Ask Amy: My grandson told me he wasn't putting poison in his blood for our peace of mind

[ShazzieB]

Last edited Tue Aug 17, 2021, 08:07 PM - Edit history (1)

You know that dealing with irrational antivax relatives is a common problem when it starts showing up in advice columns! I saw this letter in Ask Amy recently and thought a lot of you would be able to relate.

Ask Amy runs in a lot of different newspapers. The source for this post is here: https://www.masslive.com/opinion/2021/08/ask-amy-my-grandson-told-me-he-wasnt-putting-poison-in-his-blood-for-our-peace-of-mind.html

This letter and reply are only part of the column, so i assume posting both in here will not be an egregious copyright violation.

Ask Amy: My grandson told me he wasn’t putting poison in his blood for our peace of mind

Posted Aug 09, 2021
By Amy Dickinson

Dear Amy: My 27-year-old grandson, who is getting married, called me up screaming at the top of his lungs saying I was a Republican and Nazi, that I am dead to him and to “F-off” — all because his grandfather (my husband) asked our daughter (his mother) if they got vaccinated.

This was a concern because we are flying across the country and I am supposed to officiate his wedding. Plus, his grandpa is very concerned for them. He told me he wasn’t putting poison in his blood for our peace of mind.

What the Hell am I supposed to do?

I tried calming him down to explain, but his rage was beyond any reasoning.

As of now we will still be going, but not attending the wedding.

My daughter acts like this is normal behavior and he’ll come around.

I don’t know if I will.

– Grandma H

Dear Grandma: Who talks like this? Who talks like this to his own grandmother?

If I were you, I wouldn’t wait for him to “come around.” Everything else aside, his rage does not make him a safe person to be around. Rebook your trip to a more pleasant destination.

================

I don't have anything to add, except to say I agree with Amy, and I sympathize greatly with this Grandma and anyone else who is dealing with these issues in their own famili3s

[Spider Jerusalem]

1. Well if she is a Republican the Nazi part is dead-on, the anti-vax nuttery is out of line though

[Hekate]

18. He went so far out in his rage that I just think he's an anti-vax whack job...

Anti-vaxxers say the darndest things, and it isn’t cute. They think everybody is out to get them and their kids.

His grandma should bow out of officiating at his wedding, and his wife-to-be should rethink her plans.

Ask Amy is right — rebook to somewhere more pleasant, asap.

[XanaDUer2]

2. Grandson sounds like a nut nt

[3auld6phart]

10. For sure

and a dangerous nut. This does not ode well for the daughter.
She is covering for the nutter before they re even hitched. It
will it end well for her me thinks.

[tanyev]

3. Wait, they got accused of being Republican Nazis because they are pro-vaccine?

That grandson hasn’t been paying very close attention to actual Republican Nazis.

[ProfessorGAC]

5. Confused Me, Too

He's antivax, but they're republican Nazis?
Huh?

[spooky3]

6. That makes me suspect the letter is fake. Nt

[Hortensis]

12. A lot of paranoid conspiracist nuts are lumping Republicans and Democrats

together in the same den of evil. Also, some of them came from the nutty left.

There isn't, and never was, quite as much difference between LWers and RWers who (still!) think we need to "lock her up" as some imagined.

[soldierant]

21. A lot of anti-vaxx started on the left

with fear of autism. And fear of merdury (which in a vacuum isn't insane, but both the quantity and quality of any mercury used in any vax are nothing to worry about. Worry about tuna sandwihes if you're worried about mercury.)

But, yes, anti-Covid-vax is mostly on the right.

[bedazzled]

4. No wedding present for you!

You are dead to me, too, and all the better for it

[Dan]

7. The woman he is going to marry, should open her eyes.

If he talks to his grandparents this way, what does the future hold for her?

If he was my son, and spoke to his grandparents this way - well, my son wouldn't even think of doing that!!!

[mgardener]

8. Well...

I would not be going.
"Dead to me" and "F off" are huge clues.
He does not want them there.

[Mopar151]

20. Rage addict!

Odds are he is already abusing. her..... Cutting off contact is escalation!

[bluedevil4]

9. As a Nonnie I

find this upsetting. However give me 30 seconds with that little SOB and he’ll be sorry he ever made that phone call

[mgardener]

11. Well...

I would not be going.
"Dead to me" and "F off" are huge clues.
He does not want them there.

[lpbk2713]

13. He's too old to be petulant.

Sorry, but that's what it sounds like to me.

[ZonkerHarris]

14. he's out of the will.

[Paladin]

22. +1000. (nt)

[Maggiemayhem]

24. I have been saying this all along. Cut these asses out of the will.

I hope his fiancé runs while she can.

