Have any other women here felt personally discriminated against

[cilla4progress]

for their strength? Resented for it?

[JI7]

1. always

[cilla4progress]

2. Hmmmm

wow. 👍

[TygrBright]

3. Well, duh.

Just try being yer intelligent, competent self in a structure dominated by Masters of the Universe who think a few phone calls and telling dirty jokes by the break room fridge is 'a day's work'.

wearily,
Bright

[mopinko]

4. oh hell yes.

i am like so many witches-
grey haired old woman, dumped my man, kept the property, know all the plants, know all the animals.
when i started my farm, i thought i had stepped into a disney movie.

i got sued, slandered and harassed half to death.

[cilla4progress]

48. Hey -

I'm a witch too (sometimes a goddess... superpowers, anyway).

Gray is coming in slowly. Likely will keep the man. Though that's a day to day thing. I don't know ANY plants or animals. I'm better with trees. Just not a cataloguer, I guess!

Do have a farm. Haven't yet been sued...

So - we have a lot in common!

[mopinko]

58. all us crones do.

talking to small children is another thing we do that creeps people out. one of the biggest haters had the coolest little kids. they used to talk to me about all kinds of stuff. pissed the dude off big time.

it is a thing, tho, that crone thing. i would make the joke about the disney movies, but then get serious about the stereotype of the crone, and what it means. opened a few eyes, anyway.

farm on sister.

[Demovictory9]

5. yeah

[Kind of Blue]

6. Yes, indeed. So much so that I couldn't follow dummy rule anymore.

Though learning that lesson a little late, that rule was Disqualifying...LOL...love the DUer who says that. It's meant the loss of a lot of money, comfort and insecurity a lot of times. But I've never regretted doing my own thing and helping other women along the way. Peace of mind and gratitude for this opportunity at life is the goal to me.

[cilla4progress]

7. Cool.

Enjoying your comments.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

8. I'm somewhat old, 71 next week.

So I came of age in the era when women were routinely put down, discriminated against, assumed to be incompetent. I was often enraged because I knew I was every bit as capable as the men I worked with. Well, okay, I was shorter, smaller, less physically strong, but I was smarter than most and knew more about the job than they did.

In 1970 my company (an airline, I was a ticket counter agent) was having a layoff. The woman who was pregnant (perhaps two or three months along) was laid off, not the more junior agent, who should have been, given seniority rules. I have never fully gotten over that.

I will say that more than ten years later, I was hired by another, different airline to work the ticket counter in a different city. When I was at the company headquarters for the pre-employment physical, they wanted to do a back x-ray to make sure I could do the heavy lifting required. I informed them I was pregnant, and they passed on the x-ray and hired me anyway. Things changed a lot in a relatively short time.

[Kind of Blue]

10. Happy Birthday in Advance, PoindexterOglethorpe.

And many happy returns of that day.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

11. Thank you.

A good friend is taking me to lunch the day before, and another good friend the day after.

I always love my birthday. I honestly feel as though total strangers ought to be able to look at me and say, "Oh, my, Poindexter. You are absolutely glowing! It must be your birthday!" I have never understood people who don't want to celebrate the day. However long you've lived, it's an accomplishment.

I will be unbearable if I make it to 80 and beyond.

[Kind of Blue]

23. LOL...Unbearable at 80 and beyond!

And, wow, you'll spend the day exactly as you want.

OMG, you're talking to one of those people I don't understand it either but it's always been a very exhausting day for me. Seriously though I go all out for other people's birthday because I know they Love it.

A few years ago, I was over at my parents shortly before my day. I was like, "Listen, you two. You know I'm not one for ceremony so no party this year." They both looked at each other then at me and busted out laughing then started yelling. "Who do you think you are??? You are going to tell Us what to do on the best day of our life together. Get out of our sight!" It was a great birthday.

They're gone now but this year, I put my foot down and enjoyed the calmest most peaceful birthday ever, just read and read all day, listening to music and was energized the next day. Husband made a fabulous breakfast, my BIL made the best lunch and sister cooked the simplest but savoriest dinner - had to come out of my hole for that though.

[tblue37]

19. I am 69 *today*. nt

[yardwork]

21. Happy birthday!

[tblue37]

22. Thanks. nt

[malaise]

24. Happy Birthday tblue37

[tblue37]

25. Thank you. nt

[Kind of Blue]

27. Happy Birthday, tblue37!

Hit song in August of your year, "Mona Lisa."

[tblue37]

31. Thank you. nt

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

36. Happy, happy birthday to you!

I hope you are spending it exactly as you wish.

[tblue37]

37. I am. My friends and I celebrated Friday evening, so today I am cuddling with my 4 cats

and reading.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

55. Sounds perfect to me.

[PinkTiger]

9. I could write a book

And still have more examples.

[BadgerMom]

12. Of course I have.

The patriarchy rears its ugly head whenever slightly challenged.

