Possible candidates for Speaker of the House
Since the Republican'ts don't seem to be able to come up with a Speaker of the House they all like, I figured I'd throw out a few names and see what everyone thinks.
1. LAUREN BOEBERT
This conservative cutie is fully qualified to serve. Unfortunately for her, where she's qualified to serve is at a McDonald's.
Advantages: Fully prepared to impeach President Biden 46 times, one for each president, and to spend two years owning the libs.
Disadvantages: Too many to count, starting with the fact her picture illustrates the term "fucking idiot" in Webster's Dictionary of American English Obscenities.
2. DONALD TRUMP
Seventy-four million Americans' favorite president, Mr. Trump holds the distinction of being the president to receive more votes than any other Republican presidential candidate in American history...while getting stomped by the Democrat anyway.
Advantages: Wants nothing more than to preside over at least three Biden impeachments so he won't go down in history as the most impeached president ever.
Disadvantages: Doesn't want the job after his advisors informed him serving as Speaker would make it easier for the US Marshals Service to find him after arrest warrants are issued.
3. MICHAEL LINDELL
Purveyor of poor pillows and creator of crazy conspiracies, Lindell is one of former president Trump's closest confidantes.
Advantages: Let's skip to the disadvantages.
And they are: no one likes the son-of-a-bitch. He's the defendant in a $1.6 billion civil suit. I have three rocks in my front yard that are each smarter than Lindell is. He's too married to Donald Trump's insanity. Also, you can get a better night's sleep on an Army gas mask case than you can one of those things he claims are "the best pillow you will ever own," so his judgment is a bit suspect.
4. MR. HANKEY, THE CHRISTMAS POO
A uniter not a divider, Mr. Hankey stands for justice, equality and good personal hygiene.
Advantages: Able to bring together people of disparate races, religions, genders and social statuses to work together for the common good. He's only 26 years old so he can serve in Congress a long time.
Disadvantages: Only comes out of the sewer at night if everyone there believes in him, and usually only at Christmastime. Four inches high. Doesn't smell very good. Has unique nutritional requirements. Has high-pitched voice. Too woke for the GOP. In normal years the fact he's a fictional character would also work against his candidacy, but George Santos got elected to Congress this year so anything is possible.
5. NICOLAE CEAUSESCU
In 1967, Romanian strongman Nicolae Ceausescu signed Decree 770, a near-total, aggressively enforced ban on abortion. In today's GOP, such an act must be rewarded!
Pros: Ceausescu is everything the current GOP is not: smart, handsome, and wildly popular before 1967 for standing up to the Soviet Union.
Cons: doesn't meet citizenship or residency requirements. Is a Communist, and so fervent of one he scared the Soviet Union. Ill-conceived plan to pay off Romania's foreign debt led to mass starvation among the Romanian populace. Not currently available to serve in Congress as he was taken out back and shot in 1989.
6. A TARP
The Constitution requires that there be a Speaker of the House. The Constitution does NOT require the same person do the job every day. By throwing a tarp over the Speaker's chair and publishing a duty roster that rotates the Speakership among the members of the House Republican Caucus, the problem is solved.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Would be perfect. He's a symbol of the entire Reperv party.
