Top 10 Conservative Idiots #12-10: You Just Got Knocked The F Out Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #12-10: You Just Got Knocked The F Out Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yo what’s up Atlanta? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! Always great to be back in the ATL! First off , congratulations to the Kansas Jayhawks for winning it all at the NCAA March Madness tournament! It will also be very refreshing to have a championship team visit the White House and not be greeted to a greasy fast food buffet. So now that we are in the thick of our annual quest to find the Stupidest State, can I reveal our big plans for season 13? Well I already revealed on Twitter but now it’s official. The World Tour 2022 is happening! That’s right, it’s been 5 years since our last look at the inner workings of the planet in which we live on. We decided that since COVID turned the world upside down and now things are slowly returning to normalcy, we decided that we need to find out how things have changed. So it’s coming. July 21st is the premier date for Season 13, so stay tuned! Do we have time for the thing? Of course we do. You know last week we talked about the tragic death of Foo Fighters legend Taylor Hawkins. He was an awesome drummer and a pretty awesome guy IRL. This week? Let’s talk about garbage people – Kanye West and Elon Musk. Everyone OK with that? I’m definitely in the anger phase right now. And you know what? Fuck both of them. And it also saved Coachella from Travis Scott too. So at least that’s a win. What? Too soon? But you know what else is frightening? Elon Musk joining the board of directors at Twitter. You just know he’s going to let Trump back on and then Twitter would seriously be like when Bane took over Gotham at the end of the Dark Knight Rises. I can just see Elon right now doing his best Bane imitation too – “Yes, I am Twitter’s reckoning. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it! Now I am going to break you!” Hey, I can do that pretty good! Don’t worry, we will get to Elon’s takeover of Twitter next week. Assuming he lets Trump out of Twitter jail? Do we really need to resurrect the fake Trump Tweet Generator? I hope not! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first John Oliver is back and he delves into the subject of trucks and the Freedom Convoy:

Where do we begin this week? Well the number one slot this week has to go to our Former President (1). And we have to talk about the insanity surrounding the fact that he allegedly had a burner phone on January 6th. Because that’s what perfectly innocent people use to communicate with! In the second slot this week is also That Former Guy (2). So you know how we have repeatedly said that if you’re under investigation for colluding with Russia, you shouldn’t talk about Russia? Well he’s doing exactly that and we totally get where the America First movement is headed. In the third slot this week is Alex Jones (3) because he is going AWOL in the Sandy Hook defamation suit and it’s going to cost him big time. Good, I hope the POS goes bankrupt. Taking the number 4 slot this week is Madison Cawthorn (4). Did he hint that there’s some kinky stuff going on behind closed doors in DC? Well it’s quite revealing exactly what he said, but the fact that he had a meeting with Kevin McCarthy to keep quiet on the subject reveals way more than it should. In the number 5 slot this week yeah it’s still dominating the news so we have to talk about it and that’s of course the altercation between Will Smith and Chris Rock at the We take a look at the last guy to be expelled from the Academy, and it’s something that neither side wants! In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week Christian historical conspiracy theorist David Barton is back in the news and we’ve honestly had enough of this guy and his insane theories! Taking the number 7 slot this week is a new This Fucking Guy (7) and this week we profile former NFL star, poorly polling Georgia Senate Candidate, and MAGA Superfan Herschel Walker! At slot number 8 this week is a new edition of Conspiracy Corner (8) – the January 6th Subcommittee is close to nailing most of Trump’s cohorts in a huge sting, but the conspiracies are flying fast and furious! We’ll help you sort truth from fiction in this and adjust your tin foil hat accordingly! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week it’s time for Stupidest State! This week it’s the final round of Round 1 and it’s going to be a huge one! #1 Georgia takes on #2 Iowa in the Battle Of The Batshit Conference, while over in the Family Values Conference, #3 Indiana takes on hot challenger #4 Tennessee! Plus to cap things off, as the palate cleanser, we have legendary heavy metal band The Scorpions stopping by! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]That Former Guy
[br] [/font] [br]

We all know that Trump and his goons attempted to overthrow the US government and murder half of Congress and the entire presidential line of succession on January 6th. But one mystery remains – where exactly was Donald Trump? His whereabouts are unknown. And we know now that there’s a 7 hour gap in Trump’s phone log during the time when the Capitol was being stormed. Which, for a leader of the free world, is a long-ass time to be incommunicado. So what the committee is trying to find out is where he was, who he was with, and who he was communicating with. Those questions being answered will help paint a broad picture of the man who tried to overthrow the government. The biggest question – was Trump using an untraceable “burner” phone? Look, if movies and TV have taught me anything, it’s that if you use a burner phone, you’re guilty. Period. End of story. So was he using a burner or not? It’s the million dollar question that everyone is asking.

John Bolton, the former national security adviser, has revealed that he heard Donald Trump use the term “burner phones” several times and that they discussed how the disposable devices were deployed by people as a way of avoiding scrutiny of their calls.

Bolton’s intervention compounds Trump’s difficulties amid a billowing controversy relating to seven hours and 37 minutes that are missing in official call logs. The gap occurs in records made for 6 January last year – the day of the violent insurrection at the US Capitol.

The Washington Post and CBS News disclosed on Tuesday that the House committee investigating the insurrection is looking into a “possible cover-up” of the White House records. Documents originally held by the National Archives and turned over to the committee earlier this year showed a gap in Trump’s phone calls spanning precisely the period when hundreds of his supporters stormed the Capitol building.

The news outlets, which obtained 11 pages of records including Trump’s official daily diary and a call log for the White House switchboard, reported that the House panel has begun an investigation into whether Trump used disposable “burner phones” to sidestep scrutiny.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/mar/30/trump-john-bolton-burner-phones-capitol-attack-january-6

Oh come on, we’re all thinking it! So why are the matters of burner phones being discussed? Well because they are untraceable. And there’s no records of who Trump was talking to that day while his minions were storming the Capitol. As we learned from the show House Of Cards and the West Wing, if you’re president, you have to be available and on call 24 hours a day. So 7 hours is a long time for a president to be unavailable. And if there’s one person you should never discuss the idea of using an untraceable burner phone with, it’s a national security adviser!

The ongoing mystery over what Donald Trump was doing behind closed doors on January 6 as his supporters stormed the US Capitol now includes a glaring, seven-hour gap in the phone records of the White House logs. The Washington Post reports that the House select committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack is looking at whether the former president used unofficial backchannels, including burner phones, to shield his communications from 11:17 am to 6:54 pm that day.

Trump has, of course, denied wrongdoing. But his statement to the Post appears to extend significant latitude to the notion of his innocence in the scenario that the use of burner phones was to eventually be discovered.

“I have no idea what a burner phone is, to the best of my knowledge I have never even heard the term,” he told the paper.

Well, it doesn’t take a legal genius to see that the second beat of Trump’s statement is doing a lot of work here. That’s understandable, considering Trump’s extensive history of flouting official record-keeping rules. That record includes the allegation that the former president, in order to get rid of potentially damaging documents, would rip up pieces of paper in the Oval Office—only to eat them. His own aides have also reportedly suspected him of flushing potentially compromising material down a toilet with such frequency that it routinely clogged the White House plumbing system.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2022/03/trump-phone-logs-burner-phone/

Unfortunately being guilty is not cool. But here’s what we do know is that January 6th organizers used burner phones to communicate directly with the White House. So if they had burner phones, how do we know that Trump didn’t have one? Because like I said if you use a burner phone, you’re guilty no matter what the crime is! So for the guy who we were unfortunately stuck calling president, these allegations are pretty egregious!

Organizers of the “Stop the Steal” rally that preceded the deadly Capitol attack on Jan. 6 allegedly communicated with members of former President Trump’s family and administration, according to Rolling Stone magazine.

Multiple sources told Rolling Stone that Kylie Kremer, an organizer for the rally that took place at D.C.’s Ellipse park, had an aide buy three burner phones a few days before Jan. 6. Kremer said that it was “of the utmost importance” that the phones be purchased with cash, one source, who was a member of the March for Trump team, told the magazine.

Kremer kept one of the phones herself, while another was reportedly given to her mother, Amy Kremer, who was also an organizer of the rally. Sources could not say who the third was given to.

According to Rolling Stone, the phones were used to communicate with high-ranking members of Trump’s inner circle, including his son Eric Trump, daughter-in-law and former campaign official Lara Trump, former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows and former Trump surrogate Katrina Pierson.
https://thehill.com/policy/national-security/583065-jan-6-organizers-used-burner-phones-to-communicate-with-trump-family/

No, Batman is not guilty here. But Trump very well could be. But like I said the one person who you *NEVER* want to discuss the idea of using a burner phone with is your national security adviser! I mean that’s like asking a professional athlete for advice on which steroid is better! Too soon? Well anyways, there’s a big difference between Trump and Nixon. When Nixon tried to erase history, it was much easier. With Trump? Well we live in the internet era, and in the internet era, there’s no such thing as a takeback! This is worse than a million Nixons!

