Murder Hornets Doubt They Can Do as Much Damage as Trump
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON STATE (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “a tall order, for sure,” a swarm of murder hornets are openly questioning whether they can do as much damage to the United States as Donald J. Trump has.
In an unusually candid interview, the deadly winged insects said that their initial plans to invade North America, spreading terror and carnage in their wake, have been largely upended by Trump’s performance this year.
“We had been talking about coming to America for, like, forever,” one hornet said. “It’s obviously a huge market, and we wanted to make a big splash over here. And now this.”
The hornet said that, when it became clear that Trump was causing headline-grabbing destruction, “a bunch of us were, like, ‘Should we postpone our whole deal? It seems like we’re not going to get the attention we’ve been shooting for.’ ”
Ultimately, the hornets decided to stick with their original launch date, but they are now confronting the unpalatable reality that “Trump has definitely left us in the dust, threat-wise.”
“Look, we’re murder hornets,” the hornet said. “We’re going to do what murder hornets do. We’re going to sting people. We’re going to terrify them. But are we really going to engulf the United States of America in terror and existential despair? Trump has set the bar very high.”
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