I Want My Mom...

[TygrBright]

She is in the Twin Cities.

I am in New Mexico.

She is 91 and in good physical health but has a mild dementia and increasing loss of short-term memory.

The past 18 months have been a terrible ordeal for her as she's had to move three times.

The first move took her from her familiar home. She didn't want to leave, but she was very much at risk there.

Within weeks of the move to her first independent living apartment in a senior community it was locked down.

She was in a strange place, isolated and lonely.

My sister who lives in the Twin Cities got certified as a home care aide and did her best.

But Mom became increasingly depressed, disoriented, angry and despairing.

The facility wasn't great. Last fall we got her moved to a facility that seemed like it would be an improvement.

It was, but not much.

Mom was still lonely, isolated, increasingly bored as her resources for using a modern television evaporated and her ability to track more complex reading matter was impaired, and she could not go to her AA meetings.

We did our best, buying "Grandpad" video tablets, communicating several times a day, sending fruit, little gifts, reminding her she's loved, not forgotten.

The depression, anxiety, etc., returned and started building up again.

Finally, this Spring - some hope! An assisted living apartment opened up at a community Mom really liked.

And it looked like Covid was about to be licked. We were all vaccinated.

We moved her to the new community in June. She likes it very much.

She can attend community meals, events, exercise classes, etc., because the facility is not locked down.

Mom started doing better.

The esposo and I began discussing plans to drive to the Twin Cities over the summer for a nice long visit, as soon as the Covid new case rate dropped sufficiently along our travel route and in Minnesota.

I really want to see Mom, while she still knows me, while she's enjoying life, while we can do some fun things together, maybe go to the Arboretum or walk around Lake Nokomis.

I don't want her to be locked down again - it takes a terrible toll on her.

THOSE FUCKING ANTIVAX ASSHOLES WANTED TO MAKE A POLITICAL STATEMENT.

THEY WANTED TO "OWN THE LIBS".

THEY'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN WRONG.

SELFISH SHITHEADS DON'T GIVE A CRAP WHETHER THEIR PETTY DESTRUCTIVE STUPID ANTISOCIAL POINT-PROVING ANTICS AFFECT ANYONE ELSE.

I miss my Mom...

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever see her in person again, when she can still smile and light up and know who I am and give me a big hug.

sadly,
Bright

[sheshe2]

1. I hear you, Bright.

[Srkdqltr]

2. How long of a drive is it? If you drive through and just stop gas you should be alright

[leftieNanner]

4. According to Google Maps

It's about 19 hours from Albuquerque (I don't know where Bright lives) to Minneapolis.

Good idea, but not a straight drive. Sadly.

[Ocelot II]

3. If it's any consolation, the rate of new cases is still quite low here

and the vaccination rate in this county is something over 70%. More than 90% of the people over 65 have been vaccinated. There has been no talk of lockdowns at all, and although there has been an uptick in cases they do not expect a surge. https://kstp.com/coronavirus/minnesota-staying-out-of-newest-covid-surge-for-now/6176873/ I know how difficult it is to deal with an elderly parent - we had to move my mom around a couple of times and she found it very upsetting. But I think you can come here safely to visit your Mom, and that you'll be able to take her out.

[leftieNanner]

5. So sorry to hear this Bright

Can you consider flying?

[TygrBright]

7. Although the esposo and I are both vaxxed, we have high vulnerability factors.

As you noted above, we wouldn't be able to make it in one go, driving, and I'm just NOT comfortable getting on an airplane.

I know the rates both here and in Minnesota are currently low, but by the time we'd be able to make all the arrangements, get away from work, etc., it will be September - and it may be a very different picture then.

I am going to try and make some arrangements, but nothing non-refundable, and I'm not going to tell Mom as it would be heartbreaking if we had to cancel, last minute.

worriedly,
Bright

[leftieNanner]

8. Wishing you all well

[TygrBright]

10. Thank you. I'm so grateful for DU community.

I try really hard not be negative, but it helps to know others get it.

appreciatively,
Bright

[chowder66]

6. I miss my mom too. Hi Mom if you're reading this!!! nt

[Hugin]

9. I am sorry, Bright.

I was so naïve.

I honestly believed we'd be in a whole different place by now.

Now, I know better. We're still held hostage by assholes.

[Stuart G]

11. Thank You For Sharing This With Us.

[SheltieLover]

12. I sure hope you will be able to make it work out

[Hekate]

13. That's so heartbreaking, Bright

All the best to you all.

[Evolve Dammit]

14. Boy do I share those feelings. I was the care-giver to 80 plus mom. The separation must be hell.

AND IT DIDN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY. It has made me hate more than I ever thought possible or even conceivable. SELFISH SHITHEADS is too kind.

[lagomorph777]

15. In time, the antivaxxers will get their wish.

Many of them will be dead or severely disabled.

Meantime, mask up and vax up.