[canetoad]

13. Cilla, I'd be surprised if any woman on Du

Had not been discriminated against.

Personally, too many times to remember. One example comes to mind. I was chef at one of Australia's biggest sporting clubs. One evening, club office holders election night, we geared up the whole four floors of the building to feed members before the meeting.

I ran the lower floors; in one kitchen I had an apprentice cook assisting me, along with a couple of kitchen hands. The club President came to the kitchen door, walked straight past me and shook the hand of the (obviously) male apprentice, congratulating him on a sucessful night.

This was over 30 years ago. It was as if I didn't exist.

[WhiteTara]

30. I woke up this morning thinking about

an incident similar to yours. I am part of a Buddhist group and we have a teacher from Tibet who lives in a city about 40 miles from where I live. We sponsor and hold events in our little town about once a year. The first year or maybe the second, we were asked to put together an event in a very short amount of time. The nominal "leader" of the group was furious and he refused to participate because it was too much. On the other hand, I thought it was very cool and set about making the event happen. It was wildly successful and raised lots of money for the monks.

I spent about a week working to put the whole event together and after it was over and I was helping to clean up and finish off whatever, I looked up and all the monks and our teacher had taken the man over to the side and was offering him katas and thanks and words of appreciation at his great work.

Frankly I was furious and I walked over to Geshe-la and told him that I was very offended because that man had given and done nothing. It was very un Buddhist of me; but it did shake a change in my teacher and we have a very good relationship. We make each other laugh and of course, he has taught me so much. I have long sought spiritual teachers and he is the only one who I have ever met who willingly gives knowledge to women. (I could go on about that for a year!)

So male chauvinism is rampant in every area of life on this planet. What made me think of it is that I have just been asked to put a film festival together for this year in the fall.

[cilla4progress]

39. Thanks.

The question specifically was FOR THEIR STRENGTH.

Not a lot of close reading, apparently

[mnhtnbb]

14. Oh, yes. Many times. Professionally and personally.

Last edited Sun Aug 18, 2019, 02:32 PM - Edit history (1)

I am 68. In grad school I was one of 3 women in a class of 12. There was the nun, the black woman, and me, the white woman. We were preparing to enter a male dominated profession in 1975: hospital administration.

Several years out I discovered a male colleague at the hospital where we were working with the same title, less experience, and less responsibility had about a 10% higher salary.

After several years of being handed professional departments with directors who needed to be replaced and the work required to get that done from setting expectations, counseling and working with the person to achieve goals, and then documenting less than acceptable performance to finally showing the person the door AND hiring qualified replacements, I was building a team of young and highly capable professional individuals. That didn't go over well with another of my colleagues and I ended up the victim of politics. My group was broken apart by assigning some of them to other assistant administrators and I was handed departments with no power in the hospital ostensibly to increase my experience.

Then, of course, there were the sexual overtures. The CFO wanted to date me. My boss wanted to date me. In fact, he once came on to me when we had gone out to lunch to do my performance review. Talk about an awkward situation.

Well, screw that. I was ready to move on and up to the level of a COO. About a year later I ended up leaving the field entirely. Never looked back.

[Squinch]

15. When "Me Too" began, DU paid lip service to it. But the moment one of our own loved white male

candidates was called out for obviously sexist and patriarchal behavior, the tone at DU immediately changed.

We should have simply demanded better behavior from our own and moved on.

Instead, the immediate response was, "It's perfectly OK when HE does it!" and "'Believe women' is stupid! I'm not doing it," and "Those bitches deserve blah blah blah (insert sexist rant here) for complaining about that!"

Any woman on DU who thinks she hasn't been discriminated against, even right here on DU, is a damn fool and kidding herself.

[Joe941]

18. Sexism runs deep.

[Skittles]

44. Al Franken is not a good example to use

not at ALL

[spooky3]

51. Agree nt

[Squinch]

53. I wasn't referring to Al Franken. But it is interesting that YOU think I was.

[Skittles]

54. uh huh

and one EVER said "those bitches deserve it", "it's OK when HE does it", etc - complete nonsense

DONE HERE

[lindysalsagal]

16. Just daily.

They also don't like how I see the truth in daily practices instead of wallpapering institutional incompetence, sloth, and cowardice.

[cilla4progress]

40. Yaaassss....

And not letting you speak - finish your statement, explanation, story, question.

Men insist on being the central character!

[sinkingfeeling]

17. Just the 1960s, 70s, 80s, and 90s.

[Danascot]

20. A better question would be

has any woman here not been discriminated against?

[malaise]

26. Yep

Apparently it comes with the territory

[SweetieD]

28. Yes. I work in a male dominated profession. A lot of times I'm the only woman in the room.

[HipChick]

29. Me too..I have to hold my ground..

Lord knows the names I get called for it...

[Talitha]

32. Every day of my marriage...

until menopause removed my Ovarian Slave shackles and gave me my Voice back.

