I feel like a damn hypocrite.

[JPPaverage]

I have a 12, almost 13 year old daughter ( as she reminds me often) and now that the weather is nice, she has taken to wearing real short shorts.
There is nothing wrong with women being empowered and I don't care what they wear, how they assert themselves, etc. I grew up with a strong and liberated mom as well as a sister who felt the same. And I am the one and only male occupant in house now, including the dog. But when it's my daughter, I get protective. She walks the dog, rides her bike and does regular tween stuff. She has also said she wants to run on the track and field team in middle school next school year. That's all well and good, but darn it, I still worry and wish maybe she'd wear some longer shorts and no crop tops.
My wife thinks I'm crazy and she may be correct. But with the world being what it is, I have to worry. And I feel like a hypocrite because of it. I suppose I should just let her be a young woman and stop worrying so much, but I can't help it.

[Joinfortmill]

1. I hear you.

[Binkie The Clown]

2. I went through two daughters and 3 granddaughters in that phase. All I can say is...

...what you resist, persists.

The harder you push, the harder they will push back. It's a battle you simply cannot win. Be loving and supportive and leave it at that.

[Moostache]

3. I have 2 teenaged daughters right now (13 and 15)...

The dress you describe is practically teenage girl uniform these days and it breaks my heart.

I blame TikTok and the endless stream of girls and women dancing in 20-30 second clips putting their bodies on display as the only way to garner attention from boys and men. The ones with the "hottest bodies" and "best make-up" score far more followers and subscribers to their OF (OnlyFans) pages. The race to be TikTok-famous or go viral is all encompassing for far too many...and they are all willing to essentially perform as exotic dancers to a nameless, faceless gaggle of mostly male perverts.

The end result is less and less clothing, more and more sexualization and far more body dysmorphia and angst than just 10 years ago when my oldest daughter was the same age as her sisters. I don't have an answer to this as sex sells, period. My problem with it is that these are young girls, beneath the legal age of consent in many cases, and they are performing like street prostitutes searching for the next john in many cases.

Prohibition and taking away access points is futile - all of their friends are also into this - if not TikTok then definitely Instagram. Today's youth live their lives in a fantasy digital space and are also very under-developed in face-to-face communication and interactions. Its getting frightening when you also account for how social media is destroying democracy and journalism at the same time it is hypersexualizing inexperienced and immature girls at the same time.

[Bev54]

15. When I grew up we had short short mini skirts and hotpants

I do not see much difference in this generation. Teach your daughters and mostly your sons to respect themselves and others.

[Tree Lady]

17. I was thinking same thing in 1972

I use to wear micro mini skirts and dresses almost to my butt. My dad hated it but bought the clothes, few years later I wore almost nothing but long dresses and skirts being like a flower child lol. Funny I think he was more worried by that culture and my macrame headbands and peace sign mobiles with black lights in my room. 😛

[NJCher]

4. i understand, too

there are a lot of leches around with no impulse control.

Plus, speaking as a mature female, I recall being young and wearing skimpy or tight clothes. There was very little specific advice as to how this affects others, particularly men with low-impulse control.

I think the very least you should do is look into whether sex ed taught her anything on this account.

[HUAJIAO]

5. A good question might be, what are you worried about?

Then your answer may lead to other educational questions...
And those answers may lead to more....

[SWBTATTReg]

6. Nothing wrong at all with being a protective Dad! As long as your daughter knows why you're

so protective, that is the key, like, eh, there are people out there that aren't to be trusted, etc., that is, have a healthy eye on one's surroundings, and in general, be careful w/ one's surroundings, etc.

Go Dad, go!

[zipplewrath]

7. You probably are... but

Quite honestly the problem is other people. And is she "empowered" and ready to deal with the inevitable morons? My younger sister, who had 5 older brothers, could "handle herself". You didn't try to intimidate my sister, she'd put you "in your place" quickly according to her friends who told me stories. And what that really means is taking a stance, or intervention well before it spins out of control. It ALSO means no "teasing" or "driving 'em crazy" just to get your kicks or to embarrass someone. It can make a person feel "powerful" to be able to manipulate other people.

But I suspect your wife is more than capable of handling this transition. Follow her lead.

[LakeArenal]

8. Are you guys putting men's illicit thoughts on your daughter's shoulders?

She’s not thinking thoughts like that I can assure you.

I guess I’m quite a bit older but we wore hot pants and miniskirts in my teen years.
It’s what we wore. We even hitch hiked. (My folks just turned over in their grave

Guys had ponytails. Parents hated them too.

You probably raised your daughter right. Trust her to know.

[PortTack]

13. +1000

[WhiskeyGrinder]

9. What, exactly, is your worry? That what she wears will make her a target for assault?

What she wears has very little to do with whether she's ever assaulted or not.

Also, what's up with the comment about running track? It almost sounds like you think the outfits sexualize the participants. That's a you problem, not a them problem.

[Laffy Kat]

10. Short shorts do not cause assaults, period.

If a predator is going to target someone he (usually a he) will target regardless of provocative clothing. I am surprised this is still so misunderstood. An important deterrent for your daughter is carrying herself with confidence that you can help instill. Attacks are NEVER the fault of the victim. She cannot "cause" an attack.

