I listened to Kid Rock's new song so you don't have to

[jmowreader]

Folks, I've done some terrible things in my time.

I sent an entire infantry battalion forty miles up the wrong road just to see if they'd verify who I was before they did it.

I supplied Thunderbird and Velveeta to my boss's Wine, Cheese and Jazz Party. The sickest part is he had some of both.

I helped invent a fallacious "Grunie Pig Roundup" that we had to "cancel" when half the chain of command said they were going.

I cooked a Thanksgiving dinner that had no turkey in it. Twice!

I threw a wake for the Ayatollah Khomeini. (You shoulda been there. It was a party that will live in infamy.)

I gave fucked-up names to seventeen cats, and they learned to come to them. One of the few I can repeat here is "Hormel," which was hung on a cat so ugly we had to tie a pork chop around its neck to get the other cats to play with her.

But all that has been erased.

Because I just listened to Kid Rock's latest atrocity, "We The People."

Some people are claiming this is a bad song. Not true. To claim this is a "bad song" would be to suggest it's a song at all. No ma'am. It's more like you took a Trump supporter with terminal Tourette's, slipped a gram of LSD into his beer, then set a microphone in front of him. And then you set his five-minute drunken rant to the tune of pushing a drum set and a guitar down thirty flights of stairs.

This has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. In Cheech and Chong's movie "Things are Tough All Over," Cheech put together a band featuring "the heaviest players in town who would work for nothing" and played an ear-abusing mess of a song about his dick. This isn't even that good.

Negative twenty-nine stars. Avoid at all costs.

[ismnotwasm]

1. Blech

Will avoid

[nolabear]

2. Oh you are definitely headed for heaven.

Because you’ve served your time in hell.

[highplainsdem]

3. Brave soul. If you need help paying for PTSD treatment later, just let us know...

and thank you for your self-sacrifice!

[Rocknation]

4. When I realized that a pic of Kid Rock would be on DU's home page all weekend

I filed a grievance!


rocktivity

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

5. Thank you

I saw a link to it but feared I might destroy my computer in disgust if I listened.

[Rocknation]

6. Come home, Lee Greenwood -- all is forgiven!!!

Jon McNaughton, too!




rocktivity

[jmowreader]

11. NOTHING forgives Jon McNaughton!

[ForgedCrank]

7. This wouldn't really be a bad song if

it didn't have Kid Rock, you took out those 8th grade lyrics, and if you muted the sound.

[samplegirl]

9. Scumbag will do anything

To make a dime.

[inthewind21]

23. Meh

He's a no talent wannabe. He wants to be the rags to riches Michigan boy. But that title belongs to Eminem, an actual talent. And Baby rock, is definitely no Eminem! Not even close.

[zehnkatzen]

10. So, let me see if I'm following you here ...

... it kinda sounds like you don't like the song.

[Tommy Carcetti]

12. It literally uses a "Deez Nuts" joke as a lyric line.

I wish I was kidding.

[Roisin Ni Fiachra]

13. Listened to Kid Rock once, years ago. Dawg awful no talent

toxic ear schmoo.

Worst crap ever.

[hlthe2b]

14. Honest question--does this not describe ALL of his "music?"

I fear when he and Ted Nugent shed their mortal coils, that even six feet under, the gaseous discharge will resonate very similar to that crap that passed for their "music" in their lifetimes and the RW will rejoice their "resurrection" from beneath the earth.

[inthewind21]

24. yes

It does. He's a dimwitted no talent child that can't sing, can't play and can't write. Explains why the cons love him. Water seeks it's own level.

[GoCubsGo]

15. Thank you for your service.

May I ask whose song Kid Schlock ripped off this time?

[onethatcares]

16. Next step

cpac nominates him and this song to the Country Music Hall of Fame, and it wins.

Haven't listened to any kr songs that I know of.......ever. Have no plans to start now.

[jmowreader]

18. That would be a stretch

He’s advertising it as a “heavy metal rap song.” To which both actual Metal bands and actual Rap bands would go “no, I don’t think so.”

[scarletlib]

17. You're killing me here. Spewing my morning coffee all over my IPad laughing.

Personally would like to hear more about the 17 cats and their names.

[jmowreader]

19. Most of them had "little (whatever color it was) shit" names

I was running the local home for wayward cats at the time and took in a bunch of strays, at least two of which were pregnant. One litter I decided to name after NASCAR drivers. I used to be able to sex newborn kittens, so one got named Dale (Earnhardt) and another Darrell (Waltrip). Dale grew up to be this fantastic looking solid black Maine Coon-looking cat. After I caught him having sex with his brother, he became Big Gay Al after the South Park character. About a week after Darrell was born it became obvious Darrell was female, so she became Dickless Darrell.

And then there was this one orange kitten. He started eating before he was completely born - yes, kittens are that flexible - so he got a rather crude and borderline sexist name that went with that theme. When I took him in to get fixed, the veterinary tech asked what his name was. After about a minute, I explained what it was and how he got it, then told her to put him down as “Kenny Jr.” This one was a handful. He learned how to climb out of his bed on his second day of life, and to climb my bed on Day 4.

[scarletlib]

27. I have had some interesting cats but nothing like yours

I have one now that was so bad when he was a kitten that I literally had to put him in time out. When I made his first vet appointment they asked his name. I told them “Bear aka Son of Satan”. When we got to the vet that name was on his file.

[Johonny]

20. He has no good songs. I like his consistency as an artist.

[jmowreader]

21. He's not all that consistent

He has changed his musical style several times in response to the public…in other words, when he realized his records in one style weren’t selling he changed to a different style.

You know you’re in trouble when you hire as a manager the guy who manages Insane Clown Posse, and he keeps ICP while dropping you.

[inthewind21]

25. He has ONE

Decent song. And it's only decent because he ripped off other songs. It's called All Summer Long. His singing is horrific, but it's not to bad too listen to because it's a complete merging/rip off of Warren Zevon's Werewolves in London and Lyndard Skynard's Sweet Home Alabama. He merged the two to sing about his teenage life in Michigan. Like anyone give G'sAF!

[bif]

22. Shouldn't the word "song" be in quotes?

Is output is rubbish. Why would you subject yourself to that crap?

[jmowreader]

26. Someone had to

It is my job to absorb all the abuse of the world so you can live in comfort.