Please get a will, you just never know what will happen.

[lark]

Last edited Mon Jun 27, 2022, 10:19 AM - Edit history (1)

I am so devastated today, my sisters' boyfriend of 30 years passed totally unexpectedly last week at work. His work knew my sister, she'd worked there for 20 years with him, yet they just called an ambulance and never contacted my sister even though she is his emergency contact at work - H.R. verified that. They never lived together (both are kind of strange and extremely independent and loners) although they talked about moving in together for 15 years. She also has a lot of her stuff over there. He has 3 feral cats that live in his house and the police warned her about going over and feeding them - but she's doing it anyway.

He had no will!

He owned 2 houses and a nice car and 3 organs so had some good assets - it will all go to his trumper sister that he maybe talks to once a year. She's a christofascist, he was a progressive. She buried her mom in the middle of the state not near anyone because she got a cheap rate. Paul wanted to be cremated. We can't find a current phone number and police have left messages, but no response and who knows what will happen. My sister is so devastated and I am totally devastated for her. Things would be 100% simpler if he had just gotten a will, but he was 62 in great health. He just had a complete physical 3 months ago and dr. said he was in perfect health and just keep it up. He thought he had plenty of time!

Please don't let this happen to you, your family or friends. It's just so tragic and a will is not that expensive. Think you can even do them on LegalZoom?

Sorry - I had the site name wrong before - fixed it.

[Farmer-Rick]

1. If you can't afford a formal will

Consider putting your significant other's name on all major purchases and accounts. Put their name on the house, the cars, the bank accounts, the insurance etc..

That's what we did and it made it so much easier when the worst happened. No wait to access things when you need it, while dealing with the worst thing to ever happen.

[Ms. Toad]

25. Good advice -

You can do this one of (at least) two ways - as joint with rights of survivor or transfer on death (TOD). Some form of survivorship title is available in most, if not all states. Two major benefits of both are that you avoid probate (which can keep you from having all rights to the property for months or years) and that the property passes immediately to the named person. With survivorship - you both own it during your shared lives (with blessings and complications associated with joint ownership). With TOD, you - alone - own it during life, but it transfers immediately on death (which means you avoid any complications associated with shared ownership should the relationship get contentious or end without legal intervention).

[Farmer-Rick]

36. Good point!!

TOD would help in the case of putting a debt onto your significant other, who may not want it.

Good thinking.

[MLAA]

2. My heart goes out to your sister ❤️

Your post reminds me it is time to update a will I made 15 years ago. Thank you.

[lark]

19. Thank you and I am glad you are updating your will - could be important!

[spooky3]

3. I'm so sorry. Nt

[UniqueUserName]

4. My condolences. And great advice. I would also like to add

The best way to transfer assets is before you die because then they don't go through probate. But the caveat is you have to be certain that that is what you want.

On most of your accounts you can designate a beneficiary upon death. And that can be rescinded at any time. But it doesn't have to go through probate. The account would still be tied up until the death certificate was obtained. If you want a person to have access to your account immediately, you have to make them a co-owner. But you really have to trust them to do that. They have immediate access to the accounts but they can clear you out. So that requires an extreme level of trust.

My mom died in February, and I was on her account. So it was easy to pay for her funeral. But the minute the credit union became aware that mom had died, they wanted me to close out her account and look askance at any time I go in there to try to do anything on her account. Even though that I am fully authorized. I sort of get that. I would never I've tried to take advantage of the credit union. But the way the credit union works is there was a primary person even if there are secondary persons with signatory rights.

I tried to get my mom to write a will back in 2000. But it's just a very painful thing for some people. She chose rather to deed her property collectively to her children and keep a lifetime right. That does make the property not have to go through probate, but that did mean if she had wanted to get married again in order to give her new husband interest in the property she would have had to get approval from all of her children. or if she wanted to sell the property then she would have had to have the approval of her children. So there are advantages and disadvantages.

[True Blue American]

24. Any outstanding bills have to be paid.

You also mneed a POA to make decisions for you and handle your health care. If there is more than 1 you need to name an exceutaer.

[sl8]

5. Zillow, the real estate company?

I'm not seeing anything.

[Lonestarblue]

6. May be thinking of Legalzoom.

[lark]

8. Sorry, got the name wrong.

[sl8]

38. Thank you. n/t

[lastlib]

7. I think ZoomLegal might be the site.

Not Zillow, where they sell houses.

[lark]

9. Yep, got the name wrong -

fixed it in my post now. Thanks.

[sl8]

39. Thank you. n/t

[Joinfortmill]

10. Especially if you are young, divorced and have children. I got my first will when I was 28.

[SoFloDenny]

11. +1

Google: last will and testament
Many free options; here's one...

https://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/last-will-and-testament-usa/?loc=US#.Yrm79ezMLrc

[KS Toronado]

14. Welcome to DU!

[calimary]

23. Welcome to DU, SoFloDenny!

Thanks for this link. It’ll be good for people to have.

