Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Best Of #8: Spring Break Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Last edited Tue Sep 24, 2019, 01:24 PM - Edit history (4)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Best Of #8: Spring Break Edition

Welcome Back To The Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Oh, hello! I know, right? I can’t believe it’s Spring Break already! Party!!!! Well, while we’re tidying up our mobile set here and prepping the Wheel Of Corruption for future endeavors, we will be taking a short break this week. In the meantime we’ve got lots of things planned for the Top 10 including setting up a new Instagram account and we’re getting ready for our big University Tour! Yes, the Top 10 will be hitting the road and stopping at our higher learning institutions around the country. This is going to be very exciting as we will get a chance to explore audiences which we might not have been able to reach otherwise. We’ll be hitting universities from Rutgers to Michigan State to Oregon to Alabama State to UC Berkeley to Gonzaga to UCLA to Ohio State to everything in between this great nation of ours. Starting with Idiots #7-5 on July 10th of this year, we will be hitting the road. No more Chuckle Huts for a while, the Top 10 has graduated and moving on to college! Plus we will also be debuting some fresh content to go along with the universities that we will be touring. Oh and let's not forget our big Texas Roadshow to start the season! Where we will be asking one of the big questions in life: "Are there liberals in the Lone Star State?" and the answer of course is yes, but we will be finding out what's like to be liberal in Texas. Enough of my banter, let’s get to the dates and details!

7/17/19 – Athens, Georgia - University Of Georgia
7/24/19 – Gainesville, Florida - University Of Florida
7/31/19 - Raleigh, NC - University Of North Carolina
8/7/19 - Dark (Best Of)
8/14/19 – Lexington, Kentucky – University Of Kentucky
8/21/19 – New Brunswick, New Jersey – Rutgers University
8/28/19 – Syracuse, New York – Syracuse University *CANCELLED*
9/4/19 – Dark (Labor Day, Best Of)
9/11/19 – Lansing, Michigan – Michigan State University
9/18/19 – Chicago, IL – Northwestern University
9/25/19 – Columbia, Missouri – Mizzou
10/2/19 – Lawrence, Kansas – University Of Kansas
10/9/19 – **DARK** (Best Of)
10/16/19 – Phoenix, AZ – Arizona State University
10/23/19 – Las Vegas, NV – UNLV
10/30/19 – Eugene, OR – University Of Oregon
11/6/19 - Spokane, WA – Gonzaga University
11/13/19 – Boise, ID – Boise State
11/20/19 – Berkeley, CA – UC Berkeley
11/27/19 – Dark (Best Of)
12/4/19 – Palo Alto, CA – Stanford University
12/11/19 – Los Angeles, CA – University Of Southern California
12/18/19 – Los Angeles, CA – UCLA

Enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to for our Best Of. But first we’ll play the John Oliver segment where he destroys the WWE and their reckless policies:

For the top spot this week is the guy who we currently call president and that’s Donald J. Trump (1). From Idiots #6-2, remember that time when the championship Clemson Tigers visited the White House and Trump treated them to a fast food buffet, and then he hilariously misspelled “hamburgers”? So do we! Taking the second slot, from Idiots #6-7, the proposed “Green New Deal” from freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is causing conservative heads to explode, mainly because they didn’t read it and are just making shit up about it. For the third slot, from Idiots #6-5, John Kasich got bumped from a flight and began to channel his inner Larry David in what seems like a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode come to life. For the fourth slot, from Idiots #6-1 – Brazil’s election ushers in a new national nightmare as a guy who is called the “Trump Of The Tropics”, Jair Bolsonaro (4), got elected and his first order of business was purging the Brazillian government of its’ enemies. In the fifth slot this week, from Idiots #6-6, our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), is going to take a look at controversial home DNA testing company 23 & Me, and why it constantly gets data wrong, and why you should be alarmed about it. And from Idiots #6-3, in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, our resident pastor is going to ask the question “Would you kill Baby Hitler?” the answer might surprise you! For the seventh slot, from Idiots #6-10, can the world’s most famous stripper, Stormy Daniels, make it as a stand up comedian? She says yes, but actual comedians say no. For the 8th slot, from Idiots #6-8, we have “How Is This Still A Thing?” and people, you knew that interviewing Roseanne about anything was a bad idea going in, so why did you do it? In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, from Idiots #6-12, it’s our special All Florida Man edition of People Are Dumb, because Florida Man brings the crazy extra hard. And finally to round out this Best Of Edition, we have the very last and final edition of Deep State Diaries (10) from Idiots #6-8, we hang out with the US State Department! Plus we’ll end with that time we had Cypress Hill on the show. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week
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From: Idiots #6-2

Congratulations to the Clemson Tigers for winning this year’s College National Championship. What a game that was! I mean Alabama got their asses handed to them didn’t they? Well the Tigers will get to visit the White House. And remember what an honor that used to be? Well thanks to a certain guy who is currently called president, they might want to reconsider. Especially considering that he’s channeling his inner Richmond Valentine from the movie “Kingsman: The Secret Service”. Or maybe Kevin Spacey from House Of Cards. OK, bad example. Well, Clemson, here’s what you got waiting for you!

The Clemson football team’s visit to the White House on Monday night is going to be a greasy one.

The Tigers were invited by President Donald Trump to celebrate their national championship victory over Alabama and, according to Trump, the menu is going to be all fast food.

“I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King’s [sic], with some pizza,” Trump said. “I really mean it. It’ll be interesting. I think that would be their favorite food, so we’ll see what happens.”

It sounds like Clemson will be getting the authentic White House experience, enjoying some of the president’s favorite foods. In a book about the 2016 campaign, two top Trump aides wrote that the “four major food groups” on Trump’s plane were “McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.”

The menu probably isn’t a hit with Clemson Director of Football Nutrition Paul Harrington, though. We’ve emailed Harrington for his thoughts and will update this post if he gets back to us.
https://sports.yahoo.com/president-trump-promises-several-fast-152758405.html

That’s right! No shut down means no White House staff which means no White House kitchen staff to cook for the Clemson team! So you could say that this is a House Of Carbs! And by the way this is what happens when the country is run by the less sophisticated – they actually enjoyed it! Either their standards are incredibly low or they haven’t had a decent meal in months! What is Clemson feeding them?

President Donald Trump paid tribute to college football champion Clemson for winning the College Football Playoff National Championship at a White House ceremony Monday evening.

Trump said he paid for their meal of "American fast food'' because of the partial government shutdown. He did not disclose the tab.

"We went off and we ordered American fast food, paid for by me. Lots of hamburgers, lots of pizza,'' Trump said after returning to the White House from a trip to New Orleans. "I think they'd like it better than anything we could give."

Some players "whooped" when they saw the spread, according a pool report.

"We have some very large people that like eating, so I think we're going to have a little fun," said the president, a fast-food lover himself.

Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said much of the staff that works in the White House residence has been furloughed due to the shutdown, "so the president is personally paying for the event to be catered with some of everyone's favorite fast foods."
http://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/25762856/white-house-offers-clemson-tigers-fast-food-feast-championship-celebration

Wow, how our standards have fallen as a society. Really he’s the kind of guy who would replace the White House kitchen with a McDonalds and Burger King just because he could. And he’s also fat and has no taste. And by the way let’s show that picture of Trump with the spread.



First off why is Trump like so proud of this? He’s feeding a championship football team garbage fast food that you can buy at the Flying J off the interstate. And second, why is he doing jazz hands? Ah, never mind, I have the answer! Just look at what Abe Lincoln is doing in the background!