A major presidential scandal isn’t complete without missing evidence, though Donald Trump seems to have been the first president to swallow his own words, literally. The former president had a habit of tearing drafts and signed documents into small pieces to be thrown away—or flushing them down a toilet. And there have even been reports that, on occasion, he consumed them.

Now a seven-hour gap has appeared in Trump’s official daily White House diary, part of the documentation that the congressional January 6 committee requested for its investigation into all aspects of the country’s 2021 insurrection. The diary has no evidence of Trump making the calls that others have admitted receiving from him during the height of the violence in the Capitol. Nor does it document any meetings during that time, when the president was thought to be under pressure from aides to calm the situation on the Hill.

The comparisons to Richard Nixon were immediate and inevitable—but they missed a key difference: What happened in those seven hours should ultimately be knowable, at least at some level. The Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe tweeted that the gap in the record made “the infamous 18-minute gap in Nixon’s tapes look like nothing in comparison.” While that brazen presidential manipulation of the historical record ultimately didn’t help Nixon stave off the collapse of his presidency—indeed it likely backfired by creating skepticism toward the president among elite Republicans after its revelation—the gap in a crucial White House tape to this day remains stubbornly difficult to fill in. By contrast, the newly reported Trumpian gap may actually be easier to fill in, and therefore less of a threat to the historical record than Nixon’s.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/04/trump-phone-calls-nixon-watergate-gap/629472/

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[font size="8"]That Former Guy
[br] [/font] [br]

You know last week we reported about how Trump treats Truth Social the same way he treats umbrellas and Big Mac wrappers. And we will get to the latest next week. But this week I’m going to take you all the way back to season 3 of the Top 10 when Trump was being investigated for Russian collusion (see: Top 10 #3-7 ). If you are under investigation for colluding with Russia, maybe I don’t know, don’t talk about Russia! That’s only proving the point that the prosecutors are trying to make! Look I don’t know a lot, but I do know that if you’re under investigation for a crime, don’t talk about that crime! Especially since the entire world is mortified at the atrocities being committed by Vladimir Putin’s illegal and immoral invasion and occupation of Ukraine. So yeah you might think that Putin is a bad guy here? Well he is, but Donny not only doesn’t want to admit it, he’s like the kid who runs off screaming with his hands cupped to his ears.

Donald Trump spoke last week to a show called “Centerpoint” on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, where the host asked the former president whether he considers Russia’s Vladimir Putin to be “a good guy.” The Republican didn’t answer directly, focusing instead on his earlier praise for the Russian dictator’s strategy toward Ukraine.

Trump also went on to say that he “built NATO,” adding that Barack Obama “didn’t address the issue,” which is obviously bonkers.

But taking stock of the former president’s latest praise for Putin, the rhetoric obviously isn’t surprising, since the Republican has made similar comments in recent weeks.

But therein lies the rub: Common sense suggests that Trump should curtail his praise for the authoritarian, but the former president just can’t seem to help himself.
https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/even-now-trump-continues-praise-putins-intelligence-rcna22866

Dude! You seriously think mass murder and destroying villages and property is a good thing? Do you not realize how grossly fucked up that is? If you don’t realize that, you’re part of the problem, Donny! Oh and it gets worse! So much worse! Remember a couple of weeks ago I reported about the insane conspiracy theories revolving around Hunter Biden’s laptop? Well the fact that Donny asked Pooty for help in digging up dirt on this baseless conspiracy is truly beyond the pale. And if you’re still hanging on to this theory, time to dump Infowars and come back to the real world!

Maryland's Republican Governor Larry Hogan strongly criticized former President Donald Trump on Sunday for urging Russian President Vladimir Putin to "release" any potential information he may have on President Joe Biden's son Hunter Biden's business dealings in Eastern Europe.

In an interview last week with right-wing outlet Real America's Voice, Trump said that Putin should "release" any information he may have about Hunter Biden's financial and business dealings in the region. The remarks drew criticism from some prominent Republicans, as the comments came amid Russia's internationally condemned invasion of Ukraine, which commenced on February 24.

Speaking to CNN in an interview, Hogan added his voice to the chorus of Republicans pushing back against Trump's controversial remarks.

"It's about the worst possible thing you can do when all these atrocities are taking place in Ukraine," the governor said, adding, that "for a former president to try to drag politics into this—is completely unacceptable." Hogan has routinely criticized Trump in the past and has said he even considered a 2020 primary challenge against the former president.
https://www.newsweek.com/trump-asking-putin-dirt-biden-unacceptable-says-gops-larry-hogan-1694551

Yeah that is pretty much what is going on in Donny’s head right now. And at one of his recent “Trump Barfs His Brain” rallys, this time in Middle Of Nowhere, Georgia – hey I know we’re in Atlanta! You can admit outside of this city there’s large patches of nothing, right? Thought so! One guy in the back yelling at me right now. Hey you California punks! Get off my lawn! OK enough of that. Really though, Trump does hold his rallies in the middle of nowhere, because he knows that he won’t be met with protests unlike the major cities. But yeah… keep praising Putin and see where that gets you. Fat chance of 2024 happening.

Ex-president also had warm words for Xi Jinping and Kim Jong-un at event as primary races heat up before midterms elections

Donald Trump chose a rally in Georgia on Saturday night once again to praise Vladimir Putin, calling the Russian president “smart” even as he said the invasion of Ukraine amounted to a “big mistake”.

The Republican former president also had warm words for China’s President Xi Jinping and the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un, and referred to such leaders collectively by saying: “The smartest one gets to the top.”

He spoke admiringly of Xi in terms of the fact that he “runs 1.5 billion people with an iron fist” and referred to Kim as “tough”.

Then of Putin, Trump told the crowd: “They asked me if Putin is smart. Yes, Putin was smart.”

He also praised Russia’s strategy of a huge accumulation of military force on its border with Ukraine beforeinvading, even if the war is not going well for the aggressor.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/mar/26/donald-trump-georgia-republican-primary-rally

Yeah where’s that guy when you need him? But really as the world reacts to the horror that Putin is unleashing in the Ukraine, and don’t think he won’t be done there yet, but the fact that Donny is sucking up to Putin in the wake of this terrible atrocity is horrifying. And if you’re not scared then you’re not paying attention. Just think what would happen if he were to get back into power in 2024 and the entire world is at war against Putin. That’s a scary thought. I know we’re supposed to be a comedy show, right?

Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas) on Sunday avoided answering questions from Fox News anchor Martha MacCallum about former President Trump’s past praise for Russian President
Vladimir Putin

MacCallum asked Cornyn if he thought Trump’s previous positive comments about Putin, who faces international revulsion over his war in Ukraine, would help or hurt the former president if he decides to run for reelection.

She noted that Trump had previously called Putin’s pre-war strategy “genius” and had also called on the Russian leader to turn over information on Hunter Biden, President Biden’s son, that Trump claimed he may be aware of.

“I wouldn’t trust Vladimir Putin any farther than I could throw him,” Cornyn said.
https://thehill.com/news/3257551-cornyn-avoids-addressing-trumps-comments-on-putin/

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font] [br]

Alex Jones is one of the worst people in America, we can all agree on that, right? You know, you would think after a shooting involving kindergarteners, that would be enough for America to say that we’ve had enough needles and senseless gun deaths and violence in America and that would be enough to start making drastic changes in the way we handle guns right? Nope. Instead, Alex Jones and his flock of disturbed people who listen to him decided to mock and harass the victims of Sandy Hook until enough people fled the town and went into the FBI Witness Protection Program. Well, regardless of the outcome of the defamation lawsuit against Mr. Jones, there’s a special circle of hell reserved just for him and his listeners. So here’s what happened. He actually agreed to testify in the defamation lawsuit against him. But he so far has yet to show up. You know I wouldn’t put anything past this scumbag and I wouldn’t be surprised if he packed up Infowars and moved to Russia.

Infowars host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has agreed to appear at a deposition in Connecticut to answer questions in a lawsuit by relatives of some of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, his lawyers said Thursday, a day after a judge ordered fines against Jones for defying orders to attend a deposition last week despite his claim of illness.

Jones will sit for a deposition April 11 and is asking the judge to put a hold on the daily fines, according to new court filings by his attorney, Norman Pattis. The fines begin at $25,000 on Friday and increase by $25,000 each weekday he does not appear for questioning.

Pattis also asked the Connecticut Supreme Court on Thursday to hear an appeal against the fines. There were no immediately rulings on Jones' requests.

Lawyers for the Sandy Hook families, who are suing Jones for defamation for calling the 2012 school shooting a hoax, had no immediate comment. Twenty first graders and six educators were killed in the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut.
https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/alex-jones-agrees-deposition-sandy-hook-case-83791283

Yeah that’s an understatement. Alex Jones and Fox News do have one thing in common is that they both are there for the sole purpose of turning otherwise normal people into complete monsters. And that’s exactly what happened with Sandy Hook. So here’s the thing is that he didn’t show up after promising to show up and got fined $25,000 a day. We can only imagine he went on Infowars and said that Infowars was in dire need of funding. Yeah right. But Alex Jones is such a cheap asshole that the families rejected his settlement offer.

