Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-7: Daylight Come And Me Want To Go Home Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #15-7: Daylight Come And Me Want To Go Home Edition

Ed. Note: Due to a scheduling conflict, the Top 10 is early today! Enjoy!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Yooooooooooooooo!!!! What’s up, Riverside? How are you guys doing? You doing fucking good? Great! I want to start this week by saying that I really appreciate all of the support we’ve been given since our Florida tour got sidelined by Hurricane Franklin a couple of weeks ago. But don’t worry – hang on to your tickets, folks, because we are working on rescheduling tour dates. Be sure to follow us on Top10ConIdiots @ mstdn.party for more updates as we chug along for season 15. Oh and I hope that everyone caught the news of our brand new segment we’re debuting next week – My Governor Is An Idiot. So what does that consist of you might ask? Well I answer you – we’re going on a search for the best and the worst governor in the country, putting two governors from each state in a battle royale and the winner advances to the next round! And when does it start? It starts next week! Tune into round 1 – where we pit Arkansas governor Sarah Sanders against Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer. It’s going to be exciting! This is totally unlike anything we’ve ever done for the 10th spot to date, and that includes our long running Stupidest State contest! And it all goes down next week, so be there or be square! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to this week. But first, while the WGA is on strike, we’re featuring clips of our favorite podcasts, and this week, Christopher Titus is back and he digs into the fact that two justice systems exist – one for rich white conservatives, and one for the rest of us:

Where do we begin this week? Well the number one slot this week easily goes to MAGA Republicans (1), because they are dead set on impeaching Joe Biden, despite that they got zero evidence to back up any of the outrageous claims they’re making. Sigh… this is why we can’t have nice things. In the second slot this week is Lauren Boebert (2). Yes, by now you’ve most likely heard of MAGA Shooter Barbiet’s ill fated trip to the theater to see Beetlejuice: The Musical. And well, just like the movie and musical Beetlejuice, it gets weirder the more that you dig into it! Meanwhile, in Texas, the impeachment trial of Ken Paxton (3) that we reported on last week went about as well as you might have expected. Because republicans are deranged cultists and will not do the right thing if it means speaking out against the cult. Another reason why we can’t have nice things. In the number 4 slot this week is Tommy Tuberville (4). Yes, the shittiest football coach inexplicably turned United States senator, is in some hot water over holding back military promotions and screwing over the military. But you know, support the troops and such. Ugh I’m so sick of these assholes. In the number 5 slot this week, we have a new edition of our segment We’re All Gonna Die! (5), and this week catastrophic climate change has screwed things up so much that there’s no new records to report on, because every day it seems like it gets worse. Hey Rupert Murdoch, fuck you and I’ll see you tomorrow. In the number 6 slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week, we’re going to have some fun and predict the future, because the Dark One’s minions have some very dark things in store for us, whether it’s North Carolina or California, they’re everywhere and they’re looking to do some damage! In the number 7 slot this week, we have a new Beating A Dead Hose (7), and we’re asking the question - is it OK for Bill Maher and others to cross the picket lines and resume their shows? Well, it’s probably going to be a terrible idea no matter which way you look at it. In the number 8 slot this week is of course our weekly venture into the world of never-ending online tin foil hat nuttery in Conspiracy Corner (8) and this week, has Pennsylvania senator John Fetterman been replaced by a body double? The bizarre corners of the internet are floating a wild conspiracy theory after Fox News whines about his appearance and he tells Fox where they can stick it. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week, we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week, it’s time for the final part of our What’s Up With Florida? docuseries, and this week we’re finding out who exactly votes for Ron Desantis and the Florida GOP extremists, while presenting our conclusions! And to cap things off, some live music from the great Hozier! Buy his new album “Unreal Unearth” or you’re no friend of this program! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Joe Biden Impeachment
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Well you knew this was coming since the lunatics took over the asylum. The Newsmax / O AN wing of the GOP is hell bent on impeaching Joe Biden because… because… yeah can someone just give me a reason why they think this is OK? Yeah they got nothing. And it’s a whole heap of nothing. But make no mistake that the CEO of the radical right wing house nutjobs, Kevin McCarthy, is really doing this just to please his boss, Sean Hannity. Yeah it’s apparently a hierarchy of conservative insanity that they are running there. So what is the possibility that Biden could get impeached, you might ask? Well besides that it’s currently standing at zero, there’s still a lot at stake. But this is just yet another reason of many as to why we can’t have nice things. It’s also cementing my belief that today’s elected representatives are basically just glorified content creators for Fox News and that’s about it.

The House Oversight Committee will hold its first hearing on the impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden on Sept. 28, a spokesperson for the panel told NBC News. “The hearing will focus on constitutional and legal questions surrounding the President’s involvement in corruption and abuse of public office,” the spokesperson said.

The spokesperson added that the committee intends to subpoena the president’s son Hunter Biden and James Biden, the president’s brother, for their personal and business bank records as early as this week. “The Oversight Committee will continue to follow the evidence and money trail to provide the transparency and accountability that Americans demand from their government,” the spokesperson said.

Speaking to reporters Tuesday, Oversight Committee Chair Jim Comer, R-Ky., said he will issue subpoenas for Hunter and James Biden’s bank records once the paperwork is finalized. “Once all the i’s are dotted, t’s are crossed, I expect to issue a subpoena to Hunter and James Biden’s personal bank records,” Comer said as he left the House GOP conference meeting Tuesday morning.

“There’s a lot of apparently paperwork filed (sic) so all three committees and the speaker’s council office have to agree to the terms and everything of the impeachment inquiry,” he added. “And once all that’s ironed out then I’ll have the ability to proceed with impeachment inquiry with respect to subpoena.” Comer also said the hearing would include an overview of what an impeachment inquiry is and would feature appearances from experts on financial crimes, tax evasion, racketeering and the Foreign Agent Registration Act, among other topics.

Read more: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-oversight-committee-hold-first-biden-impeachment-inquiry-hearing-rcna105795

Oh come on, just go fuck the fuck right off right now. Is Hunter Biden an elected official? No. Has Hunter Biden ever served in the government? No. And the only thing that I care to know about Hunter Biden is why Jared Kusher got $2 billion from Saudi oligarchs while Trump held a private golf tournament in his rat-infested mega mansion in Jersey. Yeah investigate that, dipshits! But their Hunter Biden derangement syndrome will not go away no matter how much we want it to. Again, this is another symptom of the Fox News takeover of the GOP.

With an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden underway, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., said House Republicans will eventually subpoena the president’s son, Hunter Biden, but it is just a matter of timing.

McCarthy opened the inquiry last week, calling it a “logical next step” in House Republicans’ investigation into Hunter Biden’s business dealings. Joe Biden, they allege, personally benefited from Hunter Biden’s overseas dealings.

While the investigations have produced evidence that Hunter Biden and his business associates made millions from foreign business, House Republicans have yet to produce substantial evidence showing the president financially benefited from his son’s business affairs.

The California Republican argued Sunday on Fox News’ “Sunday Morning Futures” that an impeachment inquiry is simply an expansion of House Republicans’ ongoing investigations to have the “strength to get the answers to the questions.”

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/news/kevin-mccarthy-vows-republicans-subpoena-192614830.html

Oh come on! Go fuck right the fuck off! Yeah come on, like Trump’s sons – Wingus and Dignus are any better. But of course, even the guy that ruins everything had to chime in on the subject. I really, seriously, truly look forward to the day when we don’t have to hear every stupid, hateful thing that pops out of his big fat mouth. But you know that the House won’t shut up about President Biden or Hunter Biden’s dealings, no matter what they are. I really wonder why Hunter Biden hasn’t sued the ever-loving shit out of Kevin McCarthy’s boss, Sean Hannity, yet? Maybe they are working on something. One thing is for sure – this is most definitely a get revenge quick scheme, and it’s gonna fail.

Former President Trump’s presence is looming large over House Republicans’ decision to push ahead with an impeachment inquiry into President Biden.

Trump has publicly called for House Republicans to impeach his predecessor and has privately spoken with members of the conference on the topic. The former president also suggested in an interview this week that the push for Biden to be impeached may partly be a tit-for-tat effort in response to Trump’s impeachment.