By the way you’re wondering how much this spread costs, well…

Trump said, “So I had a choice. Do we have no food for you? Because we have a shutdown,” Business Insider reported. “Or do we give you some little, quick salads that the First Lady will make?”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a statement blamed Democrats for the shutdown and said that Trump was personally paying for the food.

The White House didn’t release the cost of the meal, but some news outlets tried to estimate the expense. The Post worked it out to be $2,911.44—or maybe $2,437.11, depending on whether the food came from the 2-for-$5 menu.

USA Today estimated the expense to be $861.72. Maybe the difference came down to what was included. USA Today didn’t include french fries or pizza, which Trump said would be part of the order, because none appeared in the pictures they used for their estimate.
http://fortune.com/2019/01/15/trump-clemson-tigers-fast-food/

Yeah so he spent $860 on fucking fast food. Really there were no other restaurants around? I mean you don’t own one that’s literally 5 miles from where you live? That wouldn’t work? Oh fuck it. I give up sometimes. And by the way here’s how much of a flaming narcissist Trump is. Not only did he pay for the food, he also said it was all food he likes, and he didn’t even get the quantities right!

Imagine being invited to the White House for dinner. You pack your best suit or dress and fly up to Washington, D.C. The day of the dinner, the president announces to reporters that he will be serving you fast food. He seems really excited about it. “I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King with some pizza,” he says. “I really meant it. It’ll be interesting. I would think that’s their favorite food. So we’ll see what happens.”

He has to be kidding, right? He really means it? It’ll be interesting? We’ll see what happens? A few hours later you head to the White House, go through security and enter the State Dining Room. This is what you see:

Yes, President Trump served selections from McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King to the Clemson Tigers football team, who were in Washington on Monday to celebrate their national championship. The scene was surreal, with boxes of Quarter Pounders piled high on the White House’s silver serving ware. Sterling gravy boats were stuffed with dipping sauce containers. Fries had been removed from their original packaging and put into paper cups emblazoned with the presidential seal.

Trump was beaming. “I like it all,” the president said as aides lit an ornate candelabra. “It’s all good stuff. Great American food. It will be very interesting to see at the end of this evening how many are left.” He added that “the Republicans are really, really sticking together” and that “we need border security.”
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-fast-food-white-house-779128/

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[font size="8"]Green New Deal
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From: Idiots #6-7

If there’s one liberal currently that conservatives *LOVE* to hate, it’s New York’s freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Is it because she’s Latina? Is it because she’s a woman? Is it because she’s from New York? Is it because she cares about the environment and the people? Or is it all of the above? Oh who am I kidding? The answer is easily all of the above! But her proposed “Green New Deal” has them talking and not in a good way. I wonder if it’s because the Koch Brothers handed them a large sack of money to talk trash about it? Or something else?

Democrats are bristling over a GOP effort to pit senators against the party's newly resurgent progressive base.

Republicans, fresh off a border funding fight they are widely viewed as having lost, are eager to pivot to offense as they hunt for 2020 fodder, when several Senate Democrats will be running for president.

Republicans say Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is mulling a series of votes to try to jam Democratic senators, whom he has repeatedly tried to paint as pushed off center by the “radical left.” His first step this week was fast-tracking the "Green New Deal" resolution by putting it on the Senate calendar.

But top Democrats are brushing off the potential political fallout of McConnell’s tactics, comparing them to a “political stunt.”

Sen. Dick Durbin (Ill.), the No. 2 Senate Democrat, said Republicans were using a routine maneuver because it “amuses some small-minded senators.”
https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/430309-gop-sees-green-new-deal-as-weapon-against-dems

Oh yeah it’s just par for the course. Mr. Senator, if I may guess what senators those were? I’m thinking McConnell and Lindsay Graham. I’m correct? Woohoo!!! And we’re not even doing the Wheel Of Corruption this week! Oh and by the way in case you’re wondering whether or not republicans couldn’t possibly be any more childish, one representative in Kentucky is trying to prove it wrong with a whoopee cushion! Yes, the worst environmental problems can now be solved with fart jokes!

Kentucky’s Republican agriculture commissioner is giving away a green whoopee cushion to highlight his opposition to the “Green New Deal” pushed by Democrats in Congress.

Ryan Quarles is running for a second term as Kentucky’s commissioner of agriculture in 2019. Last week, his campaign announced it would hold a contest to give away a green whoopee cushion to draw attention to what he says are the anti-agriculture messages pushed by Democrats.

The “Green New Deal” pushed by some Democrats in Congress is a plan to combat climate change. An early draft of a FAQ about the plan mentioned getting rid of “farting cows.” A spokesman for U.S. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said the quip was meant to be ironic.
https://www.wtvq.com/2019/02/19/ag-commissioner-opposing-green-new-deal-whoopee-cushion/

Uh… farting cows? Did you not see that episode of South Park? If we all hold it in, we all spontaneously combust! I mean it’s just science! And by the way Mitch McConnell is such a worthless piece of shit that you can’t get him to vote on anything or do anything meangingful, but he’s forcing a vote on this because he knows it will fail. What a jackass!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday that the Senate would vote on the Green New Deal introduced last week by Sen. Edward Markey, D-Mass., and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y.

"I've noted with great interest the Green New Deal, and we're going to be voting on that in the Senate to give everybody an opportunity to go on record," McConnell told reporters.

The proposal, which is not expected to pass the Republican-dominated upper chamber, could force some Democrats to make a politically awkward calculation.

Democratic liberals, including all of the senators currently running for president, have come out in support of the legislation, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years. Scientists have said dramatic, immediate action is necessary to stem the catastrophic effects of climate change.

Democratic moderates have been less than enthusiastic about the proposal. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi derisively referred to the House version of the resolution as a "green dream," while only 11 of the 47 senators who caucus with the Democrats have signed on as sponsors.
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/12/mitch-mcconnell-to-force-the-senate-to-vote-on-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-green-new-deal.html

I swear that there’s a Simpsons GIF for everything! But in case you’re wondering whether or not there’s a rhyme or reason for Mitch McConnell’s madness, well you are absolutely correct because he’s forcing this vote because he knows the democrats will lose on this issue and that it will make them look like losers. Um… fuck you Mitch!

The Green New Deal, unveiled by New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Massachusetts Sen. Ed Markey, will not resonate with American voters, longtime Democrat Barney Frank told CNBC on Tuesday.

The proposal, which calls for generating 100 percent of the nation's power from renewable sources within 10 years, is emerging as a major campaign issue, with all the Democratic senators running for president in 2020 pledging their support and President Donald Trump and Republicans blasting it.

"I think the Green New Deal would be loser," said Frank, the former Massachusetts congressman who retired in 2013 after more than three decades on Capitol Hill. "There's an argument that you don't destabilize a society by doing too much change at once."
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/19/barney-frank-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-green-new-deal-would-be-a-loser-against-trump-in-2020.html

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[font size="8"]John Kasich
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From: Idiots #6-5

We need some music for this one!

Last week, a new book came out about former Ohio governor, presidential candidate and guy who is doing his best to channel his inner Larry David, John Kasich, ran into a bit of a scuffle with a comedian who was on the same flight he was. It turns out the former governor was bumped from a flight and got into a spat with the star of a Hulu show called “Difficult People” and was pulling his inner Larry David and complaining that he got bumped to coach class. The horror! For the record, let’s call this piece “Curb Your Kasich”.

