"Making our social circles and spaces safe means making them AWKWARD AS HELL and UNSAFE for creeps

[hedgehog]

and predators.It means constantly reframing the conversation away from the dominant narrative, so when stuff like the situations in these letters comes up we can say “That’s called sexual assault and it’s a crime. So I need you to stop talking to me about his feelings and pressuring me to invite him to parties.“

http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/



Parents - if you have a kid, boy or girl, headed off to college the first time, you should sit down with them and talk about how to avoid getting hurt. Girls can be too afraid of making a fuss or too trusting. Boys can be afraid to stand up for a female friend, or worse, get caught up in a culture of abuse.

[daleanime]

1. Please, let me thank you....

as someone who was alway excluded from "social circles".

[MineralMan]

2. The time to start teaching that is long before kids head off to college.

It should start in grammar school. By the time kids are heading off away from home, it's too late to start.

[hedgehog]

4. Most kids are raised in a safe environment among friends and neighbors.

Many view being away at college as an opportunity to experiment with alcohol. That might be OK if they were among friends, but too many female freshman find out that some males view a drunken female as a fair target for sex, especially if she is too drunk to protest or participate! It just doesn't occur to too many women that the nice young man they just met is actually a predator.

"College students are the most vulnerable to rape during the
first few weeks of the freshman and sophomore years."

http://www.cops.usdoj.gov/pdf/e03021472.pdf


I strongly suspect that there are many males out there who also do things they would never do if it weren't for the combination of alcohol and peer pressure. I know there are many males out there who feel guilty because they did nothing to protect the females in their group from that one guy they never really likes anyways.


Talking about these things beforehand is the best defense.

Here's a tool which may be useful;

http://www.circleof6app.com/

[MineralMan]

5. Drinking and sex don't start being a problem

in college. In most places, high school kids are doing both. Even middle school kids are often involved in drinking, drugs, and sexual activity. That's why I say it's never too early to begin building the resolve kids need to resist this stuff.

Right here in the Twin Cities, a 14-year-old girl just died when a 19 year old man and a 25 year old man gave her and her 16 year old friend a drink made of Sprite and Codeine cough syrup. The 16 year old went to the hospital and survived. The 14 year old went to sleep at a friend's house and died.

It's never too early.

[hedgehog]

6. I agree it's never to early, you start when they are in the play pen

Last edited Fri Aug 10, 2012, 12:56 PM - Edit history (1)

by modeling good behavior. Still, a lot of kids go nuts the first 10 weeks of freshman year, and a lot of them get hurt. Having a heart to heart never hurt anyone.


One problem is that kids raised by good people don't always understand that there are bad people out there!

[gollygee]

3. Read the whole thing immediately. Awesome. K&R

Everyone should read.