“I think had they not done it to me, and I’m very popular, they like me and I like them, the Republican Party, perhaps you wouldn’t have it being done to them,” Trump told Megyn Kelly on her SiriusXM show.

“And this is going to happen with indictments, too. … And I think you’re going to see that as time goes by, you’re going to see Republicans when they’re in power, doing it,” he added. “And it’s a shame when that happens. I’m not in favor of that, but that’s what’s going to happen because that’s human nature.”

https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-casts-shadow-over-biden-100000591.html?_fsig=uFowYQ_3f.skgY1tjBr8ew--%7EA

Sigh… this is why I say that MAGA is a cancer and that right wing radio is going to burn down the country. It’s the reason why we can’t have nice things. All this stunt is designed to do is to get their talk show host overlords some ratings, which equals votes, which keeps these assholes in office. It’s the circle of bullshit and it screws us all! But even the most hardcore experts on presidential impeachment say that they got nothing. Which is why I’m going to repeat the following, probably through the rest of this edition. You don’t want this to happen? You don’t want our political representatives to be content creators for cable news hosts? Just stop voting for stupid people!!!

Speaker Kevin McCarthy took the rare step on Tuesday of announcing the launch of an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden over his son Hunter’s foreign business dealings.

The House has voted to impeach just three Presidents: Andrew Johnson, Bill Clinton, and Donald Trump, who was impeached twice. But even the launch of an impeachment inquiry against a President has only happened a handful of times. Two impeachment experts tell TIME that there is less evidence implicating Biden of wrongdoing than in any of those previous inquiries.

"This is very disturbing for people who study past impeachments, because impeachment is really a very extreme measure,” says constitutional scholar Philip Bobbitt, a professor at Columbia Law School and expert on the history of impeachment who co-authored an updated edition of Charles Black’s classic legal text, Impeachment: A Handbook, in 2018. "I honestly don't know that there is any evidence tying the president to corrupt activities when he was vice president or now."

Frank Bowman, professor emeritus at the University of Missouri school of law and author of the book High Crimes and Misdemeanors: A History of Impeachment for the Age of Trump, said that McCarthy’s decision did not appear to be based on the evidence House Republicans have gathered thus far. “Biden's Republican pursuers have got exactly zero, zip, bupkis, on any matter that might be impeachable,” says Bowman.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/absolutely-shocking-impeachment-experts-biden-232317619.html

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[font size="8"]Lauren Boebert

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Ooh boy, I’ve been waiting all week to do this entry and I’m going to hold no punches. Because it’s the kind of thing that the Top 10 was made for. But considering this happened at a musical, I need to get me in the mood first.

Yes… hey Mr. Tallyman, tally me banana! Daylight come and me want to go home! Come on everybody sing it with me! So why am I bringing up the late, great Harry Belafonte you might ask? Well, I answer you, good sir or madam – because this song was featured in a personal favorite movie of mine, Beetlejuice, and the hit Broadway musical: Beetlejuice: The Musical. Which was attended by our favorite CO-4 representative Lauren Boebert. And boy did she attend it all right! I’m not quite sure what that means. But this is what absolutely infuriates me about today’s republican party. Anyone remember when Al Franken got kicked out of the senate by Project Vertias over a stupid photo? Well, wait until you hear about Bobo’s latest musings at a Denver performance of Beetlejuice the Musical. Guarantee that you’ll get that whole “being dead” thing. Yes, about that whole Being Dead thing…

Rep. Lauren Boebert had a fun night out in Denver cut short.

The Denver Center for the Performing Arts says it had to remove two guests from "Beetlejuice" at the Buell Theatre for violating theater policies.

It won't say who it kicked out but Boebert says she was one of those people, tweeting "It's true, I did thoroughly enjoy the AMAZING Beetlejuice at the Buell Theatre and I plead guilty to laughing and singing too loud!"

"Everyone should go see it if you get the chance this week and please let me know how it ends," she continued.

https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/lauren-boebert-removed-beetlejuice-buell-theatre-denver/

Yeah think about it… are there any rules at a live theatrical performance? Uh yeah there are, are you kidding me? I’ve been in a few. It’s like Patrick Stewart says – you’re there to see the performers, and they’re there to see you. Theaters have rules. It’s not like a movie. Giving a handy doesn’t exactly fly with a live theatrical performance. It probably also doesn’t fly in a movie theater either. But oh here’s where it gets weird and you knew it was going to. Apparently the more insane parts of the internet are attempting to gaslight the incident. We may have to dedicate next week’s Conspiracy Corner to this.

Social media users have sparked a new theory relating to the CCTV footage of Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert in which she was seen vaping and inappropriately touching her male companion at a Denver theater last week.

"It turns out Lauren Boebert's mystery man is a Democrat bar owner. If I was a wagering enthusiast, I would bet this guy was paid to set her up. She's coming off a divorce, and she's vulnerable. This guy comes into her life, charms her, seduces her and then probably gets her liquored up and takes her out in public. Stage set," journalist Liz Crokin, wrote on X, formerly Twitter.

"He then instigates her by fondling her in a theater that just happens to have night vision cameras right on them. Then the whole incident is released to the public in what looks like high-definition video in an attempt to harm her reputation.

"This is all way too convenient. Whether her date was a part of it or not, this seems like a well-coordinated setup. These types of tactics and traps are used all the time, and I would know," the post from Crokin added.
https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-theater-video-sparks-new-democrat-setup-theory-1827781

Oh come on! Just go fuck the fuck right off right now and shut the fuck up. First off, I can’t believe any sane democrat would date her. That just seems like it would be bad for everyone. And second, Lauren Boebert is a 37 year old grandma who prides herself on her complete lack of culture and education. So it’s no wonder why she would be caught giving a handy and vaping during a live theatrical performance, no matter what the musical was. It could be Les Miserable for all we care. Yeah just picture that image for a minute. But even though Beetlejuice: The Musical is technically considered a comedy, there’s no excuse for that kind of behavior.

The ejection of Rep. Lauren Boebert from a Denver theater performance of the "Beetlejuice" musical was beyond embarrassing, and voters have had enough, the firebrand conservative's Democratic challenger Adam Frisch said.

"It's just another notch in the belt of embarrassment, and it's horrible to even get into that kind of conversation," Frisch told MSNBC's Symone Sanders-Townsend in a Sunday interview regarding the Colorado Republican's now-viral drama last week at the Temple Hoyne Buell Theatre.

Representatives for Boebert did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment about Frisch's remarks.

Boebert and her date were booted from the Sept. 10 "Beetlejuice" performance after the she was accused of disruptive behavior, which included vaping and loud singing.
https://www.businessinsider.com/lauren-boebert-beetlejuice-incident-embarrassing-adam-frisch-says-2023-9

It’s showtime all right! Well, maybe not for the second act for Boebert. I mean come on, this shit is absolutely embarrassing. You want to stop this shit? The same goes for probably everyone in this week’s edition: STOP VOTING FOR STUPID PEOPLE!!!! I mean come on, you want a poorly educated dimwit who’s on her third divorce, first grandchild, and paid $100 to take her GED exam and barely passed on the fourth try in Congress? I wouldn’t even trust her to get a 10 piece order of chicken nuggets right. I mean this incident is truly embarrassing. Just… ahh!!!

Rep. Lauren Boebert, R-Colo., said she will not be going on another date with the man she was removed from a musical with in an incident earlier this month.

Boebert and the man were kicked out of the performance in a Denver theater for disruptive behavior. An incident report from the Buell Theater, obtained by USA TODAY, said two unidentified patrons “received three different complaints” and were accused of “vaping, singing, causing a disturbance.”

The patrons, the report said, later refused to leave after they were asked to exit the venue, allegedly making statements such as “Do you know who I am?”

