How do progressive whites wade through all the racial programming we're all...

[brush]

subjected to growing up in this highly propagandized country and not become magats like so many do? Is it good parenting, epiphanies realized as teens or as adults, eye-opening encounters with POCs? What is it, how does it happen, as the opposite route, or just being neutral and avoiding making waves, seems much easier?

I'm African American and just being able to come to this site and share thoughts with so many like-minded people of all different backgrounds is a blessing. It also makes one curious as to how others came to be here.

[dameatball]

1. My parents were Massachusetts/Kennedy liberals when I was a boy. It stuck apparently.

[Walleye]

2. My mom was from Virginia and an old-time democrat and then an Eisenhower a republican

But, she taught me the most important thing was to be considerate of other peoples feelings. I think my liberal politics flowed from that. Brought up in the Methodist Church, believed their ideals even though they didn’t practice it

[ellie]

3. My parents were liberal Catholic factory

workers in the Rust Belt. I was taught that I am not better than anyone else.

[brush]

8. "I was taught that I am not better than anyone else." That's it right there.

[leftieNanner]

4. My parents were both old time Republicans

So my liberal bones must have skipped a generation.

Dad thought Ronald Reagan was a saint. He even had a photograph of Dubya on his desk - at least until the Iran/Afghanistan wars went so badly. Dad was a WWII vet and he hated that. Mom voted the way Dad told her to. They both died in early 2008 so they didn't have a chance to vote for McCain. I have to admit that they would probably have voted for Trump in 2016 - mostly because they HATED the Clintons. I don't believe they would have voted for him twice however.

My older sister and I went to the University of California at Berkeley during the Vietnam War and were fully "indoctrinated" in the radical concepts of kindness, fairness, empathy, and justice. Scandalous, I know. Although I did not know many African Americans growing up, we lived in a multi-cultural and open minded city. My parents were likely subtly racist, but they never taught us that lesson. At Cal I did make African American friends - even briefly dated a black guy. My parents were NOT happy about that.

I have been delighted to make so many friends on DU over the past ten years. It has been a lifeline during these dark times. And I have been most appreciative of the broad-minded folks I've met. Smart ones too.

Good post, brush. This should bring forth some interesting discussion.

[brush]

6. Ahhh...you went to Cal. Berkeley has its influences. I lived there too back in the day.

[ananda]

5. My mother was a California liberal Democrat.

My dad was a racist, conservative Republican.

We were raised in Dallas.

All of us kids turned out liberal Democrats because of
our mom.

Our Texas family on my dad's side -- mostly Magats
now.

[brush]

7. Your family holiday get togthers must be interesting.

[ananda]

82. We don't have those anymore with the country cousin side.

I won't have anything to do with them.

[vercetti2021]

18. I can relate

All my moms side. We are all Democrats. My dads side. Solidly Q-tips. Openly bigoted and racist. All in Amarillo TX. Can't wait til my dad starts seeing my transition up close. He's gonna have a bitch fit

[ananda]

83. My dad died in 2014 but..

he had gone over to the dark side because of his
biblethumping second wife.

He watched Fox all day long.

[vercetti2021]

84. I'm sorry

I think my dad followed that path with his current wife, the one he cheated on my mom with. My wicked step bit- I mean mother.

[BlueTsunami2018]

9. I grew up in a very racist environment.

As I got older I realized just about everything I was taught in that regard was bullshit. Life’s experience, understanding issues and a healthy disdain for authoritarian types molded me into a progressive voter.

[brush]

70. Living life and observing, learning, can make all the difference.

[demigoddess]

10. I grew up a military brat. All kinds of people all over the place. And back then

we had all races in school. lived next door to a black family their boys taught me how to ride a bike.

[rownesheck]

11. I grew up with a single mom

who i remember being utterly distraught when Reagan was reelected. I guess I kinda always figured i was left leaning. I thought my brother and sister were the same way. Never was quite sure about my dad.

Unfortunately now, my mom and brother have gone full Q, while my dad is full right wing fox trumper moron. Thinking back, I recall lots of racist ass shit in my family that didn't register when I was younger.

As a teen I realized how stupid it is to be a bigot, to say shitty things and just be shitty. I didn't want to be like that and started opening myself up to intelligent thought and feelings and experiences. I make sure my kids understand the importance of this as well.

[brush]

49. Thanks for this. Independent thinkers think, and that's usually a good thing.

[zuul]

12. I was born in Alabama, reared in Mississippi and now

live in Louisiana. My parents were from the west coast and moved around a lot because my dad was military. They were not racist when they eventually settled in Mississippi, but over time, my dad became somewhat bigoted, while my mother did not. Racism was ingrained in everything in Mississippi: housing, schools, the workplace.

I remember when our Mississippi schools were integrated while I was in the fifth grade. That was also the year that girls were no longer required to wear dresses to school. The dress code was a bigger deal to me than integration. In hindsight, it must have been awful for black kids. They were bused to schools that had been all white.

I played sports during middle and high school and spent a lot of time around my black team mates. My white friends didn’t have that experience. There were no black families in my neighborhood. Of course I had black kids in my classes, but I think kids bond more during extracurricular events.