A comedian on Friday told the full story of her recent encounter with former Ohio Gov. John Kasich, whom she says stole her seat aboard an Alaska Airlines flight from New York to San Francisco when he was bumped.

Julie Klausner, known for the Hulu sitcom “Difficult People,” said the Republican was an “obnoxious” flight companion on her podcast, “How Was Your Week?”

She said a pilot needed to fly last-minute aboard the plane and bumped Kasich out of his seat, according to Cleveland.com. But instead of taking the downgraded seat he was assigned, the former presidential candidate took the comedian’s, the outlet reported.

Klausner, who identifies as a liberal, said once she read up on Kasich — and his political views — she decided to post about the incident on Twitter.
http://en.brinkwire.com/news/difficult-people-star-fumes-after-john-kasich-gets-her-airplane-seat/

&t=3s

Yeah we can assume it was pretty much like that. So John Kasich may have been channeling his inner Larry David by refusing to fly coach. But as you peel back the layers of this story, it gets weirder and weirder, because, why wouldn’t it?

Earlier in the month Alaska Airlines needed to bump a passenger from first class on a New York JFK to San Francisco flight for a pilot traveling to a duty assignment. The passenger they downgraded to economy was John Kasich, who just finished serving 8 years as Governor of Ohio and who sought the Republican nomination for President in 2016.

Only Governor Kasich didn’t leave the first class cabin, he sat down in another passenger’s seat instead.

Passenger Julie Klausner agreed to take a later flight rather than engage the drama. Alaska Airlines reimbursed the cost of the margherita flatbread she purchased while waiting an extra four hours.

It’s been reported that Kasich was asked to move to extra legroom coach (‘premium’) and also to 12F which I don’t think is an extra legroom seat on any Alaska aircraft (and we know that since this wasn’t the last flight of the day on the route that the aircraft was an Airbus A320). Here’s where he sat instead.
https://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2019/01/28/airline-downgraded-john-kasich-but-he-wouldnt-leave-first-class/

And by the way does anyone else find it ironic that Kasich picked a fight with the star of a show called “Difficult People”? Seems like Kasich just gave Klausner and the Difficult People writers some material for the next few episodes!

A comedian on her way to San Francisco from New York City earlier this month said former Ohio Governor John Kasich took her first class airplane seat after Alaska Airlines staff moved him to a new seat in economy class.

Julie Klausner, who appears in the Hulu sitcom "Difficult People" said she was surprised to find Kasich in seat 1D on her morning Alaska Airlines flight from John F. Kennedy Airport to San Francisco.

Kasich recently finished a second term as Ohio's governor. He also sought the Republican nomination for President during the 2016 election.

Gate agents told Klausner a pilot who needed to travel last-minute had been given Kasich's original first class seat. Alaska agents re-assigned Kasich to a seat behind the curtain in its extra-legroom economy cabin, Premium Class.

But the politician instead sat down in an unoccupied first class seat, which ended up being Klausner's.
https://www.sfgate.com/travel/article/John-Kasich-takes-Julie-Klausner-seat-13574976.php

Oh and by at least some good came out of this incident, and for a cause that a pro-life conservative like Kasich would absolutely fucking hate! So Klausner decided to use this story for good instead of bad and raised a lot of money for Planned Parenthood!

Comedian Julie Klausner has raised thousands of dollars for Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio after reportedly losing her seat on a cross-country flight to former Ohio Gov. John Kasich (R), an abortion opponent.

Klausner, a California-based comedian best known for her role on the Hulu series “Difficult People,” posted on social media earlier this month that she lost her spot on an Alaska Airlines flight from New York to San Francisco after Kasich’s original seat was occupied by a pilot flying last minute, according to Cleveland.com.

Kasich was then moved to her what had been Klausner's seat, prompting her to take a separate flight, according to her account.

Klausner said that when she began getting insulted and criticized on social media for her depiction of the incident, she decided to donate $1 to Planned Parenthood of Ohio for every comment — both positive and negative — posted on her social media accounts.

On Tuesday she posted PayPal receipts on Twitter showing her donation of $2,774 to Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio.
https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/427731-comedian-raises-thousands-for-planned-parenthood-after-john

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[font size="8"]Jair Bolsonaro
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From: Idiots #6-1



Welcome to your new nightmare, Brazil! And hey if you think I’m not going to a piece on Brazil’s creeping dictatorship without wearing a traditional Carnivale costume and playing Samba music, you are dead wrong! Hit it! So in case you haven’t noticed during the last two weeks, a new era of ultra far right fascism has begun in the South American country under their new president Jair Bolsonaro, a guy who is a Putin stooge and who many have described as the “Trump Of The Tropics”. And he is unbelievably scary, and what he’s doing actually puts Trump to shame, and it’s only going to get worse! He’s already got to work purging his enemies!

Brazil’s new president has authorised the dismissal of civil servants who do not share his far-right ideology, it has been reported.

Having taken office this week, Jair Bolsonaro has launched a purge of left-wing government officials with approximately 300 people expected to be dismissed.

Officials who are seen as being supportive of the previous left-wing and centrist governments will be removed to “clean the house”, Mr Bolsonaro’s chief of staff Onyx Lorenzoni said.

“It’s the only way to govern with our ideas, our concepts and to carry out what Brazil’s society decided in its majority,” Mr Lorenzoni said, according to Die Welt.

He added that the vast proportion of those dismissed are on temporary contracts and their removal is necessary to “do away with the Socialist and Communist ideas that during 30 years have led us to the chaos in which we live.”
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/jair-bolsonaro-brazil-president-civil-servants-fire-far-right-left-wing-a8711116.html

Because purges always work so well don’t they? Just look at Turkey, the Philippines, Poland, and Hungary to find out where Brazil’s headed. Because Putin is turning the world’s democracies on their ear by spreading fear, hate, and misinformation that gets creeps like Bolsonaro and Trump elected. And guess who he’s going after? Oh wait, you don’t have to! If you’ve been following Trump you already know!

Newly installed President Jair Bolsonaro targeted Brazil’s indigenous groups, descendants of slaves and the LGBT community with executive orders in the first hours of his administration, moving quickly after a campaign in which the far-right leader said he would radically overhaul many aspects of life in Latin America’s largest nation.

Sao Paulo's stock market, meanwhile, jumped 3.56 percent to a record closing of 91,012 points as new Cabinet ministers reinforced the intent to privatize state-owned companies and a Brazilian arms maker benefited from Bolsonaro's plans to loosen gun controls. Similar spikes in stock prices also occurred during the presidential campaign.

One of the orders issued late Tuesday, hours after Bolsonaro's inauguration, likely will make it all but impossible for new lands to be identified and demarcated for indigenous communities. Areas set aside for "Quilombolas," as descendants of former slaves are known, are also affected by the decision.

Another order removed the concerns of the LGBT community from consideration by the new human rights ministry.
https://www.sltrib.com/news/nation-world/2019/01/03/brazils-bolsonaro-targets/

But of course he’s going to restore order, people! I mean just look at how well Trump is trying to fix an already burning ship. He’s pledging that Brazil has been lifted from the confines of socialism and political correctness! Wait, that sounds familiar. We got to keep our composure people!!!!! We can’t have anybody freaking out here!!!

Brazil‘s newly inaugurated President Jair Bolsonaro said on Tuesday (January 01) that he would “restore order,” and he vowed to tackle corruption, crime and economic mismanagement in Latin America’s largest nation.

Bolsonaro, a former army captain turned lawmaker who openly admires Brazil‘s 1964-1985 military dictatorship, promised in his first remarks as president to adhere to democratic norms, after his tirades against the media and political opponents had stirred unease.

