Trump Unveils Reelection Campaign Plan To Drive Bus Into Crowds Across Country

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—In an effort to appeal to his base and build enthusiasm for his reelection bid, President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that his 2020 campaign included plans to drive a specially decorated tour bus into crowds across the country.

“I’ll have these amazing crowds, the biggest, most beautiful crowds you’ve ever seen, and we’ll just plow right through them in our bus,” said Trump, explaining his strategy for retaining control of the White House by energizing his base with campaign rallies and appearances and then crushing them under the weight of a chartered bus.

“No one has campaigned like this before––bringing a gorgeous bus to huge crowds of everyday Americans and running them down. It’s the, you know, the people, and I’m the people’s president. It will probably say that on the bus. Important. Connect with voters. We’re going to the South, through the—what they call it since Obama—the rustbelt, meeting supporters, driving into them, driving over them. Driving over thousands of people. Men, women, children, everyday Americans, they’ll love it. They love buses. We get huge crowds of folks at my rallies, you know? These people, they’ll chant my name while I drive over them in our bus. Big bus, just beautiful. I’ll drive the bus myself—I can drive. The bus can go, like, 90 miles per hour, so we’ll—you know, I’m gonna do that. Run them over. Crush them, drum up so many votes.”

A special TrumpBus companion website reportedly features a special section for donors pledging over $1,000 to Trump’s reelection campaign in exchange for president slowly backing his bus over the donor’s entire extended family has already sold out.

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-unveils-reelection-campaign-plan-to-drive-bus-int-1830283639

[mahatmakanejeeves]

1. Take this down before he sees it!

"S-a-a-a-a-a-a-y, now there's an idea."