During college is when I really developed black friends. We lived together in dorms and really had to deal with each other. Plus for the first time, I saw a whole lot of diversity, not just black and white kids, but Asian, Middle Eastern, and some from Europe. That really brought me out of my white bubble.

When my daughter started pre-school, I had to have several heavy conversations with my dad. I was determined that she would not grow up to be racist. I lived in a college town in Mississippi and she attended a pre-school run by the university. It was so diverse it was like the United Nations. She had friends of every color and religion. I finally made my dad understand how he could influence her if he kept running his racist mouth. He stopped using bigoted terms around her but I doubt he was ever really reformed. He listened to shit like Rush Limbaugh and was an NRA diehard until a few years before he died. He finally figured out how divisive those assholes were and that they lied to stir up fear and hate.

My mom and I discuss politics all the time and I think I have really opened her eyes about a lot of things, including racism. She was never a bigot but she didn’t really understand institutional racism because it wasn’t a lived experience for her.

[brush]

71. Thank you. I noticed on reading many of the other posts that moms seemed to make...

all the difference in posters turned left. You seem to have that knack to with your kids.

Way to handle your old man.

[Geechie]

13. Great question.

It’s hard to pin — is it a commitment or a conscious decision to believe and act a certain way? Is there some crisis that forces this decision? I’ve wondered long about this in my own family. My parents were both progressive for their time, especially my dad who was at heart a socialist & went out of his way to befriend all races and religions. He was seriously influenced by MLK. My brothers both ended up on the other side of the divide, closer to our grandparents’ way of thinking than our parents’. And now their offspring, who have become totally brainwashed by Christo-Fascist schooling, are in the process of doing the same to their children.

[brush]

62. About your screen name, are you from SC? Any association with the Gullah people?

[Geechie]

63. Geechie Wiley

is the reference - no association with Gullah, she’s just one of my heroes.

Sometimes spelled Geeshie. [link:https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/04/13/magazine/blues.html|]

[brush]

67. Thanks. I'm a blues fan but never heard of her. Will look her up.

[Geechie]

74. Her music and story are amazing.

She snd Elvie (or LV) Thomas changed how I listen to blues.

[IbogaProject]

14. I'm from a labor family

My Mom's Grandfather help organize the telegraphor's union. Her Father was a railroad executive and a member of a railroad union. She was a unionized Teacher. Our town was very diverse so I grew up w a mixed group I personally I had experiences w minorities & imigrants. As well I figured out the mainstream media was lies and I became very progressive in college and have remained so until now.
I pray w push a higher minimum wage & I especially pray we enact single payer national health.

[brush]

16. Labor played a big role. Biden always mentions he came from a Labor background.

Last edited Mon Jul 12, 2021, 03:19 AM - Edit history (1)

I remember Walter Reuther delivered an inspiring speech at the March on Washington.

[vercetti2021]

15. Because I was indeed raised better

I grew up in the south. But my mom always let me decide on my own in terms of religion and politics. I went to school with every race and made friends with all of them. Never had one prejudiced thought growing up. My grandparents voted both Democratic and Republican. Until Reagan came and they went solid Democrat. But my experiences with other people of color and ethnicities was from school. I became agnostic due to my experience in private school. I learned how big of hypocrites they were and I became a solid liberal after Bush ruined our country. My first vote was for Obama. And I'm always gonna be proud of that vote for the first black president.

But my mom let me decide and learn from experience. Also my dad being a big racist bigoted asshole also pushed me more to the left.

Now I am everything he hates. Liberal, accepting, and transgender.

[brush]

19. Nice. Thanks for sharing. Others have also mentioned their mothers were a big influence.

Gotta give it to the women. They don't seem to fall for the bullshit so readily.

[vercetti2021]

21. Neither did my grandmother

Alot of her older conservative friends would call her "Obama mama" she loved it. She also would roast Trump constantly when he was pushing the birther crap. She passed away 2 years before he "won"

[DBoon]

17. You never completely get rid of a racist upbringing

It takes conscious effort and deliberate empathy. "How would I want to be treated if I were that person" is required.

[brush]

20. "deliberate empathy". Excellent.

[DBoon]

22. Its like a neurosis

You never completely get rid of the primal emotional reaction, but you can train yourself to recognize that it is not reality.

[Mr.Bill]

23. I grew up in a very diverse neighborhood.

My high school was 49% LatinX, and 39% black.

I spent a lot of time being the only white guy in the classroom. And I mean I looked like Opie Taylor. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Years later, when I entered a diverse workforce, with the wave of Vietnamese refugees arriving in Silicon Valley, it was easy to see the which white people grew up in all white neighborhoods and went to mostly white schools. Whether they realized it or not, most of them were at a disadvantage.

