More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Freedumb Edition
Well, that time again, to look into the right-wing bizarro world that, unfortunately, we all seem to be living in. So as we prepare to celebrate twelve score and three years of the now-threatened American republic with cook outs, mattress sales, and the Very First Ever Yuge Fourth of July Celebration here's the thirty-ninth installment of More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
Reposts and Updates:
* Nobody celebrated the Fourth of July until Donald Trump had the idea to do so. (#37, March 2019)
* A TV personality who thinks germs are made up by liberal scientists has the room to call anyone else a moron (#37, March 2019)
And the list grows again:
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, John Conyers, John Edwards, Al Franken, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, Herman Cain, Larry Craig, Joe Fain, Jerry Fallwell Jr (New), Will Gardner, Newt Gingrich, Eric Greitens, Curtis Hill, Duncan Hunter (New), Jim Jordan, Brett Kavanaugh, Nathan Larson, Rush Limbaugh, Vance McAllister, Roy Moore, Bill O'Reilly, Mark Sanford, David Stringer, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, David Vitter, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)
* The best way to keep America safe: cozy up to autocrats like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un while alienating democracies and long-time allies like Canada, France, Germany, the UK, and Japan (#34, Aug 2018)
* We can impose tariffs on other countries by arbitrary whim, but it's completely unfair if other countries respond with tariffs on us!!! (#34, Aug 2018)
* George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Jerry Falwell Jr, Steve Forbes, Connie Mack IV, Rand Paul, Willard Mitt Rmoney, and Donald Trump are all self made men and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments. (#10, Nov. 2012)
The recent "Alabama Is Now Gilead" legislation reminds us:
* Life is sacred and precious from the moment of conception until the moment of birth. (#5, July 2011)
* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the mistress of a married, pro-life, family values Republican congressman. (#10, Nov 2012)
* You're opposed to abortion, but think children in war zones are fair game. (#18, Apr 2015)
* Abortion is murder, but blowing away police officers isn't. (#16, July 2014)
* "Big Government" is regulating plants full of explosive fertilizers. "Small government" is regulating what women do with their private parts. (#12, July 2013)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* The only thing Hitler did wrong is to try and exterminate all the Jews outside of Germany. If he'd stuck to exterminating the Jews inside Germany, that would have been all right.
* "Small Government" = Executing women for making choices about their own bodies that you don't like.
* Ignorance of the law IS an excuse, but only if you're rich and white.
One from DU's NanceGreggs
* "Jews will not replace us" is a chant in support of Confederate statues
All credit to cartoonist Tom Tomorrow:
* Trump has accomplished more than any president ever. Trump has accomplished nothing as president due to two years of witch hunts and deserves two extra years in office to make up for it.
Inspired by Creative Realms of Fundies Say The Darndest Things
* Fake threats: Climate Change, Gun Violence. Real Threat: Space Pirates.
* Newest Capital Offense: Investigating Donald Trump's crimes
A little more frivolous, but as a Star Wars fan I couldn't resist:
* An Empire run that blows up entire planets just to scare people isn't evil
* You don't want your kids learning Arabic numerals
Yeah, LVI% of the MMMCC people they surveyed are that stupid.
Thanks to TheFerret on this one:
* Giving food and water to immigrants is a worse crime than a pastor raping his daughter
* Donald Trump going on Fox "News" to whine is more important than the remembrance of the 75th Anniversary of D-Day.
Well, of course it is. I'm only half surprised that Trump didn't start speaking about "And you know who is forgotten in all this? Those good German boys who died there too! They were only trying to Make the Fatherland Great Again!"
* Iran should absolutely be forced to stick to the deal that Trump already pulled out of.
* Cutting taxes to big corporations will lead to job creation.
* It's absurd that a man who openly brags about sexually assaulting women and lusting after his own daughter might have committed rape.
* Tearing children away from their parents and throwing them into detention centers with inadequate food, water, and hygiene doesn't bother you. Calling those detention centers "concentration camps" enrages you.
* An internally consistent base ten measuring system is tyranny.
* An example of Presidential temperament is gleefully suggesting that a war hero from your own party is in Hell.
* It's not that fact that Donald Trump had to have Russian help to "win" the Presidency he actually lost by three million votes that's "destabilizing". It's pointing that fact out.
From Betty Bowers
* Good Christian Leadership: Yukking it up about an American resident who was tortured and murdered by a foreign government.