Horrible Student Rejected by College
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a widely expected outcome, a horrible student was rejected by a college on Monday.
The college’s decision to reject the student was unsurprising given his poor performance in such important subjects as science, math, history, and spelling.
Although the student was reportedly taking his rejection badly, a college spokesperson said that the news should have come as no surprise.
“He was told that he wasn’t getting in more than a month ago,” the spokesperson said. “This was just a formality.”
Having failed to get accepted by the college, the student is expected to live at home and take a job in a business started by his dad.
Short article, no more at link: 
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/horrible-student-rejected-by-college
Photograph by Chris Kleponis / Bloomberg / Getty