Boebert told TMZ at an airport in Washington that “It’s always hard whenever there’s gravity put on the voters. I’m here to provide levity and lift burdens off of people.”
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2023/09/19/lauren-boebert-parted-date-removal-beetlejuice/70900877007/

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[font size="8"]Ken Paxton
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Well, just when I thought there might be a breath of sanity in the republican party, my hopes were very quickly dashed. It’s like watching the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict all over again. Why even have the trial if you already know what the verdict was going to be? It’s like what George Carlin said – it’s a big club and we’re not in it. But in today’s GOP, god forbid that anyone have an independent thought that’s not manufactured by Rupert Murdoch. So what am I getting at? I’m talking about the Texas impeachment trial of Lt. Gov Ken Paxton (MAGA – obviously). You know, republicans talk a lot of shit about a lot of people. But the simple fact of the matter is that George Carlin was absolutely right – it’s a big club and we’re not in it. And there’s no justice for white males either. Just once… just once I want to see these fucking scumbags held accountable for something. Anything. What it is, I don’t care. But prosecute them for something already!

In the United States, a historic trial is under way to determine whether three-time Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton will be removed from his elected position — and possibly barred from ever running again.

Paxton, who won reelection again in November, has gained a national reputation as a far-right gadfly to Democratic President Joe Biden, whose policies he regularly challenged in court…

But the 60-year-old Paxton has long been embroiled in investigations and legal peril, and in May, he became the third sitting politician in Texas’s 178-year history to be impeached.

Now, the state Senate is weighing the accusations against him, to determine whether his time as attorney general has come to an end.

Though Texas is a Republican-led state, Paxton’s corruption trial could test the party’s tolerance for scandal. Here’s all you need to know about the ongoing impeachment trial.
https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2023/9/14/all-you-need-to-know-about-ken-paxtons-texas-impeachment-trial

Yeah god forbid anyone have an independent thought not manufactured by Rupert Murdoch. Seriously, why don’t we hold Fox News accountable for this bullshit? We all know that Paxton’s boss is the same as Greg Abbott’s and that’s Sean Hannity. Yes, we’ve repeatedly said that Texas is currently being led by the douchebag trifecta – Ken Paxton, Dan Patrick, and Greg Abbott. But this is almost exactly like the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict – why even have the trial if you’re already going to know the outcome? If you want a fair and impartial trial, put them in front of people who haven’t been brainwashed by Fox News 24 hours a day! Thank you Riverside!

Ken Paxton has resumed his position as the attorney general, but has yet to make a public statement about the investigation or the trial that acquitted him.

However, Lubbock Sen. Charles Perry spoke out on why he voted against every corruption charge.

The vote to acquit Paxton came after eight days’ worth of testimony in the Capitol and 16 articles of impeachment that alleged corruption and bribery. Perry attributes that acquittal to a lack of evidence and lack of preparation by the house.

“If you would have focused in on the ones that had the best chance of being proven at the standard people could get behind, well that probably happened, it would have been a different story,” Perry said.

Perry says that was a problem from the start of Ken Paxton’s impeachment in the house, ultimately leading to the senate throwing out four of its 20 charges against the attorney general. He says the house managers did not present enough evidence that Paxton abused his position in office to benefit a political donor.
https://www.kcbd.com/2023/09/19/sen-charles-perry-speaks-out-ken-paxtons-impeachment-trial/

Nah. It’s because Texas is stacked as a firmly conservative state and it’s lost to MAGA / conservative ideology for the next 40 years. But this is why elections matter. If Texas had a balanced house instead of one populated by militant far right lunatics and only getting increasingly more batshit insane every election cycle, they probably could have given Paxton the heave ho he so greatly deserves. And in case you’re wondering if this whole thing cost the state of Texas some money, guess what? You’re absolutely right about that. Just stop voting for stupid people!

Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick asked the state auditor’s office to “immediately” begin a special audit into the cost of the investigation and subsequent impeachment trial of Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, according to a letter released Monday.

“To be clear, the goal is to determine the absolute total cost to the state of preparing for and conducting this trial from the beginning through its conclusion,” Patrick’s letter reads.
Here’s how each Texas senator voted in the impeachment trial of Ken Paxton

The Texas Senate on Saturday acquitted Attorney General Ken Paxton on all articles of impeachment he faced during a nearly two-week trial. Senators voted to find Paxton not guilty on every charge, mostly on a 14-16 vote.

Paxton was reinstated as attorney general following the verdict. He pleaded not guilty to all 16 charges at the beginning of the trial.
https://www.kxan.com/news/texas-politics/state-audit-requested-for-total-cost-of-ken-paxton-impeachment-trial/

Ha ha ha ha ha… I kid, I kid! That’s what I do. But there’s no mistake that the republicans are gearing up for a battle between the few sane republicans that are left (Ed. Note: 404: file not found). But really you got to wonder how these clowns not only get elected, they keep getting reelected. It’s way past time to turn off Fox News and tell them where they can shove it. But if you don’t want another Ken Paxton, the solution again is simple and I don’t know how many times I have to keep repeating it, but I will until I’m blue in the face: stop voting for stupid people!!!

The GOP-dominated Texas Senate acquitted fellow Republican Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton on Saturday, putting him back in office and showing no political damage after a two-week impeachment trial on allegations of corruption.

The impeachment charges centered on allegations that Paxton improperly used the powers of his office to protect Austin real estate developer Nate Paul, who was indicted in June on federal charges of making false statements to banks.

The trial reached its final stages Friday after closing arguments from the bipartisan group of House managers prosecuting Paxton and the attorney general’s defense lawyers.

“We discovered unprecedented abuse in the Texas attorney general’s office by Mr. Paxton,” said state Rep. Andrew Murr, a Republican. “He has betrayed us, and the people of Texas.”
https://apnews.com/article/paxton-impeachment-trial-texas-f729d968b0b8a1b41cc8bcda93c18d00

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[font size="8"]Tommy Tuberville
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Here's my thing – I never, in a million years ever want to hear the GOP whine and cry about how we’re supposed to respect the military ever again. Because with subhuman mongoloids like Tommy Tuberville and Rand Paul at the helm of the senate, they clearly don’t give a flying fuck. They’re just doing what Fox News hosts and their billionaire Saudi and Russian overlords are telling them. The one thing we cannot overlook in this country, is that not only are the MAGAs just actively taking this country so far backwards we’re running into the walls, but they’re purposefully crippling our military to prevent action against Vladimir Putin. And once again, senators like Tuberville and Paul come courtesy of the Fox News multi level marketing company. So yeah fuck you Fox for giving us these assholes. Just… ah… I’m so tired of the GOP hypocrisy. Look MAGAs, this whole “owning the libs thing” needs to stop now. It never was or ever will be funny. It’s absolute insanity. So yeah support the troops my ass.

Liberal veterans organization VoteVets is out with another political ad taking aim at Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) for holding up more than 300 senior military officers over an abortion policy in the Defense Department.

The latest ad, “Tight lips could sink ships,” was released Tuesday and is expected to air nationwide, according to VoteVets.

The 30-second spot knocks Tuberville for endangering national security and emboldening dictators, with the ad using classic ’50s style, black-and-white video footage in an apparent homage to old military commercials.

Flashes of the video show Russian President Vladimir Putin and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un to underscore the point that the holds are encouraging foreign adversaries.
https://thehill.com/policy/defense/4211588-votevets-group-knocks-tuberville-hold-on-promotions-as-unamerican/

Holy shit, I feel like I’m living in that movie Don’t Look Up. Allow me to spell it out for you MAGA mongoloids: THERE IS A MAD MAN IN THE KREMLIN TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND YOU ASSHOLES ARE CRIPPLING OUR MILITARY ON PURPOSE AND ALLOWING HIM TO CONTINUE HIS QUEST FOR GLOBAL DOMINATION!!! OK thank you audience, I feel much better now that I’ve got that off my chest. But it’s way past time to root out these traitors and send them to the international war crimes tribunal in the Hague.

Sen. Chris Murphy, D-Conn., accused Sen. Tommy Tuberville, R-Ala., on Tuesday of “being prepared to burn the military down” over Tuberville’s hold of military promotions that began in February. Tuberville has held up more than 200 military promotions for senior military jobs that require Senate confirmation, arguing that some Department of Defense abortion policies − such as provisions on paid leave and traveling expenses − violate federal law.

“I think everybody’s been hoping that Sen. Tuberville would back down, and I think we have to come to the conclusion that that is not happening and that he is prepared to burn the military down,” Murphy told reporters at the Capitol, according to The Hill. “Maybe Republicans were hopeful that leading up to the August break he would relent,” Murphy said. “He didn’t, and we now have to adjust our strategy.”

