I just learned that my homeless little brother died... two years ago... of covid.
What an odd feeling this is. It's not grief. It's not sadness. --- It's like "Oh! Well that explains why we haven't heard from him."
He wasn't mentally ill, but he wasn't very bright either. He was 66 years old. He had income from SS, USPS retirement, and USAF benefits... he could (if he wanted to) have lived a humble life in a small apt, or owned his own mobile home. But he seemingly preferred to live in the "by the week" motels. When he ran out of money and was evicted, he'd move on to the next hotel whenever his check came in. In between times, he lived on the street, or in shelters.
He had no wife or family that we know of. We don't know who is cremains were given to, but she texted us to let us know what happened. --- It's so bizarre. She doesn't respond to our texted replies/questions. There's no answer when we try to call and her "mailbox-is-full" so no voicemails are possible. It seems unlikely that we'll ever know more than we do now.
It is what it is, I suppose. We tried to help John as much as we could. He wasn't in need of money and he often helped others with his benefits (I think he was being taken advantage of) but he was an adult and could make his own decisions. Even the poor ones.
We weren't estranged (in the usual sense) but he seemed to have no particular desire to keep in touch or let us know where he was or how he was doing. John was functional and independent, but his IQ and maturity was about the same as an adolescent or early teen. (Smoking was his only vice... no drugs, no weed, no booze.)
So... now we know. Now we can stop worrying and wondering. Maybe what I'm feeling is relief.
Thank you for listening (reading).
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But, better than NO thought at all, I suppose. 
I appreciate your kind words.
If so, he was at least in caring, capable hands. I know that VA wasn't always held in high esteem, but today's VA system is probably the best healthcare system this country offers.
I hope you will find closure.
Try your county's Veteran Service Officer. They always seem to be anxious to help, and they can access any veteran's files.
Good luck.
Just taking a break. It's emotionally exhausting. --- I appreciate your kind words.
I lost my older brother to Covid 2 years ago as well.
May you have fond memories of your brother from happier times.
... but our expectations are low.
Thanks very much for your kind words and comments reminding us that he wasn't TRULY alone and that he was simply being generous with what he had, rather than being taken advantage of. That's a better way to look at it, and believing that's the case is comforting.
Even though you may not feel it right now, it is there. Just know we are here for you at any time.
Life can be so hard sometimes and some folks can get so very lost. It's hard to watch and experience losing them to such an unnecessarily difficult life.
Just sending some ((hugs)) and empathy.
It's sad and frightening how people can fall between the cracks and pass away unnoticed. I wish our society wasn't so fragmented, and people like your brother could find the support they need.
Holding you in my heart...
I understand your mixed feelings. It's hard to witness (or never hear from) a family member who lives their life on terms detrimental to them, even unto death. But like you've said, it was his life to live as he chose.
Even if our siblings aren't close, it's still a loss of someone who survived childhood with you, or against you, as the case may be. Hugs to you Daisy..
* and I was a bit of a confrontational advocate trying to get him to "shape up". I guess I should have believed him when he said he was okay with his life. Not the life I would have chosen for him, but the life he chose for himself, and I should have respected that.
I appreciate your kind words.
It's hard. Always hard.
Please consider contacting the VA. He may be entitled to some benefits. He served our Country; giving him a decent send off is the least we can do.
I hope that this at least allows some closure and resolution, even if further details aren't likely forthcoming.
Best to you and your family in the wake of this news.
* that I've been processing this past week. It's not the life I would have chosen for him... but it's the life he chose for himself. It wasn't some great tragedy that befell him (unemployment, illness, accident) it's just the way John was. Looking back, I know it was frustrating for him when we tried to help "set him on the right path". And maybe he was embarrassed, or he sensed that we may have been embarrassed by him. As people say when they want to avoid taking blame: "mistakes were made."
So, yes... relief is part of the mixture. I felt guilty over feeling relief... but I can accept that it's not bad to feel that way.
* are generally kept pretty hush-hush within families, only spoken of in whispers or avoided completely. For the longest time I thought we were the only family I knew who had a "black sheep". I guess it's more common that people realize.
* and some time in the future, we may try again. I need to balance my desire to know with whether or not I really need to know, and figure out if it's all worth it. For now, I need to step back. --- I appreciate your advice and for sharing your story too.
* he's been absent for many years prior to his death. And in the back of my mind I knew it was a possibility. I just never let myself believe it or explore those fears too seriously.
So many of us have lives and families that are quite different from the idealized lifestyles portrayed in media. Please know that you are not alone.
* I do have good memories to hold. Thanks for your sympathy.
* to hear what happened. So sad and tragic to care for someone but not be able to help them, or to have the offers of help refused. Even in failure and tragedy, just knowing/believing that we did our best is sometimes all we can hang onto.
