This just in: Schedule for August 13, 2021
10 am: Donald Trump, accompanied by his adult children, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Lin Wood, Alan Dershowitz and Mike Lindell, appear at the back gate of the White House. Trump's hair looks like he hasn't combed it in a week, he is wearing no makeup, and he is carrying a suit on a hanger. The rest of the crew is in a similar condition. When asked what they are doing there, Trump replies, "I am here for my reinstatement. Call that cute makeup girl with the huge (derogatory term for breasts) and have her set up to get us ready to go on television." When the gate guard informs him that he isn't going to be reinstated today or any other day, Trump starts screaming, "I'm the fucking president, dammit! You have to do what I say! Let us the fuck in!" The gate guard closes the gate and locks it.
10:30 am: Having been rebuffed at the White House entrance, Trump and his entourage move to in front of the White House. He is waving a document he claims "overturns the election, reinstates Mr. Trump as the duly elected president of the United States in perpetuity, and takes into custody Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Mike Pence, the governors and legislatures of all states that went for Biden in the 2020 election, and the entirety of the House and Senate Democratic Caucuses for the crime of Treason, which is punishable solely by death." The document was signed by Karl Lentz, a known sovereign citizen who claims anyone can set up a court that has all the authority of traditional government-appointed courts. A Washington, DC, police officer the group collared takes one look at it and asks them if they were smoking crack when they wrote it. Lindell takes offense: "Ossifer, I will swear on a Bible and a stack of My Pillows that I waited until I finished this sacred writ before I started smoking crack." The officer asks Lindell if he's currently in possession of any crack. "No sir! But, you know, I could sure use about a pound of it. You know anyone who's got any?"
10:45 am: Two hundred fifty Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, Boogaloo Boiz and members of other militia groups gather around Mr. Trump. Thanks to FBI facial recognition technology, all of them are identified as people who broke into the Capitol on January 6 to attempt to put Mr. Trump back in office. Three thousand law enforcement officials swarm the group and put all of them into custody, using fifteen gallons of pepper spray in the process. Trump and his entourage are thoroughly soaked with the product.
11:30 am: The group retreats to famous restaurant Ben's Chili Bowl to dine on half smokes and chili fries while plotting their next move. Within seconds, the counterman yells out "Hey Motherfucker! Read the fuckin' sign!" He points to a large piece of framed foam board on which is printed the words, "We Reserve the Right to Refuse Service to Anyone, Especially Donald Trump!" They beat a hasty retreat and wind up at the McDonald's in Union Station.
1 pm: The group attempts to return to the White House to once again demand Trump be reinstated. They have a different document, this one written by Anthony Troy Williams, a self-proclaimed "private attorney general" currently serving 15 years in the Florida State Pen for impersonating a lawyer prior to being transferred to federal custody to do 20 years for mortgage fraud, and signed by Judge Anna von Reitz, who lives in Alaska and is neither "Anna von Reitz" (her real name is Reitzinger) nor a judge. The gate guard pulls down his pants, wipes his ass on the new document, and hands it back to them. When Trump protests to the sergeant of the guard, that individual takes one quick look at the paperwork, drops his own pants and wipes his ass on the other side of it before returning it to Trump. Trump spends the next 25 minutes attempting to scrape the shit off before Ivanka intercedes by telling him, "Daddy, throw that away; it's not the only thing we have."
2 pm: Wearing obviously-fake plastic police badges reading "Federal Reinstatement Inspector," and joined by famous COVID vaccine attacker Lenka Koloma who is wearing a "Freedom to Breathe Agency" t-shirt, a pair of Daisy Dukes, nine-inch heels and so much off-brand perfume the honored dead in Arlington National Cemetery are complaining about it, the entire group gathers at a vehicle gate, starts shaking the fence, and begins to yell "Trump is the Real President! Sleepy Joe, get out of President Trump's house!" This time they are met by Washington Capitols enforcer Tom Wilson, who punches half of them out, body-checks the rest of them into Executive Avenue, and stuffs Lenka Koloma into a trash can. Head-first.
4 pm: After taking a refreshing two-hour nap over a sewer drain, the group once again rises and starts chanting, "Trump won the election! Sleepy Joe, get out of my house!" In response, White House stewards push six Marshall stacks, a Telecaster, a Jazz Bass, a banjo and a massive drum kit onto the front porch. President Biden, wearing full leathers and heavy eyeliner, steps out and picks up the guitar. First Lady Biden, done up like Lita Ford minus the huge tattoos, grabs the bass. Vice-President Harris, looking very much like Billy Joel's percussionist Crystal Taliefero, takes a seat at the drum kit. After playing very well-done covers of Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train," Iron Maiden's "Can I Play with Madness?", The Ramones' "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" and Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell," Biden yells through the mike, "Hey Trump...man, would you shut up?" The head of White House security then informs Trump that if he and "that scroungy mob you're running around with" are not 500 feet from the White House in 10 minutes, they are not going to like what happens to them.
5 pm: Because the moran did not leave when he was told, the White House security force and the Secret Service have delivered them to Union Station to be put on a one-way train to "as fucking far away as you can possibly get."
= new reply since forum marked as read
She has that vibe. 
Great stuff! Thanks! 