Murphy said that Senate Republicans need to find a “very targeted, temporary change in process” to bypass Tuberville’s hold, arguing that “there is no world” in which limited time on the Senate floor could be used to confirm these promotions individually, the outlet reported.

“I understand Republicans are not going to go for a permanent change in the rules, but I just think we have to start thinking creatively about breaking this logjam… Maybe when we get back in September there will be some openness to creative solutions,” Murphy said.

Read more: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2023/08/09/tommy-tuberville-burn-military-abortion-protest/70557116007/

Fuck you Tuberville! This whole thing is insane - it’s all about some beef with abortion. What more do you want? The MAGA Taliban fuckheads got their grand prize – Roe V. Wade got overturned by an extremely radicalized SCOTUS. What more do these assholes want? But here’s what’s even more insane – apparently Tuberville is trying to force a vote on 1 nomination. Just one. What’s it going to take to remove these MAGA morons from office? And I don’t just mean the Senate, the House, etc, I mean everywhere. Putin’s got his tentacles in just about every aspect of the US government and these morons are actively aiding and abetting him.

Sen. Tommy Tuberville is trying to force a vote this week on the commandant of the Marine Corps, as the Alabama Republican continues his blockade on hundreds of military promotions and confirmations.

On Tuesday, Tuberville received enough signatures to file what's known as a cloture petition on Gen. Eric Smith's nomination to become Marine Corps commandant, according to a source familiar with the situation. Smith is currently assistant commandant. GOP Sen. John Kennedy also confirmed the existence of the cloture petition, and said he signed it.

Tuberville has been single-handedly stalling military promotions and confirmations in protest of a year-old Pentagon policy that helps fund service members' out-of-state travel for abortions. The hold is in its sixth month and now impacts more than 300 general and flag officers, including nominees to lead the Navy, the Marine Corps, the Army, the Air Force and the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Senate rules make it possible for a single senator to hold up votes, like Tuberville — a freshman senator and former college football coach — is doing. Tuberville's stall has sparked outrage from Democrats, who accuse him of jeopardizing national security.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/tuberville-senate-nominations-marine-corps-commandant-pentagon-abortion/

Yeah that’s how I am feeling watching this. It’s like watching Homer Simpson when he was the Pee Wee Football coach. You’re cut. You’re cut. Oh look there’s so many cuts here. But there’s no mistake that Tommy Tuberville is fucking evil and he’s a product of Fox News mental conditioning. Stop watching Fox News, that shit is bad for you! But just like the writer’s strike, Tuberville’s one man protest is going to have some rippling effects on our military from here on out. Just… really fuck this guy, fuck Fox News, and fuck the people that vote for him.

A liberal group representing US military veterans took aim at Tommy Tuberville, the Alabama Republican senator holding up officer promotions in a protest over abortion, but also at party leaders who have not forced him to stand down, calling them “traitors” and warning: “Tight lips could sink ships.”

Presented in the style of a second world war propaganda film, a short ad from Vote Vets bemoans “an un-American assault on our military” by a “so-called American senator singlehandedly stop[ping] hundreds of military leaders from taking command”.

Tuberville, a former college football coach, was elected in 2020. He is now protesting Pentagon policy that allows service members to travel for abortion care if it is restricted where they are based, a possibility since the US supreme court removed the federal right to abortion last year.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/sep/20/veteran-group-senator-military-promotions-block-abortion

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone, guess what? We’re all gonna die! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WOOOOO. WOOO. WOO. So what’s going to kill us all this week, you might ask? Well, I answer you – the heat! And to answer the question “Is it hot in here or is it just me?”, the answer is – “it’s extremely hot”. It may not be just you either. We had the hottest summer on RECORD. And now that we’re entering the fall, don’t expect things to cool down any time soon either, honey. But hey, we did it! The summer of 2023 was the HOTTEST SUMMER ON RECORD, woohoo!!! Pat yourselves on the back, everybody!!! And guess what – it’s only going to get hotter, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the earth being overpopulated and there being too much pollution in the air. And you’d be a fool and a communist to make that connection. But while this was the hottest summer on record, things are only going to get worse from here on out. We may have passed the proverbial tipping point, and there may be nothing we can do to stop it. So strap in because things are going to get really ugly really quickly!

Scorching heat waves in North America, Europe, Asia and elsewhere have deemed this year's summer as Earth's hottest since at least 1880, NASA confirmed yesterday (Sept. 14), referring to when global record-keeping of temperatures began.

2023's record-setting heat is a result of human-driven global warming and is compounded by a brewing, recurring climate pattern known as El Niño, according to the space agency.

A statement outlining the analysis says August alone was 2.2 degrees Fahrenheit (1.2 degrees Celsius) warmer than an average summer, blanketing a record 57 million people in the southern and southwest U.S. under a heat wave of the most severe category.

Temperatures in June, July and August combined were 0.41 degrees Fahrenheit (0.23 degrees Celsius) warmer than all previous summers, according to the latest report. In another NASA conference on the planet's climate emergency last month, scientists confirmed July of this year to be the hottest on record, with the previous five hottest Julys all in the past five years.
https://www.space.com/nasa-2023-summer-hottest-on-record

No we’re not going to die just yet. But there’s tons of factors out there that are indicating that some things are coming and Mother Nature isn’t going to be exactly, what one would call, kind to us. Oh no, not by a long shot. But when you look at a place like Phoenix, they had their hottest summer on record with average temperatures of 110 degrees a day. You might be thinking “Oh no that’s not that hot, if you can’t stand the heat, move!”. Well, you’re wrong. Because as I have learned living in a giant fire hazard, hot temperatures = potential fires and other disasters looming.

How hot is it in Phoenix? In what has been the hottest summer ever measured, the sizzling city in the Sonoran Desert broke yet another record Saturday when temperatures topped 110 degrees Fahrenheit (43.3 Celsius).

It was the 54th day this year that the official reading at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport made the mark, eclipsing the previous record of 53 days set in 2020.

Matt Salerno, a National Weather Service meteorologist, said the hot streak could reach 55 days.

“We do have one more day,” he said.

An extreme heat warning remained in effect, with temperatures forecast at 111 F (43.9 C) on Sunday and 106 F (41.1 C) on Monday.
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/phoenix-hit-110-degrees-on-54-days-in-2023-setting-another-heat-record

Now you might be thinking that we’re just giving the United States shit because of the republican party’s consistent inaction and denial on climate change. Well, you’re partly right. But the other thing to take into account is that this is a global problem. Climate change doesn’t just affect one country or one region of the earth. Nope, it affects all of us. But of course the one half of us that is constantly telling the other half to fuck off, is clinically insane. But yeah in addition to the United States, Brazil is another country that’s currently experiencing record heat waves. So the next time your climate change denying friends go off on bullshit, show them this!

Four state capitals recorded the year’s highest temperature on Wednesday. Cuiabá, in central-western Brazil, the highs reached 41.8°C.

Residents in Rio de Janeiro and São Paulo, Brazil’s two most populous cities, were also hit by the heatwave. In Rio, temperatures reached 38.7°C on Thursday - the city's second hottest day of 2023.

Beachgoers hit many of the country's famous sandy stretches, including the Rio's Copacabana.

Authorities said northeastern states of Bahia and Piauí saw the air humidity drop below 20 per cent and the government recommended people avoid physical activities and stay indoors during the hottest times of the day.

Summer is still four months away in the Southern Hemisphere.
https://www.euronews.com/green/2023/08/25/winter-heatwave-another-south-american-country-is-sweltering-in-record-temperatures

No not yet. But that’s the incredibly fucked up thing. This is the WINTER in Brazil. The fucking winter, it’s not even summer yet! And they’re experiencing record high temperatures. Just imagine what’s going to happen when summer rolls around! And guess what my MAGA chums, liberal countries are also being affected by the hottest summer ever! Yeah so you can complain all you want, but in the end climate change is going to start affecting all of us whether we want to or not. Time to put up or shut up. Mother Nature is quite the cruel mistress and will only get crueller.

This is the latest update on the historic heatwave resulting from the major Heat Dome that engulfed Western Europe this week. On Monday, extreme temperatures for September have already been reported from France, Benelux, and the UK, but more scorching heat will follow in the following days.

