If any good thing comes from this past week, it will be
that women everywhere are speaking about what they have experienced. I've seen it here on DU, with people telling their stories of being treated like discardable objects for male amusement. The subject has been opened to discussion, and I suspect that many men are hearing stories from the girls and women they know - stories they had not heard before.
My wife described her experience after her only high school prom. She went with someone she barely knew, because he asked her. Later, he thought that taking her to the prom entitled him to have sex with her. So, he tried. She said that she immediately shamed him for his behavior and nothing more than attempted groping occurred. But, this Kavanaugh story brought that memory back.
Men, even those who would never do anything like that, need to hear these stories. They need to listen closely to them and try as best they can to put themselves in the positions of the women who tell them. That's a very difficult thing to do, because their life experiences are different in so many ways. But, they need to try very hard to imagine themselves in such positions.
Women and girls are also sharing their stories with other girls and women, and discovering things they have in common that they did not realize. That is also a good thing, since it opens conversation about common experiences. Such stories need to be shared. They need to become part of everyone's knowledge. Everyone needs to know how devastating such experiences can be, even if that devastation is not visible on the surface.
I am learning this week. I knew that such things commonly occurred, but it is even more important to hear from people I know that they, too experienced them. That brings it home and makes it personal. So, if you're a man and a woman you know tells you of her experience, listen closely. Just listen and try to take in just how horrible that experience was. Listen. Don't explain anything. Just listen. Pay close attention. Offer support, but not advice. You can't give any useful advice. Just listen and learn, and then examine your own life and behaviors, all the way back to your adolescent years.
Listen and think. Please!
= new reply since forum marked as read