Family members of those killed in the Sandy Hook mass school shooting rejected an offer on Tuesday to settle their defamation lawsuit against Infowars host Alex Jones.

The conspiracy theorist, who had previously claimed the shooting was a “hoax”, offered a cash settlement on Tuesday.

He said in a filing in Connecticut court he was offering a “heartfelt apology” and $120,000 per plaintiff to end the case.

“It’s time for the litigation to end,” Mr Jones’s attorney Norm Pattis told Law&Crime. “The shooting took place almost 10 years ago.”

The popular right-wing host was found liable for damages in November in a Connecticut court and is awaiting a trial in May to determine the scope of payment.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/alex-jones-settlement-sandy-hook-b2046901.html

Come on, these parents lost children to needless gun violence and you heckled them out of existence, that’s adding salt to the wound! Honestly there’s not much difference between Jones deciding that the Sandy Hook families were worth $120,000 and Malory Archer deciding that Pam was worth $5,000. No, there really isn’t. But now here’s some serious bullshit – his attorneys say that he’s got “medical conditions” that would keep him from testifying. I guess “being a bloviating, raging asshole with an obvious stick up his ass” would qualify as a medical condition, no?

InfoWars host Alex Jones was ordered by the court to answer questions under oath last Wednesday and Thursday in a defamation lawsuit filed against him on behalf of families of victims killed in the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.

But he didn’t show up.

His attorneys say that multiple medical conditions, including a sinus blockage, kept Jones from participating.

In a court document filed Monday, Jones’ attorneys asked Judge Barbara Bellis to ignore a request from the families to hold Jones in contempt of court for his absence.

“What has been lost in the Plaintiffs’ rush to obtain this Court’s orders and sanctions against Mr. Jones is that Mr. Jones has never sought to indefinitely postpone his deposition or to escape it entirely. Instead, he has sought to have it postponed until his doctors clear him to sit for it,” reads a court filing signed by Jones' attorneys Norm Pattis and Cameron Atkinson.
https://www.ctpublic.org/news/2022-03-28/alex-jones-attorneys-say-hes-dealing-with-several-medical-conditions-delaying-sandy-hook-suit-depositions

Sinus blockage? Fuck off! That’s the lamest excuse in the book. Before anyone questions me, I’ve had 3 nasal surgeries and a deviated septum repair, I know what sinus blockage is! Thank you Atlanta! Just ask my ENT, she can confirm this! But here’s the thing Alex Jones cannot continue to be on his daily broadcasts while simultaneously ignoring court subpoenas? That’s being a next level asshole there. So will something come of this? Will something come of this and he might finally face justice? Well we’ll see.

InfoWars conspiracy theorist Alex Jones could soon face a warrant for his arrest, after defying a court order Thursday ordering him to sit for a deposition.

For the second day in a row, Jones failed to appear at a deposition in Austin, Texas, part of a Connecticut lawsuit filed by the families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting. In response, doctors representing Jones have claimed he’s too sick to be deposed, citing an unnamed illness that didn’t prevent Jones from hosting episodes of his hours-long conspiracy theory show this week.

After Jones skipped the first scheduled deposition on Wednesday, lawyers for the plaintiffs asked Connecticut Judge Barbara N. Bellis to issue a warrant for his arrest to force him to participate in the deposition. In response, Bellis ordered Jones to appear Thursday at the deposition or face potential court action. Now that Jones has skipped that second deposition, the judge is expected to take action against him as soon as later on Thursday.

“Mr. Jones cannot unilaterally decide to continue to engage in his broadcasts, but refuse to participate in a deposition,” Bellis wrote in the Wednesday order demanding that he appear.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/infowars-host-alex-jones-could-face-arrest-after-defying-sandy-hook-lawsuit-court-order-again

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[font size="8"]Madison Cawthorn
[br] [/font] [br]



So I want to preface by saying this. We got literally flooded with requests for this one. So we can’t let Madison Cawthorn (Q – Batshit) get away with this one. So last week, Mr. Cawthorn dropped this bombshell that he might have been involved in some parties involving some big names in Washington DC that have involved everything from hardcore cocaine use to orgies. That’s right – you heard me! Orgies! Whoa, Madison, you can’t just drop a bombshell like that without giving us more details! We need some names, damn it! Where were these parties and who was involved? Come on, what are you hiding? But we’re not speculating or making baseless conspiracies here. No, we’ll save that for the Infowars wing of Congress. But needless to say you can’t go against the cult and have an independent thought and not expect to get grilled on it. This whole thing is weird and it’s only going to get weirder as we learn more details. Just like Trump and Stormy Daniels, these might not be details that you exactly want to hear. But if it involves big names in Washington, DC then we absolutely want to know more about it and who was involved. So here’s what Madison has revealed about this whole thing so far and it's just s gross and disturbing as you would think.

North Carolina Rep. Madison Cawthorn said in an interview this week that he thought sexual perversion was rife in Washington, DC, revealing that he had been invited to an orgy by people he "looked up to" and witnessed prominent figures consuming drugs right in front of him.

Cawthorn made these claims on a Friday episode of the "Warrior Poet Society" podcast, during which he was asked by host John Lovell how closely life in DC mirrored the
Netflix
political drama "House of Cards." The hit show follows the story of Frank Underwood, a fictional and deeply corrupt House Majority Whip, and his rise to become President at all costs.

Lovell asked Cawthorn about how much of the show's presentation of a "secret life of corruption, and power, and money, and perversion" was representative of the real goings-on in DC.

"I heard a former president that we had in the 90s was asked a question about this. And he gave an answer that I thought was so true. He said that the only thing not accurate in that show — that you could never get a piece of legislation about education passed that quickly," Cawthorn told Lovell, referring to a major plotline in the show's first season.
https://www.businessinsider.com/madison-cawthorn-dc-elite-consumed-cocaine-invited-him-to-orgy-2022-3

Oh there it is…we’ve got vomit! But do you not get the underlying irony of this whole thing? The people who want to tell others what they find to be perverted or not are they themselves engaging in their own brand of perversion! And here’s where it gets weird – because you knew it was going to. Is that Roger Stone is involved in this story. Does this guy even have a job or does he just show up on right wing talk shows and spout the most batshit insane thing you’ve ever heard? I swear these people really need a hobby.

Rep. Madison Cawthorn has not pulled back his claims about witnessing cocaine, orgies, and 'perversion' in Washington DC, according to longtime Donald Trump advisor Roger Stone.

Stone – who got his own first-hand look at the city's club underworld in the 1990s – says he got the information from Cawthorn himself. He says the 26-year old North Carolina lawmaker did not walk back his extraordinary claims after being called on the carpet by House Minority Leader Rep. Kevin McCarthy.

“Congressman Madison Cawthorn just told me (he) has NOT retracted his claims about drug fueled orgies among DC elites,” Stone posted on social media site Gab.

Then he took a dig at McCarthy, who tried on Wednesday to contain the situation after it blew up online.

“Why would anyone believe a statement by Kevin McCarthy or anything reported on CNN? McCarthy is a corrupt RINO and CNN lies about everything,' he wrote.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10672563/Roger-Stone-insists-Madison-Cawthorn-NOT-retracted-cocaine-fueled-orgy-claims.html

I’m with Steve Harvey on this one! Oh hell nah! But here’s the thing – Madison might actually be right on this one, and that’s a very scary thought. Does DC have an orgy problem? Hey, anyone remember the DC Madam who exposed several high profile members of Congress as being involved in some extremely kinky, perverted, and oddly specific sexual fetishes? I do! Oh man I bet the DC Madam wasn’t the only one who knew these secrets. But the more you go down the rabbit hole on this one, the weirder it gets.

A former Republican Senate candidate said that GOP leaders in Congress are angry with Representative Madison Cawthorn, a North Carolina Republican, because he exposed their drug use and orgy parties.

In an interview with Warrior Poet Society that aired last week on Thursday, Cawthorn said that leaders he "looked up to" in the nation's capital invited him to an "orgy" and did a "key bump of cocaine" in front of him. He contended that the popular Netflix show House of Cards—which presents the fictional story of a corrupt political couple in Washington, D.C.—is largely accurate.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, a California Republican, then this week spoke with Cawthorn, 26, about the remarks following backlash from fellow GOP lawmakers. McCarthy later told reporters that Cawthorn changed his story in their meeting, asserting that "he did not tell the truth."

Some Republicans do not believe McCarthy, however. Lauren Witzke, who unsuccessfully ran for Senate in Delaware in the 2020 election, agreed during an interview with The Stew Peters Show that Cawthorn should be praised for speaking out about what goes on in Washington, D.C.
https://www.newsweek.com/madison-cawthorn-exposed-gop-orgy-drug-claims-ex-senate-candidate-1694328

Hey moderate spender! So my question is – how can we trust these lawmakers to regulate what goes on in the bedroom when they can’t moderate themselves? And do we need any moderation in the bedroom? Hell we all know what weird fetishes Trump was involved in. But here’s the thing about parties where there were excessive drug use and orgies – you don’t talk about what goes on in those parties! Never! What happens in those parties stays at those parties! But even Fox News is demanding to know who was involved, and we may actually have to… agree… with them on this one. Oh here comes that vomit again.

