More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Flipping The Table
Boy, a lot's happened since I last posted one of these silly lists back in May.
So because Joe Biden had a cold and thus turned in a lackluster appearance at the first debate with The Orange Felon, despite the fact that by all metrics Biden completely creamed the criminal on substance, the Democratic Party nevertheless freaked out and the rich donors and cryptoscammers started screaming for him to drop out. I thought that would be utterly insane.
And then he dropped out. "Oh no...the rich assholes and cryptocreeps have won...we are so screwed" was my reaction. But Biden simultaneously endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris to take his place as the nominee.
And the reaction was electric.
Hey, remember how the Republicans based their entire 2024 Presidential campaign on "Don't pay any attention to all that Project 2025 stuff---JOE BIDEN IS OLD!!!"
Now who's the old one? Now who's getting large, excited crowds? Who's still speaking nonsense about Hannibal Lector and "adlingthin" "non-incumpenentguu" while the other is talking about a better future? Which one is a former prosecutor and which one is an adjudicated rapist and convicted felon?
I definitely like the way this thing is going.
So a few entries in my occasional snarky look at right wing doublethink are already dated, but that's okay.
(No. 68 in an occasional series.)
Well, only took a week for this one to get put on the list as usual...(Played with the format a bit, mostly to make it easier on me at update time)
The Evergrowing But Only On One Side Democrat vs GOP Pervert Tally
Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life:
Cal Cunningham
John Conyers
Andrew Cuomo
John Edwards
Katie Hill
Elliot Spitzer
Anthony Wiener
Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three:
Ali Alexander
Tim Ballard
Joe Barton
Brad Benson
Shawn Bergstrand
Mike Bickle
John Bizon
Lauren Boebert
Anthony Bouchard
Luke Bowen
Jared Micheal Boyce
Aaron Brink
David Byrd
Herman Cain
Scotty Campbell
Tucker Carlson
Madison Cawthorn
Lee Chatfield
Joshua Craft
Larry Craig
Chris DeJoseph
Steve DesJarlais
Tudor Dixon
Jeff Duncan
Bobby Dyer
Joe Fain
Jerry Falwell Jr and the entire staff of Liberty University
Phillip Fisher Jr.
Mark Foley
Trent Franks
Neil Friske (NEW!)
Matt Gaetz
Will Gardner
Ben Gibson
Newt Gingrich
Phil Godlewski
Marjorie Taylor Greene
Eric Greitens
Joe Gruters
Rudy Guiliani
Sean Hannity
Gabrielle Hanson
Adam Hageman
Dennis Hastert
Rocky Hayes
Charles Herbster
Curtis Hill
Ray Holmberg (NEW!)
Perry Hooper Jr.
Duncan Hunter
Jeff Jansen
Daryl Johnson
Alex Jones
William Claude Jones (Proving it's not a recent phenomenon)
Gym Jordan
Randy Gene Kaufman
Brett Kavanaugh
RFK Jr (Hey, he's not running as a Democrat, and he's basically trying to help Trump get elected, I'm counting him!)
Bernard Kerik
Joshua Kindred (NEW!)
Joel Koskan
Nathan Larson
Anton Lazzaro
Corey Lewandowski
Kyle Lewter
Rush Limbaugh
Nancy Mace
Josh Mandell
Bud Marty May
Vance McAllister
Rich McCormick (NEW!)
Randy McNally
John Merrill
Jason Miller
Roy Moore
Bernie Moreno
Robert Morris (NEW!)
Brad Namdar
Walt Nauta
Jonathan Newel
Kristi Noem
Bill O'Reilly
Carl Paladino
Frank Pavone
Charles Peruto
Dennis Prager
Paul Pressler (ADDED)
Lawrence Ray
Tom Reed
Matthew Reilly
Kevin Rinke
Rick Roeber
Matt Rosendale
Chad Micheal Salsman
Bill Sanderson
Mark Sanford
George Santos
Matt Schlapp
Cameron Sexton
Alek Skarlatos
Melvin Slack
Bryan Slaton
Ken Starr(!!!),
Kent Stermond
Sarah Stogner
Roger Stone
David Stringer
Charles Sutherland
Van Taylor
Clarence Thomas
David Todeschini
Donald Trump
Beth Van Duyne (NEW!)
Ruben Verastigui
David Vitter
Aaron von Ehlinger
Marty Decole Wagner
Herschel Walker
Jesse Watters
Dana White (NEW!)
Royce White (NEW!)
Steve Wynn
Christian and Bridget Ziegler
More Reposts and Updates:
* You admire fictional cannibal serial killers. (#65, Nov 2023)
* Democrats are the ones committing voter fraud. (#50, Aug 2021)
* Celebrities should know their place and not get involved in political discussions. Exceptions: Gene Simmons, Ted Nugent, Kid Rock, Victoria Jackson, Dennis Miller, Scott Baio, Chuck Norris, Chuck Woolery, Ronald Reagan, and Donald Trump. (#45, Oct. 2020)
* Abortion is an absolute wrong even in cases of rape, incest, or to protect the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Abortion is permissible when the woman carrying the fetus is the wife, girlfriend, mistress, or daughter of a pro-life, family values Republican politician.(#10, Nov 2012)
* You're a billionaire "Free Speech Absolutist" for racists, transphobes, and seditionists, but not for your own employees, people who make fun of you, journalists who accurately cover your screw-ups, advocates of politican candidates you oppose, and advertisers who AREN'T giving you money. (#57, Sept. 2022)
* Criticism of a war veteran is disgusting and offensive. Exceptions: Max Cleland, Tammy Duckworth, John Kerry, John McCain, Alexander Vindman,Pete Buttigieg, Conor Lamb, Mark Milley, Colin Powell, Tim Walz. and Barry McCaffrey (#20, Oct. 2015)
Which also reminds us...
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for John Bolton, Pat Buchanan, George W. and Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Dan Quayle, Willard Mitt Romney, Tom Tancredo, Clarence Thomas, andDonald Trump to not go. (#1, November 2010)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Someone who married his own cousin has room to call anyone else "trailer trash".
* Climate change will go away if you refuse to talk about it.
* "Morality": Publicly groping a man you're not married to.
* Disqualifying to run for President: Having a cold. Not disqualifying to run for President: Thirty-four convictions of financial fraud and being found liable for sexual assault.
* It's Democrats' fault that a registered Republican tried to shoot Trump with a weapon that Democrats want to regulate.
* "Everyday American": Multi-billionaire owner of a home builder supply chain.
* You complained about having to wear a mask during a pandemic, but willingly put bandages over your uninjured ear.
* The party that nominated a convicted felon to be president is the "Law and Order" party. The party that nominated a former prosecutor is not.
* It's not fair that everyone thinks the Republican Party is racist, which is why it's a total coincidence that party leaders have to tell members to stop saying racist things.
* You rail about (white) women being "childless cat ladies while also wanting to ban invitro fertilization.
* Things to be upset about: Drag queens at the Olympics. Things to not be upset about: A rapist and felon major party presidential candidate openly wanting to end democracy.
* Only pay attention to the phony polls that show Trump winning.
* Kamala Harris hates Jewish people even though she's married to one. Donald Trump can't be antisemitic because the daughter he lusts after converted to Judiasm and married a Jewish man.
* Convicted felons should be prohibited from voting, but it's okay if they run for president.
Until next time!