Iran pledges to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the Midwest (satire)

[Soph0571]

The notorious middle-east country Iran has announced a plan to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the midwest and selling firearms at discount prices.

With an evil cackle, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei told jubilant supporters this plan would result in the deaths of untold thousands of Americans every year.

The new stores will offer discounts of up to 10%, with a guarantee to beat the price of any gun sold at competing vendors and will give loyalty cards offered to anyone buying more than two firearms a year.

[link:https://newsthump.com/2020/01/08/iran-pledges-to-kill-thousands-of-americans-by-opening-gun-stores-across-the-midwest/|]

To be fair though...that would work. After all guns in America are the biggest threat by far to peoples safety in America, Iran has nothing on the NRA...

[dewsgirl]

1. Thank you for clarifying, the Onion gets me daily it seems,

lately.

[ck4829]

2. And they will have a little friendly competition with Iranians entering American healthcare

“We will infiltrate their healthcare system; deny them access to necessary surgeries and treatments, make them pay for things and in dollar amounts that would be unthinkable in other developed countries, we will nakedly jack up the prices for epi-pens and insulin and clearly not doing it because the cost to produce or distribute them has gone up but just because of the chance to make more money, our bills will be the leading cause of financial ruin for them, we will humiliate them by telling to pay for medical expenses with GoFundMe pages...”

“Uh, sir, you might want to take a look at this.”

“Really? They’re already OK with these things. God, what can we do to them that they aren’t already doing to themselves? Alright, shut this department down, we’re done.”

[rurallib]

3. this ought to be a thread on its own