CNN JOKE ARCHIVE THREAD: if you've posted a CNN joke today please re-post it here.

[gkhouston]

If you think of a new one, put it here, too. It'll be easier for people to find them if they're not all spread out.

[Kurovski]

1. CNN: Will Brad Pitt Stay With Jennifer Aniston or Go With Angelina Jolie? "Too Close to Call"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656653

[TDale313]

2. CNN claims Civil War Too Soon to Call...

Oh, wait. They might have a point with that one.

[Kurovski]

3. CNN: Is CNN a Cable News Outlet or a Bullshit Factory? "Too Close to Call"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656688

[Whisp]

4. CNN buys out Trump's Tie Factory.

[rightsideout]

5. Photo Exclusive: Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper "Too close to call"

[link:|

[Kurovski]

6. CNN: Will New Coke be a Hit? We Just Don't Know For Sure.

[LadyHawkAZ]

7. BREAKING: CNN says possibility of Sandy making landfall still "too close to call".

[animalcrackers]

8. Breaking CNN - Homo sapiens have fire, but Dinosaur have big teeth and claw

Wolf say "Homo sapiens make fire = burn hot and cook egg, but Dinosaur big, have many teeth and pointy claw"
Wolf say "Homo sapiens no way, die quick. Stupid Homo, make friend with dinosaur and eat scraps, we be good...oohhh shiny light in sky!"



Darwin don't fail me now!

[upi402]

9. Fox News: "Some say CNN is 100% horseshit"

i guess it pays the rent, but so does hooking and you get to keep your ethical center.

[Qutzupalotl]

10. CNN Breaking: Detroit Tigers have the momentum

[Fozzledick]

11. CNN: Tortoise, Hare tied in race.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656838

[Lint Head]

12. CNN is reporting that Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead and dying.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656517

[TDale313]

13. Thanks everyone for the laughs.

These are great. The CNN jokes have been cracking me up all evening, which I really needed. Great idea to put them all in one place- helps keep them from totally taking over GD. Keep 'em coming!

[jsr]

14. Will Queen Ann wear a JCPenney dress?

[crunch60]

34. OMG.. the Horror! With Ellen De Generes as JCPenny spokeswoman, I think Not!

Ann did say she might try a mission of conversion, and if it works, she might purchase a little summer frock. CNN says#@#@$%@@# ........

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

15. The Six Hundred ride into the Valley of Death; CNN reports battle too close to call

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. CNN: Napoleon Surging at Waterloo

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

17. French forces battle King Henry's longbows at Agincourt; CNN reports inconclusive result.

[Turborama]

18. CNN: Marie Antoinette Executed by Guillotine; Revolution Still too Close to Call

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656787

[OriginalGeek]

19. Not an OP but in response to one:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656870

[Lucinda]

20. kick

[Flying Squirrel]

21. Dewey defeats Truman! More at 11

No wait, that one was at least close. Pizza toppings: Pepperoni or Anchovy the all-time American favorite? You guessed it... Too close to call

[ThePhilosopher04]

22. 4th and 12, CNN calls for a measurement **

nm

[Aviation Pro]

23. Hitler called from 1945 and reported that CNN has said that the Soviet advance to Berlin....

...is too close to call.

There, I've invoked the Hitler rule. All other arguments are invalid.

And will someone please work up a Hitler rant about CNN using the Downfall clip?

[upi402]

24. CNN: Chronic Neuropathy Network

like wiping my ass with a hook

[littlemissmartypants]

25. ...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021657013

CNN: Uniter or Divider-too close to call.

[Jamaal510]

26. CNN Breaking: There have been over 100 anti-abortion bills introduced by the GOP,

as both parties are moving away from the center and becoming extreme.

In sports, the San Francisco Giants have just won a hotly-contested World Series, where they batted 35 innings, while the Detroit Tigers batted 37 innings.

[Voice for Peace]

27. I'm gone from DU for half a day and have no idea what all this is about

[littlemissmartypants]

28. ...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1251186883#post12

[Up2Late]

60. Me too, where is the original post that started all this?

[Voice for Peace]

63. I missed it. I have the impression something happened on CNN w/Wolf talking about the election

[Quixote1818]

29. CNN: Secretariat finish at Kentucky Derby too close to call!

[gkhouston]

41. LOL, but the Belmont Stakes would be even funnier!

I think that's the only time they ever really let Secretariat run full out. IIRC, he finished 33 lengths ahead of the rest of the field.