A seven-term congressman who spent decades on the fringes of Brazilian politics, Bolsonaro was swept to power in October by voters’ outrage with traditional political parties, making him Brazil‘s first right-wing president since the dictatorship.

Voters punished mainstream parties following more than four years of graft investigations that laid bare the largest political corruption scheme ever discovered. Centrist parties were trounced, reshaping Brazil‘s political landscape and polarising Congress.

Following a knife attack during the presidential campaign that left Bolsonaro hospitalized for weeks, security was tight for his inauguration. Some 10,000 police officers and soldiers were deployed on the streets of Brasilia, the capital, as Bolsonaro and his wife rode in an open-topped Rolls-Royce to Congress.
https://www.untvweb.com/news/bolsonaro-takes-office-in-brazil-says-will-restore-order/

And speaking of keeping our composure, guess what? You’re in good company, Brazil! Because guess who Bolsonaro is already courting? He’s courting Putin’s favorite president, Donald J. Trump, and we all know what a dumpster fire he’s been setting here in America!

Bolsonaro issued a directive giving the Agriculture Ministry, which is dominated by a powerful agro-business lobby, control over areas reserved for Brazil's indigenous peoples and the descendants of former slaves. He made it nearly impossible for new protected lands to be demarcated. A government agency run by a prominent general was given the ability to "monitor" international organisations and nongovernmental organisations operating in Brazil. And the LGBT community was excluded from a list of groups whose concerns would be protected by a new Human Rights Ministry.

None of this should be a surprise. Bolsonaro is a strident far-right ideologue, notorious for his bigoted rhetoric against women, minorities, the poor and LGBT Brazilians. Once a buffoonish figure on the fringes of the country's politics, he marshalled deep frustrations with Brazil's dysfunction — its stagnating economy, its soaring crime, its corrupt political elites — to score dramatic victories in elections last year. Now he is following through on his promises to upend the status quo and crack down on imagined enemies.

Perhaps more conspicuous was the enthusiastic cheerleading coming from the Trump Administration. Bolsonaro has long been likened to United States President Donald Trump — another angry nationalist bent on radically shifting his country to the right while trying to tear down the political achievements of opponents to the left.

Former Trump adviser Stephen Bannon whispered encouragement to Bolsonaro's camp. The Brazilian politician, meanwhile, launched Trumpian attacks on everything from "fake news" to refugees.
https://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=12185770

Bet you didn’t think you were going to hear the last of Steve Bannon did you? I mean last we saw he could barely fill the breakfast buffet at Holiday Inn and getting canned from talking about having sex with robots! And you know that most of the people there were there for the free buffet and couldn’t give less of a shit about Steve Bannon. But in case you’re wondering how well Brazil’s war on crime is going, just look at what happened this week at Rio’s landmark Cristo Redentor statue:

Dozens of tourists hiking toward the famous Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro were held at gunpoint for up to two hours in a mass robbery that could mark an early test for anti-crime crackdowns promised by Brazil’s new president.

Police said Friday that at least three assailants carrying knives and a gun set up the ambush on the trail, which cuts through a dense forest that borders a slum on the outskirts of the city and has been the site of numerous muggings.

In total, more than 30 people were robbed Thursday — about half foreigners from Asia, Europe and elsewhere in South America — as the thieves took hostages and waited for more tourists to arrive.

They took cellphones, cameras, wedding rings and credit cards, police said. Nobody was hurt.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/the_americas/dozens-of-tourists-in-brazil-robbed-on-trail-to-rios-famous-christ-the-redeemer-statue/2019/01/04/c08685b8-1025-11e9-8f0c-6f878a26288a_story.html?utm_term=.441be7ce1d68

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: DIY DNA
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From: Idiots #6-6

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

You’ve probably seen home DNA testing kits come along fast and furious lately. From companies that offer just basic testing like 23 & Me to sites that offer more specific studies, like ancestry.com. But if you have been taking these tests or you’ve been hearing that the tests come back wrong every time, you’re not alone. In fact, you should be concerned immediately after sending back the kit, especially if you sign up for their health tests.

23andMe is pushing back against a recent The New York Times editorial board opinion piece that warned customers to be careful about the company's health tests.

The editorial board argued that 23andMe's genetic risk health tests, such as its test that claims to screen for two genetic mutations linked to colorectal cancer, can't determine the actual risk of developing the diseases because it relies on "much simpler technology" than a healthcare facility does.

In addition, the op-ed compared 23andMe's breast cancer screen to "proofreading a document by looking at only a handful of letters," as the test only looks at parts of the genome where mutations are known to occur.

"[23andMe's tests] look for only a handful of errors that may or may not elevate your risk of developing the disease in question. And they don't factor into their final analysis other information, like family history. (Not everyone with a given mutation will go on to develop the disease). So the results will not tell you much about your actual health risks," the editorial board wrote in the Feb. 1 opinion piece.
https://www.beckershospitalreview.com/quality/nyt-editorial-board-warns-about-23andme-dna-tests-23andme-responds.html

Yes it definitely is! And in case you’re wondering, some disturbing facts about 23 and Me and similar DNA testing companies have recently been coming up. And they are very shocking, especially about the concentration of where your DNA is going. Right now, 4 companies control the DNA of 26 million people, and yes, you read that right.

Four companies now have DNA information on more than 26 million people.

That’s roughly the combined population of New York State (nearly 20 million), Connecticut (3.5 million) and Chicago (2.7 million).

According to MIT Technology Review , the number of people who submitted their most personal genetic details to companies including 23andme and Ancestry.com doubled in 2018. At that rate, 100 million people will have provided information about their DNA make-up to private companies by the end of 2020.

Testing kits like AncestryDNA can be purchased on Amazon.com for $69 and are simple to use. Customers simply rub a cotton swab inside their mouth, seal it in a package included in the kit, mail it to a lab, and wait up to a month to find out their ethnic makeup.

While many people enjoy learning about their heritage, critics argue such that DNA information might allow insurance companies to discriminate against people predisposed to certain ailments.
https://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/ny-news-dna-ancestry-23andme-kits-insurance-20190212-story.html

Except it’s not dino DNA. It’s human DNA, sir. And by the way if you think that DNA testing screw ups are limited to just the US, you are wrong. In fact it’s a world wide problem that affects just about everyone who ponies up the $199 for the 23 & Me kit. Yes, the home DNA testing kits cost $200, and for that amount of money they had better get something right!

Mail-order genetic testing kits, which are all the rage right now, have been put through their paces by identical twins, and the results are a little baffling.

These test kits collect your DNA, typically by you spitting into a tube, and then you have to send the package back to the manufacturers for analysis. The results are shared electronically when ready.

To check out the accuracy of these test kits, Charlsie Agro – who fronts Canadian telly watchdog show Marketplace – and her identical twin sister Carly used them to submit their DNA to five separate consumer-grade genetic-testing outfits, and compared their results.

And their results were surprisingly varied. For one thing, the tests couldn't agree on where exactly their ancestors actually physically came from. Test kit supplier 23andMe reckoned the twins are about 40 per cent Italian, and 25 per cent Eastern European; AncestryDNA said they are about 40 per cent Russia or Eastern European, and 30 per cent Italian; and MyHeritageDNA concluded are about 60 per cent Balkan, and 20 per cent Greek.
https://www.theregister.co.uk/2019/01/18/dna_twins_gene_tests/

Except there’s no chaos theory here, at least not yet. There’s plenty of reasons why you should do a 23 & Me test but there’s also plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t. The fact that 26 million people have their DNA data in the hands of 4 companies is enough. But this also might shock you.

