Attention Russian Army

[EndlessWire]

I invite all Russian soldiers to just defect and change sides. There's more to life than fighting Putin's battle for him. And, guess what? He soon won't have the money to pay you! Or, buy food to feed you! What, you thought he would reach into his own pocket? Life in Ukraine will be better for you. Spring is coming. There will be love in the air...give up now, before some angry Babushka smacks you upside the head.

You won't like walking around in the Spring thaw, mud up to your hips, struggling to haul your pack and rifle and listening to your stomach growl! There will be NO gas station along the way to buy gas for your tank! Your tank crew will be forced to pull off by the side of the road. You will have to walk.

As tokens of appreciation for the Most Creative Way To Defect, we will award you all the Ukraine Hero Award. Wear it to any restaurant in Ukraine, and you will be rewarded! It's not worth it to you to die for Putin! Give up before you start, turn left instead of right, and throw your weapon down! We will help you.

If you bring us your tank, we will reward you with a nice plot of land for your very own. Will Putin do that? No, he won't! The only land you will get from Putin is a six foot by four plot of miserable wasteland in which to place your body when you pass. And, that's if you're lucky!

You will have better luck on our side. Honestly, we'll treat you like a hero! See you soon! We are the breadbasket; we'll give you food!

[Beachnutt]

1. This needs to be distributed

to the russian soldiers..

[uponit7771]

2. It's going to be 30 deg in Belarus now and its going to be raining and snowing on Friday.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

3. Those tanks are going to

Be useless as they sink down into the mud.

Join Ukraine!

[lpbk2713]

9. And the fuel trucks will be in the same situation.

It's going to be one big mess.

[EndlessWire]

18. I think we should seed the clouds.

We could use a little rain right about now. They'll never get good weather for an invasion. I recommend the Acme Ukraine Anti Invasion All Purpose Mud Making Kit.

[niyad]

4. Brilliant!

[EndlessWire]

16. TY! n/t

[BlackSkimmer]

5. You might want to do some research into the hardships Russian troops have faced in the past.

Pretty much any battle history on the Eastern front during WW2 will be educational.

[EndlessWire]

10. Oh, good grief...n/t

[Gore1FL]

12. They may have felt like they were fighting for something when they fought an invading army.

When they are merely LARPing their former enemies, the motivation might not be there.

[Ligyron]

19. Yeah, these aren't those guys.

[Chainfire]

7. Troops do what they are told to do.

WWII Soviet troops would cross minefields into massed machine guns and artillery. They would do it when they calculated that their chances of surviving was zero. The life expectancy for a Soviet rifleman, once he arrived at the front, was less than a week. The Soviet troops highly valued stoicism; I think that that trait may be genetic with Russians. Many times the battlefield would be stacked three or four deep with sacrificed troops. They kept coming and coming for Stalin and the Motherland. I wonder how much that they have changed in the last 80 years.

It will have to be the oligarchs that defeat Putin via a stab in the back, it won't be his own troops. We need to appeal to their greed, as it is money that calls the shots.

[BlackSkimmer]

8. Yes, they lost more people in WW2 than any other country.

Acting as though these troops aren’t well-trained and patriotic is simply naive.

[EndlessWire]

13. Your sense of humor is seriously impaired.

Yes, they defended Leningrad and Moscow. That's a lot different than shooting Cousin Joe in the back because Putin tells you to do it!

I never said they were not well-trained and patriotic. I SAID that they should defect. It was a JOKE. But, they are going to wonder why they are killing Babushkas. Because, Ukraine intends to fight to the bitter end.

[EndlessWire]

11. Feel free to add

a stipend along with the Ukraine Hero Award!

[EndlessWire]

14. Why, yes they do.

Up to a point. And, occupying Ukraine is not the same as fighting for "Stalin and the Motherland." Not by a long shot. They are not fighting for the glory of Mother Russia. Ukraine will welcome them with a Ukraine Hero Award, land, and food! Because they are going to be awfully cold and hungry.

[Buckeyeblue]

15. Shit will get real when they run out of vodka

These people have been deployed and mostly bored for a couple of weeks now. I don't know if there is enough vodka to keep them interested.

[EndlessWire]

17. Yes!

We can add a bottle of free vodka to the award. Maybe Lithuania will ship over a free bottle of Rum! I heard it's really good!

[albacore]

20. "Shoot your officers and come over to our side!" "Bang... I got mine!" (Old Marine joke) nt

[maxrandb]

21. I was thinking something more like this

[link:https://m.

|

[EndlessWire]

22. I thought you were talking about Murder Hornets.

We could drop them into tanks marked with a "Z."

Well, in a just world, our side would carpet bomb all of Putin's assets at the border and be done with it. But, what we have to settle for is sending F-35s to Germany.

[maxrandb]

25. Either one would cause a bad day

[Traildogbob]

23. You need to realize

All those soldiers and Russian citizens get one source of info 24/7. Imagine all we ever heard was Fox OAN, NewsMax and Alex Jones. They think they ARE fighting for the country and their lives. Look how Russia riled up a third of Americans to kill fellow citizens just from trashy social media and an idiot prick like Tuckums.

[EndlessWire]

32. We will deploy trucks with loudspeakers

and play Christmas and Hannukah music and make them think they are having a holiday truce. We will invite them over to our side and when they are least expecting it, we will bomb them with UHA, vodka, and the hot apple pie that the Americans sent over.

[Traildogbob]

33. 😂

[CaptainTruth]

24. The first part made me think of inviting Trump cultists to change sides.

I suspect that everyone in the Russian army is so brainwashed that they believe their side is the only side.

[Sogo]

26. It's a funny thing how authoritarians like Putin (and before him, Hitler)

command loyalty:

You defect, your family dies.

It's that simple.

My cousin, as a 16-year-old German boy was forced to join Hitler's army, or he and his family would be shot dead....

Fortunately for him and our family, he was captured early on and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison.


Frankly, I don't get the humor in your self-described "joke."

[EndlessWire]

28. You don't??

Well, have someone you trust explain it to you.

[Ameri Canadian]

27. Ukrainians don't LIKE Russians

They will fight them like crazed dogs!

[EndlessWire]

30. Oh, I don't think so.

It's time we learned how to get along. But, UHA winners have a certain level of decorum to uphold. For instance, they have to wear clean underwear, and perhaps banana warmers for those cold and muddy days. So, Ukranians, being smart and futuristic, hand out the awards packages rather than fighting. A few shared drinks and they'll be teaching each other their national anthems and laughing about it.

[monkeyman1]

29. they tried this crap in AFGHANISTAN & got their ass kicked ! how'd that work out for them ?

[EndlessWire]

31. When did Ukraine hand out UHAs to Afghanis?

I don't understand.