The Onion: Trump Vows to Unite Americans Against Common Enemy

[Delarage]

Addressing supporters at his latest rally, former President Donald Trump vowed over the weekend to unite the nation against the common enemy of other Americans.

https://www.theonion.com/trump-vows-to-unite-nation-against-common-enemy-of-othe-1851602546

[dalton99a]

1. "We must come together to defeat the scourge that is our fellow Americans"

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Addressing supporters at his latest rally, former President Donald Trump vowed over the weekend to unite the nation against the common enemy of other Americans. “We must come together to defeat the scourge that is our fellow Americans,” said the Republican presidential nominee, who reportedly spoke from the heart as he called upon every member of the U.S. populace to stand together against one another. “Look to your right. Now look to your left. Every man, woman, and child you see? We will fight them all. With your support, the American people will be defeated once and for all.” At press time, Trump promised that by the end of his second term, there wouldn’t be a single American remaining.

[NNadir]

2. I wish it were more of a joke.

[murielm99]

3. I had to double check

to see that it was a joke.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

4. Weird and creepy old Sleepy Chicken Don is uniting Americans against a common threat: Republicans.

[twodogsbarking]

5. Trump has united the Democrats and other literate Americans.