Last month, the DNA-testing company 23andMe secured Food and Drug Administration approval for a new screening for gene-based health risks. Along with celiac disease, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, breast cancer and several other medical conditions, the company can now screen clients for two mutations that have been linked to colorectal cancer.

But “F.D.A.-approved” does not necessarily mean “clinically useful.” 23andMe relies on much simpler technology than tests that you’d get at your doctor’s office. As a result, the company’s tests cannot tell you much about your actual risk of developing the diseases in question.

Here’s how those tests work — and why you should interpret them with caution.
They read your gene.

You can think of your genes as long text documents. The words are your genetic code. Genetic mutations are like typos — imperfections that scientists can spot with some scrutiny.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/02/01/opinion/23andme-cancer-dna-test-brca.html

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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From: Idiots #6-3

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Las Vegas! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Have a seat please! And give it up for our gospel choir, how great are they? You know… I have just returned from Washington DC. This week there was an event that the religious right of America felt the need to have their voices heard. Which is their right under GAWD that they can do that. So what has the fundamentalists’ underwear in a wad? Why are they going so nuts over this one topic that they need to hold their OWN march? Well let’s take a look at what actually happened last week that got lost in the headlines!

Conservative radio host Ben Shapiro said Friday at the annual March for Life rally in Washington, D.C., that "no pro-life person would kill baby Hitler" because "baby Hitler was a baby," with the comments quickly going viral on social media.

“The argument, I guess here, is that would you kill baby Hitler?” Shapiro said in answering a question that appeared to be submitted online during a live broadcast at the anti-abortion rally.

“And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler, because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler, adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby," he continued.

"What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house where he would not grow up to be Hitler, right? That’s the idea.”

The hashtag #BabyHitler began trending on Twitter not long after the comments on Friday afternoon, drawing the ire of mostly liberals on the platform.
https://thehill.com/homenews/media/426100-ben-shapiro-at-march-for-life-rally-no-pro-life-person-would-kill-baby-hitler

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Yes. You know what? Let’s play the clip because it’s quite spectacular:

Now you know, my fair congregation, it says that in the Good Book that murder is illegal! But… that hasn’t stopped the Baby Hitler debate. In fact if you take a look at some past clips, judging on the actions of this weekend, well, they haven’t aged well.

So there you go, the very idea that murdering Baby Hitler has been the subject of some rather interesting debate. But the debate over killing Baby Hitler is actually pretty toxic for sponsors – they really don’t want anything to do with it.

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro has now lost two sponsors of his podcast after a live recording at an anti-abortion rally in which he read advertisements out to the crowd and also mulled over the philosophical dilemma of killing “baby Hitler.”

Calm, a sleep and meditation phone app, became the second company to drop its sponsorship of Shapiro after the right-wing host appeared before thousands of abortion opponents during Friday’s March for Life rally in Washington, D.C.

“We do not align with this message,” the company posted on Twitter. “We’re pulling our sponsorship.”

Earlier Friday night, another brand, the toothbrush maker Quip, told HuffPost it was ending its sponsorship of Shapiro’s podcast over the ad readings.

“Our mission is to make good oral health more accessible to everyone, and podcast advertising is one way we’re able to realize this,” Quip said in a statement. “However, following one of our ads being read in a venue we did not endorse, we have chosen to discontinue our advertising relationship with this show. We are also taking steps to ensure all of our advertising partners are aligned with our oral health mission and values.”

Right Wing Watch reporter Jared Holt first drew attention to the ad readouts during an appearance that had already made news over Shapiro’s “baby Hitler” moment.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/another-sponsor-just-dropped-ben-shapiro-after-his-bizarre-march-for-life-appearance_us_5c434e23e4b027c3bbc23d12

But while this is a touchy subject for advertisers, it’s apparently a touchy subject for Mr. Shapiro himself because thanks to his anti-abortion views, he wouldn’t kill Baby Hitler because… he’s a baby. That’s sound logic there!

Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro, appearing Friday as the keynote speaker of the annual March for Life on the National Mall in Washington, shared with his audience a head-scratching scenario about abortion and Adolf Hitler.

“The argument, I guess here, would you kill baby Hitler?” he started off, in a clip posted to Twitter. “And the truth is that no pro-life person on earth would kill baby Hitler. Because baby Hitler wasn’t Hitler — adult Hitler was Hitler. Baby Hitler was a baby.”

Shapiro, who is Jewish, offered a suggestion: “What you presumably want to do with baby Hitler is take baby Hitler out of baby Hitler’s house and move baby Hitler into a better house, where he would not grow up to be Hitler.”

The crowd erupted into applause as the clip closed.

Shapiro, a prominent supporter of the pro-life movement, appeared to be making his remarks as part of his popular podcast, HuffPost reported.
https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/ben-shapiro-i-wouldn-t-kill-baby-hitler-1.6852105

By the way let’s hear it for my gospel choir. How great are they? Can I get an amen??? Anyone remember a few years ago when Pat Robertson had that clip about the mom who lost a baby to miscarriage and then he justified it? Let’s play that!

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOO! Boo indeed. So they’re conflicted on the message TO THIS DAY in case you can’t tell! And by the way in case you’re wondering if there really is a Baby Hitler out there, well here’s your answer!

A Neo-Nazi couple who named their child after Adolf Hitler are facing jail after they were found guilty of belonging to a banned terrorist organisation.

Adam Thomas, 22, and his girlfriend, Claudia Patatas, 38, were convicted of being members of the far-right organisation National Action, which was outlawed in 2016.

Birmingham Crown Court heard the pair gave their baby the middle name “Adolf”, which self-confessed racist Thomas told jurors was done in “admiration” for the leader of Nazi Germany.

A third defendant - a prominent member of National Action's Midlands chapter, Daniel Bogunovic, 27, of Leicester, was also convicted on Monday following the seven-week trial.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/national-action-baby-adolf-hitler-terror-guilty-nazi-court-patatas-a8629846.html

So there really is a real Baby Hitler out there! Raised by Neo Nazis at that! Well, there’s a test for this debate right now! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse
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From: Idiots #6-10

Let’s spin the wheel shall we? Oh and hey it’s a clip without context!

Holy shit! That’s crazy! I don’t remember that being part of our party platform! Spin it again! Oh and hey it’s time for Beating A Dead Horse:



The comedy world was completely divided this week as Stormy Daniels announced that she was going to try her hand at stand up comedy. Yes, *THAT* Stormy Daniels. Professional stripper and the woman who some might argue is Donald Trump’s worst nightmare. And she’s also single-handedly responsible for ruining our childhoods more than any amount of Ghostbusters remakes ever could. So, Stormy Daniels announced that she was going to fill the late spot at the Chuckle Hut and actual comedians are split down the middle as to who really gets to fill that spot. Hey, wait a minute! That’s also what we do here! So does that mean I don’t get to play to an audience either? Oh wait, we play the coveted Wednesday at 2:00 PM slot when there’s no possible chance of landing an audience. So let’s expand on this further, shall we?

Stormy Daniels is taking a spin at being a stand-up comedian.

The adult-film star — who’s been locked in an ongoing legal battle with President Trump and his former lawyer Michael Cohen — will perform at a comedy club in Houston later this month, the Joke Joint Comedy Club’s co-owner, Ken Reed, told KTRK-TV this week.

