,” the world’s most famous white supremacist slogan, and said she didn’t think it was controversial. Goldy is a semi-regular guest on white nationalist radio station Red Ice and was recently banned from crowdfunding site Patreon for violating its guidelines against hate speech.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let us hit that shit!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. So I want to start with this story out of Colorado and it’s good to know that Florida Man has relatives in every single part of the country. If you’re trying to beat a drug test, maybe one thing you shouldn’t do is use a microwave to try to heat up your urine. Yes, this is a thing that was done!

A Colorado woman has been cited by police after a container of what appeared to be urine blew up as she was heating it up in a microwave at a 7-Eleven.

Police say the incident occurred in the convenience store chain’s Aurora location last week when the clerk heard a loud bang and saw 26-year-old Angelique Sanchez take a white plastic bottle out of the microwave.

A police report says when confronted by the clerk, Sanchez wiped a yellow liquid that smelled like urine onto the floor and walked out.

Police located Sanchez at a nearby clinic where she had planned to take a urinalysis test for a potential employer.

Next up we’re going to where else but our favorite state of Florida. You know if you look like this guy, you should probably not be giving advice to underage kids about sex education. In fact you should probably be kept 500 feet away from schools and playgrounds.

Clearwater Beach Police say a Florida man climbed on top of playground equipment and yelled a vulgar explanation of where babies come from as the children played.

An officer said he watched 30-year-old Otis Dawayne Ryan climb on top of a piece of equipment where children were playing Sunday and start shouting that babies come out of women. The officer said Ryan used inappropriate language. Parents rushed to remove their children from the busy playground.

Earlier in the day, police said Ryan approached tourists and made inappropriate comments to women in an effort to get their male partners to confront him. An officer was watching him at the time.

Ryan was charged with disorderly conduct, found guilty and fined $118.

Yeah no you’re just a creep. Next up – we’re sticking with creeps but we’re going to the state of Iowa for this one. You know one thing you don’t do in a public restroom? Have a literal penis measuring contest!

A man who was arrested for measuring his penis with a ruler while at a urinal inside a University of Iowa bathroom has struck a plea deal that will spare him jail time, but which requires completion of a sex offender treatment program, according to court records.

Thomas Morgan, 44, was arrested on multiple indecent exposure counts following a bizarre incident inside the school’s Main Library in Iowa City.

Police reported that Morgan “partially turned his body towards the victim/witness,” who was using a urinal at the time. Morgan, seen at righ, then “measured his penis against a cardboard ruler,” according to a criminal complaint.

The victim told cops that Morgan “made a comment regarding his size,” adding that he “felt weird and uncomfortable” seeing Morgan’s “semi-erect penis.” The man added that atop two of the urinals were cardboard rulers with “dark sharpie markings regarding penis size.”

Yeah you would think Batman’s would be bigger wouldn’t you? Next up we’re going to go to South Carolina in this story. Just… how… who.. what… I can’t even. Look, I don’t want to know what the clerks who were making this cake were thinking, but it’s very interesting that their mind went there when making a cake for her son’s graduation accomplishment.

A mother who wanted to celebrate her son in epic fashion for a 4.79 GPA upon graduation says a regional grocery chain refused to ice the words she requested because it considered "Summa Cum Laude" to be profanity.

Cara Koscinski, of South Carolina, wrote in a weekend Facebook post that she ordered a cake online from Publix. The confection was supposed to say "Congrats Jacob! Summa Cum Laude class of 2018."

She says the online message box took issue with the phrase. The computer marked the "cum," a Latin word meaning "with" in English, in "Summa Cum Laude" as a naughty word and substituted three hyphens.

Koscinski said she then filled in a box for special instructions, explaining the meaning of the Latin word and placed the $70 order. Another family member picked up the cake, not knowing what it was supposed to say.

It came with the hyphens.

"How utterly ridiculous ... Shame on you Publix for turning an innocent Latin phrase into a total embarrassment for having to explain to my son and others (including my 70 year old mother) about this joke of a cake," Koscinski wrote on Facebook. "My son was humiliated!!!"

