Hospice
So I haven't shared on DU but I just lost my dad. I'm not fishing for sympathy posts but rather I wanted to share a positive story. So he was battling late stage liver failure since about the first of December. Between hospital stays, rehab facilities, etc. he was simply declining...muscle mass, cognition due to encephalopathy (elevated ammonia in the blood and brain), interest in living.
We put him into an assisted living facility with Hospice. He only spent about three days in the new AL facility when he began to decline quickly. Hospice stepped in immediately and really was a very pleasant experience. They worked around the clock to make sure dad was comfortable with comfort drugs, anti-anxiety drugs, bedding changes, bed baths, lotions for the dry skin, music therapy, and social counseling of the family. While it was very difficult they truly made it much much better.
Just my experience...but hospice is a God send.
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Hospice was so helpful for our family when we lost my dad, my wife's dad and my wife's mother. It really made all of the difference in such incredibly difficult times.
I’m so happy to be able to thank a hospice worker in person! And you’re also a DU member! Knowing this just made my day.
My brother who died of melanoma cancer, Dec 23, 1980, was the first hospice patient in a little small town in Wisconsin. First and best, the staff was just amazing for not really having any experience as hospice was just getting started. A very positive experience for our family as well. 
for families and patients and help them however we were able. I would return to the field in a heartbeat. It was deeply meaningful and enriching work.
I gained far more from helping to care for families and patients than I could ever give back. for you. You just made my day.
With hospice. I lost my 93yo mother just 2mos. ago and although I wasn't there, my brother kept me updated daily and reported how remarkable the care was that she received from U. of Tennessee Hospice Care staff.
Thank you for letting everyone know about your dad's care.
You said it all about hospice staff. And they'll continue to reach out to you for many months to come or as long as you wish.
Take care of yourself
I hope you don't feel too bad about the morphine, though. It can help a dying person, who isn't getting enough oxygen, feel less anxious.
And not putting a feeding tube in for your father is pretty normal, even for a Catholic facility. The Catholic church doesn't require extraordinary means to keep someone alive, and feeding tubes are in that category. Losing the swallowing reflex is a sign that someone is actively dying, and they will be more comfortable without a tube or food. Also, taking her blood pressure was a way of telling the nurse how far along she was. I remember when my mother was dying hearing how low her blood pressure was getting.
It sounds like the main problem with hospice for your family wasn't necessarily the care for your parents, but the problems with communicating with the adult children. I know how stressful and upsetting it is to lose a parent. I am sorry the situation was so hard for all of you.
It helps with stressful breathing and helps keep a patient calm.
The bed is for those caring for her so they can raise the bed etc..
The feeding tube is not necessary at the end. The body cannot process the food/fluids anymore. It makes it harder on them to have them. The Catholic church does not believe letting a person die naturally is wrong.
It's too bad you had a crappy nurse for your mom and it sounds like your dad got bilked for insurance.
Hospice is a wonderful thing and if a family doesn't understand the hows and why it becomes a battle. The fact no one walked you through it is the problem, not what they wanted to do.
Sorry for your losses. 
On edit: pnwmom said it better than I did. I didn't see her post until after I finished this. Please don't be afraid of hospice again though I hope you don't have to deal with that again ever.. if not a long long time.
I worked for a national hospice (I'm in PR) for 6 years and loved it. The medical professionals and volunteers are so caring and compassionate.
I'm sorry for your loss but glad your dad made the journey in comfort.
Please read what I think of you in my comment #40!
I mean every word of it!
had hospice too - and I have been extolling their virtues ever since. I knew it was a good choice, but seeing it in action really solidified things for me.
Condolences on your father's death - and thank you for sharing your experience.
And The volunteers are simply amazing.
True story: my job was to write stories for local media about hospice workers and volunteers in those specific areas (the hospice I worked for had programs throughout the country).
One time, I interviewed a hospice volunteer in TX who was a Vietnam veteran. He told me about one of his favorite patients - a Vietnamese man whom he visited in the man's home. The man was a North Vietnamese immigrant who had fought for N Vietnam during the war! IOW, they fought against each other.
I asked the volunteer how he was able to do that. He said they just sat down and talked it out. He visited the man weekly until his death. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
That’s a great story to tell. 
I lost my mom unexpectedly January 29th. My dad had dementia, and had been diagnosed with colon/liver cancer in November. When I told him of her death, he totally gave up. Hospice supported us every step of the way until he followed her the 21st of last month.
They are truly angels in human form.
Couldn't agree more.
For your Dad.
...and heard her feeble cries that the hospital staff seemed to be too busy to answer. She was in a terrible state of distress and I thought to myself how wrong it was.
While I am sorry for the loss of your Dad, I am relieved and encouraged with the positive experience with Hospice you shared with us. This is how it should be.
Thank you so much, and may your grief be assuaged with your memories of his treatment and comfort during his last days.
I watched both my parents, and my dear mother-in-law go down slow, hard, and agonizing. It was hard on everyone in the family, especially watching them fade and struggle and know we couldn’t do much more than that, none of us being medical specialists.
Those folks who provide elder care and hospice really are angels in the flesh. And they do indeed wind up helping the whole family, not just the ailing or dying member. I’m glad that such help is there, in this day and age. I’m extra glad it was available to you and your family.
Shit - these transitions are never easy or painless. And I guess most of us will face some version of it near the end. Sometimes that’s all one can pray for: safe passage.
Just know you’re surrounded by love, affection, sympathy, and support here, too, for sure.