Family of autistic child bullied over parking spot

[pstokely]

http://hamptonroads.com/2012/07/family-bullied-chesapeake-over-parking-spot


"Samantha Avalos has a message for the uninitiated: Yes, her 7-year-old son, Joey, can walk. But he's also autistic and tends to wander.

That's why the family has a placard that allows them to pull in to the disabled parking spots - like they did last month at Abuelo's restaurant in Greenbrier.

People with autism qualify for the placard, issued by the Department of Motor Vehicles, because "they have impaired judgement," department spokeswoman Katy Lloyd said.

Although 585,491 people have disabled placards, the process of getting one is involved. A medical professional must fill out the DMV form for a placard or plate."

Are autistic adults with drivers licenses eligible for a handicapped placard?

[Common Sense Party]

1. My severely autistic son is now 20. I never thought to get a handicapped placard.

I can walk. He can walk. We both can use the extra walking. And he doesn't wander off because we usually hold his hand.

I guess if this family feels they need one, fine.

But I hope that no one who is less mobile needs a parking space that they are occupying.

[pstokely]

4. Does he have a drivers license?

Some autistic individuals do

[Common Sense Party]

23. Not when they're seven (as in this story).

My son? No, he will never drive.

[liberal_at_heart]

5. disabled is disabled

If the child cannot safely navigate a parking lot because of his/her disability then the family should get a placard. My husband is legally blind. I drive him to lots of places. We park in the handicapped parking spaces so that he doesn't have to navigate the parking lot. He can walk, but parking lots are one of the most dangerous places a blind person has to navigate. I'm sure the same can be said for a child who wanders and does not understand the dangers of a parking lot. Handicap spaces are not just for people who cannot walk. Maybe the problems isn't people using the spaces. Maybe the problem is that most parking lots don't have enough handicap spaces.

[pstokely]

8. What if the autistic child (or adult) can can navigate the parking lot?

Is just being autistic enough to qualify for the permit?

[liberal_at_heart]

17. well the DMV gave the reason that the child has impaired judgement so

I guess if the child didn't have impaired judgement and could safely navigate the parking lot then the DMV probably wouldn't have granted them a placard. My autistic son can safely walk in a parking lot so if it is just me and him in the car I park in a regular parking space. I do not fear for his safety. If my legally blind husband is in the car however, I do park in the handicap spaces because parking lots are dangerous for him.

[LeftyMom]

53. A lot of people who have a placard don't use one full time.

The thing with autistic kids is that they can be perfectly well behaved one minute and in total meltdown the next, and stores tend to be overstimulating and triggering. So a kid who may have no trouble at all getting through a parking lot and into a store may have a much more time difficult navigating their way back out of a parking lot after all the stimulus of a shopping trip. And it's not a predictable thing.

Likewise, physically disabled people might not need to use their placard every last shopping trip. A lot of conditions are variable, and can be debilitating one day and barely noticeable another.

[DonRedwood]

54. Terrific reply LeftyMom

I have one in my work car for just those emergencies. I rarely use it, mostly because parking lots are very challenging and I want to take every opportunity to teach and every opportunity to observe behavior (to see how safe they are). But, all that goes out the window on a day when things are starting to get a little iffy.

There are some days when being only 10 feet from the door feels like a gift from God.

[liberal_at_heart]

64. good point LeftyMom

[Ed Suspicious]

7. I think the people who make the issuing decision and the family are eminently more qualified than

anyone else to decide if they are to be allowed the privilege to park in the easy access stalls. I accept that there is a reason they are parked there and they have been issued a placard. It really is none of my concern for what reason it was issued.

[liberal_at_heart]

9. thank you.

You can't always see someone's disability.

[pstokely]

10. Not all disabilities that qualify for a permit are visible or always present

But a lot of people will just use their Grandma's permit to get a good spot at the mall

[liberal_at_heart]

11. so do we just ask every person who looks like they don't have a disability to prove that they have a

disability? I just prefer to go about my business and leave people alone.

[pstokely]

12. No, just saying that it's often abused by relatives

Some people are just too noisy

[nadinbrzezinski]

35. Let the cops do their job

Somebody not qualified will give the cops lip. Somebody qualified will take out the paperwork from Wallet.

[thucythucy]

33. Do you know these people personally?

If you do, and you're this concerned about it, then you should make your feelings known to them.