[JPPaverage]

19. I never said anything like that

But I know damn well how young boys think. Not to worry though...she is well versed in self defense. She is studying martial arts.

[Ms. Toad]

11. Time to have a hard conversation about choices

It is REALLY hard to do without planting the seeds of blame for if/when something happens to her. But it's similar to the conversations black parents have to have - especially with their black sons. How to stay safe/alive, even if what you are doing isn't wrong.

My conversation with my daughter (at around the same age) when she and a buddy wanted to doll themselves up in makeup, low cut tops, and short shorts to walk to the corner gas station went something like this:

If a person sexually assaults you, it is never your fault. You have an absolute right to determine who touchs you in a sexual manner - even if you are running around stark naked, even if halfway through having sex you decide you want to stop, etc.

That said - there are choices you can make to make yourself less likely to be targeted as a victim - be aware of your surroundings, stick together - especially at night or at times/in places where there are not lots of people around. Puff yourself out like a porcupine, a toad, or a puffer fish to send the emessage "don't mess with me." Unfortunately, that choice also extends to thnking about what message may be received when you dress in a way that makes you feel happy, alive, and glamorous. Men looking for an excuse may look at your gorgeous body, all dolled up with the signals our society continuously bombards us with as with sex, and they may convince themselves that you are inviting more than just an admiring glance.

It stinks that anyone has to be concerned about safety when they choose what to wear - but the reality is that appearance (whether off-putting or inviting) is one of those things that as a woman in our world, she will have to keep in mind - and it is always better to make conscious choices than to kick yourself afterwards for "doing something wrong," when what she is doing isn't wrong.


ETA (after reading several comments above): I give this advice as a rape survivor - with personal experience over time as to the role choices (including choices about appearance) can play in victim selection.

I choose to do lots of things others perceive as dangerous - I work late at night (midnight - 2 AM are normal ending times), and always walk to my car alone. My rapist took my right to choose away from me for a few hours - I choose not to live in a box, even if that choice carries with it some additional risk.

I have also struggled with my weight since the attack - and each time my weight has been within the normal range experience an increase in street harassment and other sexually aggressive behavior. For years the extra weight was unconscious - but roughly 20 years after being raped, when my weight was in the "normal" range the dramatic increase in sexually aggressive behavior suddenly made me aware of the body armor I had been wearing in the form of 30-80 extra pounds. As much as we want to deny it, physical appearance does play a role in victim selection. It galls me that I was, for 20 years, through no choic of my own living in a fat box to make me safer. (And - now - I have 2 decades of habits that make it much harder to exercise my choice to live at a weight I prefer.)

Appearance doesn't EVER make it the victim's fault - but just as blacks make choices that they should not have to make to stay alive (acting in a non-threatening, even subservient manner, tamping down appropriately angry response, speaking in a more "white" voice" when confonted by police - or even your average every day angry white male), so do women.

It isn't emotionally healthy to pretend our choices as to what we do and how we appear aren't occasionally used against us by those who choose to attack us.

[FakeNoose]

12. You're not being a hypocrite - it's really tough being a parent these days

I grew up in a family of 7 girls and 2 boys, and golly my parents had a rough time.

Being the oldest daughter, I was the one who broke them in and made things easier for the younger sisters coming up after me. My Dad loved us all but wasn't too well equipped to handle us, and boy, was he out-numbered!

Here's how I wish my Dad had handled it: He should have said, "Look I love you, and I care about you, and it's my job to keep you safe. The clothes you're wearing look nice, and you're definitely an attractive young woman. But I know what's going on out there, and not everyone who sees you is going to have protective feelings towards you. Sometimes you're out with people I don't know, and going places where it might be dangerous. What can I do to keep you safe, and how can I be a better Dad?"

If you have a sincere conversation with your daughter, and if you can both be honest, perhaps she'll understand that you only have her best interest at heart.

[Arazi]

14. You might want to Google high school women's track and field uniforms

And get used to your powerful daughter doing the things she loves in short shorts, crop tops, and form fitting tank tops.

I'm curious if you'd also try to restrict her outfits if she was on the swim team for example?

Women are now allowed the freedom to wear clothing that helps them be all that they can be

[JPPaverage]

20. I (sort of) ran track in high school

And the girls wore short shorts back then as well. And I'm actually not worried about her athletic pursuits. She's tried baseball, basketball, swimming, and currently studies martial arts.
I'm just sort of old fashioned and come from a different time. And I worry about her.

[uponit7771]

22. I would LOVE for my tween to be wearing something like this ...

When I got older out of high school I tried to be bucket naked daily I was 6'3 225 and going to play college football with little to no body fat I wasn't worried about someone who I didn't want to attacking me.

She's only 5'9 and wont hold her thumb in the right place to punch ... if I know she knew self defense I think I would feel better about any clothes' she wants to wear.

Its just ... I know there's MAGA's out there ... really stupid people that feel justified doing ANYTHING.

Yeah, maybe self defense and trust her is the right way ...

[The Magistrate]

16. It Happens Around That Age, Sir

I could see some point to the idea of her being accompanied by a heavy-handed male relative whenever out of doors....

[Wounded Bear]

18. We're all human...

[RegularJam]

21. Your concern exist because of others.

Completely legitimate. I believe your responsibility in this area is to educate your daughter about the “others.”

[ripcord]

23. You could try something like this