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Cover your eyes to tour Trump's algae-free Reflecting Pool (Rex Huppke, USA Today, 6/23/26)
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2026/06/23/reflecting-pool-algae-trump-arrests/90598460007/Hello America-loving tourist, and welcome to the beautiful, algae-free Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, brought to you by President Donald J. Trump, the only man powerful enough to make the Reflecting Pool Great Again.
You’ll notice the pool is surrounded by armed soldiers hoping you don't look at the water. That is for your safety and the safety of the newly refurbished Reflecting Pool, which is glistening and perfect and not at all covered with a thick layer of algae and stray chunks of American-flag-blue paint the media would have you believe exists.
Before we begin our tour of this remarkable national landmark, I’ll remind everyone that there is no looking at the remarkable national landmark.
If you didn’t receive blackout goggles when you bought your ticket for the tour, please keep your eyes shut or avert your gaze for the remainder of our time together. Anyone caught attempting to look at the Reflecting Pool or even thinking it might be anything other than 100% devoid of algae will be arrested and prosecuted.
-snip-
You’ll notice the pool is surrounded by armed soldiers hoping you don't look at the water. That is for your safety and the safety of the newly refurbished Reflecting Pool, which is glistening and perfect and not at all covered with a thick layer of algae and stray chunks of American-flag-blue paint the media would have you believe exists.
Before we begin our tour of this remarkable national landmark, I’ll remind everyone that there is no looking at the remarkable national landmark.
If you didn’t receive blackout goggles when you bought your ticket for the tour, please keep your eyes shut or avert your gaze for the remainder of our time together. Anyone caught attempting to look at the Reflecting Pool or even thinking it might be anything other than 100% devoid of algae will be arrested and prosecuted.
-snip-