Fox News host and former GOP politician Trey Gowdy has asked Rep. Madison Cawthorn to reveal who in DC's elite did drugs in front of him and invited him to sex parties — or admit that he was lying.

"My question for the congressman is simply this: Who? Give us the names," said Gowdy on the most recent episode of his show "Sunday Night in America."

"If you're being invited to cocaine parties by colleagues, tell us who invited you? Who used illicit drugs in front of you? Who broke the very laws they passed and expect to us follow?" he asked.

Gowdy added: "Which of your colleagues believes he or she is above the law? Who is doubling as a deviant by night while talking about family values by day?"
https://news.yahoo.com/fox-news-host-says-madison-044948017.html

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[font size="8"]Will Smith
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I know, you’re probably sick of hearing about it by now, but we have to talk about Will Smith’s insane Oscars interruption last week. And I promise that this is the last we’ll report on it here, but as long as it’s in the news, we have to talk about it. It feels like an eternity ago doesn’t it? Well we had originally planned to make this a Top 10 Investigates piece, but we decided against that when we were in pre-production because it’s way more insane than you might think. While we covered the good majority of it last week, there’s been some new developments since then. Since we went live last week, Will Smith resigned from the Academy over the confrontation. But is it really not technically a resignation. It’s a resignation in name only. So he “resigned” but he still gets to keep his position in the Academy Of Motion Pictures Arts And Sciences and can still attend future award ceremonies. He also still can receive future nominations and win future awards. But think of it like John Wick when he broke the code of conduct at the Continental. Except Mr. Smith won’t have a $15 million dollar bounty placed on his head that keeps escalating. Or maybe not. You don’t know! But here’s what we do know!

Firstly, Smith will get to keep his Best Actor Oscar, which he won for King Richard in the aftermath of hitting Rock. He apologised to the Academy during a tearful acceptance speech.

The resignation also won’t keep Smith from attending future Oscar ceremonies, meaning that the actor could return in 2023 to present Best Actress. Traditionally, the previous year’s acting winners all return to announce who will replace them as the latest recipients of the top awards.

Should Smith deliver another performance that Academy members believe is worthy of Oscar contention, they will still be able to nominate him, meaning Smith can win more Oscars.

All the resignation means for Smith is that he will have no say in what films can be nominated or will go onto win in the future. However, Academy president David Rubin said: “We will continue to move forward with our disciplinary proceedings against Mr Smith for violations of the Academy’s Standards of Conduct, in advance of our next scheduled board meeting on April 18.”
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/news/will-smith-chris-rock-oscars-slap-b2050278.html

That’s right, man, you just got knocked the f out! But was it really a knock out? It was more like a pimp slap. But this is the most insane thing about all of this. Does Will Smith have to give up his Best Actor Oscar for this? No. Can he still attend future AMPSA events? Yes. So think of his resignation in the same way that you get “fired” from the Apprentice – you get fired, but you’re still technically on the show. So now here’s where it gets weird and you know it was going to.

Can’t forgive and forget? As the fallout of Will Smith‘s Oscars slap continues, Chris Rock‘s brother Kenny Rock wants more consequences.

“It eats at me watching it over and over again because you’ve seen a loved one being attacked and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Kenny, 42, told The Los Angeles Times in an interview published on Monday, April 4, arguing that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences should revoke the Best Actor in a Leading Role trophy from Smith, 53, in the wake of the incident.

Kenny continued, “Every time I’m watching the videos, it’s like a rendition that just keeps going over and over in my head. My brother was no threat to him and you just had no respect for him at that moment. You just belittled him in front of millions of people that watch the show. … In my opinion, he embarrassed himself by doing that and his legacy by doing that.”

During the 94th annual Academy Awards on March 27, Smith rose out of his seat and slapped the Grown Ups actor, 57, in the face in response to a joke he told about Jada Pinkett Smith‘s shaved head. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air alum has since issued a public apology to the comedian, who did not press charges after the altercation. On Friday, April 1, Smith announced in a statement that he’s resigning from the Academy following a “disciplinary hearing notice” from the organization.
https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/chris-rocks-brother-wants-will-smiths-oscar-revoked-after-slap/

So yeah Chris Rock’s own brother thinks that there weren’t enough punishments invoked. And in all honesty he’s not wrong here. But what’s even more disturbing is the fact that Mr. Smith is getting off very light here is setting a very dangerous precedent. Of course that means that any copycats this inspires probably won’t involve those winning a Best Actor Oscar. But that said, we need to talk about the last guy who got expelled from the Academy. Well the Academy has expelled scumbags like Harvey Weinstein, Roman Polanski, and Bill Cosby, but that’s understandable. Then there was this.

The first person to be expelled from the Academy was Carmine Caridi, an actor best known for small roles in the last two films in The Godfather trilogy.

Caridi was expelled in 2004 for making VCR copies of screeners and sharing them with friends and family, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

“I sent screeners to people, besides my brother and sister, who couldn’t afford them,” Caridi told the outlet. “I made a lot of people happy.”

One of the people Caridi sent copies of his screeners to was a man called Russell Sprague, who shared the screeners online.

The copies soon came to the attention of the FBI, who called Caridi into their Los Angeles office, where officials offered him immunity in return for naming Sprague.
https://www.buzz.ie/news/world-news/stars-expelled-academy-oscars-26603800

So could the Academy expel Mr. Smith? Would they? Should they? That’s the billion dollar question on the table. But the truth is that they’re keeping this thing under tight wraps until the next board meeting, so until that happens we don’t know anything. The fact that he didn’t get arrested is weird. The fact that he wasn’t asked to leave is even weirder. But this fact remains that Will Smith is one of the highest profile actors in all of Hollywood. So what punishments await Mr. Smith if the board does decide to rule against him? Well it could get very ugly very quickly.

The Academy said Monday it “will explore further action and consequences in accordance with our By-laws, Standards of Conduct and California law,” after Rock declined to file a police report Sunday.

According to The Academy’s code of conduct, members are expected to “behave ethically” and breaches include uninvited physical contact, according to Variety.

Punishment can include suspension or expulsion from the group, private or public reprimand, temporary or permanent loss of the ability to attend events or receive awards or “other sanctions that the Academy in its sole discretion may deem appropriate,” Variety reported, though sources told the outlet it’s unlikely Smith will have to give up his award.

Two members of the Academy have been permanently expelled previously: Actor Carmine Caridi in 2004 for violating voting rules, and Harvey Weinstein in 2017, after he was accused and later found guilty of sexual assault, according to the New York Times.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/marisadellatto/2022/03/29/suspension-expulsion-how-the-academy-could-punish-will-smith-for-slapping-chris-rock/?sh=2fef5a6301ff

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Twisting History And Facts
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know they say “those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it”. Well now does that logic apply to people who twist what actually happened in history to their own advantage? I’m of course talking about our old friend David Barton. It seems that our brothers and sisters on the right can’t quit this guy no matter how bad, sick or twisted his warped version of history is! This guy is a snake oil salesman who has been building an entire career out of misinterpreting history for the sake of swindling money from the religious,. But this might be one of his most insane and twisted sermons yet. Well, to be fair, there actually is some truth behind this, but once again I will say this is a classic case of saying the quiet part out loud and saying the loud part quiet. And he does leave an awful lot of detail out here for the sake of exploitation.

Religious-right pseudo-historian David Barton has built a career out of exploiting right-wing audiences’ general ignorance of both the Bible and American history in order to promote his right-wing Christian nationalist political agenda.

Via his daily radio program and countless speaking engagements, Barton regularly misrepresents biblical and historical issues not only by repeatedly promoting debunked claims but also by constantly coming up with new misleading examples that supposedly demonstrate that the United States was founded to be a Christian nation.

On Tuesday, Barton spoke at the Bott Radio Network’s pastor luncheon in Memphis, Tennessee, where he unveiled a couple of new deceptive claims regarding the ratification of the U.S. Constitution.

“Once they got the Constitution finished, it’s not the document of the nation yet, you have to have it ratified,” Barton said. “You’ve got to send it to the 13 states and get it ratified. And so they sent it to the 13 states. If you’re going to receive a government document and have a debate over whether to ratify it, where are you going to send it? The state capitol? No, it’s not the way it happened. North Carolina, Connecticut, Massachusetts; the ratification conventions were held in churches. They sent it to churches to ratify the Constitution? Yeah.”

