'You've Served Me Well, But This Has Gone Too Far,' Says Oprah Loading Shotgun After Watching Dr. Oz

[Zorro]

‘You’ve Served Me Well, But This Has Gone Too Far,’ Says Oprah Loading Shotgun After Watching Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil Fox News Appearances


MONTECITO, CA—Sighing in remorse at the “monsters of my own creation” after viewing recent appearances on Fox News by Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil, media tycoon and longtime talk show host Oprah Winfrey reportedly muttered “You have served me well, but this has gone too far,” Friday while loading a shotgun.

“Well, we had a good run, boys, but business is business,” said Winfrey, loading shells into a pump-action Mossberg 500 before calling to be picked up by her personal stealth helicopter.

“I remember when I found them—a sleazy corporate lawyer, and a two-bit snake-oil salesman—perfect additions to my syndicate. We really had a good thing going for a while there, but you can’t be on Oprah’s Favorite Things list forever, now can you? Time for these ‘doctors’ to take their medicine.”

At press time, Winfrey was reportedly found covered in blood making new selections for her book club.

https://entertainment.theonion.com/you-ve-served-me-well-but-this-has-gone-too-far-says-1842924183

[Blecht]

1. L-O-F-L

Thanks for the laugh!

[cwydro]

2. Ha, love the Onion.

That being said, I hope those who worship Oprah here will remember that she unleashed Oz and Phil on our nation.

Never liked them, and my opinion of her plummeted when she started plugging them.

[Ferrets are Cool]

3. So fantastic!!!!!

[nolabear]

4. BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA! "I made you and I can take you out."