[leftieNanner]

12. A Will is hugely important

You can actually do a pen and paper will, as long as you have it witnessed. My husband's uncle did this.

If you want to be fully protected - and this takes more work - you should do a trust. This is available on Legal Zoom as well. With a trust, there is no probate. Assets stay in the trust and the successor trustee (spouse, child, whomever) will just take over the management of the trust.

Funny story. My parents were in their 90s and Dad asked me to help him with their finances. He had always managed everything perfectly but got to a point where he couldn't balance his checkbook any more. He wanted me to be on the signature card for their checking account. We made a trip down to the bank - he was unsteady with his walker, but we made it. We sat at the bank manager's desk and he explained that he wanted me to be on the account. The manager took care of it and the deal was done. As we left the manager's desk to return to the car, he turned and asked me "why did we come to the bank today?"

If he had been that confused only ten minutes earlier, the bank would not have allowed me to be on the account. It would have looked like elder abuse. It all ended up fine. I managed their accounts until after they passed.

Miss you tons Mom and Dad!

[Ms. Toad]

29. Rules vary from state to state as to pen and paper wills.

Some states are more forgiving than others. Generally, if you sign at the bottom and have two disinterested witnesses over age 18 who watched you sign you will be OK.

Trusts don't necessarily protect more fully than wills. They are also much easier to mess up. See an attorney.

[leftieNanner]

30. Good points

We had our trust created by an attorney - my husband had legal insurance with his former job.

The trust makes it so you don't have to go through probate and it can save a lot of money and time.

Uncle Ivan lived in Nebraska when he did his paper will. He was worried that two of his nephews (whom he did not like) would demand some of the assets if he left them out of the will. He had no children. So he left the two nephews each $1. Ivan was a very interesting man.

[Ms. Toad]

37. One of the many things I taught before I retired was estates and trusts -

And since I prepared students to take the bar exam in any state in the US, I've seen (and taught) a lot of variations of trust and estate law.

But in most states you can't challenge a will unless you would be an heir under the intestacy statutes, and nephews are far enough down the list that it would be uncommon for them to be heirs. Also, in most states, it is sufficient to just not name someone in the will or - to be safer - to name them as receiving nothing. That $1 is one of the many rumors around about how to keep someone you don't like from benefitting from your death.

In Nebraska - it appears that your uncle's will would have been valid even without witnesses. (There are some other requirements - like that it appears to be a will and is dated or does not conflict with any dated instrument.)

[Grins]

43. Yes! My aunt on her deathbed...

…got pissed at her brother (who did something really stupid to her in her last days), called her lawyer and cut him completely out of her will, leaving everything to my mother.

Her lawyer was, “You sure you want to do this?”
Then my sister arrived at her hospital room.

And told her how this would affect the surviving family, and the courts, and, and, and….

My sister said she had to leave him SOMETHING in case he went to court and contested. And if she did that, the court would look at the will and rule, ‘No. She wanted you to have that and nothing more.’

The lawyer said that was the right thing to do.

And THAT led her to go through everything she had and saying by name who it would go to, leaving no one out (I got old furniture I could never use but that was ok.)

[KPN]

41. That is a funny story. I certainly enjoyed it, especially having experienced a few similar but not

so potentially significant interactions with my Mom as we -- she, my Dad and my siblings -- navigated her early Alzheimer's. Brings back some memories that are remarkably warm these twenty-plus years later.

[bucolic_frolic]

13. No will - intestate - laws of the state decide distribution

His friend may or likely may not have much claim on anything. Not living together is a severe barrier. Did they have any joint anything? Bank accounts, property, credit cards. Did they share keys?

[shrike3]

17. Yes. That's why you have to plan ahead.

[lark]

20. They did share keys, that's it legally.

Does "intestate" just mean no will? If so, that's him. He did have assets, which complicates this.

[bucolic_frolic]

21. Perhaps he named beneficiaries on his assets.

Assets with beneficiaries usually pass outside the estate to his named beneficiaries. It can be a very easy process in many states.

While it is possible to open retirement accounts without naming beneficiaries, it would be strongly encouraged by institutions to do so. Even 401K's, same thing.

Joint bank accounts might be titled in different ways. "TOD" - transfer on death. Or joint ownership. Or "in trust for". In my state these terms go right on the name of the account and are mailed each month that way with monthly statements.

Just trying to give you some clues to look out for.

Yes, intestate means no will.

[lark]

22. oh, we didn't think about that. Thank you so much!

I will let my sister know right away.

[Rebl2]

15. That's so

sad. We finally got a will in 2019 and we went with elder lawyers. They will work with anyone I would guess, but they specialize in helping older clients. We were in our early sixties and should have done sooner. We had no kids, but of course we had assets. When you think about it, it’s probably a good idea if you have assets and children in your thirties, that would be the time to get a will so you have a plan for the children particularly.

