How many of us did what GWB just did? Eulogizing a dead parent?

[Stinky The Clown]

I did it. Twice.

It is VERY hard for some of us. I know it was for me.

[CincyDem]

1. Yep.

In my memory, it was the toughest thing I had to do.

[handmade34]

8. the hardest thing for me

was not eulogizing my father, but a week before he died, telling the doctor "no, my father does not want any extraordinary measures taken"... that was one of the most difficult things I have ever done... yes, both very difficult

[Docreed2003]

16. Same here.

My mom knew what dad wanted but looked to me to tell the doctor that he wouldn't want extraordinary measures. Incredibly hard

[sprinkleeninow]

26. 😪💙

[CincyDem]

18. oooff...haven't done that (yet).

Dad was swift.

Mom - not looking that way. At some point in the future, I suspect I'll have an opportunity to compare the two and my sense is I'll end up agreeing with you.

Sheesh, this cycle of life thing is a pain.

My only consolation is something I heard years ago.

Either you're going to your parents' funeral...or they're going to yours...and would you ask that of your parents to avoid this pain.

Nope.

[sprinkleeninow]

25. 😪 💙

[Rorey]

34. DNR - It took me "forever" to sign that paper for my late husband

He was 38 years old. I think I must have stood there with the pen poised for 20 minutes with the doctor and nurses standing awkwardly near me.

[sprinkleeninow]

27. 💙🕯

[RussBLib]

2. never did

it's gotta be hard as shit....I teared up just watching W

[Just a Weirdo]

3. My oldest sister did that for us.

My other sister and I asked her to write the eulogy for our father.

[Glorfindel]

4. I would not have made it to the lectern.

The deaths of both my parents absolutely devastated me. I was physically unable to eulogize either of them.

[mokawanis]

19. Same here

fortunately my wife had the strength to go up front and make wonderful comments about both of my parents. I just couldn't do it.

[TheBlackAdder]

5. Not me, couldn't do it. One of my sister did for both mom and dad.

[crazycatlady]

6. I did for grandparents

[TlalocW]

7. I don't think so at my dad's which was at a church

And more structured. Mom's was at the funeral parlor, and everyone who wanted to could say something. The thing is at both funerals, when my siblings and I got talking we started remembering things about both that would get us laughing and sometimes laugh-crying, and we shared some of these things during Mom's funeral. Mom was always about making people happy and having fun. Her last few years spent in retirement homes, she carried little Peppermint Patties in her walker and would give them (often throw them) at the staff when she saw them.

And now I'm laugh-crying again.

TlalocW

[robbob]

12. Your mom sounds like a hoot!

Thanks for sharing that memory with us.

[sprinkleeninow]

29. 💙🕯

[jberryhill]

57. Yep

Our family is like that too. We all spoke and we all got laughs from the other mourners who were somewhat surprised they were laughing with us.

[pwb]

9. I have.

.

[Tanuki]

10. One of my brothers did that for both of my parents, and I felt he "did us all proud".

I could not have done it. I know I would have dissolved into tears.

[sprinkleeninow]

32. Hello dear heart. 💙🕯

Love you!

[Tanuki]

40. Dear sprinkleeninow! I hope you have fully recovered from your injury!

I am flying out Friday to visit the little sparrow.

[sprinkleeninow]

58. It's coming along. I need to see the orthopedic guy. I been a baaad

hold-out. I am considering a chiropractor and mb acupuncture eventually, but need X-rays to see what's what. They better not have wrecked me in the ER.

Give my love to your dearest one and family.
And much love to you, you know!

Safe and happy journey and visit!

💙

[onenote]

11. I did it for my dad

It was hard but at the same time it was very helpful in getting me to a point of closure to talk about his life.

[Beaverhausen]

13. I sang at my mothers memorial

In My Life by the Beatles and Just The Way You Are -one of her favorite songs and one I had sung for my parents in an anniversary.

I don’t know how I got through it. She was my biggest fan.

[redstatebluegirl]

14. I did for my Mother at age 18.

I loved her beyond measure, and my father was a toad. He was already picking out his next wife at that point. My Mother was a wonderful woman, the voice of an angel, the heart of a patriot ( she marched in Selma and rode back to Illinois under a blanket in a car driven by two Black friends), she taught us all about social justice, what the bible really meant. She was amazing. It was my honor.