[ProfessorGAC]

24. Parents

They were FDR fans, even though they were young kids when he was POTUS. (My mom was born in '34)
My dad credited Truman for ending the war, and being a medical corps translator in Italy 1950-1953, highly approved of the Marshall Plan.
They were JFK & LBJ voters, and voted Humphrey over Nixon. (At least in '68. Pretty sure in '72 they voted against Nixon because of the war escalation and my closing in on 18.)
When MLK was big heat, I never heard a negative word about him, and racial epithets were not allowed in their house. By anybody! (My dad once told his dad, "Get your coat. I'm taking you home. I told you 3 times we don't talk that way.&quot
The city was fairly segregated by the river, but at the private HS, we had kids from both sides. (Sizeable black catholic population in the city.)
So, it wasn't that hard for me to navigate it.
As I got more & more educated, it was easy for me to see which side was nearly always wrong. So, as I grew into full independence, I didn't choose liberalism. It chose me. There really wasn't much choice on my part.
Later, as Reagan dogwhistled, and supply siders lied about their successes, I became increasingly anti-Republican.
I was a stone cold liberal, but less a true dem than a virulent anti-R.
Over the intervening years, the racist tendencies of the right have become increasingly blatant. It just proved to me I was right, all along.
The last 5 years simply reinforced it into infinity.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

25. Progressives can still be racist, precisely because we're raised in a white supremacy. It's why

anti-racism work is so vital. It’s easy enough to think that because we don’t call people the n-word or hang a noose in someone’s locker we haven’t done or said racist things.

[brush]

27. Now we're really digging deep. As you say, progressivs have to work at it too.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

28. Honestly, I trust someone who owns their ingrained bigotry (based on race, gender, orientation,

etc.) and describes how they’re working on it over anyone who insists they’re free of such things.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

35. In addition, white progressives benefit from white supremacy just as much as white KKK members do.

So if white progressives aren't dismantling white supremacy, what good is it to say you've divested of the propaganda?

[brush]

38. Now you're talking. Peel the layers back.

[KentuckyWoman]

26. I wasn't propagandized.

Race was a non issue. It just wasn't even anything discussed, not even among adults. Town or county gatherings, I don't remember even the smallest difference in how blacks were treated. There weren't a lot of non-whites around and who I knew were in the same boat as me. Some of us were less poor than others, but no one was rich except the mine owners. In all honesty, racism didn't come into my world until I went to Lexington. I thought it was the flat stupidest thing I ever heard and saw. Over time, I realized my corner of the world as a child was different than the rest of the world ... in a lot of different kinds of ways.

Since then, kind people of color have for necessity or friendship, shown me what kind of world they have lived in. It is a vastly different world and I am grateful for the patience and love I've been shown in that sort of education.

Including on this board.

[brush]

29. Wow! Your childhood is to be envied. Most never escape the propaganda during...

their formative years.

[DFW]

30. I think my experience involved hardly any eye-opening

My parents sent me to a small, apparently affordable small integrated private school in a rural (we’re talking 1960) part of northern Virginia. Maybe somewhere a third to half of my classmates were black. At age 8, I really didn’t get that it made any difference. I was there for three years. It didn’t offer beyond grade school. We invited each other to our birthday parties, etc. Some of our teachers were black, too, and we all called each other by our first names, including the teachers. Only later on did I (we?) learn that it was supposed to make a difference. If my black classmates classmates were told something different at home, which is plausible enough, I never heard about it. In hindsight, it was obviously anything but typical for the time, but I think all the parents took pains to spare us the “great awakening” for as long as they could. Mine did, anyway.

[Skittles]

31. I grew up as a GI brat

there was more diversity, and their dads were enlisted just like mine was - and we all hated the officers kids

[brush]

36. "...and we all hated the officers kids." That got a chuckle out of me.

I never thought about that dynamic at all about military kids, that there was that divide.

[Skittles]

41. that was partly in jest

we didn't really hate them, but some of them were a bit obnoxious

[Solly Mack]

32. Conscious effort.

I'm multi-racial, multi-ethnic with white skin. When she was a child, my mother's family rushed out of their home ahead of the Klan coming to burn them out but I wouldn't garner a second look from a klan member - until I open my mouth.

White people feel free to say anything and everything around me - until I open my mouth.

You have to ask yourself why you think something or believe something. You have to challenge yourself. You must develop empathy. You must correct yourself - and then you need to call out others on their bigotry.

You must listen. No matter how uncomfortable you feel. Examine why you feel uncomfortable.

It's not enough to be a "non" - you have to become an "anti". (Non-racist - become an anti-racist)

This applies across the board - skin hue, gender, sexuality etc..

[brush]

33. Thanks for this. You have to work at it.

"It's not enough to be a "non" - you have to become an "anti"...racist, that is.

So when you open your mouth I gather you sound like you're from the hood?

[-misanthroptimist]

34. I came of age in the 1970s

Honestly, I never got racism. It's not like I wasn't exposed, either. Most of my family are racists. I just never understood it. And the more I learned, the less sense it made.

[brush]

51. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. We're all the same species, humans. And so-called...

Last edited Mon Jul 12, 2021, 03:26 AM - Edit history (1)

racial characteristics are adaptations to climate for the most part.

[mcar]

37. This is a great question

one I've thought of quite a lot in my adulthood (I'm 62).

I'm a white woman raised in Joe Biden's Scranton PA neighborhood. There were no black families there, heck, when a protestant family moved next door my mother was shocked (they ended up becoming great friends and I babysat their kids).