“Then each state had to select a certain number of delegates to attend the ratification conventions,” he continued. “Forty-four of the constitutional ratification delegates were ministers of the gospel. So again, preachers were highly, highly involved.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/david-barton-is-constantly-unveiling-new-and-misleading-claims-about-american-history/

Now, Mr. Barton is not the only fundamentalist Christian who’s twisting facts and reality to suit their worldview, which is a very small one. Because that’s the thing with modern conservatives, especially those who support the unholy Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so profane, so depraved and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! There’s also this guy Mark Burns, who’s your typical southern fire and brimstone preacher… except that he’s running for Congress! Good lord this guy would say things that even Marjorie Greene would find too extreme!

Mark Burns, an unabashed Christian nationalist Trump-loving pastor who is running for Congress in South Carolina, urged conservatives to start smashing the car windows of anti-fascist activists.

Burns spoke at the ReAwaken America rally in Keizer, Oregon, last weekend, where event organizers claimed that “antifa” protestors outside the event were placing sharp objects under the wheels of attendee’s cars in an effort to pop their tires. While at the event, Burns sat down for an interview on “The Black Conservative Preacher” show, where he insisted that Christians should not turn the other cheek, as Jesus commanded, but rather strike back twice as hard.

“You see an antifa flag, knock out their window,” Burns advocated.

“Forgive me, Jesus,” he then added, facetiously. “Lord, forgive me. I’m asking for forgiveness right now.”

“The Bible says that ‘the Kingdom suffers violence and the violent take it by force,'” Burns declared, quoting Matthew 11. “The problem is we’re being too cowardly and too weak and we think that man has authority over us when we serve a big God who has given us power and authority to tread over every demonic spirit. So, if they’re gonna knock out a window, you go knock out two of theirs.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/maga-candidate-mark-burns-urges-christians-to-smash-the-windows-of-antifa-activists-cars/

So they’re literally advocating violence from a really fucked up pulpit. And it’s not even a real pulpit at that! This is seriously fucked up. And yes we are allowed to swear in my church! I run the show! But now the GOP is furious and they’re taking their anger out on your local school board. That’s right – they’re armed with… informational pamphlets! So not only do they have people like David Barton preaching false information in the pulpit, they have evangelicals going after education now. They really have reached a low point haven’t they? And I’m sure this isn’t what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want now, is it?

Right-wing evangelist Andrew Wommack is a Christian nationalist who believes that Christians such as himself “are supposed to be ruling in this world.” From his perch at Charis Bible College, which he founded in 1994, Wommack mused last year that with just the people associated with his school, they had the power to “take over” the local community of Woodland Park, Colorado.

Now it appears as if Wommack has set out to do just that, starting with local school boards, which have increasingly become a target of right-wing ire in recent years.

Wommack—a hard-line anti-LGBTQ zealot who has declared that gay people should be required to “put a label across their forehead” declaring that homosexuality “can be hazardous to your health”—spoke to the religious-right organization City Elders in Oklahoma last Friday, where he bragged about his efforts to take over school boards and his work sending “spies” into local schools to uncover the presence of LGBTQ-friendly books.

“We decided that we were going to take Colorado back,” Wommack said. “Colorado is a very liberal place, and so we’ve got a thing in place, and during the last election cycle we started with the school boards. We singled out five districts in Colorado, and we put out 417,000 voter guides. The GOP got incensed at us because we asked, ‘How do you feel about men competing in women’s sports? What do you think about critical race theory?’ They did not want those things to be public. So, we asked all the candidates—Democrat and Republican—and we put out these voter guides, and out of 178 people that we were supporting, we got … somewhere around 78 or 80 of them elected. So, we’re beginning to make an inroad, and we’ve got some big plans in place this year.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/anti-lgbtq-christian-nationalist-preacher-andrew-wommack-is-targeting-colorado-school-boards/

Yeah… think about it! But also think about this, my fair congregation – these people are multiplying, and they are multiplying rapidly! And if they’re running in your city, you should definitely watch out. If they’re running unopposed, find someone who will oppose them! For they are the very people who should not be in power and they will abuse it! If David Barton comes to your local church and someone like Mark Burns starts advocating violence, you should really be aware of the people in your area, for they are not on the side of the good LAWRD JAYSUS!

In addition to being a self-proclaimed “prophet” and an unapologetic QAnon conspiracy theorist, Johnny Enlow is a proponent of Seven Mountains Dominionism—a radical theology that teaches that right-wing Christians are to take control over every aspect of society. Last Saturday, Enlow showcased the theology when he prayed over and “commissioned” three Republican candidates running for office in Oregon at the “Restore: Government and Economy” summit held at Eagle Mountain Apostolic Resource Center in Bend, Oregon.

In the audience were Marc Thielman, who is running for governor, Darin Harbick, who is running for the U.S. Senate, and Patti Adair, who is seeking reelection as a county commissioner. At the invitation of Eagle Mountain’s senior leader Bobby Haaby, all three candidates stood on stage as Enlow prayed over them.

“Lord, we commission them in your name,” Enlow declared. “And whatever that means, represents, and is imparted to them in the spirit realm of apostolic commissioning, let that be released over them. Even right now, Lord, let the new angels that come with that commissioning be released to them right now; angels that protect their household, angels that protect their relationships—the husband and wife, the family, the children, all aspects of it—let that new shield come around all of them even at this time.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/qanon-prophet-johnny-enlow-prayed-over-and-commissioned-three-gop-candidates/

Sigh… there’s no end to the sheer amount of crazy and increasingly large number of people who are joining the Dark One and Q Anon. I need to go drink more of the holy water. It’s going to get really ugly in the next few months! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:





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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Herschel Walker
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This week’s This Fucking Guy is former football star, poorly polling Georgia senate candidate, and MAGA superfan Herschel Walker. Now I already hear a lot of you Atlanta people booing him. We already have reported about how he got removed from the President’s Council On Fitness along with Dr. Oz. I mean what better president to trust than a guy who eats Big Macs in bed while yelling at 8 different TVs and then throwing the wrappers on the floor? You see where I’m going with this. But physical fitness aside – there’s plenty of reasons not to trust Herschel on any policy. But this might be one of my favorite stories of the week. So one of Herschel’s crowning achievements is that he claims that he graduated at the top of his class at UGA. Really? There’s one UGA fan in the audience here? Thank you sir! Well – get ready – like most MAGA superfans, he lies about everything! I’m shocked, shocked! Well… not really that shocked.

A Republican Senate candidate in Georgia said for years that he graduated in the top 1% of his university’s class – but actually never graduated college at all.

Herschel Walker, a former pro football player who is running as a Republican in Georgia’s US Senateprimary, has publicly stated multiple times that he graduated in the top 1% of his class at University of Georgia despite never completing his degree.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (AJC) first reported on Walker lying about his college degree in December 2021. Walker later deleted the claim from his campaign website and released a statement to AJC acknowledging that he never graduated.

“I was majoring in Criminal Justice at [University of Georgia] when I left to play in the [United States Football League] my junior year,” said Walker in his statement. “After playing with the New Jersey Generals, I returned to Athens to complete my degree, but life and football got in the way.”
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/republican-senate-hopeful-overstated-academic-achievements-for-years/ar-AAVN1OE

But it gets even crazier because while Herschel is siding with the MAGA crowd on the most far right issues, the GOP is doing everything in their power to sink his campaign! I see that they obviously went to the Stormtrooper School Of Firearms. Because they could take him out and run someone a bit more sane, but they really don’t have anyone like that in their party! Could it be that or could Raphael Warnock really be that much better?

In the eight weeks running up to the May 24 primary, two super PACs supporting Walker’s GOP rivals plan to drop millions of dollars in ads attacking Walker, according to people familiar with their spending plans — ad buys that stand to alter the shape of a race that could decide control of the Senate.

Walker is still expected to finish first in the primary. But his opponents intend to drive his support under 50 percent and force him into a June runoff, when the second-place finisher will be able to focus attention on what many Georgia Republicans contend is Walker’s unique vulnerability to Democratic attack: his history of alleged domestic abuse.

With one of the Senate’s top fundraisers, Democratic Sen. Raphael Warnock, looming in the fall, some Republicans fear Walker won’t be able to survive the onslaught of Democratic attack ads.

At a meeting of the Putnam County Republican Party on Monday night, Walker’s leading challenger, state Agriculture Commissioner Gary Black, closed his stump speech with an impassioned appeal for the crowd to do their research on Walker.
https://www.politico.com/news/2022/04/01/herschel-walker-primary-00022192

Yeah come on, are they using Acme Branded Dynamite to get rid of him? But here’s the thing, just like Trump’s recent “hole-in-one”, there are many questions about where Herschel Walker even got his degree or if he even has a degree. But the thing is, MAGA not only loves this shit but they eat this shit up, no matter how big the lie is. I kind of feel like I need some music for this one. Cue Frank Zappa – “When The Lie’s So Big”.

During the cold opening of the most recent "Saturday Night Live," there was an insightful joke about the nature of authoritarianism. Surprising, I know, from a show not usually known for having the most trenchant satire. During a parody of "Fox & Friends," part of a longer bit about Donald Trump confessing that he committed a coup, the desperate hosts tried to keep him on message about how January 6 was not an insurrection at all. Then suddenly Trump veers left to make an impossible claim about his golf game.

