Spurious News: NFL replaces Bad Bunny at Super Bowl halftime show!
SANTA CLARA, CALIF (Spurious News Network) — “We messed up,” said National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell, “and we mean to make this right for our fans.”
Commissioner Goodell is referring to the NFL’s decision to have Puerto Rican hip-hop artist Bad Bunny headline the Super Bowl halftime show. This caused uproar on conservative websites, a Change.org petition to replace him and Turning Point USA, the hard-right group founded by the late Charlie Kirk, to announce an alternate show in which the performers would do “anything in English.”
“We are replacing Bad Bunny with Benito Ocasio,” said Commissioner Goodell. “This fresh young talent is exciting and has a positive message for today’s youth. We are pleased to present him to the world.”
Response to the NFL’s decision has been positive.
King Donald Trump applauded the NFL’s decision. “This shows they can listen to their fans and take appropriate action. I will be in attendance at the Super Bowl to thank them for replacing the terrible Bad Bunny with the family-friendly Benito Ocasio.”
Turning Point USA released a statement: “Now that the horrible Bad Bunny will no longer be performing and the fantastic Benito Ocasio is, we no longer need to do an alternate show. We can just play tributes to Charlie.”
Rapper Snoop Dogg also released a statement: “Man, this is some funny shit. By the time these dumbasses realize Benito Ocasio and Bad Bunny are the same motherfucker we’ll be thirty games into baseball season.”
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