Still, my parents raised us to think; my father once told me to ask him anything and he'd play Devil's Advocate for me. They were Kennedy Democrats. But they were, if not racists, race ignorant (my mother was definitely racist, not sure about dad). Race was never really talked about in our home.

I grew up in the 60s/70s; had relatives who moved out of the Newark, NJ, area because of the conflicts after MLK's and RFK's assassinations. I was clueless in my happy white world.

But I was taught to think, both in my home and in my parochial schools and Jesuit college. We argued everything over the Sunday dinner table - it sometimes got heated but was mostly just us arguing issues and politics. I so miss being able to argue politics with unlike minded people and have it remain civil.

In my Catholic high school there were a few black students. As much as I am disgusted with the Catholic church, this one incident stands out in my mind: a friend was invited to the winter semi-formal by one of the black students, a really nice guy who was friends with many of us. They were not romantically involved but wanted to attend as friends. Her pillar of the community parents hit the roof and would not allow their daughter to attend a dance with a black kid.

The principal of the school, a priest, went to their home and read them the riot act - call it a "come to Jesus" moment. Their daughter ended up going to the dance with her date.

In college, I was exposed even more to the basic concept of thinking. In Jesuit schools, you have to take a certain number of theology and philosophy courses. I became a feminist first (English major, lots of women's lit courses). Then I moved to Boston and actually met Black people; it seriously took that long, I'm sorry to say. I started questioning all those unconscious biases I had adopted.

After I married, 36 years ago, we moved to Florida and were exposed to people of all cultures and backgrounds. I saw bigotry of all kinds and finally got to meet and know people from all walks of life. We tried to pass the ideas and knowledge we had gained on to our children - and it seemed to work.

Now, my son and DIL and our new granddaughter live in Washington DC in a predominantly Black neighborhood. I love visiting there, walking around and talking to people in the neighborhood. It feels more comfortable and real to me than my lily white, Trump humping Florida county. I'm glad that my grandbaby is growing up in a diverse community with parents who love and relish that diversity.

Sorry for the length of this but your question is just so good.

[brush]

42. Thank you for the length of your post. I love reading the part of the priest...

coming to the house and reading the riot act to the parents. What a priest. I'd like to think there are more good priest in the Catholic Church as you hear the opposite so often.

And the unconscious bias we all have about others (Black folks have them too, and sometimes about ourselves). Many don't come to realize that about themselves on their own—sometimes never even it if conks them in the head over and over.

Thanks for sharing.

[mcar]

43. You are welcome.

[Dustlawyer]

39. I grew up in SE Texas and remember seeing the mayor of the sundown town next door to our city

lead the KKK in the 4th of July parade on local tv. My parents were upset and explained it to me. The real cross road though for me was when our city desegregated (the first time). I was sent to a previous all black middle school as one of the 2% white students and 1% other. The school was still 97% black. While I made some friends there it was Hell on earth. My name became white boy and I never had so many fights. The local HS had several shootings, stabbing, and rapes and that conflict trickled down to the middle school where I was a sixth grader. Also, the mini series “Roots” was aired that year which caused me a lot of beatings.

I thought about the situation and decided I could have my experience make me racist as some of my white friends did, or I could acknowledge that I was receiving pay back for how whites treated blacks in my community. I realized we all wanted the same things and were pretty much the same other than some cultural differences that I came to understand. I did not like being beaten for the color of my skin and figured black kids didn’t either. I saw racism as just an excuse to make yourself feel superior to others.

I guess the message sunk in because I have both a white and a black ex-wife! Lol. I am friends with my white ex-wife but have been dating my black ex-wife since our divorce 12 years ago.

[brush]

47. Man, you've had some experiences. Being one of the few white guys in a black school...

Last edited Mon Jul 12, 2021, 03:36 AM - Edit history (1)

I have to say you've actually experienced the typical "black experience" as a white guy.

And this part is delicious: "I guess the message sunk in because I have both a white and a black ex-wife! Lol. I am friends with my white ex-wife but have been dating my black ex-wife since our divorce 12 years ago."

After reading that I don't know whether you should be on the psychiatrist's couch or the psychiatrist doing the analysis of the guy on the couch.

[Dustlawyer]

54. I should be on the couch instead of the chair for sure!

To add a little bit more to the story our city finally desegregated for real the year after I graduated. There was a lot of crazy talk about how it would go, and it would have been bad I am convinced except for one very wonderful thing that happened. A movie should be made about it. They merged an all black HS with the mostly white one but let the black coach run the football team. That team went undefeated and won the Texas 5A football championship. At the time 5A was the designation for the largest high schools. Being in Texas, HS football is king and they were at the top. The whole city went nuts and suddenly everyone was happy with the change. The coach unfortunately died of cancer the next year so they named the stadium after him.

[Blue_true]

40. If you have spent time observing young kids, you should have noticed

that most of the exhibit innate compassion. I believe the thing that separates us from conservatives is that we held on to your natural compassion as we grew older. Any person who has a well ingrained level of compassion and a sense of fairness isn’t going to become a Trumper, that is highly inconsistent with who they are.

