The NYer: #BestPresident by Bob Odenkirk...typos and all, LOL

[VOX]

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/bestpresident?utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Humor_030619&utm_medium=email&bxid=5be9ce0724c17c6adf3aa48c&user_id=20628789&esrc=&utm_term=TNY_Humor
The New Yorker
March 6, 2019
#BestPresident
By Bob Odenkirk and Nate Odenkirk

Thank you for electing me as your sixteenth President. I will do great job! #bestpresident

President for one day and more of the South already thretaning to secede. Being treated very unfairly by Slave States, more than any other President!

That loser Jeff Davis (fake president) is going to get what’s coming to him! No mercy for double-crossers.

Just offered the excellent Robert E. Lee of Virginia our top post @Army. He is a world-class general from West Point (very smart). I pick the best people!

Robert the Rat made a very poor decision . . . good! I don’t want a third-rate general leading our fine men! #bestpresident

Stovepipe hat too heavy, filled with legal papers, Bible quotations &articles of war. South, test me, I will sign!1!! #bestpresident

Bible not opposed to slavery enough. Need good quotes to encourage people—come on aincent scribes! #bestpresident

@JeffersonDavis The South was never good. Worst Part of America “dead weight” never very popular! Fake seccesion wont work, nice try!!!!

Son @WillieLincoln dead @ 11yo. Very #sad, will b taking week off #bestpresident

Many say I am depressed. Infact I am the happiest President who ever lived, because I no longer have to argue w/ South . . . bad place! #alwayssmiling #honestabe

Sorry @JeffersonDavis I created #bestpresident, you can’t use! Will sue after war #manyliveslost

Telegraph operators spreading fake message that big N (many people’s name for the North) did very poorly at #Antedam . . . nope! Telegraphs unreliable. We won, not one life lost. Trust me, I’m the President! #tallestpresident

Confederacy hoping for @FrenchEmpire and @UK to buy thier (very itchy) cotton. I know for a fact that Our great allies know that big N cotton is better! #buybigN

Huge welcome to newest state—West Virginia! Did not want to join failing secceson (fake country) . . . great people! #winningsoon

Some are saying address at gettysburg was best speech ever. I think so! Made up on spot—lots dead, but great speech!

Need soliders! Quick. Join today! #winningsoon

If Our Great General grant was a heavy drinker (and he is not) he would still beat Robert the Rat!

Just got reelected. Big win! Thank you very much. Glad #south could not vote, they do not like me! #bestpresident

civil war won by big n!!!!! People are saying I should have a huge statue of me. I say yes!!

My loyal supporters say I would look great on the penny . . . @SalmonPChase are you listening?

Reconstruction will be a very beautiful process and Every state will be given a chance to come back into our union. Tough but fair!

@Ford’s theatre now—very talented cast! Did great job w war, loving the show #bestpresid

Bob Odenkirk is a writer, a comedian, and an actor. He stars in the AMC television series “Better Call Saul” and the upcoming Pixar film “The Incredibles 2.”