"Did you hear this?" James Austin Johnson, portraying Trump, starts. "I got a hole-in-one. Did anybody hear that?"

"Congrats sir! Please tell about it," exclaims Heidi Gardner, while playing one of the interchangeable blonde hosts. Her male colleagues nod eagerly, all of them competing to show how obsequious they are before this frankly impossible claim.

The entire bit was about the lies Fox News and Trump tell, but this throwaway joke about Trump's golf lies nailed the essence of how such lies work. It's based on a real lie Trump is telling, one so stupid he might as well be claiming he can fly: That he got a hole-in-one during a recent golf game. The lie isn't believed by Trump, his enablers, or their audience. Instead, as the skit on "Saturday Night Live" illustrates through comedy, it's a power test to see how many people will play along. Trump's hole-in-one lie echoes those of authoritarian leaders like Korea's Kim Jong Un, who tells similar lies about his athletic accomplishments. It's all about demonstrating power. It's about exhibiting the ability to get thousands, even millions, to debase themselves by pretending to believe this bullshit.

Out of the many lessons that Trump taught the GOP, this might be the most important: Lies don't need to be plausible in order to be powerful.
https://www.salon.com/2022/04/04/hole-in-one-and-herschel-walkers-degree-why-maga-loves-lies-too-big-to-be-believed/

When the lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’s so biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig… It’s truly unfortunate that Mr. Zappa did not live enough to see the modern incarnation of the GOP because they literally are everything they spelled out in that song and they’re not ashamed to admit it. But you know if there’s one thing we’ve learned following the MAGA movement for the last 5 years, it’s that they attract this kind of off the wall batshit crazy person. And by the way if you want to see Herschel’s MAGA credentials, they are strong. Just look at what he said a couple of weeks ago about evolution:

Herschel Walker, the leading candidate for the Republican Senate nomination in Georgia, questioned evolution at an event over the weekend, asking why apes still exist if humans have evolved from them.

Walker made the remark Sunday during an appearance at Sugar Hill Church in Sugar Hill, Ga.

Polls show that Walker, who has been endorsed by former president Donald Trump, is the overwhelming favorite in the race for the GOP nomination to face freshman Sen. Raphael G. Warnock (D-Ga.) in the fall.

“At one time, science said man came from apes. Did it not?” Walker asked Chuck Allen, lead pastor of Sugar Hill Church, during Sunday’s event.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/15/georgia-senate-candidate-herschel-walker-questions-evolution-asking-why-are-there-still-apes/ [/div



Gee, with idiocy like that, we have to wonder - did Herschel even go to college? It’s your classic cause and effect right there That’s Herschel Walker, this week’s:

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment where we explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! When the news gets dark, people naturally turn to conspiracy theories. We are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep in the New Mexico badlands, undisclosed location of course! Just let me adjust my tin foil hat for maximum government interference – they are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! Well folks I don’t need to remind you that the January 6th committee is closing in on some big names. Last week they revealed that Ginni Thomas, the wife of SCOTUS justice Clarence Thomas, is in some pretty deep shit over her involvement in the insurrection. This week, the January 6th Committee is closing in on the big boss and there are some very batshit insane theories flying! So what is the 7 hour gap theory? Well supposedly the committee has subpoenaed his phone records show that there was a gap of 7 hours and 37 minutes when Trump was reportedly incommunicado, and that syncs up when his band of MAGA terrorists ransacked the Capitol. Here’s more.

“Internal White House records from the day of the attack on the U.S. Capitol that were turned over to the House select committee show a gap in President Donald Trump’s phone logs of seven hours and 37 minutes, including the period when the building was being violently assaulted,” the Washington Post reports.

“The House panel is now investigating whether Trump communicated that day through backchannels, phones of aides or personal disposable phones, known as ‘burner phones.’”

“One lawmaker on the panel said the committee is investigating a ‘possible coverup’ of the official White House record from that day.”
https://politicalwire.com/2022/03/29/january-6-white-house-logs-show-7-hour-gap/

Well duh… you think there might be a cover up? In other words, water is wet folks, of course there was a cover up involved! And for a president not to have communication with the outside world, 7 hours is a long fucking time. Especially when there is a planned and coordinated attack on the US Capitol Building with the intent of murdering the entire line of succession to overthrow an election happening! But you know what they say – sometimes the stupidest explanation is the best explanation! Oh wait, nobody says that ever!

The New Abnormal really made it 201 episodes without anyone on the team asking, “Do we need to slap a content warning label on this?” But then Madison Cawthorn had to go and start flapping his gums about orgies.

The freshman Republican congressman has earned the ire of his colleagues after letting slip that he’s borne witness to their sexual bacchanalia, complete with—and why not—“key bumps of cocaine.” That key feature (pun noted) is exactly why New Abnormal co-host Andy Levy takes umbrage with co-host Molly Jong-Fast’s preferred term for the whole debacle: “Orgygate.” Levy simply will not stand for this erasure of the copious amounts of drugs allegedly consumed by the nation’s leaders!

Somebody else probably thinking too hard about this nightmare affair is GOP House leader Kevin McCarthy. As Levy puts it, “This is ‘unacceptable’ to Kevin McCarthy because he’s afraid that people in his district are going to be going around saying, ‘Is Kevin McCarthy participating in orgies and doing key bumps?’ So this directly has the possibility of affecting him—and that’s all he cares about.”

Jong-Fast, meanwhile, is doing her damnedest not to picture the possibility of a raunchy Louie Gohmert getting it on with a debauched Newt Gingrich.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/trumps-jan-6-phone-logs-7-hour-gap-might-have-a-stupid-explanation

Yeah that is a good point – do we really need content warnings anymore? I mean between Madison Cawthorn’s revelations about DC orgies and Stormy Daniels’ revelations that Trump’s male organ looks like a Super Mario character… yeah fuck it. Also, there goes my lunch. So what does this mean? Does this confirm the burner phone theory? Because thanks to TV crime shows, we all know that anyone using a burner phone is automatically guilty. But a president even floating the idea of using a burner phone? That’s some seriously scary shit.

A lot is known about the few hours that shook American democracy to the core. The defeated president’s incendiary speech, the march by an angry crowd to the U.S. Capitol, the breaking in, the beating of cops, the “hang Mike Pence” threats, the lawmakers running for their lives, the shooting death of rioter Ashli Babbitt. All of that chaos unfolded over about eight hours on one day: Jan. 6, 2021.

But for all that is known about the day, piecing together the words and actions of Donald Trump over that time has proved no easy task, even though a president’s movements and communications are closely monitored.

There’s a gap in the official White House phone notations given to the House committee investigating Jan. 6 — from about 11 a.m. to about 7 p.m., according to two people familiar with the congressional investigation into the riot. But over the past four-plus months a lot has surfaced about what Trump did do and say on Jan. 6 — in texts, tweets, videos, calls and other conversations.

Trump entered the Oval Office at 11:08 a.m. By that time, about 400 pro-Trump demonstrators had already massed at the Capitol. Trump placed a call to Vice President Mike Pence — their only conversation of the day. It didn’t go well: Trump wanted Pence to stop the certification of Joe Biden’s 2020 election victory, and he was very unhappy the vice president wouldn’t do it.
https://www.tampabay.com/news/nation-world/2022/03/31/trumps-8-hour-gap-minute-by-minute-during-jan-6-riot/

Yeah Donny, elections don’t work that way. You know in order to hold an office, you actually have to do that thing called “winning”, which you didn’t do! And last I checked, elections don’t score the same way golf does. In order to win, you have to have more votes than the other guy! But come on, Trump, what are you hiding in those phone records? What did you say to Mike Pence that made your followers want to murder him? These things weren’t accidental and the fact that there’s an active cover up only proves they’re guilty. Because you know, that’s what perfectly innocent people do.

About 45 minutes before Trump delivered this speech, he made his last call for nearly eight hours on the White House phone system. From 11:17 a.m. until almost 7 p.m., Trump made all of his phone calls on a nongovernment phone.

We know the president spoke by phone during that gap. As the crowd came crashing toward the office of the Republican House leader Kevin McCarthy, McCarthy called the president to demand he stop the violence. Trump instead excused it. “Well, Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are.” Witnesses reported seeing the president on the phone many other times during the day.

As president, Trump often avoided using official lines. He used multiple phones of his own. He borrowed phones from other people.

Trump did not grab phones at random. He thought tactically about which phone to use. When the Stormy Daniels story broke, in 2018, Trump tried to place a call to Melania Trump on one of his own phones. She recognized the number and refused to answer the call. So Trump borrowed a phone from a Secret Service agent whose number would not be recognized. The first lady picked up.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/03/trump-phone-calls-gap-january-6/629413/

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. There’s always stupid people in the news. And don’t worry – next week we’re going to Florida so there will be one of our famous all Florida editions! Florida never fails to bring the crazy. And the reason we do this segment is because there’s so much dark news in the world right now. There’s still a pandemic, and now we’re on the verge of World War III, rising gas prices, murder hornets… what else could go wrong? And at the end of the day you really want to hear about someone who goes crazy and ransacks a McDonalds because they ran out of chicken nuggets. I want to start with this story out of University Heights, Ohio, where a would be bank robber left his keys on the counter as he robbed the bank. Yeah if you’re planning to rob a bank or any kind of store, just remember that the most important component of the robbery is the getaway vehicle! Do not skip this step or you will have a bad time!