Daniels is suing Trump and Cohen to void a nondisclosure agreement about an affair she says she had with Trump in 2006. The payment over that agreement is one of the reasons Cohen was last year sentenced to three years in jail for bank fraud and campaign finance violations.

"I'm not going to judge her on her politics, or her day job, or anything else,” Reed said of Daniels’s upcoming sets. “She has an audience. She has a fanbase that want to see her. I think it's going to be a good show.”

The head of the comedy club said the idea for Daniels to deliver some one-liners came from her management team.
https://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/432680-stormy-daniels-turns-to-standup

Yeah so Stormy is heading to the stage everybody! Woooooooooooo!!!!! And what city will be lucky enough to witness this train wreck? Houston, Texas! And boy won’t they be so receptive there? Because Houston is prime MAGA country and I’m sure they won’t have any of it. But hey you never know what kind of audience you’re going to get!

Adult film star-turned-comedienne Stormy Daniels is taking her act on the road and starting her comedy tour in Houston.

Co-owner of the Joke Joint Comedy Club in southeast Houston, Ken Reed, says her management team reached out to him to schedule the show. He says he's gotten mixed opinions about her show coming to his club.

"I'd go see it. Check it out. See what it's about. I always like to laugh," said Aaron Holmes, a potential patron to the Stormy Daniels shows.

Meanwhile, Michael Nichols differs, saying, "Personally, not my preference, but, you know, to each his own."
https://abc13.com/entertainment/stormy-daniels-bringing-comedy-tour-to-houston/5167251/

Yes true, this is doo doo, or as some might put it, horseshit. So here’s where we get into the meat of this discussion. So actual stand up comedians aren’t having any of this. But as we’ve learned, Stormy is not the first celebrity to try their hand at stand-up comedy. Yeah we get it that comedy is not an easy profession to get into – it takes a lot of hard work to sell out the Chuckle Hut or the Joke Joint. So why so serious?

Stormy Daniels made waves after announcing a headlining gig at Joke Joint Comedy Showcase in Houston. Comedians nationwide took offense to Daniels, who likely has never done a comedy open mic in her life, headlining a comedy club on name recognition alone.

But here’s the rub: porn stars have been headlining comedy shows for years. Bree Olson made a web series, Bree Does Comedy, about an adult film star that becomes a stand-up. Sovereign Syre made a name for herself as a dual-action comedian and porn star. Ron Jeremy does a surprising number of club sets.

The prevalence of porn stars getting up onstage makes the backlash to Stormy Daniels doing stand-up only more confusing because this isn’t a new phenomenon.

Earlier this week, Laurie Kilmartin tweeted “Doing standup is not a reward for being famous. Please leave the weekend gigs for actual female comics,” in response to Daniel’s Tour Manager, Dwayne Crawford, announcing her first stand-up show in Texas. While Kilmartin says to “leave the weekends” for actual comics, the show is an independently-produced one-nighter on a Wednesday.
https://laughspin.com/stormy-daniels-upset-comedians/

Well, we would actually prefer not to do it that way. And even more and more actual comedians are speaking out against this idea. So is it a good move or a bad move? You be the judge. Of course we could and should afford a trip to Houston to witness the potential train wreck of a show, but yeah we’ll just save money and wait for the highlights to come out on Twitter! So what do actual comedians think of this move?

If you blinked and missed it, Stormy Daniels is starting her career in stand-up comedy. For the entertainers that have worked for years honing their craft, you can imagine that they would be pretty upset that Stormy gets a pass in the business just because she's got some stories to tell about Donald Trump. The former adult star will probably sell out her shows but according to Chris D'Elia, she shouldn't be referring to herself as a comedian.

When TMZ cameras caught up with the actor, he was asked about his thoughts on the move from porn to comedy. He actually gave a pretty insightful answer too. "I'm not a porn star if I just make a video of me fucking someone... I just made a video. She's not a comedian!" He goes on to say that people often look at stand-up as a second choice for when they've failed in their first career. Referring to the move as a cash grab, D'Elia notes that some of his peers are pissed about Stormy waltzing into the business so casually.

Instead of calling it a comedy tour, Chris suggests she change the name to a "public speaking" display. Let us know your thoughts on this? Does Stormy Daniels belong on the stage as a comedian?
https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/chris-delia-goes-off-on-stormy-daniels-for-starting-a-comedy-career-news.73678.html

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing?
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From: Idiots #6-8

It’s time once again to ask:



This week: TV shows who insist on interviewing Roseanne Barr. How is this still a thing? You know just like we think Twitter should have an “are you sure?” button before pressing send, we really need to have an intervention on reporters who still insist on interviewing the former TV star who has well, struggled to grasp reality. While we can’t fault Roseanne for that, we can certainly fault her for whatever batshit crazy thing is about to come out of her mouth. And this week, she certainly did not disappoint in the slightest.

Roseanne Barr is at it again. The actress/comedienne who lost her job and her hit ABC show after her racist Twitter rant against Valerie Jarrett just took some shots at Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and it looks like some folks will never learn to keep their mouths shut.

Over the weekend, Barr posted a video to YouTube calling AOC a “bug-eyed bi*ch” and a “Farrakhan loving bi*ch” over her proposed Green New Deal; a plan intended to “achieve net-zero greenhouse gas emissions and create economic prosperity for all.”

This isn’t the first time Roseanne Barr has made offensive statements against women who deserve respect.

In deranged new video, Roseanne Barr says of Valerie Jarrett, ‘I thought the bitch was white’

Back in May, Roseanne Barr was abruptly fired from her own show after she tweeted racist remarks about former Barack Obama adviser, Valerie Jarrett.

“muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=vj,” Barr tweeted in response to a post about Jarrett.

ABC quickly fired her once they caught wind of the offensive tweets.
https://thegrio.com/2019/02/20/roseanne-barr-calls-alexandria-ocasio-cortez-a-big-eyed-bich-and-farrakhan-loving-bich/

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Now really, Roseanne. Did you learn anything? Apparently not. And now this gets even weirder with former confidant and the voice of Sideshow Bob himself, Kelsey Grammar, who not even 3 days before, called for Roseanne to be forgiven. Now really, Kelsey, what did you expect?

“Frasier” actor Kelsey Grammer said over the weekend that he thinks that “people should be forgiven” in regards to Roseanne Barr’s departure from her eponymous show last year.

Grammer said he was encouraged by the success of the reboot of “Roseanne,” adding that a reboot of “Frasier” is in the works, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

Last year, Barr was fired by ABC after she made a joke about Valerie Jarrett, who worked s an adviser to former President Obama.

After cries of racism, Barr’s show was canceled. ABC Entertainment President Channing Dungey said her comments were “abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values.”

“I have no idea. I think people should be forgiven for their sins. Our life is so challenging. How do you ever make amends?” Grammer said of the incident.
https://www.theepochtimes.com/kelsey-grammer-on-roseanne-barr-people-should-be-forgiven-for-their-sins_2806052.html

And really, you really had to go there? When you interview Roseanne you are almost guaranteed anymore that she will say something batshit crazy. Because Roseanne suffers from a condition where the rectum recycles matter that goes straight to the cranial cavity. And you probably know this disease better as “shit for brains”. Well, her reasons for being fired are almost as crazy as the reason why she was fired in the first place.

Roseanne Barr, who offered a plethora of reasons why she was fired from her hit rebooted sitcom following a racist tweet last year, told The Jerusalem Post that "antisemitism" at ABC and her support for Israel helped do her in.