She says the store gave her a refund and a gift card when she complained.

Oh come on even Shaq is giving you the facepalm! Although to be fair, if I were the friends I probably would have done the same thing. Next up, we’ve probably all seen that movie Horrible Bosses, right? And I’m sure we’ve all conjured up scenarios about what we would do if we won the lottery. Well for one guy in Illinois who got arrested carrying out his Horrible Boss fantasy, worth it!

54-year old Brian Morris, from the small town of Clarendon Hills in Dupage County, bought over 20,000 tons of manure and asked for it to be dumped on his former boss’ property, pretending it was his residence.

Dozens of trucks filled with manure showed up in front of the house around 6:00 this morning and began dumping their smelly cargo over the property’s lawn.

George Fitzgerald, Mr. Morris’ former employer, was awakened by the sound of the vehicles on his property and rapidly called the police.

Unfortunately, it took the police more than 15 minutes to arrive on the site, and more than 10,000 tons of manure had already been dumped in the meantime.

Brian Morris was standing right across the street and laughing when the police arrived, and he rapidly came over to confess his responsibility and explain his motivations.

Finally this week for People Are Dumb – maybe Stephen Colbert should change his number one threat from bears to pigs! Because pigs are dangerous and slippery characters who can follow you if you don’t notice!

Police in this Lorain County community thought they had a drunk on their hands when a man called to report a pig following him home from a train station.

A North Ridgeville officer arrived on the scene early Saturday to find the man was very sober and a pig was in fact following him.

The officer managed to get the pig in his patrol car and transported it to the station. It was eventually reunited with its owner.

Writing on Facebook, police mentioned "the irony of the pig in a police car now so that anyone that thinks they're funny is actually unoriginal and trying too hard."

At: https://www.cleveland.com/metro/index.ssf/2018/05/man_reports_being_followed_by.html

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Championship
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16 states will enter, but only one will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! Here we go folks! This is it – ground zero! It’s the championship for our Stupidest State contest! Last week it was quite the show at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood, California, as Kentucky was absolutely brilliant (or not) against West Virginia, and took the Layover League, while Florida pulled off a brilliant game against Missouri and took the Flyover League. We’re here live at Staples Center in sunny (although currently cloudy) Los Angeles for all the festivities and the champagne is on ice! These two teams battled impossible odds to be here today and we will crown our champion! Will it be fan favorite Kentucky or will it be batshit crazy Florida who has been absolutely dominant throughout the tournament? Unfortunately we can only crown one winner and it’s all come down to this. Let’s find out!

[font size="6"]Championship: Kentucky Vs Florida[/font]

[font size="4"]Kentucky[/font]

So we’ve been talking a lot about the crazy policies that the state of Kentucky has had to endure under the wrath of the Koch Brothers. Let’s explore on that a bit further. We saw what happened in Wisconsin, West Virginia, and lots of other states with the teacher strikes and how that is playing out. But what about Kentucky – a state whose primary source of revenue is agriculture? How would their reckless financial policies translate to that market?

COX’S CREEK — At Warren and Donna Cheek’s dairy farm, the clock is ticking on their way of life.

If they can’t find a processor to buy the milk produced twice a day by their remaining 42 Holsteins, they face dumping the milk and flushing away a 69-year-old family dairy.

And if Warren Cheek had his way, he’d pass away before his herd beat him to the graveyard. “I always say, ‘I just hope to milk some morning and die' … (but) this could put us out of business.”

The Cheeks and 18 other dairy farmers in Kentucky were among more than 100 in Indiana, Pennsylvania, Tennessee and three other states who received certified letters from Dean Foods in late February informing them that their milk procurement contracts would be terminated by May 31.

The reason: Walmart no longer will buy Dean’s milk for its Great Value house brand, cutting the production needed at the Dean’s Louisville plant. Walmart has started its own production facility in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

And then remember all the hoopla surrounding Jesus loving psychopath Kim Davis and her challenger was a man that she had previous denied a marriage license to? Well, unfortunately this happened, and I am reminded that this is Kentucky.

