On-the-Ground Report From D.C.
“Remember, folks, I told you that what you see and what you hear isn’t what’s actually happening.”
So said the Orange Chump today, wearing sunglasses to keep out the glare of the sunniest day in all of American history, while the 500,000,000 million people in attendance cheered.
Secret service personnel had to hold back a throng of Evangelical women wearing “Please grab ME by the Pussy in the Holy Name of Jesus, Amen” tee-shirts, as they attempted to rush the stage to be near their idol.
At least two dozen high-profile Christian pastors were warned not to pass the collection plate around while the Golden Calf was speaking, as fleecing the crowd was strictly prohibited until after his speech was concluded and his payment of thirty pieces of silver had been confirmed by Deutschebank as having been deposited to the account of one 'John Barron'.
Highlights of the parade included a seemingly empty truck hauling an ‘invisible’ stealth bomber, followed by a float commemorating Trump’s Bronx-born father’s birthplace in a ‘wonderful part of Germany’, a man who was smart enough to emigrate to the US in order to escape the proliferation of cancer-causing wind turbines in Europe before it was too late.
One popular float featured Jared Kushner engaged in a ‘back channel’ telephone communication with the Russians, while an unidentified American journalist was hacked to death in the background by persons unknown.
A last-minute surprise guest at the festivities, Ivanka thrilled onlookers with her Statue of Liberty costume, which bore a striking resemblance to the get-up Max Klinger wore when the 4077th was visited by General McArthur – except for the Made in China label that trailed behind her like an overly-long tie.
Too cool to be outdone, Don Jr. and Eric dazzled the crowd by displaying their collection of endangered animals slaughtered for ‘sport’, along with a crowd-pleasing exposure of their predictably tiny, mushroom-like penises.
Needless to say, the most popular float at today’s parade was the one featuring traumatized children locked in filthy, over-crowded cages, while pro-lifers pelted them with bars of soap stamped with the word MAGA – which sold out at $50 per bar, all proceeds of sale being donated to the (now-defunct by court order due to rife corruption) Trump Charitable Foundation.
Sarah Huckleberry Sanders was on hand to deliver a closing address (all lies therein attributable to the ‘heat of the moment’), followed by Kellyanne “Baghdad Barbie” Conway, wearing a stunning sweatshirt emblazoned with the words ”Hatch Act – What me Worry?” spelled out in red-white-and-blue sequins.
The festivities in DC were marred, however, by the news that an earthquake had hit California, an event clearly perpetrated by the Western-style Liberalism of those who live on the west coast who, despite being declared obsolete by Putin, obstinately refuse to sweep their tectonic plates in order to avoid such catastrophes.
Not since Trump’s inauguration have we seen so many people who weren’t there, drenched by a rain-storm that never happened, cheering a strong, virile, beloved “pResident” who was forced to hide behind a bullet-proof screen in order to protect his hair from being mussed.
All in all, a wonderful day was had by all – or, more appropriately, the “had” were told they were enjoying a wonderful day, having been reminded by their C-in-C that in 1775, the Continental Army “manned the air, and took over the airports”, thus defeating the British.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Max had enough class not to go with the wet T-shirt look.
Melania oh Melania 
Every detail sings.......um, not sure what..........but they sing!
It's a much-loved, traditional American folk song entitled "Bury My Heart at Bowling Green".
Perhaps Ted Nugent's unique rendition of this classic tune threw you off.
KY..............
This is great
This is fucking awesome.
Love it!