This is a historic, record-breaking heatwave for September for several countries. Very high temperatures are forecast to gradually spread into western, central, and northern Europe as the heat dome expands across a large part of the continent late this week. The Omega Blocking High weather pattern will dominate Europe for the next seven days.

After Monday’s record temperatures in France and Switzerland, even more significantly anomalous temperatures are forecast from Tuesday through Saturday, including for northern Europe.

On Monday, temperatures have already reached +30 °C at London Heathrow Airport, UK, surpassing the forecasts. Peak temperatures in France have reached up to +39 °C, also higher than was anticipated by the weather models. They are indicating that the Heat Dome aloft is even stronger than forecasted.
https://www.severe-weather.eu/global-weather/heat-dome-heatwave-forecast-uk-ireland-france-benelux-september-2023-autumn-season-mk/

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit: Pray Vote Stand Recap
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! Please be seated! You know, I hate having to keep reminding you that we live in some extremely dark times right now. And lately we’ve been talking about the terrible situations that the MAGA cult leaders have been putting us in, regarding the future of America’s children. Last week, we railed on one MAGA cult leader in particular and that’s MAGA pastor Jack Hibbs of Chino Hills, California. But this week, with the annual Pray Vote Stand conference upon us, I can’t help but wonder the direction that the Unholy Dark One’s supporters plan to take this country in. Because with people like Jack Hibbs as the future of the Dark One’s GOP, things are going to get very dark very quickly, and there may not be a lot that commoners like us can do to stop it. Because these people do not worship GAWD or JAYSUS. No, they worship the unholy, ungodly Dark One! I of course speak of a man so foul, so depraved and disgusting that his name dare NOT be spoken in my church! And his supporters really aren’t that much better, either.

Pray Vote Stand, the Family Research Council’s annual conference for religious-right activists, convenes in Washington, D.C. this week. Formerly known as the Values Voter Summit, this year’s gathering features Christian nationalist speakers and Republican politicians and offers attendees an opportunity to get trained to run for their local school board, a major focus of right-wing groups looking to build political power and mobilize conservative voters in 2024.

Presidential candidates addressing Pray Vote Stand include former President Donald Trump, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, and former Vice President Mike Pence. Other politicians on the speakers list include Sens. Josh Hawley and Lindsey Graham, Reps. Scott Perry and Mary Miller, and North Carolina’s notoriously anti-LGBTQ Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson.

Also speaking is Sonja Shaw, president of the Chino Valley Unified School District school board in California and part of a three-member majority made up of attendees at Christian nationalist pastor and political activist Jack Hibbs’ church, Calvary Chapel Chino Valley. The combative Shaw, elected in 2022, has used her position and majority to implement anti-LGBTQ policies that are being pushed by Hibbs and copied by other right-wing-dominated school boards.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/family-research-council-conference-preview-republican-politicians-christian-nationalism-school-board-takeovers/

Yes, the Chino Valley School Board is the devil in this picture here! And fuck these morons who are taking over our school boards and turning them into shit, by the way! But this also points out where the idea of pouring unlimited amounts of money into campaigns is not only an extremely terrible idea, but it can also go completely fuck up. Could you imagine the idea of a religious super PAC picking and choosing candidates to run for every office in the country? No way would I want these MAGA Taliban lunatics running the country.

Just before the official opening of the Family Research Council’s religious-right activist conference Pray Vote Stand Friday morning, FRC’s political arm FRC Action hosted a breakfast gathering where former member of Congress and new FRC Action President Jody Hice talked about the group’s voter turnout plans for 2024. FRC Action is hoping to raise $4 million for its super PAC to turn out conservative Christian voters and elect right-wing candidates in key swing states. Former Rep. Michele Bachmann, FRC’s board chair, finished the session with a pitch for contributions to fund the plan, warning that the 2024 election “might be the last chance” to save the country.

FRC President Tony Perkins named Hice president of FRC Action earlier this week. Hice joined FRC earlier this year after losing his Donald Trump-inspired challenge to Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, in which Hice pushed baseless claims about election fraud.

Hice and FRC seem like a good fit, given that both share long and ugly records of anti-LGBTQ bigotry, efforts to undermine church-state separation, and previous claims that the First Amendment’s religious liberty provisions should not apply to American Muslims.

In 2018, Right Wing Watch noted, “While the Religious Right’s influence in today’s Republican Party is pervasive, it’s hard to imagine a member of Congress that more fully reflects the far-right, conspiracy-embracing, Christian nationalist wing of the party than Hice.” Then-Rep. Hice told the pro-Trump prayer warriors at Intercessors for American that year that the midterm elections that year were part of a “spiritual battle” raging in the country.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/new-frc-action-president-jody-hice-wants-4-million-for-2024-super-pac/

But in case you’re wondering if the MAGAs couldn’t be any more cult like, just check out this clip of the MAGAs at the PVS summit. And not only does it feature a guest appearance from the Dark One himself, but it also features many of the Dark One’s minions like DeSantis and Ramaswamy. Those two are insane, but they do not hold a candle to the Dark One’s madness! But what do they mean when they say they are going to “protect the family”? Does that imply that they are the MAFIA? You gotta protect the family otherwise you’re gonna get the cement shoes!

Several 2024 Republican hopefuls are descending on Washington Friday to participate in a pair of conservative gatherings.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, businessman Vivek Ramaswamy and former President Donald Trump will speak at the Pray Vote Stand Summit -- with Trump delivering the keynote address. They are set to speak Friday evening.

Earlier in the day, former Vice President Mike Pence rolled out a new initiative to protect the "American family" at the summit. DeSantis, at a separate Washington event, also spoke about family and parental rights.

Meanwhile, Democrats are throwing their support behind Vice President Kamala Harris continuing on as President Joe Biden's running mate after one of the party's most revered leaders appeared less enthusiastic.

And will Melania Trump join her husband on the campaign trail?
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/gop-contenders-collide-washington-desantis-shrugs-polls-trail/story?id=103233191

Yeah can you just imagine how this is going to look to the holier than thou crowd if the Dark One shows up on the campaign trail without his 1st Lady at his side? Well of course his supporters would still fawn over him, I’m sure that many of the more bizarre female supporters of his would try to be first in line to be the new 1st Lady. And that’s a disturbing thought. But nevertheless, this is why you shouldn’t combine politics and church. For it does make for some very strange bedfellows, my fair congregation, and these are not exactly what one would call savory characters.

Former President Donald Trump on Friday told two powerful social conservative groups that Republicans need to do a better job talking about the issue of abortion.

“We can win elections on this issue, but it’s very delicate and explaining it properly is an extremely important thing. You have to be able to speak and explain it properly. A lot of politicians who are pro-life don’t know how to discuss this topic,” Trump told the leadership summit of the Concerned Women for America Legislative Action Committee in Washington, D.C.

Trump echoed his concerns later at the Family Research Council and FRC Action’s annual Pray, Vote, Stand conference across town and said abortion was an “issue” in the midterms and “explaining it properly is very important.”

Trump said politicians “don’t know how to talk about it” and cautioned that “if they don’t speak about it correctly, they’re not going to win.”
https://www.politico.com/news/2023/09/15/they-dont-know-how-to-talk-about-it-trump-warns-social-conservatives-on-abortion-messaging-00116388

Oh I wish. But it’s too late, the MAGAs already blew it on abortion. Sigh, this is another sign of the MAGAs becoming increasingly more cult like. But that’s how it is. Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Scab Vs Scab
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You know the WGA / SAG Writer’s Strike has been going on for the better part of the year 2023 now and it seems like it’s never going to end. But this week we’re going to take a look at two very different scabs and wonder – is it OK to cross the lines and do your show again? Well the answer is, it’s never OK to cross picket lines. But there have been two attempts this week. The first is from the host of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher, Bill Maher. The second is from Drew Barrymore. To which we respond – Drew Barrymore has a show? This is a new one. But let’s take a look at Bill’s attempt to resuscitate his show. An d well it’s insane. Because Bill found a loophole – he could restart his show without writers – just don’t include the parts of the show that actually, you know, require writers. So no monologue or New Rules. But the rest of the show.

Bill Maher said his show is returning to air — despite the WGA writer’s strike raging on.