[Quixote1818]

58. Thats the one I meant to use. A little before my time.

[bluestate10]

67. But CNN has Big Red winning by a nose. Wolf is still not sure, he's watching the tape with

rose colored glasses on.

[TeamPooka]

30. CNN: We think every election is Schrödinger's cat. nt

[TDale313]

32. Love it! n/t

[msanthrope]

59. Maybe. nt

[regnaD kciN]

31. Caesar crosses the Rubicon - CNN unsure of outcome

[littlemissmartypants]

33. CNN weighs in on Lindsay Lohan

Beauty or Brains... too close to call.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021657029

[TDale313]

35. Earth. Flat or Round?

CNN claims too close to call.

[dixiegrrrrl]

61. Film at 11.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

36. These complaint threads about CNN joke threads need to stop

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021657090

[LTR]

37. CNN asks: Will "Heaven's Gate" be the biggest moneymaking movie ever? It's just too close to call

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021657130

[99th_Monkey]

38. CNN: Cannot say for certain who biggest douch-bag is, Rove or Norquist.

WAY too close to call.

[TDale313]

39. kick.

[blue-kite]

40. Baby born... man and woman have sex or virgin birth....

You've guessed it: "CNN says its far too close to call."

[William769]

42. Kick & recommended.

Keep them coming!

[AsahinaKimi]

43. RAIDERS 26- CHIEFS 16 (Final). CNN: Game STILL under reveiw..

[WilliamPitt]

44. Sounds like it was fun here last night.

[trailmonkee]

45. E=MC what?

[GaYellowDawg]

46. CNN: Medieval Princes call "Black Death" a "Scientific Hoax", CNN Poll "Too Close To Call"

and yes, I corrected the misspelling from the original

[Motown_Johnny]

47. The Giant's 4 game lead is within the poll's margin of error

[cui bono]

48. CNN: Supreme Court Ruling on Affordable Health Care Act:

Too close to call.

[Hugabear]

49. Dan Quayle Invitationul Spelling Bee - too close to call

[TDale313]

54. I see what ya did there.

Doesn't "Invitationul" have an e at the end ?

[Kurovski]

55. +1

[Hugabear]

50. Super Bowl XX - Bears 46, Patriots 10 - still too close to call

[Hugabear]

51. CNN: GERMANY BOMBS PEARL HARBOR

[Hugabear]

52. CNN memes vs. Whining about CNN memes - still too close to call

[Bigleaf]

53. CNN: 2012 World Series Tied. Tigers Have Momentum Going Into Game 7.

[Hugabear]

56. Is the universe 6000 years old? Scientific results vague, too close to call.

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

57. Usain Bolt's latest world record 'in doubt' as Paul Ryan and Bolt were 'too close to call'

at the finish line. Later, during the press conference, Paul Ryan claimed he ran a mile in 6.5 seconds.

[Turborama]

62. CNN: Humorous Posts Mocking CNN Overtaken By Posts Complaining About Them?

Too Close To Call: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021656853

[Turborama]

64. Related News: LOL! Check it out, DU's Broken CNN's Googles!!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021657433

[David Zephyr]

65. "Latest CNN Results" on science versus superstion: Wolfe Blitzer calls it "a draw"

.

[Arugula Latte]

66. A response to this post:

Just remember Kasich predicted the defeat of Ohio Issue 2 in 2010. Issue 2 only won by 62-38.

Me: CNN said it was a tie.

[k8conant]

68. And still today with more ACTUAL jokes: You want close? We've got close!

http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/05/politics/inside-the-polls/index.html?hpt=hp_t2_6

Washington (CNN) -- You want close? We've got close!
Seven of the eight national polls released since Sunday indicate the race for the White House is in a dead heat, like most have shown for weeks.
More importantly, it's a similar story in the key battleground states that will decide whether President Barack Obama or Republican nominee Mitt Romney will be victorious on Tuesday.