MOREHEAD, Ky. (AP) — A gay man in eastern Kentucky has lost his bid to challenge Republican county clerk Kim Davis, who went to jail three years ago for denying him and others marriage licenses in the aftermath of an historic U.S. Supreme Court decision.

David Ermold sought the Democratic nomination in Tuesday’s primary in Rowan County, Kentucky. His quest to challenge the woman who said “God’s authority” prevented her from giving him a marriage license inspired thousands from at least 48 states to donate more than $200,000 to his campaign.

But it wasn’t enough to defeat Elwood Caudill Jr., a 20-year veteran of the Property Valuation Administrator’s office who works just across the hall from Davis. He ran a low-key campaign and has promised not to make gay marriage an issue in the general election.

“What happened in 2015 is in the past and just as my logo says, we’re just focused on the future,” Caudill said.

Ermold didn’t speak to news outlets Tuesday. He and his now-husband were one of several gay couples who tried to get licenses from Davis after the ruling. A video of the encounter was viewed more than 1.8 million times on YouTube.

Yeah so the bigots win again. But you know one thing – guns have been in the news a lot this week and Kentucky loves them some guns. The farmers are indeed packing some heat. But there’s an even seedier underbelly to Kentucky’s gun culture that you need to be made aware of.

It was lunchtime outside an outlet mall east of Louisville, Ky., when the deal was made for a gun that within weeks would be used to kill a 15-year-old boy in Chicago.

The 9 mm Taurus pistol was posted for sale on Armslist.com, a controversial website that helps buyers and sellers of weapons find each other without asking them to register or provide proof of identity or background checks, federal court records show.

Shortly before noon on March 16, 2017, the buyer arrived at the mall on Buck Creek Road in Simpsonville, Ky., in a white “American muscle car,” court records show. He told the seller his name was Christian Banks, handed over $300 cash for the compact black handgun and filled out a generic receipt, according to court records.

Just 42 days later, Xavier Soto was with a 16-year-old friend in an alley behind his home in the 4900 block of West George Street in Chicago’s gang-infested Belmont-Cragin neighborhood. A car pulled up and a gunman opened fire with the same Taurus pistol. Xavier was struck in the head and died two days later. His friend was shot multiple times but survived.

[font size="4"]Florida [/font]

So here we go it’s Florida’s turn! Florida has a long standing tradition of being America’s craziest state and last year they proved it when their star player Florida Man crashed into the glass performing an insane stunt and bled uncontrollably on the floor which got them an early exit from last year’s tournament. This year, they are angry and looking for redemption – they have fired all their coaches, changed leagues, and put Florida Man on the bench. Will it work for them? Well this is Florida we’re talking about here. So Florida’s main qualification for making the Gun Nut Conference was how poorly they handled the Parkland shooting. Well not even a month later, they have learned nothing!

PANAMA CITY, Fla. (AP) - A man suspected of trading wild bursts of gunfire with officers during a long standoff in the Florida Panhandle was found dead Tuesday in a gasoline-soaked apartment after an armored vehicle approached, authorities said.

“We were just blessed that we didn’t lose multiple officers and citizens today,” Bay County Sheriff Tommy Ford said at a news conference in Panama City, a small Gulf Coast city near the state’s famous sugar-sand beaches. He said a robot had to be deployed to check the apartment before officers could enter, finding the man dead.

No law enforcement agents were shot or wounded but one person leaving her apartment was injured and in stable condition, he said.

He described the dangerous situation that unfolded Tuesday in the tourist community as a “nightmare scenario for us,” with authorities estimating 100 rounds fired during the altercation. Ford said sporadic bursts of heavy gunfire had pinned several officers down at times as the suspected assailant fired from an elevated position with a rifle. Several law enforcement agents had surrounded the apartment building.


To paraphrase a quote from Homer Simpson, it appears that more and more Americans are viewing guns as the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems. I mean why get mad when you can just shoot someone or something? And then there were the zombies. Yes, zombies. In Florida. No you’re not imagining things.