“Real Time is coming back, unfortunately, sans writers or writing,” Maher said on Instagram Wednesday. “It has been five months, and it is time to bring people back to work.”

Maher’s show is an HBO original. HBO is owned by CNN’s parent company, Warner Bros. Discovery.

Though there were hopes a deal between WGA and production studios could be reached after Labor Day, according to Maher, the strike that began in May is still in full swing.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/14/business/bill-maher-wga-strike/index.html

Yeah that may be in your scab handbook but it definitely isn’t in mine! But that being said, the cycle of shit very quickly circulates the internet. However, this brings up a very interesting idea to end what many have called the “never ending strike”. Could Bill’s attempt to bring back his show, then balk, just be an elaborate attempt to get the writers back to the negotiating table? Who knows? At over 100 days we’re entering uncharted territory with this strike. And when it starts affecting bottom lines, then and only then will it come to an end. But that’s not before the damage is done.

Bill Maher has changed his mind and isn’t bringing back his HBO talk show amid the ongoing writer’s strike.

“My decision to return to work was made when it seemed nothing was happening and there was no end in sight to this strike,” Maher wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter.

“Now that both sides have agreed to go back to the negotiating table I’m going to delay the return of Real Time, for now, and hope they can finally get this done,” he added. The Writers Guild of America (WGA) and studios are set to resume negotiations Wednesday, raising renewed hopes that the two sides can reach a deal to end the several months-long strike.

Last week, Maher said he would bring back his talk show, which ignited outrage from members of the WGA since his show employs a number of union members.
https://www.cnn.com/2023/09/18/business/bill-maher-talk-show/index.html

NEVERS!!! But nevertheless, we really can’t help but wonder where this strike is going. The thing is the writers don’t want to be replaced by machines and we totally get that. But the problem is that greedy CEOs like Bob Iger don’t give a rat’s ass. So could Bill Maher and Drew Barrymore be the keys to finally getting some foot on the ground after 100 days of shut down? When we’re in a strike that is seemingly never ending, it seems like it’s going to take a lot to get to where our favorite talk shows are resuming production again. We definitely can’t let Drew Barrymore get away with it, either.

After facing widespread disgust over her decision to bring back her show in the midst of an entertainment industry writers’ strike, Drew Barrymore will keep The Drew Barrymore Show off the air indefinitely. Well, at least until the strike ends.

A week ago, America’s talk show sweetheart was at the center of the biggest flare-up (so far) of the four-month, ongoing Hollywood writers’ strike. On September 10, Barrymore announced on social media that her show was coming back, despite being struck by the Writers Guild of America.

That did not go over well.

After facing a WGA picket and a mountain of criticism online, Barrymore issued an apology six days later for hurting feelings, but said the show would still continue, specifying that this was her decision.
https://www.vox.com/culture/2023/9/19/23880858/drew-barrymore-show-writers-strike-backlash-apology

Yeah that’s not exactly the most memorable of chants there, is it? And look in the utmost importance of this, here’s the thing – we need talk shows right now. I mean come on, Trump and the MAGA Qongress are giving Colbert some A grade material right now and he’s nowhere to be found! We need our talk shows back and we need them now. How are we able to get away with doing our crappy program, you might ask? Because have a very small staff and we don’t exactly have CBS writer money. We have… podcast money. Which is why we’re playing Thursday at 2:00 PM at the Chuckle Hut instead of prime time after the Daily Show. One thing is for certain – we don’t need Dancing With The Stars and we don’t need them breaking the rules.

Reality dance competition show Dancing with the Stars, which is a WGA-covered show because it employs one writer who is a guild member, is set to return next week without its WGA writer, but is facing pressure from striking writers who accuse the show of “scabbing”—or breaking strike rules.

The show reportedly intends to return so its 500 other crew members who are not on strike and aren’t affiliated with the WGA can remain on the job, and it maintains it will follow strike rules, including for its celebrity participants, some of whom are members of the actors’ union SAG-AFTRA and are not allowed to discuss or promote film or television projects due to a separate actors’ strike.

Though Dancing with the Stars is largely unscripted, the show’s WGA writer typically works with the host to provide talking points and written announcements, according to Variety.

The Writer’s Guild has pledged to picket any WGA-covered shows that resume production—which includes Dancing with the Stars, as well as other shows that have been the recent targets of scrutiny, including The Drew Barrymore Show, Real Time with Bill Maher and The Talk.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/conormurray/2023/09/19/dancing-with-the-stars-faces-outcry-for-restarting-during-writers-strike-as-public-pressure-leads-other-shows-to-shutter/?sh=70fd448f1b73

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[font size="8"]Conspiracy Corner
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Welcome back to our segment that attempts to explain the unexplainable, Conspiracy Corner! Of course conspiracies exist when people simply don’t want to read the article past the headlines and just flat out make shit up. We of course are coming to you live from our underground doomsday shelter from deep within the New Mexico badlands. Undisclosed location, of course! Let me just adjust my trusty tin foil hat for maximum government interference. Ah, there we go! They are trying to read yours and my thoughts after all! Well folks, this week, Pennsylvania senator John Fetterman has been in the news and it's not exactly for the reasons you might think. While most of Fox News has their underwear in a wad over his casual way of dressing as “lowering the bar” while their elected representatives give handys and vape during live performances is some next level hypocrisy. But that’s not what we’re going to talk about for this segment. Apparently now the MAGA conspiracy theory circles are going crazy because they think that John Fetterman has been replaced with a body double. I swear there is no end to conservative lunacy!

Conspiracy theorists have insisted on social media sites in recent days that Sen. John Fetterman of Pennsylvania has been replaced by a body double. And while it’s not unusual for random people to make outrageous claims online, this time is unique because the outrageous claims have gone viral, racking up millions of views. But there’s no evidence Fetterman has been cloned, as the conspiracy theorists insist.

One tweet suggesting Fetterman’s tattoos have somehow disappeared has been viewed over 2.3 million times on X, the website formerly known as Twitter. Why would someone go to all the trouble of making a life-like body double, yet forget to give that look-alike the same tattoos? That part isn’t clear.

As many people have pointed out, the tattoos aren’t visible in the second photo simply because they’re on a different part of the senator’s arm.

Another tweet featuring six different photos of Fetterman has racked up over 5.9 million views on X, implying that the senator is perhaps being impersonated by several different look-alikes.

OK… OK… OK… OK… OK… OK. I have many questions here. First one – why? Second one – what the absolute fuck? Third – What are these lunatics smoking? And fourth, also – why? Well, the main question I want to ask is – what the hell is the MAGA world on? Is anyone real in their world? I am guessing not a whole lot. But then again, that’s what happens when you replace reality with conspiracy theories and facts with some bullshit. And this is also the age where there is way too much time being spent on unnecessary bullshit. Unnecessary Bullshit – the name of my new autobiography, by the way, in stores soon!

Sen. John Fetterman’s recent public appearances have reignited a fringe ring-wing conspiracy theory that the Pennsylvania Democrat has a body double.

Fetterman suffered a stroke last May that hindered his auditory processing, causing him to stumble over words and require closed captioning assistance in interviews. Nearly a year and a half later, Fetterman’s speech has improved, allowing him to give more interviews and to travel to Detroit over the weekend to support the United Auto Workers strike.

While such developments seem to be clear signs of Fetterman’s recovery, some have interpreted them, inexplicably, as proof that there are actually multiple 6-foot-8, bald men with facial hair posing as the senator.

“What happened to his slow, incoherent speech?” wrote one conservative social media account in response to an interview Fetterman gave to MSNBC on Monday. In one viral repost, another user wrote: “The new Fetterman doesn’t have those problems.”
https://news.yahoo.com/john-fetterman-body-double-conspiracy-theory-doppelganger-pennsylvania-senator-202336157.html

But alas, my friends, this certainly isn’t the first time that the Q lunatics have been trying to claim that John Fetterman was replaced by a body double. And come on, if there was a body cloning factory somewhere in the world, someone would have seen it by now! But it gets weirder, of course, and you knew that it was going to. But come on, what’s wrong with someone changing their looks or appearance? Yes, Fetterman wears what we call around here “Kevin Smith chic”. Just… sigh, we really do live in the stupid timeline.

