A question about potentially abusive men...

But I have been truly shocked at the number of cases where one of a couple wants to hire someone to murder the other, and goes to friends and coworkers and asks, "Do you know anyone I can hire to kill my spouse?"

And only very seldom do the friends/coworkers call the police. And then the spouse ends up dead, and they're all, hmm, never thought he really meant it. Like they had nothing to do with it.

There was one case where a woman tried to hire a car salesman (she was buying a Caddy) to kill her husband. He was a complete stranger, and you know, a salesman, so I guess she thought he'd be swayed by the offer of money. He went to the FBI and helped them set up a sting, and he played her along, telling her he had just the hitman to do it (an FBI agent, of course). It was balming to realize that there actually are people who won't shrug and let a request for a hitman just pass.

I mean a Trump flag (or Biden flag) in the yard is more likely to have the parents of a son/daughter say "No Way" to dating a kid from that house rather than the way a boy/girl treats others.

relationship with the victim without solving the problem. Some people don't like the risk. Not defending that choice, but I think it happens a lot.

The abuser chooses to abuse others. And the abuser will do anything to obscure that fact that they chose to victimize someone.

It takes a lot of work to make slurs and statues deal-breakers; partner violence is even more entrenched.

she was pretty and should feel complimented, further thank the stranger. Cause, how is a man to flirt. It is entrenched in all of our society, why not a man owning his wife.

people don't realize what is going on. Those being abused are good at hiding or minimizing the signs. Those who do know often believe that confrontation will only drive the abused further into isolation.

An abuser generally follows a pretty standard pattern which can leave the abused in a very tough spot.

1: Isolate.

Remove friends and family from the social circle.

2: Denigrate.

Remove feelings of self worth and pride.

3: Control.

Remove the ability to support yourself. Remove the ability to travel freely.

4: Abuse.

The physical abuse begins, slowly at first and by then they have no where to turn for help.

I have known many very intelligent women who have fallen prey to this, all the while being warned of what is happening to them. It is tough to watch and there is seldom anything that you can do to stop it from happening.

In the end all that you can do it to make sure that person knows that no matter what you will help. Simple statement ... make no mistake, if you reach out I will be there. Period.

and as long as they don't they can convince themselves nothing is happening. Not all abuse is physical. Instead of saying "I have never seen her with a black eye" ask yourself how long it's been since you have seen her without her husband close at hand.

his wife in S Carolina in 1990's.