Breaking news: Donald Trump declares national emergency because (fill in the blank).

[tclambert]

Example: Donald Trump declares national emergency because . . . Saturday Night Live made fun of him. (Calls for the arrest of Lorne Michaels and Alec Baldwin, and younger cast members to be separated from their parents.)

Example: Donald Trump declares national emergency because . . . Dogs don't like him. Also cats. Also birds. Also other animals. (Calls for elimination of all protections for animals, not just deleting the endangered species list, but making hunting licenses and game limits illegal.)

[riversedge]

1. he can't find his pacifier.

[tclambert]

7. I bet Putin has it.

[Takket]

2. McDonald's ran out of secret sauce

It is raining on the golf course.

Alec Baldwin hurt his feewings.

[tclambert]

5. "hurt his feewings." I liked that.

[at140]

3. Because he can't find Melania

in the bedroom.

[Miigwech]

4. His penis is so small and he will never allow

... us to get over it

[tclambert]

6. That's why he doesn't use a condom. They just slip right off.

[tclambert]

8. He didn't get any valentines.

[Initech]

9. His electronic putting green broke and he needs a new one.

[greatauntoftriplets]

10. He's constipated.

[Volaris]

11. He has a small penis and Nancy Pelosi CORRECTLY stepped on it.

At his core, he's an Incel with nuclear codes. Let's all laugh at him and his precieved shallow male powerlessness (and therefore, by proxy, laugh at the impotence of all the enraged Deplorables who voted for him).

I have NO sympathy for them whatsoever. They can deal with their demographic insignificance, or they can die in the civil war they want to try and start.

Their Dear Leader is going to die in prison.

If Jefferson Davis and Richard Nixon had suffered the same fate, we wouldn't goddamn be here.

[dlk]

12. He's Bored

[NightWatcher]

13. The bronzer he uses is changing formulas away from orange to a color that occurs in people

This transgression must not stand!!!! -he says

[Initech]

14. He's also out of whatever that thing he puts in his hair is.

[lpbk2713]

15. He stepped up to a urinal.

Pulled out the bottom of his tie and pissed his pants.