In an interview published Friday in the Jerusalem-based English-language newspaper ahead of her visit to address Israel's parliament, Barr expanded on one of the multiple theories she's offered to explain why she was kicked off her revived show, "Roseanne," last summer.

"I feel that what happened to me, a large part of it is antisemitism," Barr told the Post in a phone interview on Thursday from her home in Hawaii. "I think it played a part – the fact that I was never allowed to explain what I meant – and what I meant was a commentary on Iran – so they purposely mischaracterized what I said and wouldn't let me explain."

She said ABC acted in haste and did something "unprecedented that they've never done to any other artist" because she is "the most vocal person about Israel and (against) BDS," the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions movement to pressure Israel over its treatment of Palestinians.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2019/01/11/roseanne-barr-tells-israelis-she-blames-abc-antisemitism-firing/2552869002/

Anti-semitism is to blame? Really, are you Walter Sobchak from the Big Lebowski, Roseanne? Look, we support free speech here, nobody is going to come and take your free speech rights away. But after one crazy thing after another, we really need a sanity check before you go out in public and start saying crazy shit. Because she said this about Natalie Portman in January.

The comedian also said in an interview published Friday in the daily newspaper Israel Hayom that John Goodman should have "fought harder" for her.

Roseanne Barr criticized Natalie Portman and defended Kevin Hart ahead of her visit to Israel.

In an interview published Friday in the daily newspaper Israel Hayom, the comedian took on Portman, who last April outraged many upon declining to take part in an award ceremony as the recipient of the Genesis Prize Laureate, explaining she "did not want to appear as endorsing Benjamin Netanyahu, who was to be giving a speech at the ceremony."

"It was really sickening, I find her repulsive," said Barr of Portman in the interview. "She was raised in incredible privilege of safety in the Jewish state and knows nothing about anti-Semitism."

Portman was born in Jerusalem and moved to the U.S. with her parents at the age of 3.

Added Barr, "She's the darling of the left here, the Jewish left in Hollywood, she is a complete hypocrite who grew up in safety and privilege, like I said before, and knows nothing about what she speaks of."
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/roseanne-barr-slams-natalie-portman-defends-kevin-hart-1177378

You’re going to attack Natalie Portman for being Jewish when you’re trying to claim anti-semitism is the reason why you got fired? That is what one might call “hypocrisy”. That’s enough to make you ask – interviewing Roseanne:




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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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From: Idiots #6-12

Hit it!

I don’t know if you saw the Florida Man challenge this week, but because of that, and the fact that we’re in Florida, we’re doing a special all Florida man edition of “People Are Dumb”, because, you know why, audience! Thank you. And yes, at the end of this segment, we’ll reveal the dumb thing that Florida Man did on December 5th, the day of the Top 10’s anniversary. But I want to start with this minor league team out of Jacksonville, which is affiliated with the Miami Marlins. They’re called the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimps, and they are planning what may be one of my favorite baseball promotions of all time – because it’s Florida Man. Well, the Jumbo Shrimp are planning a Florida Man themed night and it is going to be truly magical.

When your team is named the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, you’re clearly not opposed to pushing the envelope to have a little fun. The latest example is a “Florida Man” promotional night where the Miami Marlins’ Double-A affiliate will “attempt to break a weird Florida law every inning.”

The game on July 26 will be sponsored by a law office and pays homage to all the wacky crimes that emerge from our beloved state.

The Jumbo Shrimp — yes, that’s their real oxymoronic name; they changed it after more than 50 years as the Jacksonville Suns — have not announced which specific laws they will break.

I mean, why tip off the fuzz, right?

This promotion has already gotten the team national attention from the likes of ESPN, Sports Illustrated and CBS.
https://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/miami-marlins/fl-sp-florida-man-night-jacksonvillle-jumbo-shrimp-20190320-story.html

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So that out of the way, let’s go to this story out of Seminole County, that’s Orlando don’t you know, where this guy robbed a liquor store wearing a Spiderman mask. But hey Spiderman is supposed to be a good guy! And I know that multiple Spiderman universes exist thanks to Into The Spiderverse, but really, come on, we need to do better people!!!

A liquor store just north of Orlando got a visit from Spider-Man back in January, only this web-slinger wasn’t of the friendly neighborhood variety.

Deputies said he’s the man who broke into Winn-Dixie Wine and Spirits in Casselberry, FL, wearing a Spider-Man mask to steal alcohol and cigarettes.

Deputy Bruce Milne responded to the burglary report. He immediately caught a break while reviewing surveillance footage.

The suspect first tried to open the store’s door without a mask on.

“To me, it was just a matter of absolute surprise that he would walk up to the door first, try to break in, and then it starts clicking in his head, ’Oh, I might get recognized if I do this without a mask on,’” Milne said.

Investigators said Wilburn went to a nearby thrift store where he found the Spider-Man mask.
https://www.wkyt.com/content/news/Florida-man-dons-Spider-Man-mask-during-liquor-store-burglary-507385931.html

That is true! Next up, we go to Milton, Florida for this story. Look, I love a good fast food rage story, you know that. And hey when you’re drunk and you’re craving one food and can’t shake that craving, sure, I know what that is like! When you’re drunk, you got to have that one food and nothing else will satisfy you. But don’t bring violence into it, that is a no no.

A Florida man has been arrested and charged with battery after he allegedly pushed a woman who wouldn’t let him into her house to eat egg rolls.

Police in Milton, Florida, have said in an offense report that the suspect, 44-year-old Keith Johnson, arrived at the victim’s house drunk, demanding to come in so that he could eat the Chinese foodstuff.

ABC affiliate WEARTV reported that Johnson kept ringing the doorbell despite the complainant repeatedly telling him she wasn’t going to let him in and didn’t want him in her home.

The victim claimed eventually that she said she would come out to give Johnson the egg rolls, which were inside the home. It is at this point, when she opened the door, that he shoved her inside.
https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-shoved-woman-because-he-wanted-eat-egg-rolls-her-house-claims-she-1370734

Oh that clip is a classic! Next up, we go to Gainesville for this one. That’s the home of the Florida Gators, don’t you know? Well here’s the thing, impersonating an officer *NEVER* ends well especially for you, and especially if you happen to come across an actual police officer. So this happened.

The latest Florida Man tale: A Deltona man impersonating a police officer uses a public warning system on a real cop.

A Deltona man playing policeman caught up to a real one and used an illegal public address system and lights to warn a sheriff’s sergeant driving an unmarked vehicle in Pierson, Volusia sheriff’s officials said.

Shortly after that, Sgt. Todd Smith turned on his real blue lights and pulled over Thomas Farmer, 64.

Farmer was arrested on Tuesday and charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer, a third-degree felony.

When the sergeant investigated the incident further, he learned that Thomas had previously been warned twice by deputies to stop using his horn, loudspeakers and lights, as his behavior is consistent with impersonating a police officer, his arrest report shows.
https://www.gainesville.com/news/20190320/oh-florida-man-playing-policeman-never-ends-well-for-you/2

And let’s not forget that in Florida, the ladies can be just as crazy as the men are! Why does this story remind me of the scene at the beginning of Super Troopers where the stoners are discussing who owns the water in a beach property? We go to Melbourne (Florida, not Australia) for this story.

A Melbourne fisherman says he regularly fishes along State Road A1A, south of the Sebastian Inlet, and has done so without incident for 20-some years.

Until Saturday.

That’s when Jose Ortiz told WPEC-TV 12 News that Joyce Khatibi, who owns property nearby in Vero Beach, started yelling at him from a dock and aimed a hose in his direction. She told him he can’t fish at his favorite spot anymore, “because she owns the water.”

