Running Coach Analyzes Senator Josh Hawley's January 6 Sprint

[G_j]

Last edited Sun Jul 24, 2022, 10:15 AM - Edit history (1)

https://www.outsideonline.com/health/running/culture-running/opinion-culture-running/our-running-coach-analyzes-senator-josh-hawleys-january-6-sprint/?utm_campaign&utm_content&utm_medium=organic-social&utm_source=Outside+Magazine-facebook&fbclid=IwAR3blmi9vAYI3Rwis_TAB8Oe0jIkwTPUu98Sf_4-dT4qI4mHwuXfJs-GdTc


Our Running Coach Analyzes Senator Josh Hawley’s January 6 Sprint

Hawley is lucky that his awkward run didn’t end in injury, writes Zoë Rom.

As a running coach, I had a similarly visceral reaction. His form! His apparel! His complete and utter lack of regard for democratic norms!

Let’s break it down.

Whether you’re on a jog around the neighborhood or fleeing the violent mobs whose fury you stoked for your own political gain, you’ll want to make sure you have a good forward lean. A keen eye will notice Sen. Hawley’s torso is straighter than Mike Pence’s freshly cleared search history. Runners will often struggle with a forward lean because they haven’t developed enough core stability. However, in Hawley’s case, it may be due to the absence of any spine. I’d recommend some lower core work and/or the adherence to any core values whatsoever.

Another thing that’s immediately apparent on Senator Hawley is his footstrike. Hawley’s foot is landing on his heel, well in front of his knee, what we call “overstriding.” Overstriding can be caused by weak glutes, which is surprising in someone whose worldview is complete ass.

In videos of Hawley fleeing down the escalator, you’ll notice that he’s significantly shortened his stride to allow for smaller, shorter steps. This is actually great form for efficiency and injury prevention! A clear indicator of someone who’s been practicing their footwork by dancing around any form of accountability.
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[Kid Berwyn]

1. Weak glutes in a shitheel goosestepper!

For shame, Hawlin’ Hawley, the Cowardly NAZI.

[Cha]

27. Well put, Kid!

Focus!
Please Fight to Save Our Democracy💙 in 2022 & 2024!

[Walleye]

2. That's really funny, thanks for posting

[DENVERPOPS]

29. How else could he have run????

With a Trump/Putin stick stuck up his ass??????????????

[Snarkoleptic]

3. Incoming! Weapons-grade meme-

[Hermit-The-Prog]

8. Diagram should show left hand usage, so Hee-Hawley puppet has his natural hard right lean.

[FoxNewsSucks]

14. The teabag in his right hand is a good touch

[Pacifist Patriot]

4. Worth clicking through to read the whole article!

Thanks for sharing that.

[MuseRider]

5. Nicely done!

Thanks!

[nuxvomica]

6. A forward lean is way too progressive for him

Besides being funny, this is some interesting advice.

[mvd]

7. Brilliant!

[dixiechiken1]

9. lmaooooooooo 🤣🤣🤣

[paleotn]

10. Oh, that's too good....

The man is a complete laughing stock. That's got to burn his fragile ego to the ground.

[Zambero]

11. During Hawley's daring escape...

Why was he seen carrying those papers under his LEFT arm? It would seem that Hawley's RIGHT brain was malfunctioning at this point, inconsistent with his otherwise reptilian tendencies. Have his devotees picked up on this, and if so how might they explain this behavioral lapse???

[liberalla]

12. Thanks Coach! That was very enjoyable!

[FakeNoose]

13. To me, it looks like Hawley was running to the men's room

... like it was an explosive diarrhea event.

[justhanginon]

15. Really good analysis.

[area51]

16. Burn.

[llmart]

18. Best laugh of the day!

Hawley needs to be humiliated every day until we no longer have to see his ugly person any longer.

[lastlib]

19. More:

Recommended adjustment: think about incorporating strides and speedwork into your routine, senator, along with not intentionally stoking a violent insurrection that requires you to escape at VO2 max without any warm-up routine.

Then, there’s his gear. A suit from Brooks Brothers’ We’re Totally Getting Away With It Collection hardly allows for the range of motion required when desperately fleeing the consequences of your own actions. I’d recommend a good pair of split shorts to allow for proper knee drive. A more technical, sweat-wicking fabric will come in handy next time you need to escape a horde of heavily armed militia members whose paranoia you’ve stoked for years. Merino wool is perfect for your sheep-like devotion to a minoritarian movement (plus, it’s naturally odor-blocking!).

Lastly, let’s talk footwear. Leather wingtips are perfect for trolling climate activists from your summer home on Martha’s Vineyard, but less effective for escaping the 4chan mob when they come knocking at your office. If you need to make a break for it down a marble hallway, I’d recommend a shoe with a rubber sole and more breathability.

For sure, it’s a bad look to be fleeing an insurrection that you caused. But if you’re going to do it, at least have the proper form and equipment on your side. The only fate worse than jail time for treason is plantar fasciitis.

God, that's funny! - - - - - - - - - - - -

[G_j]

23. quite a nugget

and found in Outside magazine of all places.

[CaptainTruth]

20. The whole article is hilarious!!!

[iluvtennis]

21. LMBO

[3catwoman3]

22. That was a hoot!

Very deftly done -

[Blue Owl]

24. K&R

I hope everytime Josh goes out in public from now on, there is pointing and laughing...

[zentrum]

25. Kicking.

[Cha]

26. Oh I like the way Zoe Rom puts this.. !

Whether you’re on a jog around the neighborhood or fleeing the violent mobs whose fury you stoked for your own political gain,

Focus!
Please Fight to Save Our Democracy💙 in 2022 & 2024!

TY

[twodogsbarking]

28. Running on empty.