What would you do if you saw a woman being sexually harassed?

[LymphocyteLover]

Yesterday I stopped at a gas station mini-mart. The place was fairly crowded, a nice day, lots of people were out. I was with a 10 year kid I was taking care of for the afternoon-- taking him to get him a snack.

As we were walking into the store, I saw a woman also walking in, who was very ...attractive. I'm not sure the most politically correct way to put it but she attracted attention and as soon as started walking in-- some guy started catcalling her as she was going in. It wasn't how she was dressed either. Anyway, she came in after us and went to the cashier to pay for some gas.

Immediately like 3 guys moved around her, fairly big dudes, and just started saying the most lewd things imaginable. The most disturbing thing is one guy kept slapping her on the butt-- like many times very loudly. She seemed to be taking it very calmly. Maybe she was used to that sort of attention. But it was making me upset seeing her be abused like that.

We weren't that close to this incident as we were looking at snacks in the other part of the store, but we could hear them.

I kept thinking that maybe I should say something but a couple of the guys were really big and seriously I felt like they could have killed me if they were angry enough and who knows if they had a weapon.

I decided to just leave the place without buying anything because it was not an appropriate scene for the kid I was with. Thankfully after we left, I saw the woman walking out to her car by herself, and pumping gas.

My wife says I did the right thing to leave, particularly since I was with a kid, and if I was really worried, I could have called the cops.

But I keep feeling like I should have said something. I was a very disturbing thing to see. Just terrible to see men act like that.

P.S. of course all these people weren't wearing masks, which also made me want to stay away from them.

[LakeArenal]

1. I think you should asked for the manager.

If not there you should have told the clerk to call the police. If you couldn’t do that then you should have called the police.

I think leaving was not a good model for the boy.

My husband would have stood up to them and he’s short. I would have as well. I might have filmed a bit then gone over visibly filming.

[LymphocyteLover]

10. thanks-- that was my regret

though the cashier was there and not doing anything... not sure if there was a manager

[LizBeth]

2. At the very least I would have asked her if she was ok once she came out. I would have asked the

woman if she knew these men while in the store, that were literally hitting her in front of a lot of witnesses, but since it was her ass, I guess hitting a stranger is ok.

If she did not know the men, then I would have gotten up next to her and just have regular conversation interfering in the abuse and hopefully that would get people to back off.

Doing nothing is exactly the problem and why these three men thought they had the right and were entitled to HIT a stranger with no repercussions and a good old giggle among themselves.

[LymphocyteLover]

13. Thanks. I got the impression she knew the guy slapping her somewhat but wasn't in a relationship

with them

[Beakybird]

3. You perhaps did the right thing as you were with a child.

Otherwise, the best option in that situation is to be close to the door of the gas station and threaten to call the police. Or you could get a license plate # for the perp first and then threaten.

I once hollered at a big guy harassing a woman, and he started chasing me. He had almost caught up to me. Then I looked back, and he was running the opposite direction. When I looked back ahead, there was a police car that happened to be parked in front of me.

Hopefully, the lady got away, but I got the impression it was a boyfriend.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

4. It depends on the outcome you wanted.

You can look and see if any organization does bystander training in your area, for next time.

https://www.ihollaback.org/bystander-resources/

[LymphocyteLover]

11. thanks

[Dan]

5. My thought is

First she has to stand up for herself, then that would give me liberty to take some type of action... call the police, notify the manager....but first she must stand up for herself so that I know that the actions are unwanted. As someone said, it could have been her boyfriend...etc.

[LizBeth]

7. We make lots of demands on victims, don't we? All a person has to do is yell, you know these dudes?

And the interaction has now been disrupted and GIVEN her the ability to stand up for herself because she sees she is not alone.

[LymphocyteLover]

16. that's a good point-- hadn't thought of that

thanks

[Dan]

20. Well, if you're asking me to bleed,

I sort of want to know that I am not interfering into some ongoing thing between two people that know each other.

[LizBeth]

22. I ask nothing of you but being silent and insisting a young woman surrounded by three big men

being the first to be confrontational with the men is being a tad obtuse.

[Dan]

23. Maybe from your perspective, but male on male

The situation is asking me to bleed. My thoughts, yours may be different.

In this situation, assuming she does nothing - and my interference, male on male - sometimes, someone is going to bleed.

I’m done.

[LizBeth]

30. I do recognize me yelling out.. You know these dudes, well be received differently than a guy.

I also assume a guy knows how to address it, as I have shown as a woman addressing it, rather than being quiet waiting for the victim.

[Dan]

31. I've been thinking about our conversation...

And, most guys are not built like Mike Tyson or Arnold (Terminator), rather average and in some cases - old like me (smile).

So, returning to the original statement - encountering that situation, and keeping in mind what you shared about the idea of a female having to reach out in such an awkward situation. I thought the appropriate action at the very least would be (as someone else stated) - (a) reach out to the management, (b) and maybe, having them contact authorities. But, that still does not address the problem.

The problem is 3 ass-wipes that filled so emboldened that they would actively assault a female in an open area without consideration of the consequences. The probability is they don’t care - and for whatever reason, they are asking for trouble or someone to confront them. That is the male reality. As an adult, I could not live with the idea of them taking advantage of the female to the point of abducting her, beating her, or physically assaulting her. (I know, sort of contradicts what I said earlier, but as I indicated I’ve been thinking about it). So, hopefully with management - there can be a de-escalation and something that ensures the lady’s safety. You can’t stop what has already occurred (petting her on her behind) but you might be able to deter future transgressions on her body.