[bronxiteforever]

48. Wow. Powerful and heartbreaking.

[Sherman A1]

15. I did just a few years ago

for my Mom's funeral and a later memorial service as well as being a pall bearer. I have written a few other eulogies to be read by others at different funerals of friends and family over the years.

[Docreed2003]

17. I gave my father's eulogy

Anyone who knew us knew that he and I were the best of friends. We certainly didn't always see eye to eye on things and locked horns occasionally, but he was my best friend. Even after I had left home and was on my on in school and training, we faked nearly every day on the phone. Giving his eulogy was incredibly hard, but I spoke from the heart and somehow kept it together, then after it was over I collapsed into my wife's arms like a little baby, sobbing.

[redstateblues]

20. There's no way I could've spoken or sang

[cynatnite]

21. It was one of the hardest things in my life I ever had to do...

I cracked at the end like he did. I was crying when he did.

[elocs]

22. No. Both of my parents are dead but I didn't go to either's funeral.

I don't go to funerals. But I did break up watching the end of Bush's eulogy for his father.

[zeusdogmom]

23. Formal Lutheran funeral service at church

No eulogies. Lots of music, hymns, prayers, communion, and one rather long sermon. Sigh.... But soothing ritual to my soul.

I rather like the absence of eulogies - even with guidelines, they can get out of control, l-o-n-g and maudlin. Of course the very public service we are watching today is a different situation.

[sprinkleeninow]

24. Didn't eulogize, but buried my dad at 13 yrs. of age.

My momma 9 years ago. We don't eulogize in the Orthodox tradition of faith.

The wording in the funeral service will bring on the waterworks. I must say, not puffed up about my Faith, but they are moving.

[redwitch]

28. I did it for my mom.

Bummed a clonopin first which helped a lot. It was a powerful experience. Without the drug I wouldn’t have been able to do it without falling apart.

[JustAnotherGen]

30. I did

My dad asked me to tell a story - so I did. Lots of them woven into a nice ending of him being able to take a deep breath and run again. Made it almost to the end when I started singing Optimistic Voices (from Wizard of Oz - You're out of the woods, you're out of the dark, you're our of the night, Step into the sun, step into the light. . . )

[OriginalGeek]

31. i can't even keep it together reading this thread

No way I could have done that at either my dad's or mom's funerals.


I almost made it through my grandpa's funeral but then the honor guard presented me with his flag and said "on behalf of a grateful nation..."

[Stinky The Clown]

41. I have my Dad's flag in my office. I have the one given by the American Legion flying in front of

our house, spotlight on it, 24/7. The "new house" (not so new to us anymore) has an inbound flagpole.

[OriginalGeek]

43. I haven't figured out yet where to display it

but my son is making me a display case for Grandpa's flag.

It's taking him a while now but I don't mind. He's a beginner woodworker but he wants perfection for this.

[Awsi Dooger]

33. I spoke so long about my mom that a wedding in same church had to be delayed

Probably an hour. I don't regret it a bit. As I told the gathering, my mom loved to be the center of attention and I'm sure she cheered all along as her only son bragged about her and told one anecdote after another.

After all, if I forgot something it wasn't like I could call everybody back the next day.

It was very easy for me, other than emotionally. I prepared some notes but once I got started every topic flowed from the previous one.

The awkward aspect was so many people coming up to me later in the banquet area, where food was being served. Lined up to speak to me. I was really breaking down at that point, as the finality hit me. They were nice people, some I hadn't seen in decades and some I didn't know at all but had heard their names from my mom. I got through it but mostly it is a blur and I'm sure I would have said different things to them if in a better mental state.

My dad did not want a service, for some reason. He emphasized it twice in the months prior to his death. So in substitute I wrote a very long obituary that cost something like $2300 to post in the Miami Herald. Marc Caputo the political guy praised me for the obituary, which I appreciated. This was in late 2012. My dad voted absentee for Obama but died before election day. Caputo helped check for me that my dad's vote did count. Then he mentioned the obituary and said it was well written and that my dad had a very interesting life.

[DFW]

35. I did it for both of mine, about 18 months apart.

Both my parents had illnesses that somehow had a schedule of their own, and both allowed me one last visit--not a given with the distance and my schedule.

