The pope stole my Maker’s Mark, Mark Morford
Rumor! I just read somewhere and I think it was BuzzFeed squirting out one of its patented, smarts-destroying headlines, such as 27 Hilarious Exploding Puppies or 42 Awesome Star Trek-Themed Suicides or 17 Pictures of Ryan Gosling Looking at Cheese, I just read a rumor that says if you eat six of Taco Bell’s new Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos and then immediately chase them with three of Mountain Dew’s new Kick Start breakfast drinks that taste like radiator fluid mixed with artificially sweetened humiliation, you will go blind.
Have you heard? Did you read the latest? Alcohol causes cancer. I mean, obviously. I mean, no kidding, right?
You already knew. Who didn’t already know? Who didn’t suspect that alcohol, despite what we love to believe, can’t possibly be good for you, can’t possibly be soaked up by all those delicate blood vessels with glee and happiness, especially given how the body treats all alcohol as a poison, the liver hates every sip and the rumor that one or two glasses of wine or beer a day is actually good for you is total ridiculous bulls–t akin to 4 out of 5 doctors smoke Camels?
But, well, who the hell cares? Have you tried Casa Nobles? Have you tried Booker’s? Have you tried sucking some dry rosé off a lovers’ lips at sunset overlooking the Sea of Cortez while the dolphins romp and Surya licks Chandra with a wink and a sigh while the mountains march quietly toward eternity? I might be OK dying a few years early, just for that.
The rest: http://blog.sfgate.com/morford/2013/02/19/the-pope-stole-my-maker%E2%80%99s-mark/
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