World's Wealthy Call For Removal Of Stars Obstructing View Of Universe

[70sEraVet]

“As affluent taxpayers of Earth, we demand that our space agencies immediately remove the unsightly stars blocking our view of the cosmos,” said Royce Wakefield III, echoing the sentiments of thousands of other monied elites who explained that the light pollution emitted from the celestial bodies was distracting and made the heavens look cheap.
https://www.theonion.com/world-s-wealthy-call-for-removal-of-stars-obstructing-v-1850432937

It is from TheOnion.com, so, of course, its satire that seems entirely plausible!

[Silent Type]

1. I'd settle for less light pollution here so I can see the stars.

[niyad]

3. Are you familiar with the Dark Skies Communities?

[Silent Type]

4. Cool. I'm probably in my last house, but I'll keep that in mind.

[niyad]

2. I had to check the link.

[Aristus]

5. "...I don't CARE how far away it is, or how expensive it is to get there, just MOVE it!

Do you really think I'm paying all this money so that I can have an obstructed Galactic view? I mean, do you really think I'm paying all this money for that? All right, then. Fine. All right. I want to speak with your manager!..."

[ExWhoDoesntCare]

6. Predicted it was The Onion before checking

Could have been Borowitz, but this one was more The Onion's speed than his. They tend to be more broad in approach.

[pecosbob]

7. Hold the mayo, please.

[dalton99a]

8. World's Wealthy Call For Removal Of Trees Obstructing View Of Forest

[RussBLib]

9. and of course

...it's all the satellites being put into orbit by Starlink (Elon Musk) and a couple of other companies that are placing hundreds and hundreds of satellites into orbit, often obstructing our view of the night sky.