Officials say they still don't who sent a "zombie alert" to residents of a Florida city following a power outage.

Lake Worth spokesman Ben Kerr says an independent investigation is underway to determine who was behind the message sent to some 7,880 customers during a 27-minute power outage Sunday.

During the city's own investigation, Kerr says officials determined that no current or former employees edited the pre-prepared message to include the warning of a zombie invasion.

He tells the Palm Beach Post that "no one was fired for it."

Ah great song! So yeah people in Florida apparently thought zombies were funny. I mean come on we’ve all seen The Walking Dead. But if there’s one take away from Florida is how poorly they handle shootings and just about everything else. I mean after all this is the state that attempted to construct a bridge only to have it collapse mere minutes after an inspection. So that’s Florida in a nutshell.

MIAMI (AP) — Federal investigators looking into the collapse of a pedestrian bridge in Florida that killed six people earlier this year confirmed Wednesday that they are focusing in part on the emergence of cracks in the structure before the accident.

The National Transportation Safety Board released a preliminary report light on details but that suggested investigators are focused on cracks in the south and north ends of the bridge near a Miami-area university campus.

The cracks were discovered in the days before the March 15 collapse, which killed a bridge worker and five people in vehicles crushed by the falling structure.

Photographs released by NTSB noted three cracks in the north end of the span, where crews were working on tensioning a structural component of the crossing when the failure occurred. A crew was on the bridge working on the diagonal beam at the time.

[font size="4"]And the winner is… [/font]

Oh my god this was one hell of a game but unfortunately only one team can be the winner. It was a solid first half with Florida pulling way ahead of Kentucky, but then Kentucky came back strong. And our winner is… Florida!!! You did it!!! Final score – 88 – 84! After last year’s humiliation Florida gets a shot at redemption and they are our 2018 Stupidest State!

[font size="6"]Statement From The Commissioner [/font]

Thank you! Thank you for attending. I’d like to thank Kentucky, Florida, and all of the teams for participating in this year’s Stupidest State contest! And it is my absolute honor to present Florida with our DeLay Trophy!

Both teams fought very hard and very well. I would also like to thank our governing body, the National For Fuck’s Sake Association, the NFFSA! You guys put on the best tournament possible, and all the host venues helped put on something magical. But this night belongs to Florida. They have towered over the competition to put an end to a stellar year. We hope you enjoyed this year’s Stupidest State contest and let’s make next year even better than this one! Let’s pop the champagne on this one!

[font size="6"]Net Cutting Ceremony [/font]

[font size="6"]Locker Room Celebration [/font]

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Panic! At The Disco[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen lets’ get this post season party started! My next guest has a new album coming out on June 22nd, and you can see them on tour everywhere this July and August with Arizona and Hayley Kiyoko. Their latest album is called “Pray For The Wicked”. Playing their song “Saturday Night (Say Amen)”, give it up for the one, the only Panic! At The Disco!

They want to stick around for one more? Sure!

I want to thank everyone for a great Top 10 season! I want to thank our audience. I want to thank my staff, the crew, all the venues who have hosted the World Tour 2018, and all the venues who hosted Stupidest State 2018. Not to mention all the great musical acts on the show from the Foo Fighters to Panic At The Disco. This is the end of Top 10 Conservative Idiots Season 4. Season 5 will begin on June 13th! We have some exciting changes coming for Season 5! See you in 3 weeks!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Panic At The Disco Appear Courtesy Of: Fueled By Ramen LLC
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-19: Too Many Exits Edition (SEASON FINALE!) (Original post)
Initech May 2018 OP
malaise May 2018 #1
Roland99 May 2018 #2
Initech May 2018 #3

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Wed May 23, 2018, 05:53 PM

1. K & R

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Wed May 23, 2018, 06:00 PM

2. Don't know whether to laugh or cry

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Response to Roland99 (Reply #2)

Wed May 23, 2018, 06:03 PM

3. I'll take Hank Hill's advice:

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