[brush]

44. You're so right. Kids perk up when other kids enter the room, no matter what ethnicity.

[scarletlib]

45. I was lucky.

Grew up in Tennessee but parents never overtly racist. Never heard any derogatory language regarding African Americans. You make think this is weird but we called them chocolate drops. Since we loved chocolate…

Taught to judge people by their actions and that poor was just as good as rich.
By the time of Civil Rights I was shocked at what I saw. Teenage at that time.

I was a total bookworm, nerd and also naive. But always believed we were all equal. Still do. Many years of reading books on Civil Rights, Black history etc.

We have a long way to go as white people. I despair that we will ever get to that point. We owe a tremendous debt to our Black brothers and sisters.

[JCMach1]

46. My mom's family was virulently anti-racist... Growing up

I had an African American disabled (deaf) adopted uncle who had been adopted by my mom's family when he was orphaned.

Racism was all around me. I don't think I would have dared to date a black girl in HS. I was extremely shy anyway.

Now, I am married to an African American ...

[treestar]

50. Public schools in this area

were liberal in the 70s. We had a unit on race prejudice and its wrongness.

That was the era when progressivism made great strides. Women's lib was going on too.

And that was pre-integration. (My schools had one black family and a few Asian and that was it).

College was integrated - I went in the South, so there were many black students - not many of other minorities then. But nobody at college back then was conservative. I think that is where the Limbaugh type crowd gets their persecution complex. I was there when Reagan was elected and the entire campus seemed to hate that - the young right winger groups were moribund. Probably resurrected in the Limbaugh 90s era.

[GulfCoast66]

52. My dad left the racist rural south of the early 50's when he went to college.

Not that LSU was a lot better but he always said the sense of oppression in his small town was palpable. And whites who disagreed dare not speak up less they lose their jobs and be socially isolated.

He supported the civil rights movement, integration and busing. He did not leave the Democratic Party in the 80 like some many whites did.

He died in 90. I was 23. All that said he went as far as a man of his time could. He would not have been happy if my sister had married a person of color.

The most important thing I grew up being continuously told was I’m not better that others and no one is better than me. Unlike many taught that lesson in the south, my parents made it clear that included people of color.

I get along with southern black men better than I do most southern white men. Much rather spend time at a bar or brewery sitting with a black southern.

Several years ago I was at a hotel bar in Mobile Alabama. If was a place that attracted locals as well as hotel guest. Spent several hours talking with some very successful black guys from Mobile. In the conversation they asked me how things were for black folks in my city. I’ll never forget their response when I told them I guess I really could not tell them how things were here for black folks. How could I as an upper middle class white dude.

One guy looked at me, had a pause and said, ‘. thanks man, you actually get it’. I often think of that conversation and reflect on what that guy was telling me.

[brush]

53. Your last sentence says it all.

Sounds like you're woke...and in the Black slang sense of it (being politically aware) and not the negative magats have tried to define it as.

[GulfCoast66]

57. I'd like to think so, but I'm guess I'm not the one to say!

But was not always. Oh, never racist in the common sense and would have never in my life cared if a kid of mine married a black person. But I was a voting republican most of my voting life. President Obama finally helped me understand institutional racism and how ingrained it is in much our population. Honestly never thought about it much. And it was nothing he really did although I consider him the best President of my life. It was the way so much of white society reacted to his election. It was clearly racist and thinking about it really pissed me off. It opened my eyes.

I was already becoming disconnected from the Republican Party. By 2015 I was a moderate democrat on some issues but all in on the need for major action needed against institutional and general racism. And honestly joining DU has helped further pushed me to the left on all issues. I’m now a social Democrat in the European model.

People can and do change. And in my case it is with an evangelical zeal. Luckily I was able to keep the few friends I had who we’re republicans. One of them for the first time in his life voted Democratic on 2020 for the first time ever. Like to think I influenced that. I know he greatly respects me, for some reason!

I strongly believe we Liberal white, middle aged and class, southern white men have an obligation to be vocal in our beliefs and able to explain them. If you were to see me you would assume I’m a trumper. Husky, decent sized white guy, when cool I wear boots. A ball cap. Drive a big truck. I on occasion shock people in breweries when they make a right wing or racist statement, assuming I’ll agree. I push beck hard on that shit. It’s amazing how within 5 minutes of Bullshiting these rubes feel comfortable heading into political or religious topics(I’m a freethinker). They need to know we don’t all walk in lockstep.
If had a few pleasant surprises, also. Occasionally when I push back someone else in the conversation or overhearing it will chime in to support my view.

All Americans have a moral obligation to make things better for the most oppressed among us.

I’ll never be free of the legacy of being raised when blatant racism was all around me, excluding my immediate family. It takes active work to not mentally fall back of racial stereotypes we grew up around. It’s a daily work of changing the automatic association our brains make. I still have work to do for sure. The generation behind me it in a much better place than me. They in most cases did not grow up hearing racist thoughts on a daily basis.

Sorry for rambling. And thanks for the OP.

[brush]

59. I'm chalking you up as one of the good guys.

[GulfCoast66]

60. One does ones best.

Have a nice evening.