[Warpy]

16. Let's just hope the new facility is smarter about locking down if it comes to that

and locks down to people from the outside while allowing residents to pursue their activities with each other.

There are other things to prevent besides infection, as you noted.

Lockdowns at this stage of the pandemic are simply not going to work, especially since vaccination scofflaws are unlikely to abide by them, at all, just like we saw at this time last year. The Delta variant is out there, it's going to hit everybody sooner or later, and it's got a good chance at killing a lot of the scofflaws, sadly predictable.

In the meantime, have you called the facility to see if they can set up a Skype call with her? Computer face to face is pretty unstisfying, but it beats the frustration of knowing she might be slipping away while you can't get in to see her.

I hate this disease. I hate propagandists who callously prey on gullible people to cause chaos for POLITICAL REASONS, killing them in the process. I hate that you can't go see your Mom, even the time a jet takes to get there might be too long since lockdowns can happen very quickly. I hope they consider her emotional well being as well as her physoca; well being. And I hope you do get there while she still knows you. It hurts when they don't.

[TygrBright]

19. The Grandpad has been a wonderful gift, it lets us talk face-to-face every day.

It's a lot easier to use than Skype and it's simple enough that Mom can still use it herself when she's feeling perky. Consumer Cellular has been topnotch about troubleshooting connection issues and helping us do remote reboots when needed; I've been so impressed by them that when I got tired of being jacked around by AT&T we switched our cell service to Consumer. I would recommend them.

The community where Mom is now seems to be pretty well-run, and so far she is liking the staff she interacts with. They have an internal community cable channel they provide programming on, but we haven't been able to get it set up on Mom's television in a robust way. She has a terrible time with the TV as she doesn't understand the menus which are very modern and complicated and designed to allow access to all kinds of streaming services and USB-based devices and interfaces with mobile doodads, as well as hundreds of cable channels. And a remote with dozens of buttons all with obscure symbol indicators of what they do. So anyone visiting her leaves the TV on a channel she likes, but she gets confused and starts pushing buttons and it gets lost.

What we need is a Grandpad-like equivalent of a television interface where we can set it up to give her three choices: her two favorite regular broadcast channels (PBS and the local CBS affiliate), plus the in-community network channel. With easy to understand on/off, volume control, and selection of the three options. It might be possible, but none of us is technologically advanced enough to even begin to know how to set it up.

wearily,
Bright

[bedazzled]

21. Definitely needed!

my mom loved her tunes, but I couldn't find an mp3 interface she could understand. Or a phone. Life is difficult for the elderly. Hope you can hug your mom soon!

[FakeNoose]

17. It is possible to make a long drive and avoid any danger

Just keep wearing your masks when you're around people, such as a gas station or restaurant. Practice social distancing as you would normally, and stay outdoors as much as you can.

Around your family wear masks until you feel comfortable taking them off. Don't put off this chance to see her! It's worth it for your Mom, and you already know how to be careful around strangers. Good luck my friend.

[appalachiablue]

18. Wishing you the very best in this tough

situation. I hope your mother fares better and finds some comfort and stability in her new home. You're wise to watch for isolation and stress which can add to the progression of dementia, memory loss and confusion in elders.

I watched my mom, who enjoyed good health overall experience this in her late 70s, mainly due to an irresponsible family member who was worrying and troubling her and the entire family. We got through it with scars, but not mom.

[plimsoll]

20. Sorry about your mom,

But faux news and the GOP have changed their tunes.

"Get vaccinated now, it's the best thing since sliced bread." All it took was a hit to the net worth of the people who matter to the GOP.

[cate94]

22. I hope you can go...

You have more control in a car. We live in IL and traveled to and from CA w/o issue. Wore masks at every stop. Used hand sanitizer at every stop. Brought our own meals and nuked them at the hotels. You can have very little interaction with other people on a road trip.

Generally, we’d use rest areas for pit stops. We’d mask up and wear gloves. Gloves were peeled off and disposed of before getting in the car, and we would still use hand sanitizer once inside. Same when gassing up.

The only people we had to interact with was when we were checking in. Fortunately they had masks and acrylic shields up. We stayed at La Quinta’s (because we had our dog with us) and they have pretty decent cancellation policies.

[TygrBright]

23. Good tips, thank you!

I will check out the La Quinta chain. We are no longer spring chickens ourselves and will probably look at doing a 3-leg journey to maintain safe levels of energy and alertness.

One challenge we're running into is that there is currently a terrible shortage of rental cars, of all things... and the expense for getting a comfortable rental car is considerably higher than we budgeted. So there's a lot of juggling involved.

But I'm hopeful we can do it sometime between Labor Day and when I have to be in the office for a complex meeting presentation on September 24th.

determinedly,
Bright

[cate94]

24. You are welcome!

Our CA trip is a 3 leg trip as well. We bring audio books to make the time go faster. Good luck!