Broken: Trump Breaking Things in White House. Melania Summoned.

[MineralMan]

News reports indicate that the First Lady is taking an emergency flight back to the White House, at the request of those few people still on the job in the West Wing. Reports from unnamed sources describe President Donald Trump as being totally glued to the TV, tuned, as always, to Fox News. Apparently, he is not even getting up to use the toilet, with one report citing "squishy wet sounds" coming from Trump as he shifts uneasily in his oversized recliner.

Can Melania Trump pull her "Donwald" out of his slump and return him to some semblance of normalcy? That remains to be seen. Their sometimes cold relationship makes that appear to be unlikely. Where is his beloved daughter Ivanka when he needs her? Where is Jared Kushner, that master of all things international and diplomatic?

The West Wing no longer has a Chief of Staff. The President's private quarters are missing a number of former employees, and it is the holiday weekend, which must be further limiting the paid help on hand. Who will bring the President a fresh Depend undergarment? Who will deliver his Big Macs from the MacDonald's restaurant near the White House? Who is watering the red Christmas trees? All unanswered questions.

Attempts by White House Press Corp regulars to contact Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the soon to depart Press spokesperson, have gone unanswered. Is she even at the West Wing? Nobody seems to know, and telephones with numbers known only to a select few are not being answered, going directly to voice mail.

Can Melania Trump save the day? It seems doubtful to many with knowledge of the matter.

Note: For the terminally literal, this post is a satire.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. "Squishy wet sounds"!

[MineralMan]

3. That was an actual report from yesterday.

The image was, shall I say, somewhat disturbing.

[FoxNewsSucks]

11. Here's what I found disturbing,

that's believable enough that I searched for Trump "squishy wet sounds". Other than this thread, the results were all X-rated.

That's how bad the president of the United States is.

[MineralMan]

12. Here's the wet sounds thread:

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100211580964

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

22. "Like a dish sponge being squeezed."

He's probably really sweaty, so every time he moves his fat rolls that are stuck together come loose, and there's a sound like when you get up from a leather chair on a hot day when you're wearing shorts.

Bet he smells like a combination of dirty jockstraps, meat farts and Axe body spray.

[MineralMan]

24. Fortunately, it is certain that I will never be near enough

to that loathsome man to know for sure.

I was once two feet from Richard Nixon. I was at work, while serving in the USAF. There was a simulation exercise I was involved with, and he walked up behind my workstation. I turned and saw him standing right behind me. Being the obedient servant I was, I said, "Good morning, Mr. President." My greeting went unacknowledged, so I turned and resumed what I was doing. I did not notice any smells from him, however.

It is not one of my favorite memories.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

31. sponge-don wet-pants should not be on tv

Can't find a suitable illustration.

This comes close:

[MineralMan]

32. Ick! Too close to the truth, I think.

[WinstonSmith4740]

33. OMG!

When I was reading the original post, I thought it was either an Onion article, or Andy Borowitz. He's getting scarier every day. January 3rd can't come fast enough.

[ProudLib72]

19. I really wanted to imagine those sounds stemmed from his being overly sweaty

As if that would somehow make everything alright.

[MineralMan]

20. There is no way not to be disturbed by that imagery.

I'd be willing to bet, though, that Trump wears incontinence underwear. That would account for such sounds. Ewww...

I also imagine he is a sweaty kind of guy. When the flop sweat kicks in, look out, and there's plenty of reason for flop sweat right now for him.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

25. If he wears Depends he wouldn't have to step away from the TV

to go to the bathroom and miss any sparkling Fox "News" repartee.

[MineralMan]

29. True.

[Girard442]

2. "Can Melania...return him to some semblance of normalcy?"

Can't return to where you've never been.

[MineralMan]

5. Well, you know the media. They like to avoid controversy.

Besides, what is "normalcy" these days?

[Bleacher Creature]

4. Doesn't satire have to be believable?

There's no chance she would leave the comforts of Florida to lift one finger for that sorry piece of garbage (or for the country's sake), and he is way too gone to respond to his trophy wife.

[MineralMan]

6. Actually, the news is reporting that she is returning to DC.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

[MineralMan]

14. Here's a news story about her return to DC

https://cbs12.com/news/local/first-lady-to-head-back-to-washington-dc-for-christmas

[Bleacher Creature]

35. Wow! Thanks!

Those Trumps don't usually go out of their way for much, but they're certainly going all out in the name of a racist, ugly vanity wall!