[haele]

55. Mom grew up in a working class neighborhood

With Armenian immigrants, Blacks, and later, returnees. From the Japanese internment camps. When she started high school, the senior class president was George Takai.
Her dad, son of Finnish immigrants, was an insurance agent for the neighborhood, and helped them do their taxes for a small fee while her next-door black neighbor helped her learn to keep house while her mother was dying of chemical-induced cancer from working at the airplane plants during the War.
Dad was a History major, who joined the desegregated CANF to get his teacher's certificate. He was a Zinn fan before Zinn became popular, and his family had a history of being part of the underground railway and running guns on both sides of the Civil War.
So my folks both let me know that while I had privilege for being White, there was a whole range of interesting cultures and peoples that made up the US, and I needed to use my privilege to make this a better country for everyone. History, good and bad, is a starting point we have to understand before we go forward.

And that's how I navigate racial politics.

Haele

[brush]

61. Quite a diverse childhood you describe. And did you say Geoge Takei, the...

George Takei was your mom's the high school class president? Sounds like you couldn't be anything but a progressive.

[lindysalsagal]

56. As a suburban white woman, it's definitely moving to integrated cities.

You have to unlearn your fear of the different, and see beyond skin to look at how people are dressed, carry themselves, etc. Then you figure out that it's not good to see older men in filthy clothes hanging out on a corner, doing nothing, especially if there are others doing the same nearby. In that situation, skin isn't the point anymore.

You learn to recognize families and well-kept teens as perfectly safe, regardless of the cadence of the vernacular and the volume or the vocabulary. I don't know urban terminology, but I can see for myself when nice kids are putting on a "tough guy" act, trying to impress each other.

I got off a bus in San francisco once because an older white guy was harassing everyone. He was clearly on something that was making him agitated and totally unreasonable. The bus driver didn't seem to want to do anything. I actually said, "Ok. I'm done with this guy. Let me out." And he did. I started walking, and then a cop pulled up and pulled the guy off the bus and into a cop car. I got back on the bus.

I was stuck on a bus once when a nutsy old white lady was screeching expletives at everyone on the bus. The driver said, "Ok. Hold it down back there." Did no good at all. Eventually he stopped and made her leave.

You catch on that the outside skin color is irrelevant. The brain condition is the difference between polite and dangerous.

[Hekate]

64. Grew up in Hawai'i

[brush]

72. Pls, a little more as Hawaii is a unique state. My wife and I went there in the...

early 2000s for a wedding and enjoyed it quite a lot. Saw the Palace and the wonderful trees with the sturdy trunks huge canopies leaves standing guard. Also the pictures of the King and Queen. What is the feeling of the people about the death of the King in San Francisco for medical treatment while the planters were agitating for more acrerage back home?

While in one of the hotel lobbies one of the native Hawaiians pulled us to side let us know that they were in solidarity with us and our struggle for equality in America as they were going through the same thing there. That was eye opening to us and we felt an instance bond of solidarity with him.

[mvd]

65. I was brought up by good Democratic parents

Always believed in treating everyone equally. Never taught any racism and have a progressive mindset to begin with. Good thread!

[JI7]

66. Progressives can still be bigoted. But the ones who are least likely to be racist

are the ones that recognize the history and system we live in. They recognize their privilege . This of course doesn't mean they didn't earn whatever they had but they know they were not held back due to race or some other factors like religion, gender , etc as this can apply to other forms of bigotry.

They don't get defensive anytime someone brings up racist white people because they know why someone would bring that up because they know this is a problem.

They also admit to the racism they hear from their own family and other white people in their community. They know that type of attitude would affect others and how it becomes systemic.

I am a non black minority and even I can admit to having privilege over some other minorities like not being stopped if i'm driving a nice car or through certain neighborhoods .

[susanr516]

68. For me, it was definitely a series of epiphanies

Both sides of my family settled south of the Mason-Dixon line. I come from generations of overt racists, including my parents. I was born in 1954 in Jim Crow Dallas. Separate restrooms, water fountains, schools, the outside windows at the Dairy Queen. Even the public library had a window in the back of the building where Blacks had to fill out a request to check out books. There was a colored women's restroom in my elementary school for the lunch staff. In Dallas, Asian and Latinx students went to the white schools, but there were different schools for African-Americans. I heard every racial slur imaginable from friends and family members.