University Heights Police confirmed an accused bank robber is behind bars after he forgot his car keys on the teller’s counter and dropped the cash he stole as he ran away.

UHPD said officers were sent to 2175 Warrensville Center Road for a robbery in progress on Feb. 25.

The suspect passed a note to the teller that demanded money and indicated he had a gun, according to UHPD.

However, no gun was seen during the robbery, UHPD confirmed.

UHPD said the $407 was given to the suspect from the teller drawer before he ran off.

As soon as the suspect left, those inside the bank saw he had left a set of car keys on the counter, according to UHPD.

The suspect tried to get back into the bank to retrieve the keys, but the bank was already locked due to the robbery, UHPD said.
https://www.cleveland19.com/2022/03/05/university-heights-bank-robber-forgets-car-keys-counter-drops-cash-he-runs-away-police-say/

Pretty sure it doesn’t work that way! Next up – this is the quintessential People Are Dumb story. This comes to us from of course the Sunshine State, America’s wang, the state of Florida. So what seems like something straight out of Jackass actually has a lot more to it. The thing is that you never drive through a golf course because golfers are nuts about their sport and they’re nuts about where they play. So this is a double whammy here. And if you’re caught driving through a golf course, maybe the shallow waters of the water hazard is probably not the best place to hide.

Manatee County deputies had their eyes in the skies as one man tried to flee and hide from them early Thursday morning.

Around 1 a.m., patrol deputies spotted a truck without headlights, driving on the wrong side of the road on Harrison Ranch Boulevard. They said when they attempted a traffic stop, the driver – later identified as 42-year-old William Ballard – fled.

The sheriff's office helicopter followed Ballard's truck as it drove through a fence at the Buffalo Creek Golf Course, traveled through the course, and entered a shallow pond.

They said Ballard exited the truck and waded through the water into nearby brush and trees "attempted to hide from deputies." However, deputies said the aviation unit was watching from above, directing deputies on the ground. ...............(more)

https://www.fox13news.com/news/officials-florida-man-drives-through-manatee-county-golf-course-hides-in-pond-to-avoid-traffic-stop

Next up – another story from the Sunshine State – if there’s one place you never want to get trapped in a million years, it’s a portable toilet. And if you do find yourself trapped in one, maybe don’t bring your drugs with you either. So yeah there’s two things wrong with this story. Also goes against my belief that if you’re in the bathroom, you should not be ingesting anything period. But that’s what happened to this particular Florida Man!

A Florida man found stuck inside a port-a-potty was arrested on drug charges after deputies found him screaming for help.

According to WBBH, deputies with the Collier County Sheriff’s Office were called after reports of a suspicious person and someone shouting.

When a deputy arrived, a man could be heard yelling loudly. As the deputy got closer, she could hear the screams and saw a foot sticking out of the bottom of the port-a-potty.

The deputy was able to get the man out of the bathroom and identified him as 34-year-old James Gousse. Deputies said Gousse told them he had gotten his foot stuck in the door. ........(more)

https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/florida-man-found-with-drugs-after-getting-trapped-in-port-a-potty/

Next up – we go to the border town of San Ysidro. That’s in my home state of California, don’t you know? You know the conservatives are always saying that we need to control the border. But I personally have never really understood where they come from. Until today that is. See these are the kinds of things we don’t want coming over the border. It’s not people, it’s snakes and reptiles, because those things can kill you! And this particular guy hid them… in his pants. Guess this gives new meaning to the phrase “is that a snake in your pants or are you happy to see me?”.

US Border Patrol agents found dozens of horned lizards and snakes hidden in a man's clothing as he crossed into the US from Mexico last month.

The scaly discovery occurred at the San Ysidro border crossing near San Diego around 03:00 local time on 25 February.

The man was driving a pickup truck when he was pulled over for inspection.

Officers discovered 43 horned lizards and nine snakes in plastic bags "concealed in the man's jacket, pants pockets and groin area," agents said.

The suspect, identified as a 30-year old American citizen, was arrested on the suspicion of illegal wildlife smuggling.

Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) officials say some of the animals are endangered and have now been placed in "a secure and safe area" quarantined from other animals.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-60685663

Finally this week – remember that movie the Hangover? You know the story of three guys who hold a bachelor party for their best friend in Las Vegas, get hammered drunk and ransack a hotel suite that costs more than a Porsche? Well who knew that a throwaway joke from that movie is something that someone would do in real life. And yes this is something that one should never do on a plane, Bradley Cooper’s character was not only 100% right on this, he was also right that it is very illegal. And yes, don’t do this!

A man on a Southwest Airlines flight faces federal charges after allegedly masturbating at least four times during the flight.

The Daily Beast reports that it happened on a flight from Seattle to Phoenix.

The criminal complaint obtained by the site claimed it happened on Southwest flight 3814 on April 2, 2022.

Antonio Sherrodd McGarity is accused of masturbating four times in the seat next to a female passenger.
https://www.fox5ny.com/news/southwest-passenger-arrested-for-masturbating-4-times-during-flight

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2022
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



We have just one round to go before the Elite 8 is complete! Last week it was a Fiscal Irresponsibility showdown as #1 Kansas pulled out a strong performance against #2 Delaware. Then over in the Gun Nut Conference, last year’s champion #1 Texas showed that they can bring their big guns to the dance by utterly destroying Idaho. This week it’s the final week of Round 1, where it’s a battle for Batshit supremacy as #1 Georgia takes on #2 Iowa. Meanwhile, over in the Family Values Conference, it’s a battle to play North Carolina as #3 Indiana takes on #4 Tennessee! We’re live at the home of the Anaheim Ducks, the legendary Honda Center in Anaheim, California, for all the action! Let’s go to the floor, shall we?

[font size="4"]Batshit Conference: #1 Georgia vs #2 Iowa [/font]

[font size="2"]Georgia [/font]


The Peach State has taken this conference multiple times now. And why? Well just look at the people who they elect – people like Brian Kemp (R – Obviously) and Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q – Batshit). I mean don’t worry, there will be plenty of MTG wannabe copycats in the coming months. Well for one thing Georgia’s republicans seem to want to outdo Texas in terms of the state’s gun laws. Because they want people to be able to carry guns without a license. File this one under “things that will go horribly, horribly wrong”.

Georgia House Republicans on Friday passed a bill that would allow Georgians to carry a concealed handgun without a permit.

The 94-57 vote along party lines follows approval from Georgia's GOP-controlled state Senate last month, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. More debate is expected to reconcile the two versions of the bill.

Gov. Brian Kemp (R) on Friday signaled that he supports the move.

"It's great to see so much support for the 2nd Amendment," Kemp wrote on Twitter. "I am committed to working with both the Georgia House and Senate to get Constitutional Carry across the finish line!"

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/georgia-state-house-passes-bill-allowing-people-to-carry-gun-without-license/ar-AAUYXf4

Yeah so seriously, what could go wrong with that? And speaking of things that could go wrong – it’s truly scary when Fox News is starting to dictate national policy. We’re already seeing that in Florida with their ridiculous Don’t Say Gay bill. Well, in things that are becoming national laws because lawmakers can’t seem to quit Fox News, there’s of course Fox News’ war on “woke culture” and “critical race theory” – both things that they just made up to boost ratings.

A bill supported by Gov. Brian Kemp to give parents more say on what happens in their children’s classrooms passed the state Senate Tuesday on a party line vote.

The bill, which supporters call the Parents’ Bill of Rights, is part of a nationwide conservative push against what some parents see as “woke” lessons. It allows parents to review classroom materials at the beginning of each nine-week grading period, to access all documents related to their child, to opt their kids out of sex education and to decline to have their child photographed or recorded except for security purposes.

“The governor and I believe parents and school systems need to work together to step in,” said Sen. Clint Dixon, the Buford Republican who sponsored the bill. “It’s time to reaffirm the rights of parents to direct the education and upbringing of their own children, and have the support of local school districts in doing so.”

Democrats like Atlanta Sen. Elena Parent called the bill a solution in search of a problem.

“It is such a shame that we are willing to get so deep into manufactured crises and partisan politics in going after teachers,” she said.

Read more: https://georgiarecorder.com/2022/02/22/ga-senate-advances-bill-that-aims-to-let-parents-second-guess-school-lessons/

[font size="2"]Iowa [/font]


The Hawkeye State is back and this time around they switched conferences after getting their ass kicked in the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference back in 2019. But they are tanned, rested and ready. What makes them worthy of winning the Batshit Conference? Well Iowa is a melting pot of conspiracy theorists, racist kooks, and hardcore end times religious wingnuts. Here’s how batshit insane Iowa is – they’ve actually decided to drop their “Iowa nice” campaign. Maybe they’re not so nice.