The poor guy didn't know what hit him. For decades he (and everyone else) assumed that he ran the family business, but learned otherwise when I finally let them know that 99.9% of the successful ideas were mine. I'd been the one holding things together all those years.

Every time a male would call with a request (or some info) they insisted on talking to him instead of 'the little woman'. Now, they talk to me or get disconnected... the choice is theirs.

[cilla4progress]

41. I like

Your style and chutzpah.

[Talitha]

43. Cheers!

[lunatica]

46. I've always been a strong woman

but menopause will make a superwoman out of you. One that men fear more than anything. Talk about breaking free!

I divorced my husband after menopause. Or maybe it was during.

[Talitha]

47. I'd always thought 'middle aged crazy' caused a lot of divorces.

Then the Menopause Fairy freed me from my bonds, and the clouds were lifted.

I guess some guys just can't handle it when their spouse wises up to the BS they've been forced to eat for decades. Some husbands (like mine) are terrified of losing everything in a divorce, so they slowly learn to adjust to the 'for better or worse' part of the deal. Those who can't adjust, often get divorced and go find just what they want... someone young and stupid.

[cilla4progress]

49. Great story.

I'm gonna hold. But he's got got GOT to realize (and respect) who is really in charge here!

It's a 39 year marriage. He's learning...slowly.

[whathehell]

33. Yes and Hell Yes..

[yewberry]

34. Hell yes.

I work in a very old-school male-dominated field. My job is a non-management position, living in a cube farm, in a union with the mail clerk and the accountants. However, I'm routinely resourced by the director level for all manner of things-- contract negotiations & interpretation, grievance responses and arbitration, budget projections, hiring decisions, recruitment and retention, environmental programs, compliance with federal regs, etc. These are primarily male directors who, over the years, have come to discover that my hands are in everything at the agency and that I'm the schlub in a cube who knows things. I've been passed over for two promotions.

My boss treats me pretty badly. She is (in my eyes) not very good at her job and it drives her nuts that I'm good at my job. She resents that I report to her but I don't actually work for her or with her, and ignores all of the out-of-class work that I do, presumably as a way to perpetuate the situation. Four years of this, and she's never bothered to even try to learn what I do.

[cilla4progress]

50. Sounds like you deserve

a MEDAL!!!

[librechik]

35. oh,yeah--you betcha

the stories I could tell when the restraining order expires...

[JesterCS]

38. I'm male but, myself, I prefer strong intelligent women

I've always been that way. More power to you ladies

[SharonAnn]

42. Yes, and also for my intelligence, and my unwillingness to accept discrimination, etc.

[lunatica]

45. I can't even begin to count how many times.

Yes. A lot and in hundreds of ways.

[cilla4progress]

52. THANKS TO THE LADIES WHO ARE SHARING THEIR STORIES HERE

and the man / men who appreciate them.

It was just an epiphany I had last night. Gratified at the community.

KEEP 'EM COMING!

[KentuckyWoman]

56. I am a strong woman.

I'm kind and understanding live and let live sort, but I won't be stepped on or pushed to do the wrong thing. I will stand up for what I think is right and am not too worried about if anyone else agrees. It's my face I see in the mirror. They can deal with their own.

Fortunately I met a man who likes a woman with her own head and heart. Fortunately I have a natural skill that allowed me to mostly work for myself.

Smacked the enter key too fast ... so edit to add

My favorite story is the window company who insisted my husband be home for the presentation. I said I don't want a presentation I want an estimate. You can do that from outside. "Well we need to know you have his permission to buy the windows" ... I asked the man on the phone if he's brain damaged and told him no thanks, we'll find someone else. As I hung up I heard him "But Ma'am"

2nd favorite story is someone called from our bank and asked for my husband. I said, no I think you want to talk to me, what is the problem with our account? No no, I need your husband. Alrighty. Hubby gets the phone and listens and says "Well my wife handles our money, you need to talk to her." I took back the phone and the guy hits his schpeel about how great the bank's investment wing is blah blah. I interrupted. Sorry, you didn't want to do business with me so I think this call is over.

[cilla4progress]

60. Awesome!

You are bringing back a memory...at one point early in our marriage (circa 1980s) I carried our health insurance. The local clinic monopoly insisted on keeping our account in my husband's name. I became incensed with them, which only brought me blowback in our conservative community.

Sick of this shit!

[Freedomofspeech]

57. Of course...

[smirkymonkey]

59. Yes, I worked in finance for a number of years (I don't anymore) and although

I have been fortunate to work with mostly good people, but there have been one or two jobs where the sexism was palpable. Most of the talented women left those jobs and so did I, and eventually the companies went under (they were start-ups/dot-coms). You can only run a place like a boy's club for so long before it comes back to bite you in the ass.

Fortunately, the company I work for now is very serious about treating everyone with respect regarding race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc. and would never stand for such discrimination. You would be out on your ass if you behaved in a bigoted, disrespectful way toward someone who differed from you because of one of the above mentioned categories.