First epiphany was between 1960 and 1965. We were devout Southern Baptists. I realized that the Christians I knew were hypocrites. The Bible said many times that everybody was equal in God's eyes, but there was a lot of hatred toward people of color by the church members. Both my parents watched the news every night and read the newspaper every morning. The Sunday news shows were on until we left for church. I learned that watching the news and reading newspapers were important. I saw the protests and the Freedom Riders on TV. While my parents complained about "outside agitators" stirring up trouble in the South, I saw law enforcement beating people, turning them away from the Courthouse when they tried to register to vote, spraying them with fire hoses, and siccing police dogs on them. And I knew that was wrong and not the Christian thing to do. My mother went back to work in 1962, and hired Ivie, an African-American woman to clean house, watch my youngest sister during the day (and all 3 of us in the summer,) and cook supper. I can't remember whether it was the Civil Rights Act or the Voting Rights Act, but the national news interrupted programming to show LBJ signing it. Ivie was in tears and we all cheered because the President signed it into law. In fall 1965, the Dallas ISD desegregated and Black children began to attend our elementary school. My father made us all swear that we would never speak to one of those (racial slur) children. We promised. Of course, several of my white classmates treated them terribly and I was too frightened to speak up. One of the African-American children, Eva, was confronted by a boy who told her to dance, because "all (racial slur)s can dance." She laughed in his face and said, "Of course, I can dance, but I'm not going to teach you how." Everybody started laughing, and white boy walked away. I had been a target of bullies in the past and I wished that I could be as brave as Eva. It hit me. WOW. I admired her; I wished I could be more like her; I wished that I could be her friend, but I was such a coward that I wouldn't do it for fear my white classmates would target me. (My parents moved to a virtually all-white suburb the next year.) By 1968, Bobby Kennedy had convinced me that I was a real Democrat, not a Dixiecrat like most of the south. I was devastated when both Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bobby were assassinated. In the meantime, my father was all in for George Wallace and my mother voted for Nixon (although she lied to my father and swore she voted for Wallace in the Nov. election.) She later told me if my husband ever told me how to vote, I should vote for whoever I wanted and just lie to him about it. Even then, I knew nobody was going to tell me how to vote, lol.

Next epiphany was in 1972, when I moved to Austin and attended UT. I married my high-school boyfriend and we both had to work to pay the bills. For the first time in my life, I met an extremely diverse group of people and discovered that knowing people from different religions, races, nationalities, etc. really helped me understand and relate to those who had a vastly different childhood from mine. I learned that growing up in a place where there was no diversity was a curse, not a blessing. My husband graduated in 1977 (I dropped out after 2 years to get a full-time job at IRS so we had health insurance.) He got a job with the FDIC and we returned to the same suburb near Dallas. Our daughter was a year old. I appreciated having both my parents and in-laws close by, but the cookie-cutter sameness of that suburb was depressing. The group of people I worked with was racially diverse, but outside of work, everyone went back to their mostly segregated areas and there was not much socializing after work. In the rare occasions when we had a group party (I was now working for AT&T,) there was the Black group, the Latinx group, and the white group, with very little interaction between them. I knew within 6 months of moving back that I didn't want to raise my child that way. In 1979, the FDIC decided to open a small Field Office in South TX. My husband volunteered to transfer because he could advance more rapidly in a smaller office. We moved here in December of that year, when my daughter was 3.

The greatest epiphany began after our move. Suddenly, I was in an area where white non-Hispanic was the minority race/ethnicity. I got a transfer to the AT&T office here. I had no friends, no family. The third time I visited the city was the day we moved in. I walked into that office and soon discovered some of that diversity I had missed so much. There was no ditching work friendships at 5 pm. My work friends were my weekend friends, too. My parents were horrified that we had moved down here with "all those Mexicans." About 6 months after I moved here, I realized that I had to break the system of racism in my family. I decided to raise my child in a place where she was in the minority race/ethnic group, and never mention the race or ethnicity of a person to my child ever again. I figured if I never mentioned it, she wouldn't think it was important. Fast forward many years: I got divorced in 1983, remarried a wonderful guy in 1985 who has lived here since he was 8, and had three other children. My current husband's parents were born and raised in Mississippi. His father was an unrepentant racist, and he and I had more than one conversation about how we were choosing to rear our children and I made it VERY clear to him that I expected him to honor our wish as parents to shield our children from anyone, including him, from using racial or ethnic slurs. I think we have broken the cycle. My younger daughter recently said that she didn't know she was white until someone called her "white girl" in middle school. We went to visit my younger sister in Forney a few years ago. My youngest told me, "I don't like it here. White people make me nervous." I told him, "You do know you're white people, right?" He said, "Yeah, I know, but they still make me nervous."

This answer is way too long, but you asked a sincere question. I know that I still have work to do in my quest to become an anti-racist, but I promise you I am trying my best to get there.

[brush]

69. Thank you. It's not too long. It reads like a short story. You're a writer. Think about that.

Last edited Mon Jul 12, 2021, 02:07 PM - Edit history (1)

[susanr516]

73. Thanks

Although I know I still have a ton of work to do internally.

A few years ago, we hosted a big birthday party for my husband. He loves parties; I just endure them, lol. I was chatting with a couple of black friends, when one of them asked me, "Do you think white progressive Democrats can be racist?' That floored me for two reasons: first, that they trusted me to tell them the truth; second, because I owed them an honest answer.

The answer is yes, and that's the toughest type of racism to correct. I'm guilty of it myself. We "oh so special" white folks have so bought into the flawed concept of our racial/ethnic superiority that we automatically assume we are better at handling problems than people of color. We want to pat POC on their heads and say, "Oh, you poor dears. You don't understand the system like I do. Let me help you." The answer is not to infantilize racial/ethnic minority groups, but to recognize the inherent racism within the system.

When you're a member of the favored group, it's often really difficult to grasp how rigged the game is. You know it's rigged in your favor, but it's easy to fool yourself into believing that you got a favorable result due to your knowledge, or street smarts, or education, or any one of a number of things that don't have anything to do with the fact that you are White, non-Hispanic. It's difficult to admit it, but those of us who are white, non-Hispanic need to let go of the notion that it was only by our superior knowledge regarding gaming the system that resulted in a favorable outcome.