The phrase “Iowa nice” used to be an annoyance to some of us, when used to express the idea that Iowans are nicer than other people. Those of us who have lived in other states, or have family and friends elsewhere, know Iowa has no monopoly on nice people.

But now, instead of being annoyed, there is good reason to mourn the loss of “Iowa nice,” thanks to Governor Kim Reynolds and the Republican-controlled state legislature.

A friend, retired Drake philosophy professor Jon Torgerson, pointed out that the “Iowa nice” label was more inclusive than merely having good neighbors. The phrase recognized our public and private institutions and the people who led them.

“Iowa nice” even included elected officials. We had our own version of the mythical Kennedy Camelot, with a real life, caring Camelot under Bob Ray and a bipartisan legislature.

...https://www.bleedingheartland.com/2022/03/12/governor-gop-legislature-sound-death-knell-for-iowa-nice/

Damn right! That is definitely facepalm worthy. And you know what else is facepalm worthy that the Hawkeye State is doing? Well the COVID-19 pandemic may be winding down, but it is still very much a thing. But don’t be like this Iowa State Senator who says the vaccine is evil and that you shouldn’t be promoting the vaccine use among school children. File this under “things that will not end well”.

During discussion of legislation that would prohibit schools and child care centers from requiring the COVID-19 vaccine for children, a state senator on Wednesday falsely claimed the COVID-19 vaccines were not effective or safe.

“We need to put to rest that COVID-19 is an effective and safe vaccine,” Sen. Jason Schultz, R-Schleswig, said during a Senate Judiciary Committee meeting. “They keep trying to do things (vaccine shots and booster shots). It doesn’t work. These things are not effective.”

Schultz went on to accuse advocates for the vaccines of having a “hive mindset.”
https://www.thegazette.com/state-government/iowa-state-senator-falsely-claims-covid-19-vaccines-not-effective/

[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Well this was an interesting matchup. Iowa was ahead at the half but Georgia showed up big time in the second half. Georgia has since put up 15 unanswered points on the board after Iowa got a technical foul which cost one of their best players in an ejection. Georgia for three with 20 seconds left… YES! That’s game folks – final score, Georgia 88, Iowa 80. Georgia moves on to face Arizona in the finals!

[font size="4"]Family Values Conference: #3 Indiana Vs #4 Tennessee [/font]

[font size="4"]Indiana [/font]


Last year, the Sooner State advanced to the top of the Family Values pack because we reported that South Bend, the home of Notre Dame University, was being taken over by an absolutely batshit crazy Catholic cult called People Of Praise, which new SCOTUS justice Amy Comey Barrett was an avid member of. So can they retain that magic? Well, those on the conservative side are very actively looking to redefine the definition of what rape is, because you know, most of them are probably guilty of that sort of thing.

The Indiana Senate Corrections and Criminal Law Committee Tuesday approved a House bill regarding the “elements of rape.” The bill provides clarification of what the lack of consent is.

House Bill 1079, authored by Rep. Sharon Negele, R-Attica, talks about where and how to define consent. This bill provides that a person commits rape if the other person engaging in sexual activity with them has “expressed a lack of consent, through words or conduct, to sexual intercourse or other sexual conduct.” It also makes it so that a person commits rape if they pretend to be a different person and engage in sexual intercourse with someone.

“Indiana currently does not have a law defining consent,” according to the advocacy group Women4Change. “This means that sex without consent is not a crime in Indiana unless there is a proven use of physical force, threat of force, or incapacitation.”

According to RAINN, Americans are affected by sexual violence everyday: “Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. And every nine minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 25 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison."

Read more: https://www.thestatehousefile.com/politics/senate-committee-discusses-bill-that-would-clarify-states-definition-of-rape/article_030b5344-8eb5-11ec-991b-ab885dd95ad3.html

WTF are you talking about? That is a good question, sir! So yeah when it comes to the sexy time, they are considering redefining the concept of what constitutes to be a sex crime. That is a shocking level of evil. And by the way in case you’re wondering who’s in charge in the Sooner State? Well they’re bringing Nazism back. Yeah let’s add a dose of some hardcore racism in with our anti-abortion insanity, what could go wrong there?

Indiana Lawmaker Walks Back Remark on Nazism Impartiality
An Indiana state senator has clarified his comments after he faced criticism for saying teachers must be “impartial” when discussing Nazism and other political ideologies.

Republican Sen. Scott Baldwin told The Indianapolis Star he should have chosen better words when he said during a committee hearing at the Indiana Statehouse Wednesday that a bill he filed would require teachers to be impartial in all of their teaching, including during lessons about Nazism, Marxism and fascism.

The Republican-backed bill would require all school curricula to be posted online for parental review and ban schools’ ability to implement concepts such as critical race theory.

During testimony on the bill, Fishers High School history teacher Matt Bockenfeld raised concerns about what the proposal would require of educators.

https://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/indiana-lawmaker-walks-back-remark-on-nazism-impartiality/2723980/

[font size="4"]Tennessee [/font]


Finally this week, we have the Volunteer State. They have been favorites in the Family Values Conference for quite some time now. And they are always putting on a good show. But this year is different. Why? They upgraded their squad and are taking the team to new heights. And this new bill may be the icing on the cake. So you know how the MAGA GQP crowd is screaming their heads off about pedophiles? Well Tennessee is about to enable a whole lot of them if this totally disgusting and certifiably creepy bill makes it into law.

Some Tennessee Republicans want to make common law marriage legal. But the bill being pushed through the legislature this week doesn’t have any age requirements and opponents say that paves the way for allowing child marriage.

Twenty-four Tennessee Republicans are sponsoring this legislation and right now it is making headlines around the world. Newsweek, The Hill and The Daily Mail in the U.K. have all written about it, Twitter is all abuzz about it, and all eyes are on the Volunteer State as people wonder if the state’s lawmakers are about to legalize child marriage.

State Rep. Tom Leatherwood, the Republican from Shelby County who represents Arlington, sponsored House Bill 233, introducing it in the Children and Family Affairs Subcommittee on April 23. The legislation is designed to legalize common law marriage in Tennessee as a way to push back against the LGBTQ movement.

“I’ve seen a change in the tide, and if there’s any hostility, it’s against those people who do believe marriage comes from God, not from government and do believe it’s between a man and a woman,” said Leatherwood.
https://www.actionnews5.com/2022/04/06/proposed-legislation-could-legalize-child-marriage-tennessee/

Damn straight! Holy fuck. Do you get what’s going on here? Do people not see the underlying irony in all of this? The people who are screaming about child predators and pedophiles and human sex traffickers are literally about to enable all three! This is shockingly evil and it may very well propel Tennessee to the top of the Stupidest State heap this year. And there is some very strong competition for that title. But this evil is just totally beyond the pale. Hell I can’t believe I’m the same species of these subhumans.

Critics have slammed a proposed new law in Tennessee that would eliminate age requirements for marriage in the state, claiming the bill would potentially allow children to get married.

Social media users harshly criticized the bill, HB 233, which is being sponsored by Republican state Representative Tom Leatherwood. The bill has passed the Tennessee House's Children and Family Affairs subcommittee and is due before the House Civil Justice Committee on Wednesday.

Human rights lawyer Qasim Rashid tweeted: "Tennessee Republican Tom Leatherwood has passed HB 233 out of committee. Leatherwood acknowledged there's no minimum age requirement on purpose. This is absolutely horrifying and unacceptable."

The current minimum age for marrying in Tennessee is 17 and Leatherwood, who has acknowledged that the new bill doesn't contain an age limit, defended the proposal by making reference to religious beliefs.
https://www.newsweek.com/tennessee-marriage-bill-horrifying-law-children-wed-1695380

[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Oh my god ladies and gentlemen we haven’t seen a showing like this in years! Tennessee is showboating for the crowd as they have Indiana’s number! 10 seconds to go and they’re already celebrating as Indiana can’t keep up! That’s game! Final score: 97 – 70! A truly impressive showing by Tennessee and they will be moving on to face North Carolina!

[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

The Elite 8 has been set! One of these states will win it all! Georgia vs Arizona. Kansas vs Nebraska. Texas vs Missouri. North Carolina vs Tennessee. It’s the first week of Round 2 ladies and gentlemen! And we’re kicking it off with the Gun Nut Conference Finals! We’re live at the home of the UK Wildcats, the legendary Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky! Will last year’s champions Texas attempt to go for a repeat this year? Or will red hot underdogs Missouri continue their Cinderella streak? Only one way to find out!


[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"] The Scorpions[/font]

Folks my next guest has a great new album out called “Rock Believer”, you can see them at their Las Vegas residency at the Zappos Theater through April 26th. Playing their song “Seventh Son”, give it up for the Scorpions!

Thank you Atlanta! You were a great audience! This was fun! We’re off to Orlando next! See you next week!

Credits

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