[keithbvadu2]

37. Poor dear Melania has to spend the holidays in the WH that Donald calls a dump.

[MineralMan]

38. I know. What a step down to have to live in a drafty old White House.

Hmph!

[Scarsdale]

27. They must be offering her

an added bonus to return. Why would he want to see HER? Ivanka is his only "true love" after himself of course. Maybe Vlad would consider talking him by Skype?

[IADEMO2004]

7. Melania summoning the "Ghosts of Women Past" for Donwald's Christmas Carol?

[MineralMan]

8. Now, that sounds like a really good idea!

[oberliner]

9. This is quite funny

Thank you for the laughs and the smiles on a late Sunday morning.

[Richard D]

10. The truth is probably a lot stranger . . .

. . . then the satire.

[MineralMan]

16. These days, that's certainly true.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. Someday we will find out how truly weird Trump's WH has become,

like how a few years after Nixon resigned we learned that he was drunk a lot and wandered around the WH at night talking to the portraits of past presidents.

I'm thinking things are even weirder in Trumpworld.

[Richard D]

41. Without doubt a lot weirder. n/t

[red dog 1]

42. I never thought I'd say it; but I actually miss Nixon.

(As crazy as he was)

Compared to the evil presence now in the White House, he doesn't seem so bad, and he didn't have a Republican Congress either.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

44. Nixon was actually very, very bad,

and we didn't find out just how bad he was until some years after he resigned. I'm re-reading the Woodward/Bernstein book "The Final Days," which goes into detail about what Nixon was getting up to as the Watergate investigation closed in on him. The tapes revealed what a nasty, paranoid, racist sonofabitch he really was. I don't miss him just because Trump is worse.

[red dog 1]

46. Yeah, I know about "The Final Days" incidents.. Nixon was all those things,

but I don't think he was The Devil

I guess I miss that time in my life more than I actually "miss" Nixon.
[I was so young then]

[red dog 1]

47. Upon reflection, I don't actually miss Nixon,

I miss the "Nixon era,' partly because Democrats controlled both houses of Congress then.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

48. Hardly anybody knew how bad Nixon was until after Watergate.

But now, everybody knows how bad Trump is - but the GOP and millions of MAGAts still support him anyhow.

[red dog 1]

49. + 1

Merry Christmas!

[snowybirdie]

13. I was hoping

She was returning to sign his commitment papers

[MineralMan]

15. If only. I didn't think they were actually on speaking terms, frankly.

But, she is flying back to DC for Christmas:

https://cbs12.com/news/local/first-lady-to-head-back-to-washington-dc-for-christmas

[IronLionZion]

17. Yeah sure, "satire"

The truth is probably much worse

[MineralMan]

18. Probably we have no idea how bad things are in the West Wing.

We just get occasional minor glimpses into what goes on there.

[ProudLib72]

21. Melanie is afraid of Rump throwing a major tantrum

And wrecking her redrum trees. That is her concern. She cannot leave Donwald unsupervised for more than a few hours.

[MineralMan]

23. Restraints. Our President needs to be in them.

That's my assessment.

[Eliot Rosewater]

26. And if we survive all this the entire GOP which enabled it will not be held accountable, at all

by anyone, ever.

This is not going to end well for that reason, they will do it again and again.

I mean by god if Mueller and our DOJ or NY arent able to hold them accountable then you tell me what is left?

Notice how we have to rely on NY state because our federal government is taken over by traitors? Amazing fact, not debatable, yet rarely discussed in mainstream media.

[MineralMan]

30. Yes. There is a serious sickness in our government that is spreading.

I think we may have one more chance to stop it in 2020. We had better make the most of that opportunity, I think.

Just saying...

[enid602]

34. starfish

Hopefully he won't leave a chocolate starfish on the white couch.

[JohnnyRingo]

36. You had me up to the "wet squishy sounds"

Everyone knows he'd request the golden bed pan and the official White House ass wiper.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

45. That part actually seems to be true:

Link to tweet

[left-of-center2012]

39. "this post is a satire"

Maybe.

'Depends' sounds true.

[MineralMan]

40. Most satire is based on truth. Sort of, anyhow.

[red dog 1]

43. You got me!

I even bought the "wet squishy things" part.

I was wondering what "things" he was breaking in the WH..That sounded like something he might actually do.