Indian River County sheriff’s deputies were called and Ortiz was initially asked to leave when they looked at online property records. But a follow-up look at the records showed that Khatibi’s property line didn’t extend into the water, WPEC found.
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article228227534.html

Finally this week, even Florida animals are crazy! The animals!!!!! Why is my voice so high? Anyway, if there’s one thing that I learned from the movie Up, it’s that squirrels are dicks. And if you do come into contact with one, get the nearest attack dog on it, but if you don’t have one, run! But this story seriously has everything. We go to Sarasota for this story.

“Frickin squirrel attacked me,” Robby Armstrong posted on his Facebook page on Sunday, a day after the rodent bit him. His security cameras caught the attack, one Armstrong said was not unusual in the neighborhood.

The squirrel, which he said was raised by his neighbors when it was a baby and then released, bit other residents. Among the other bite victims of the aggressive rodent: Armstrong’s stepson and adult members of the family that initially cared for it, News Channel 8 reported.

Armstrong had enough, he posted. “I chased him around and shot him with a BB gun about 10 times but he is still alive so be on the lookout for a crazy squirrel.”

On Wednesday, Armstrong told the Miami Herald he was “fine” and that the squirrel “is still roaming around.”
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article228166959.html

Oh and in case you’re wondering what our Florida Man Challenge story is, it’s Florida Man Arrested For Going Shoplifting After Job Interview. Florida Man, you’re the best. Keep doing what you’re doing. That’s it this week for our special all Florida Man edition of:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 2: The United States State Department
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From: Idiots #6-8

It’s time for the very last and final edition of Deep State Diaries. It’s time to say goodbye, everyone, it’s been fun. We toured everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The United States State Department[/font]


So for our very last and final edition of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, we are going to tour one of the US government’s oldest and most prominent institutions – the United States State Department. The USSD is an institution as old as the United States itself. Yes, it’s the branch of the US government that was formerly headed by Rex Tillerson and is currently headed by guy who makes torture great again, Mike Pompeo. The USSD is similar to a ministry of foreign affairs in that it helps shape international and also domestic policies that define the United States. So what are some things that the USSD actually does? Well we all know how bad Huawei is, and we think Europe might be finally getting the message that you shouldn’t do business with the embattled cell phone manufacturer.

European governments are proving receptive to the idea that China’s Huawei poses security risks to telecoms networks, a senior U.S. cyber official said on Tuesday.

“We are highlighting inherent risks... in particular with Huawei,” Robert L. Strayer, the U.S. State Department’s ambassador for cyber and international communications told reporters at Mobile World Congress in Barcelona.

Strayer said people in Europe were getting the message, but: “At the end of the day, each government and operator has to make its own decisions.”

A U.S. delegation is attending the wireless trade fair to persuade Europeans to follow the U.S. lead in shunning Huawei, the world’s biggest maker of telecoms equipment, which is competing for next-generation 5G mobile network contracts. (Reporting by Jack Stubbs and Isla Binnie Writing by Georgina Prodhan Editing by Keith Weir)
https://www.cnbc.com/2019/02/26/reuters-america-u-s-state-department-says-europe-is-getting-the-message-on-huawei.html

Well hopefully they won’t have to come to that. Another thing that the US department does is they issue travel warnings. Yes, they tell the citizens of the US that maybe they shouldn’t go to certain countries because reasons. Like maybe don’t go to the Bahamas right now because if you haven’t noticed the Gulf Of Mexico has these things called hurricanes, and they’ve been quite active lately.

The United States State Department issued another travel warning for the Bahamas today.

The U.S. State Department reissued a “Level 2: Exercise Increased Caution Due to Crime” for the Bahamas, stating:

“Violent crime, such as burglaries, armed robberies, and sexual assault, is common, even during the day and in tourist areas. Although the family islands are not crime-free, the vast majority of crime occurs on New Providence and Grand Bahama islands . . . Activities involving commercial recreational watercraft, including water tours, are not consistently regulated. Watercraft are often not maintained, and many companies do not have safety certifications to operate in The Bahamas. Jet-ski operators have been known to commit sexual assaults against tourists . . .”

There were three travel warnings issued by the U.S. last year for the Bahamas, by the U.S. Overseas Security Advisory Council (OSAC) in the Bahamas 2018 Crime & Safety Report, the U.S. State Department, and the U.S. Embassy in Nassau as well as one warning by Canada.
https://www.cruiselawnews.com/2019/02/articles/uncategorized/u-s-state-department-issues-another-travel-warning-for-the-bahamas/

Another thing that the US State Department does is that they determine what the United States can and cannot import and export. Remember how James Bond’s cover was that he was an importer – exporter of good? Even though it’s never implied what, exactly. But that’s really the job of the US State Department.

The US continues to pursue a zero-tolerance policy for its Iran oil sanctions and is urging importers to eliminate all purchases from the Middle East country, Francis Fannon, assistant secretary at the US State Department’s Bureau of Energy Resources, said Monday during a visit to Japan.

“The US policy is to drive Iranian exports to zero,” Fannon said during a media briefing in Tokyo. “That policy has not changed. We are unwavering in our policy.”

Fannon was asked whether Washington would consider extending Iran sanctions waivers when they expire in May, given falling supplies from Saudi Arabia as a result of the production cut agreement by OPEC and allies, and the ongoing crisis in sanctions-hit Venezuela.

He said it was premature to say whether the State Department would grant new waivers in May to the eight countries that were allowed to continue importing Iranian oil in return for promising to significantly cut their dependence on the supplies.
https://www.hellenicshippingnews.com/us-still-aims-to-cut-irans-oil-exports-to-zero-state-department-official/

And in case you can’t guess, under the Trump administration, the US state department has become well, less than flattering. So much in fact that nobody wants to work for a horrible boss like Mike Pompeo, or even worse – his boss, Donald J. Trump. Yes, the guy who we currently call president has made it completely miserable for anyone involved with the government. And well, it’s going to be a revolving door for the foreseeable future.

The number of Americans seeking a career in the U.S. diplomatic corps has declined in the first two years of the Trump administration, reaching the lowest level since 2008, according to State Department numbers obtained exclusively by NBC News.

Although President Donald Trump's unpredictable, go-it-alone foreign policy has caused apprehension among some prospective applicants, and led some senior diplomats to resign, the cause of the drop remains unclear.

But coupled with budget pressures and a survey showing declining morale at the State Department, veterans of the diplomatic corps worry that the long-term health of the institution charged with safeguarding America's interests abroad could be at risk if current trends continue.

The competitive process to join the ranks of U.S. diplomats starts with the Foreign Service Officer Test, a demanding exam given three times a year. Between October 2017 and October 2018, only 8,685 people chose to take the test, a 22 percent decline compared to the same period a year earlier, according to the State Department's numbers.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/fewer-americans-are-opting-careers-state-department-n973631

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A+
How Things Are Going: C-
Likely hood To Survive: B

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

There is no next week! This is it, we are done. Thanks for taking us down the government wormhole everybody, and see you on the other side!


[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Cypress Hill[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is America’s foremost premiere stoner band. Their latest album is called “Elephants On Acid”. You can see them on tour through March and April including a stop March 23rd at the Wiltern. Playing their song “Band Of Gypsies”, give it up for the one, the only Cypress Hill!

The Top 10 will be back next week with a brand new edition live from Denver! See you next week!

Credits

Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater Franklin St, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Theater Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: UCLA Choir Club, Westwood, CA
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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