A change in John Fetterman's appearance, which has seen the Pennsylvania senator shave his trademark beard and grow a moustache, has sparked a wild conspiracy theory online that he may have been replaced with a double.

The claim has been made by a number of Donald Trump-supporting influencers, with one claiming it proves the American government "uses doubles."

In November 2022, Fetterman was elected as a Democratic senator, defeating Trump-endorsed Republican Dr. Mehmet Oz in a tightly fought contest, which helped the Democrats maintain control of the upper chamber.

On Saturday Fetterman posted a photograph on X, formerly Twitter, showing he had removed his iconic goatee beard, and grown a spruce moustache. In reference to his 13-year-old son, he wrote: "Lost a bet with Karl" followed by the "disgusted face" emoji. The post was widely shared, receiving over 950 reposts and 1.9 million views.
https://www.newsweek.com/john-fettermans-new-look-sparks-wild-conspiracy-theory-1821532

Good question! I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that it’s good that the senator has a sense of humor about himself. Because in this crazy world where conspiracy theorists are operating 24 hours a day out of mom’s basement with their tin foil hats permanently glued to their heads, you gotta be able to joke about this sort of thing. But then again we’re dealing with people who have no clue how to actually take a joke. That’s why they’re conspiracy theorists. Again that’s what happens when places like Fox and Newsmax and OAN and 2500 AM radio outlets and 1500 local TV stations are poisoning America’s minds 24 hours a day. It’s the cycle of bullshit and it screws us all! It’s definitely good that people like Fetterman and Newsom are fighting back against the propaganda.

Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman has addressed the right-wing conspiracy theories that he had been replaced by a "body double" after he was hospitalized for depression.

The video address, posted to the freshman Democratic lawmaker's Twitter account Tuesday, mocked the "fringy fringies" who started the rumor after a cropped photo of him smiling circulated on social media last month.

"Hey everybody, it's me, Senator John Fetterman, and I just want you to know that I'm back and I'm feeling great, 100%," Fetterman said in the clip.

"And you know, during my time during the hospital, the fringy fringies really came up with a conspiracy that I have a body double. And I just want you to know that is just crazy," he added.

Fetterman also poked fun at the theories by posing in a separate outfit toward the end of the video, pretending to be the supposed "body double." The 30-second-clip was accompanied by the song Just the Two of Us by Bill Withers.
https://www.newsweek.com/john-fetterman-mocks-fringy-fringies-body-double-conspiracy-1795199

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit It!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. I always want to preface before we dive right into this thing by saying exactly what makes a People Are Dumb story. A guy driving at 100 miles an hour down the freeway isn’t necessarily a People Are Dumb story. But a guy driving down the freeway going 105 miles per hour in a stolen delivery truck because he’d miss his Costco optical appointment? Now that’s a People Are Dumb story! And not all People Are Dumb stories are stupid criminals either. But I do love a good stupid criminal story. I collect them, trad them with my friends. And also for the sake of not drawing too much attention, we do have a new policy of omitting the names and addresses from any story we cover. So who’s dumb this week? I want to start with this story out of Astabula, Ohio, wherever that is. But is an absolutely classic stupid criminal story. A guy wanders into an Ace Hardware and tries out the hedge trimmers, which he uses to cut off his ankle monitor. Even better – this was all caught on camera!

Ankle bracelets are one way that authorities keep track of the movements of lawbreakers, and on occasion, suspects try to remove the GPS devices.

Surveillance cameras were recording on Tuesday, when an offender used a trip to the Ace Hardware Store in Ashtabula to ditch his electronic tether.

A short time later, he placed a small black item on a shelf in aisle one. He then grabbed a free bag of popcorn, walked out the door and was last seen grabbing a backpack and riding away on a bicycle.

Fifteen minutes later, employees found an ankle bracelet stashed on the shelf in aisle one and that’s when they realized that the man had used the hedge clippers to cut off the GPS monitor.

“Maybe he thought that it was an out of the way spot, that he’d just come in and we have hedge clippers,” store manager Cheryl Haytcher told FOX 8. “The other stores in the plaza do not have them and we were ‘the helpful hardware folks’ with the hedge clippers, yes we were.”
https://fox8.com/news/watch-man-clips-off-ankle-monitor-at-local-ace-hardware/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

Ace is the place with the helpful burglar tools! Hey o! Next up -we go to San Francisco for this insane story. Look, how many times must we tell you that if you’re going to commit a crime, the last thing you should do is post it on social media? I swear to the highest of high gods that this happens all the damn time. It’s not just an isolated incident either. Well, this woman driving down I-80 hanging out the side of the car with an AK-47 in hand posted the video of it, and well, it went viral. So yeah, again, people, don’t involve social media in your crimes. That’s just plain fucking stupid.

U.S. attorneys have identified the Hayward man who they allege was driving a Cadillac in what became a viral photo of a San Francisco sideshow, where his girlfriend was seen hanging out the window of the car holding a mini AK-47, the wind whipping her hair.

Earlier this month, federal prosecutors identified the driver as (omitted), who they say has ties to the Norteño gang, and said the woman in the picture – released by San Francisco police in 2021 – was his "significant other."

The identification of the pair was solved because the photo went viral and people tagged the couple on Instagram, federal agents said.

"Not only does the car match a vehicle that (omitted) owned at the time, but Instagram users ‘tagged’ him in photos from the incident and mentioned him by name," Assistant U.S. Attorney Leif Dautch wrote in a legal motion. "Perhaps most tellingly, (omitted) posted a photo on his Instagram account of what appears to be him wearing a t-shirt depicting his significant other leaning out of his car holding the gun."
https://www.ktvu.com/news/feds-charge-hayward-man-idd-through-instagram-in-viral-sideshow-photo

Next up – I’m not entire sure who the stupid ones here are. Because on one hand, if I saw this scene and I didn’t know what it was, I would probably freak the fuck out which is natural. But on the other hand, how could you have this exercise going on and *NOT* have people be mistaken for what it is? Well, this yoga class in North Carolina, well, we’ll let you be the judge on this one. Because one should not have to go to yoga class and not have an entire SWAT team descend upon you. Again, I’m not sure who’s in the wrong here but this is a very People Are Dumb story!

A yoga class was mistaken for a "ritual mass murder" scene after members of the public saw several people lying on the floor and reported it to police.

Five police cars descended on the North Sea Observatory in Chapel St Leonards, Lincolnshire, on Wednesday night.
...
"They're [students] laying down with blankets over them, their eyes are closed. It's very dark in there. I just had candles and little tea lights lit the whole room, and I was just walking around playing my drum. I had a nice floaty top on with large bell sleeves," she said.
...
"I didn't know until after we left that these people phoned in saying that there was a mass murderer; they were wearing a robe and they were walking over all of the people, and it looked like some kind of ritual, and that the people on the floor were actually dead.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-66742339

Next up – of course we have to go to Florida. The Sunshine State. The Penis Of America. Or as Homer Simpson calls it, America’s Wang. Let’s start with this story out of Tampa. That’s on the Gulf Coast, don’t you know? Well, this is an absolutely classic Florida story. So this woman just stops her car on the side of the road and jumps in the ocean. Why? Because she wanted to “meet the sharks”. Uh what? Have you not seen Shark Week? You know that sharks are dangerous killers, right? And why would you just get that sudden impulse? That seems like a very weird and oddly specific impulse.

A Florida woman reportedly abandoned her child in a running car while she swam in the water, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office.

The department responded to a call around 10:30 a.m. Monday at Capt’n Cons Fish House in Lee County.

According to a witness, 41-year-old Allison Sarah Daugherty parked her car near a local pier, turned up the radio volume, jumped into the water, and swam for 20 minutes all while her child was in the car. Daugherty had also left the air conditioning on in the car.

NBC affiliate WBBH reported that people were shouting at Daugherty as she swam and that there were fishing hooks and sharks in the water.

She yelled back that she didn’t care and “wanted to get hooked” and “would want to meet sharks.”
https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/florida-mom-abandons-child-in-car-to-go-swimming-report-says/?