But, life tells me - that these guys are looking for trouble, and even a woman attempting to SHAME them would not work. Three guys to one/two (and some stores have policies on having the employees engage) just tells me, that they want trouble and short of the authorities arriving, someone is going to bleed.

“..assume a guy knows how to address it,...” - someone going to bleed, because to do nothing is not an option. And, you’re right - to ask her to speak out asking for help is not right, especially when she’s under duress.

Don’t know if that explains it better...?...

[LizBeth]

33. Thank you for thinking about it further. It breaks my heart the skateboarder that tried to stop Kyle

whatever at the blm rally, doing right and dying. I have two sons and even young, they are not fighters so I hear what you say. But that young woman is in the same position of being frozen and just wanting to get thru it so expecting her to speak up probably would not happen, and that is all I am saying.

Me? I am a mouth. I have been all my life and I get away with it because for whatever reason, I do it in a manner that people adhere.

But, if a man defending ends up in a fight, my heart would equally break because no one should have to experience physical hurt. I am totally opposed to it.

[Dan]

34. I think we're on the same page....

But sometimes for whatever reason, there are people that just seek out trouble. As an adult, we have to decide the level of involvement that’s within our comfort zone. Sad, that we have to deal with these issues.

Take care!

[LizBeth]

37. Yes and you too.

[SharonAnn]

44. Just talk to her. Ask if she's OK. Distract the offenders. Pay attention to the victim.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

6. Holy crap! I've never seen anything that bad around here!

I'd probably stand there in total shock initially. Then I'd say something, such as asking the woman if she WANTS it to stop?! Then figure it out from there.

[sarisataka]

8. Unbelievable...

What area did this happen?

[LymphocyteLover]

14. this was outside of downtown Indianapolis

[smirkymonkey]

35. Rough town.

That is completely inappropriate. I honestly cannot imagine something like that happening where I am from. Maybe I am naive, but that is just so abnormal.

[LizBeth]

38. I have not seen it either and I have been around for decades. I did watch a man dragging a woman out

of a bar and when I went to intervene being pulled back by the man with me. That sits on my conscious three decades later.

[BlueStater]

9. That's pretty disgusting behavior, regardless of whether he knew her or not.

Who the hell slaps a woman’s ass multiple times in a very public place?

[qazplm135]

12. oh the moment there is physical contact

it's easy, I'd let them know I'm actually an attorney, which I am, and that what they just did is a sexual assault crime by touching her on the butt. If they start getting aggressive with me, I remind them that everything in the store is on video camera and is this really the evidence they want on the record.

Of course, I make sure I move quickly to my car after it's all over.

[LymphocyteLover]

15. yeah I guess I could have videoed it

I guess I kind of froze it was so bizarre

[Buckeye_Democrat]

17. I'd surely react that way too.

Initially, at the very least.

I might even wonder if I was on a hidden camera show, it seems so weird!

[qazplm135]

18. no judgment

it's hard to react in those situations. I just so happen to be an attorney and retired military officer. That gives me the luxury of boldness.

[Tree Lady]

19. Being a woman with no fighting skills

Against 3 men I would have hated to see it but been scared. If there was another employee besides the one with them I would have gone to them. If it was just 3 guys, woman being harassed and employee not helping her I would leave store but maybe try to get help from someone else getting gas or call the cops. I went through some bad situations with my first husband where some people helped and some didn't, I really hope I would help.

So just asked husband what he would do, he said he would grab a champagne bottle and put kid behind counter with employee and tell employee to call cops and lets all wait for them. Said he would use bottle if the guys came for him.

I am glad they didn't follow her to car I think if they did you would have called the police.

[LymphocyteLover]

24. thanks

I wish I were so brave as your hubby!

[Tree Lady]

25. Not sure if it is bravery or not

He has a bit of temper.

[hunter]

21. Probably bleed.

I've got lots of experience as a bleeding heart liberal.

[Xavier Breath]

36. Yep, report it and let the professionals handle it.

The old saying is true: no good deed goes unpunished.

[vercetti2021]

27. Go down fighting

Three big guys vs me. I like those odds.

[Meowmee]

28. That is pretty extreme

I would have done something. Assess if they were dangerous, ask her if she needed help etc. tell the store clerk, confront them if not dangerous, if dangerous call authorities and inform them about that.

[LymphocyteLover]

40. this was happening right in front of the store clerk

the main harasser was huge and looked dangerous...

[Meowmee]

45. yes well then call the cops

Tell them to stop, ask her if she is ok etc.

[uponit7771]

29. K&R, I just stood there ... defused the situation but I'm 6'5 260 at the time it was easy but

... that person who grabbed my arm was scared.

[Catherine Vincent]

32. Slapping her on the butt??

No way those guys can get away with something like that. Did you see this happen?

[LymphocyteLover]

41. I saw a partial view of it from a way off, but I certainly heard it

[Ilsa]

39. If you're able, record it on a camera for her.

Offer it to her as evidence that she was assaulted.

I would have considered asking them not to behave like that in front of the kid.

But I understand that your duty was to the child above all else.

[LymphocyteLover]

42. I didn't think of recording it but that would have been good

thanks

[jalan48]

43. Nothing unless she signaled she was in distress. If it doesn't bother her why is it your business?

[JI7]

46. TO avoid getting shot I wonder if you could have tried to ask her a question

like you had a serious concern about something that she could help with. I don't know if you have a daughter but maybe make up something about your daughter ( or wife) wanting something and you asking for her help. And hopefully this could help them get away from her .