[skypilot]

30. He'll probably kick the bucket first.

*

[MustLoveBeagles]

15. Wow 😲

I wouldn't have dreamed of talking to my grandparents that way. Plus he seems confused as to who the real Nazis are.

[Maru Kitteh]

16. His mother's dismissal suggests a pattern of indulgence

that created this abusive and grossly entitled monster.

That kid wouldn't be getting Jack shit from me. No gift. No card. No call. No trip. The end.


If Mom got pissed, she could suck it too.

[TNNurse]

17. I would not attend the wedding of anyone who said those things to me.

I am sorry for the grandparents. Truly sorry.

[Demovictory9]

19. plus one and change the will

[RVN VET71]

23. I'd call back a day or so later and see whether he's still acting like a

raging moron.

If he isn’t, I’d tell him that we wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding because what he said to me-- and how he said it -- was too upsetting. and hang up.

If he’s still raging, I’d just hang up and that would be that. My will would be changed forthwith and, I’m sorry to say this, but the little son of a bitch would never see nor hear from me again.

Life is to short to deal with massive raging idiots. Especially if you’re a grand parent.

[dlk]

25. Some people require antipsychotic drugs...

The mental health criss in America is very real.

[cinematicdiversions]

40. True. Very true.

But that doesn't mean you have to include them in your lives.

[dlk]

42. Families are complicated

Setting appropriate boundaries is important, no matter the circumstances.

[relayerbob]

26. I take it the Grandpa was the one refusing to get vaccinated?

Very confusing article

[ShazzieB]

27. No, it's the grandson who won't get vaccinated.

Grandson won't get vaxxed AND threw a major hissy fit because his grandfather (the letter writer's husband) asked their daughter (grandson's mother) if if grandson got vaccinated.

I know it's confusing. So many characters in this drama!!

[relayerbob]

29. But calling him a Republican makes no sense

The whole thing is ridiculous. The son is clearly mentally ill, in any case

[pazzyanne]

28. ???

"...dead to him and to “F-off” — all because his grandfather (my husband) asked our daughter (his mother) if they got vaccinated."

Sounds to me like Grandpa and Grandma had concerns about the vaccination status of their daughter and her son, the groom. My take from the groom's reaction is, they are not!

[relayerbob]

31. Yes, but calling him a Republican makes no sense

But then, as I said above, sounds like the son is pretty seriously mentally ill

[pazzyanne]

38. True on both counts! nt

[MissMillie]

32. Grandma, don't go. And don't send a gift. (n/t)

.

[AverageOldGuy]

33. Call him back . . .

. . . tell him "GFY!!"

Then see your lawyer and cut him and your daughter out of your will.

[question everything]

34. Did he get a polio vaccine? A smallpox vaccine? What is the difference?

Oh, I know. Mother made the decision - one hopes.

[whopis01]

39. I doubt he had a polio vaccine.

He may have had a polio vaccine but based on his age I doubt he had a smallpox vaccine.

[Warpy]

35. Amy is right, A 27 year old going ballistic on his grandmoter for any reason is unacceptable.

Grandma needs to rebook. The Caribbean is chancy this time of year but Hawaii is always pretty nice.

[Joinfortmill]

36. Totally agree.

[dixiechiken1]

37. My head would *still* be spinning on my shoulders...

If I ever dared to speak to my grandmother that way. My mother would have seen to it.

[imaginary girl]

41. Guess he won't be eating desserts or fast food either then!

Since he won't be putting poison in his veins ...

[jmowreader]

43. My response would be...

...to send him a nice registered letter containing this:

"Dear Grandson:

"On (date), you called me screaming at the top of your lungs that I was a Republican, a Nazi and that I am dead to you because your grandfather asked if you and your fiancee are vaccinated.

You will be pleased to know that:
(1) We just returned from our lawyer. You have been written out of our wills. We have further amended our wills to direct our remaining inheritors to not provide one cent of their inheritances to you.
(2) We have spent your portion of the inheritance on a new Mercedes-Benz. It is very nice.
(3) Instead of wasting our time and money going to a wedding we aren't welcome at, we've decided to travel to Hawaii. The money we would have given you as a wedding gift will instead pay for a week's stay at a $300 per night hotel and fantastic meals at Honolulu's best restaurants. We're also going to take up surfing while we're there.

We might consider reinstating you to the will if you report to our home in six week's time bearing a dozen roses, a $200 bottle of champagne, and your vaccination card with both doses recorded. Or, we might not. Either way, we will no longer associate with you in any way, shape or form until you are fully vaccinated.

Regards.

[BoycottTimHortons]

44. If she's dead to him, he needs to be dead to her.

Simply act as though he no longer exists. Do not attempt to initiate any further contact with him. Hopefully she has other grandkids who are more loving and sane so this doesn’t have to sting as much.