I did it for my dad, but was just one of many, as it was held at the National Press Club in downtown Washington, and a LOT of prominence went before me to ease it. With my mom, I was sort of THE one, and that wasn't easy. She missed my dad terribly from day one, but we still thought she'd live forever. Now they are together again for good at Arlington National Cemetery. I was hoping not to be back there again so soon after putting my dad to rest there, but it's not the sort of thing anyone gets to choose, is it?

[livetohike]

36. I wasn't able to do it. Lost my Dad in 2004 and my Mom

this past August. I regretted not eulogizing my Dad and really thought I would pull it together for my Mom. Her death was sudden and I just couldn’t compose myself enough to speak. One of my brothers did though.

[malaise]

37. I read the eulogy for dad and for our youngest sister

For dad, I never shed a tear until I reached back to my seat and then a waterfall rushed down.
I cried right through baby sister's funeral. I didn't care who saw the tears.

[thegoose]

38. Twice for me too

Father in 2001 and Mother in 2016.

[mac56]

39. I did it for my dad.

[Martin Eden]

42. GW Bush has now done at least two things I haven't ...

… the other being launching a war based on lies.

[llmart]

44. I did not.

Both of my parents were dead by the time I was 22. I was a teenager when my mother died. I would never have been able to pull it together to say one word. I've honored them in my own way, in my own heart. I've also lost a sister and a brother.

[MountCleaners]

45. I eulogized my grandmother

She was Irish, from Ireland, and we were close and she had a profound influence on me. She lived in a small town on a small farm in Indiana. I talked of her bravery in coming here from Ireland all by herself, and her remarkable creativity - making all her own clothes, cooking everything from scratch, being able to grow just about anything on her small farm. Those Irish farm values and respect for nature had a huge influence on me. It was a big loss to us, and the small-town pastor seemed a bit annoyed that someone wanted to give a eulogy, but it meant so much to the family. And I was mad at the pastor - "don't you know this remarkable lady came from Ireland!" Today's clergy can seem so disinterested in the funeral services they conduct.

Her grandchildren were her pallbearers, and I remember carrying her casket up the hill in the country cemetery to her gravesite to be next to her husband, as bagpipes played. It was a beautiful service. Only time I saw my dad cry.

But I worked hard on that eulogy.

[11 Bravo]

46. I did it for my Dad. He rests at Arlington National ...

not too far from his fellow Naval Officer, and WWII combat veteran, JFK.

It was the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Dubya did just fine.

on edit: Mom's 94 and going strong; but as the oldest, I imagine that will eventually fall to me as well.

[Runningdawg]

47. Not allowed in the family cult

I'm lucky they let this apostate view my parent's bodies.

[Duppers]

49. I couldn't

It's a case of "When you can't say anything nice..."

[dbackjon]

50. I've done in twice in the last 18 months

Including this past Friday and Saturday for my Mom

[gopiscrap]

51. I have 3 times

once for my biological mom, and once each for my foster mother and foster father

[ghostsinthemachine]

52. Twice for me.

My Dad was hard, he had few, if any redeeming qualities. My Mom was the opposite so finding words wasnt tough.

[Mr.Bill]

53. Never did it myself.

My stepdaughter did it for my mom. She has a Masters degree and is a hospital administrator, so she has lots of public speaking experience and is very poised. I did help her write it and injected a little humor into it.

She said afterward it was more difficult than she though it would be.

[ginnyinWI]

54. I have.

I felt for Dubya because I have been in the same place: eldest child of a sole remaining parent (in this case my mom). Like him, I have other siblings but was the eldest and the one most responsible for my mom's care/emotional well being in her last several years since my dad died.

I also stood up and talked about her love for everyone, and people liked what I had to say. It's emotional and a burden but you want to see your care and devotion to that parent all the way to the end. And I could see the same feelings on his face.

[jberryhill]

55. Both times, yes

I'll cut against the grain as usual and say that I very much appreciated the opportunity to say goodbye in that way, and to share my goodbye with others.

[Pobeka]

56. Wrote it for dad, spoke for mom

Delivering it for dad would've been difficult for sure, with mom right there.

My mom's actual burial was quite small, and we had a bigger celebration of life event prior to the actual burial. Only her siblings, and children were at the burial and we realized the morning of that no one was going to formally speak. I was nominated, and spoke extemporaneously. It was not so difficult to speak as mom had suffered from a chronic debilitating disease the last 5 years of her long life, and death was ultimately a release. We all were sorry to see her pass, but glad she no longer suffered.