Finally this week – We have to go to Miami for this one and this is an absolutely classic People Are Dumb story. Hell, it’s why we started doing this segment in the first place. And of course Florida never fails at bringing the crazy. This crazy story out of Miami. We know that politics can make people crazy. But if you’re outside and you’re randomly firing a gun in the air 48 times, why wouldn’t the police be called? Well of course that’s why we say when you give an idiot a gun, don’t be surprised when they do something stupid with it. But again, this is the type of person who willingly votes for Ron DeSantis.

On Monday, a man appeared before a judge for the first time since he was severely injured after police shot him in July.

Police rushed to the scene at 7851 NE 10th Ave on emergency mode for reports of a man shooting multiple rounds in the air near an apartment building.

Witnesses tell police the defendant, Christian Labaut, said he was “celebrating the governor's new constitutional carry law.”

Labaut has been in the hospital since the incident because police say they were forced to shoot him after he refused to listen.
https://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/miami-man-shot-by-police-after-firing-gun-48-times-in-air-to-celebrate-floridas-new-gun-law/3114629/

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That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]What’s Up With Florida? Pt 7: The End
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Welcome back to part 7 of our 7 part docuseries What’s Up With Florida? Yes, our attempt to find out how the Sunshine State got to be as crazy as it is, is finally coming to an end. In the last few weeks, we went and hung out with retirees in the Villages. We went and marched with Nazis on the front lines at Disney World. And we infiltrated a meeting of the most controversial, far right school board in the entire country. Now for the final part of this series, we’re going to find out, who votes for Meatball Ron and his enablers? Meatball Ron And The Enablers, by the way, great band, I saw them at the Troubadour a few weeks ago. But while Ron Desantis may be getting pummeled by the establishment, there’s still a small percentage of people who would still vote for him. But even now his most hardcore evangelical base is beginning to ask questions about Florida’s dear leader.

Courting evangelical voters in early nominating states, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is looking to become politically reborn – turning his struggling Republican presidential bid fully toward faith-based conservatives.

DeSantis has unveiled endorsements from dozens of pastors and religious activists and spent last weekend campaigning at several Iowa social conservative events, including the state’s major Faith and Freedom Coalition fall banquet.

Leaning into his record in Florida, DeSantis touted having signed a ban on most abortions after six-weeks – a measure whose fate will soon be decided by the state’s Supreme Court, where five of the seven justices are appointees of the governor.

The ruling could help loosen former President Donald Trump’s powerful grip on evangelical voters, DeSantis supporters say. Trump holds a 30% lead in Iowa over DeSantis and a 42% margin nationwide among GOP voters, according to Real Clear Politics’ poll averages.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2023/09/20/ron-desantis-evangelicals-abortion-ban-trump/70908223007/

Really? Come on, when you’ve lost the evangelical movement, you’ve lost. We can’t let it go that the evangelical right is getting more to the right and getting even weirder and crazier than you could ever imagine with each passing election. But here’s the thing is that Meatball Ron isn’t exactly what one would call the most charismatic candidate the GOP has ever had. And his anti-woke policies are wildly unpopular outside of talk radio and Fox News circles. So it’s basically a perfect storm of shit. Hell, to put it in Florida terms, it’s a Category 5 Shit Storm!

The Florida governor, once seen as the top rival to former President Donald Trump in the 2024 GOP primary, sits in fifth place in New Hampshire, according to a CNN poll released Wednesday. He hasn't visited the state, which holds the nation's second contest, in more than a month.

A Washington Post/Monmouth Survey of South Carolina voters earlier this month found him in only slightly better stead — fourth place — trailing Trump and a pair of home-state candidates, former Gov. Nikki Haley and Sen. Tim Scott.

Earlier this week, he held a fundraiser for his leadership PAC and campaign in oil-rich Midland, Texas, which featured several former Trump donors. He continues fundraising in Texas on Thursday.

“His campaign needs a kick in the ass,” one DeSantis ally said. “It’s dead in the water.”

DeSantis' poor poll-showing in South Carolina and New Hampshire — where he not only trails Trump but is now stuck in the pack with businessman Vivek Ramaswamy, Haley and former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie — comes after allies had hoped his performance in the first GOP debate last month would arrest a summer swoon. It also comes as his campaign and super PAC have focused attention on Iowa, which holds its caucuses at the start of the primary season on Jan. 15.
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/ron-desantis-descent-continues-unabated-debate-time-trail-rcna108101

I’m seriously waiting for his “please clap” moment. But the thing we have to talk about is that the GOP’s ideas are grossly unpopular outside of the right wing talk show circuit. The scary thing is that it’s almost like the media is clamoring for that bloviating orange douchebag to return to the White House. Like his chaos is good for ratings. Peace and prosperity and functioning governments? Fuck that shit. We need to be ruled by dysfunctioning tyrants. Dysfunction Tyrants by the way – another awesome band! Though anyway yeah, we do not forsee this ending well for anybody.

The Florida GOP governor, who once polled ahead of former President Donald Trump in the first primary state, has now fallen solidly back into the pack, competing in a crowded race with biotech entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy, former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley and former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie for second place in a new survey.

Support for DeSantis cratered to 10 percent in the CNN/University of New Hampshire poll released Wednesday, his worst showing in a public poll of Granite Staters yet, according to the list compiled by polling aggregator Real Clear Politics. He’s down 32 points from the January UNH survey in which he led Trump 42 percent to 30 percent. He now sits 29 points behind the former president.

“The campaign for Ron DeSantis is on life support,” veteran New Hampshire GOP strategist Mike Dennehy said in response to the poll. “He has one shot at resuscitation and that is the debate next week.”

DeSantis finished fifth in the survey, behind Ramaswamy at 13 percent, Haley at 12 percent and Christie at 11 percent. But because of the poll’s margin of error, the candidates are statistically in a four-way tie for second.
https://www.politico.com/news/2023/09/20/desantis-on-life-support-in-n-h-plummets-in-new-poll-00117273

Yeah womp womp! So you know by now that we’ve seen most of what Florida has to offer, despite that we got asked to leave the last two stops of our tour. Damn you hurricanes!! But in case you’re wondering if Florida is ever going to change – the answer is get used to it being far right batshit crazy, because it’s probably going to stay that way for the next ten years or more. It’s going to take absolutely massive turnouts of the youth vote in order to flip Florida. Texas too. But Fox News and AM talk radio are the reason why we can’t have nice things. And if we want to flip Florida, we got to get out there and run at every single opportunity.

By the accounts of many Republicans and Democrats, Florida is indisputably a red state and seems likely to stay that way for the foreseeable future.

“There may be a day, which I doubt I will live to see, in which Florida will again be a blue state, but today, in the next election, and the election after that, it’s a red state,” said Mac Stipanovich, a former Florida GOP strategist who endorsed Joe Biden in 2020.

The last Democratic presidential candidate who won Florida was former President Barack Obama, squeaking by for a second time in 2012 thanks to strong Black turnout and support from Hispanic voters. Obama’s second victory hinged on a superior ground game that Democrats haven’t been able to replicate since — and that Republicans adopted as their own in battleground states, including Florida, following their post-election autopsy report that year.

Republicans control every partisan statewide office. The last time the state had a Democratic governor was in the 1990s. The closest Democrats have since come to winning the governorship was in 2018, when then-Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum narrowly lost to DeSantis, a then-little-known Congress member who arguably rode Trump’s endorsement to victory. Former Florida Gov. Charlie Crist didn’t become a Democrat until 2012, after he left office, and lost by nearly 20 points to DeSantis when he sought a second term in 2022.
https://www.vox.com/politics/23848897/florida-red-trump-desantis-republican-2024-election

[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

There is no next week. This is it. We’re finished! Thanks to everyone in Florida for putting up with our nonsense and we enjoyed our time there! This was fun! Good night everybody!





[font size="4"]And Now This: [/font]
[font size="4"]Hozier[/font]

Folks my next guest has a great new album out called “Unreal Unearth”. You can see him on tour through Nov. 15th including a stop at the Hollywood Bowl on Nov. 4th. Playing his song Francesca, give it up for Hozier!

Thank you Riverside! This was fun! I want to thank the good people at Riverside Municipal Auditorium for helping get things back on track. We’re off to Austin next. See you next week!

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Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of A Live Audience At: Riverside Municipal Auditorium, Riverside, CA
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