[RobinA]

75. Never Really Felt

subjected to racial programming, so didn't have to wade through anything. I grew up in suburban Philadelphia, so not rural and not the city. My parents never had much to say on race, people were just people. My Grandmother used terms for black people that we didn't use, but to us that was because she was old and from a different time. In her town Catholics weren't allowed to marry Protestants and vice versa. They didn't know any better, we figured. We all turned out to be a bunch of atheists, so programming wasn't popular at our house.

I should probably add that my parents and Grandparents were all Repubs, back when you could be sane and still be Republican.

[Hugin]

76. As one DU poster put it recently...

I consistently err on the side of kindness.

Good heuristic.

[Elessar Zappa]

77. I'm white

and my parents always taught me to be colorblind (which I later learned isn’t the best way to see things). I had Hispanic friends and grew up idolizing Michael Jordan. Then when I got into college, I learned that there were ways in which I was still racially biased (crossing the street if I was approaching a group of black teenagers and other things) and I’ve been working ever since to continue growing and learning.

[Marrah_Goodman]

78. Personally, for me, sometimes you need to stop and think

That is what I taught my kids. You have to recognize when you might be thinking a stereotype, analyze the thought (where did it come from, etc) and then use the logical part of your brain to delete it.

[nolabear]

79. Sometimes I guess we're just different. My fam is MS conservative.

I am and always have been an outlier. It’s interesting, because I love my immediate family and they love me. Heck, I wouldn’t be here—at least not as a sane person—if I hadn’t been saved from a terrible situation by loving grandparents, whose points of view were absolutely racist. Not hate-filled but certainly racist.

I’m not sure why I was always an outsider of sorts. But I’m glad I am. To me, it’s simple. We are all better off when we respect and care for one another, including both similarities and differences.

[Sympthsical]

80. Empathy and exposure, despite all odds

My parents were virulent racists when I was growing up. They had both lived in immigrant neighborhoods in Chicago. During the post-WWII migration of southern Blacks to northern cities, my parents were part of the white flight to the suburbs.

Since the suburb I grew up in was 99% white, as were my schools, I never gave it much thought. My father especially was bad. If Black kids were playing basketball in "our" parks, he'd always say, "What the fuck are those n-words doing here?!" He'd get riled. If neighbors pissed each other off, they'd threaten to sell their house to a bunch of n-words. Because, as a neighbor, that was the worst thing you could do.

When we drove through Black suburbs or neighborhoods, they were almost always dilapidated and run down compared to where we lived. That's where the crime was. I knew nothing of causes. My parents always said, "That's just how they are. That's what they did to where we grew up, too." So, they definitely had opinions.

I honestly didn't give it much thought. It's just how things were.

The sticky wicket in the whole thing is, I was gay. I knew from fairly early on. Considering my parents were Irish Catholics and had hateful opinions about that, too, their racial hatred just didn't stick. Their bigotries in general didn't stick. I knew what it was like to be hated for something immutable. So, I just didn't feel the need to hate anyone else for it either. In high school, the one Black kid's locker was next to mine. He was neighbors with one of my best friends at the time. So we got on very well and hung out frequently during summers. He was just one of us. When I got my first job at 15 at McD's, a lot of my co-workers were Black. I liked most of them very well. We'd have lunch together and hang out after work sometimes.

This isn't to say I was some paragon of anti-bigotry. I still had those slivers under the skin that can take time and pain to extract. However, later on, I realized I was judging less on skin color than on class. Which is hilarious, because we were working poor, too. We just weren't red-lined into a shitty neighborhood. I could absolutely be Judgey McJudgerson.

Then came college. Then, I went into social work for a long time. So I got a fairly thorough education in causes, systemic racism, the insurmountable difficulties. You get an eyeful. Especially in places like Richmond and Oakland.

Fortunately, my parents did chill out in old age. Both their kids ended up in interracial relationships. I mean, when your grandkids are brown, it's tougher to be an asshole about it all. Before he died, my dad would say things like, "Oh I love Shawn! You know Shawn, right? That nice colored fella over on the corner."

Look, that was about as good as that was going to get with him.

But exposure was the big one. If you're around a lot of different ethnicities and see them as individuals in your life instead of groups, it's a lot harder to create a negative group out of them. I think the problem with a lot of white people is that they're segregated. When you're segregated away from different types of people, Othering those people becomes real, real easy.

[RANDYWILDMAN]

81. My mom is a magat !

What was missing was compassion and empathy, I saw the void in the repub platform a long time ago. Also I could never get behind perpetual war.


It oozed out of Reagan. Who was the welfare queen ? An afircan american lady sucking of the government assistance, NO, it was the military industrial complex, it was big corporate america and wall street who just rewrote laws to their own will.

Reagan broke Unions
Reagan Broke bankruptcy to benefit corps
Reagan Broke Wall street
Reagan Robbed social security
Reagan had no empathy for people with aids
Reagan allowed a dimit like TFG to even think about being president