[BadgerMom]

59. I did it for my mom.

My son died 1/02. My dad died 1/03, 2 days after the one year anniversary of my son’s death. My mom died 7/03. I was so shell shocked I got through it. I paid an emotional price later.

[Hekate]

60. It is hard. I also read my husband's words for his mother because his voice kept breaking.

It's a human thing, and in the moment we should remember that what the public sees in a famous person is not what the family experiences, for good or ill, and we would do well to respect that... For in time it will be our turn.

[Aristus]

61. I spoke at my father's funeral. I wouldn't call it a eulogy.

My father was permanently embittered by my parent's divorce in 1985, even though it was his fault. He never forgave my mother for cutting him loose.

He went on to have a happy second marriage and a successful career. But he never grew up or moved on from the divorce.

When he was dying from pancreatic cancer, my sibs and I gathered to hear his funeral plans. He specifically disinvited our mother. I should have got up and walked out then and there. But I didn't.

At his funeral, I got up and addressed the assembly with a reading of his favorite poem. It was a pretty dry reading; I wasn't about to exert myself for the old buzzard. I helped bear his coffin to the hearse, and watched as he was buried. That was that.

Word of advice to anyone who wants a mournful, heartfelt eulogy at their funeral: don't be a hateful jerk to your family.

[BamaRefugee]

62. Me. I live in Southern California, but my Dad and I are born and bred in Alabama.

My Dad moved to Socal before he died, and we had the funeral here.
I was doing fine with the eulogy, until a mockingbird landed on a branch right beside me, and started singing at the top of his lungs. It was like ALABAMA CAME TO US.
That's when I lost it. But it was a beautiful moment. Just teared up right now thinking about it.
R.I.P. Pop!

[MoonRiver]

63. Twice for me. Twice for my husband.

It was very hard each time. Doesn't get easier with practice.

[MontanaMama]

64. Did it for both my parents a year and a half apart.

I wrote both their obituaries too - I thought that was the hardest thing of all - putting the essence of someone's life in writing for all to read and re-read....not just where they were born and how they died or where they went to school or what jobs they had but WHO they were... Such as my mother made homes for us in the 11 different places we moved for my dad's job...that she treasured her Irish heritage and that she was a master self taught seamstress who made wedding dresses for me and my sister. My mom had a keen wit and was the first feminist I ever knew. My dad loved the SF Giants, black licorice and single malt scotch...that he was a great dancer and a lover of all power tools. Dad would not stand for intolerance or bigotry and firmly believed appreciation of our differences would make us stronger...he hoped for a world where this would be the rule and not the exception. I miss my parents deeply. As much as I may dislike GWB's politics, I am sad for him that he lost his parents. My own father would want me to keep my heart open to that.

[LiberalLovinLug]

65. Yup I did

I used the occasion to vent a little politically as well. Maybe that was misplaced, but I couldn't help it.

My dad was an evangelical fundamentalist, who always voted for the right wing party. I can almost forgive him because he came from immigrants that escaped from Communist Russia who were deathly afraid of "the left". And of course my mom voted for whomever my dad did.

But this was the time of GW Bush and the war in Iraq. And all the lies coming from that administration. There was such a stark contrast between my kind empathetic father, who went out of his way to help disadvantaged people, who was living the actual Christian life that Jesus promoted. Turn the other cheek. Don't lie. Do good to those that hurt you. Be humble etc... Now did I want him to be tougher? To not "turn the other cheek"? damn right. But I still respected him for his faith, because he wasn't a hypocrite about it.

So I mentioned how there were leaders, down south(I'm in Canada)...who claimed to be Christian, but didn't act like ones, and how my dad actually lived the Christian life honestly. I could hear rumbles in the conservative crowd, because they knew full well who the leader was I was referring to.

But yeah, it was very difficult. I broke up a couple of times.

[Gore1FL]

66. I did not. I gladly passed on both chances. nt

[Snackshack]

67. Twice.

[ColoradoBlue]

68. I did

I did it for my dad. I still don't know how I did it but I did.

What made it all worth it was my grandmother (my father's mother) telling me afterwards how much she had been dreading the day. She shouldn't have had to bury her child. But that my eulogy made her feel better because of the stories and humor that I shared. If for only that reason, I'm glad I did it.