[shrike3]

16. I have warned people of this very scenario.

No one has to get married. No one who doesn't want to be married should be. But marriage offers protections that simple living together or being together do not. I remember a case where a couple in their 40s were living in a beautiful home in California. He was killed in a car accident. He had no will, no nothing. She had to get out of what was now his family's house. He'd never put her name on the deed.

A will, preparation are essential. I am so sorry for your sister's loss. How awful. This mess must make it even worse.

A lot of good advice on this thread, btw.

[XanaDUer2]

18. My SO and I rent, but only I own a 15-yr-old car

However, I'm on his bank accounts. We're discussing him getting a final-expenses policy, too. Sorry about your sister

[TNNurse]

26. Don't forget Power of Attorney and Living Wills, Health Care POA

You may need things before someone dies as well.

I am my sister's everything, but when she was in rehab after a fall, I had to go get the POA paperwork in order to get her a new cellphone, because my name was not on the account!!! It is now.

[live love laugh]

27. Not to mention probate costs.

Just read today that late actor Chadwick Bozeman’s $3.5 mil estate was just settled— -1/3 went to probate court.

[in2herbs]

28. I would like to add a couple of things: if you don't have family and/or don't want to

leave any of your assets to a trumper family member you can disinherit them in your will. The disinheritance clause must be separate and specific. For additional safety include a provision that if someone under this disinheritance clause challenges your will you bequeath to them the sum of $1.00. If you don't know anyone that needs your estates assets and you're wondering what to do in this instance, you can leave your estate to local, national and international wildlife organizations. I know Wildlife SOS has a department that assists with this goal. Don't be in a hurry to remove the deceased's name from checking/savings accounts, wait until you are sure there are no more checks coming in cuz if any of the estate closing-out disbursements are written in the deceased's name only the check cannot be deposited into savings or checking if the deceased's name has been removed. In this instance you would have to return the check to the issuer and work with them in getting a new one issued in your name. Also, don't forget there may be found money to be had in your cash rewards program assigned to your credit cards.

Lastly, not only prepare a will but prepare a Living Will/Medical Directive assigning a medical power of attorney and a financial agent. This will facilitate access to funds.

After living together for more than 20 years I pressured my friends to get married for no other reason than Social Security. If you are married Social Security continues to pay the highest amount, the lower amount is no longer paid.

[Ms. Toad]

31. And while you're at it - review all of your insurance or other accounts with beneficiaries

any time your significant relationships change (either start or end).

A 1st cousin once removed lost his wife very suddenly. She had not changed her name on her life insurance when they married. All of the life insurance proceeds went to either the mother or the sister (I don't recall which) - who refused to do the right thing and give it to the husband (and small children).

Not only did the cousin (and their children) really struggle financially, it destroyed any remaining relationship with his wife's family.

[kozar]

33. And then, don't touch it again

100% write the will.

[geardaddy]

34. Mrs. geardaddy and I just did ours

We feel much safer now.

[BlueIdaho]

35. While you are at it

Be sure to fill out a Medical Power of Attorney. They designate who can make decisions for you if you are incapacitated. There are plenty of free ones out there.

[lark]

44. Good reminder

[Paladin]

40. Wills And Trusts: Far and away, the scariest course at law school.

It is amazing and utterly devastating, the damage that can occur when a properly-drafted and executed will is not put in place, to take care of the posthumous distribution of assets. Thank you, lark, for providing such a painful example of this.

[LittleGirl]

42. I'm so sorry for your loss

My oldest brother died without a will. My mother was horrified. She asked my baby brother about a will and he didn’t have one either. He hired a lawyer and got it signed exactly 2 months before he died suddenly. He gave everything to his daughter and it went smoothly to settle his estate.

Thanks for the reminder. My hubby and I need to update our wills, etc.

[Grins]

45. My family impoverished my mother...! A good thing!

She outlived most of her family and became the heir of their estates. She was “loaded!”

So the family got with a financial planner who told her to start “gifting” her estate - according to IRS rules - to her children, bit-by-bit, every year until all she had to her name was less than $10,000.

It took us years to do this, putting her gifts to us into a common fund. (And we needed to protect that, too, in case one of us died or went into “the home”!)

His fear was taxes, but more - if she had to go into a$$u$ted living, they (and MEDICARE/MEDICAID) could claim the entire estate!

And that is when the family heard there are lawyers who specialize in Medicare/Medicaid, were told to get one and we did. And got great advice.

So go talk to a Medicare/caid attorney!

[Maraya1969]

46. That is exactly why, after my mom's estate was distributed the first thing I did was get a will.

If I didn't have it everything would go to my brother then his kids, grandkids etc and they are all Chrstofascists too. I cannot support anything that they do.

I just named some charities that I like and a few people who might need something. Hopefully there will be nothing left anyway but just in case..................