Trump Issues The Constipation Proclamation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In 1862, as the country fought in pitched battle during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln, the first Republican president, signed the Emancipation Proclamation, ending via executive order the practice of slavery in the south. Today, the most recently elected Republican President of the United States of America issued what some in his cult are calling the most important presidential decree in history, however it nothing to do with slavery, or any issue impacting anybody outside of the president himself.
“On this day, I sign this Constipation Proclamation,” Trump said in the Rose Garden this morning, “and declare here, and in front of the world, that I’m having a hard time making a poo.”
Trump divulged that because he has such a “bigly expensive Adderall habit,” he has developed a few side effects. Notably, Americans might remember seeing the president sniffling through a speech, or might notice him slurring his words. Apparently, Trump believes that his Adderall usage might be the reason he can’t poop currently.
“I’ve heard people addicted to narcotics sometimes have a hard time passing a dookie,” Trump said, “so I can only assume my sweet, sweet Adderall is the reason I can’t take a big ol’ dumperoony right now, and that makes me pretty bummed out.”
https://www.alternativelyfacts.com/trump-issues-constipation-proclamation/
No wonder he's so full of shit.
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