If you don't, and you're just repeating something you've heard second or third or fourth hand, then you're furthering the right wing "handicapped parking is usually used by moochers who don't deserve it" meme. It's just another variation of the "welfare queens" buying vodka with food stamps riff, and minority voter fraud scam, and all the other bogus "problems" and "abuses" conservatives are forever going on about to discredit anything that tries to make life a little more bearable for folks who aren't wealthy, able-bodied, and white.

My own personal experience tells me you're far more likely to run into someone WITHOUT a permit parking in a handicapped space (or parking in a curb cut or otherwise blocking needed access) than you are to see people abusing someone else's placard.

But like I said, if you have personal experience with this, that is, you know people who for a fact are using placards they're not entitled to use, and you feel so strongly about it, then you should talk to these folks in person and let them know that they're doing is wrong (not to mention, probably illegal).

[gollygee]

25. I agree completely

I know several families with autistic kids and the kids all seem very different as far as what is easy or difficult for them. If one autistic kid gets away easily and has a hard time navigating a parking lot, than it's a good choice for that kid, and the only people who are qualified to say whether it's good for that specific kid are the people who know him or her. I don't understand why people second guess situations where they have no specific knowledge and don't give people the benefit of the doubt. The people entrusted with deciding who get placards and who met this family felt like it was a good idea, and I accept that.

[nadinbrzezinski]

34. In the judgement of the DMV he qualifies

Peope with chrohns disease also qualify. A disability is not just mobility...related.

Neither autism or chrohns are obvious, but a disability both are. Under the ADA both qualify.

[Common Sense Party]

50. As I clearly said, if they want to get a placard, fine.

In OUR situation, no placard is needed.

[DonRedwood]

55. Hi C.S.P.

:0) I always like shooting for the most independence too.

I'd bet their issue was safety. You can hope for independence, and work for it but safety has to be first.

[Common Sense Party]

60. Absolutely. Which is why I said, if they fel they need it, fine, more power to 'em.

Unfortunately, the S.S. Independence sailed for our son long ago. He'll always need mommy and daddy.

[Skittles]

2. I have a severely autistic brother

we'd never think to get a disabled placard for the car - he's not physically disabled

[pstokely]

6. Does he have a drivers license?

nt

[Demeter]

13. Temple Grandin has a driver's license, a PhD and a Job

She's also written several books, teaches at a university, and appeared in movies.

What is your point?

[Skittles]

15. no

My family would never have considered getting a disabled placard for him because he is perfectly capable of walking and we are perfectly capable of watching him....I'm not not sure why, if an autistic person did have a driver's license (I'm assuming it would be mild autism) they would need to park as disabled - the point of disabled placards is to PARK CLOSER because it is PHYSICALLY DIFFICULT for the driver walk/move a long distance

[liberal_at_heart]

16. well the DMV qualified them so they get to park there

Whether you think the child is or isn't disabled enough for the family to park there is irrelevent.

[duffyduff]

21. I guess you haven't been around many severe autistics

Some of them are a real challenge to keep from wandering and hurting themselves. They aren't that easy to control.

Whoever is bitching about the family getting a disabled parking badge is an asshole. Period.

[Skittles]

57. did you miss the part about my brother being severely autistic?

[csziggy]

26. Florida has made the rules much more stringent for permanent placards

If you can make it into the doctor's office without the use of a wheelchair, you don't qualify for a permanent disabled placard - that is what my doctor told me. They are pretty liberal about handing out temporary ones but those only last for six months. For people that are not completely disabled, their personal doctors will keep filling out the renewal forms and the DMV is not allowed to question the doctor's statements as to need.

I had a temporary placard last year that ran from when my surgeon scheduled my first knee replacement to two months after my second knee replacement. Before it expired I was able to walk a good distance and almost always parked in regular spaces. Before I got the temporary placard, I simply did not go places where the parking was difficult or my husband would drive me and drop me off at the door.

When I had jury duty and had to park downtown, I got a temporary placard which allowed me to park in the courthouse restricted spaces - otherwise I would not have been able to find a parking place close enough for me to even get to the courthouse. Even so the distances I had to walk in the courthouse were more than I could handle at that time - it was good that the defendant whose jury I was on plead out - I was in so much pain I could not have listened to evidence.

[nadinbrzezinski]

37. Florida is wrong

Since some disabilities are real, chrohns for example, but you can still walk.

[csziggy]

48. Yeah, but Florida has a LOT of people wanting to use handicap spaces

And they actually reduced the number required for stores to have.

My neighbor across the street could walk but because of COPD caused by her work with poison gas weapons during WWII she could not walk far without having to stop to breathe - like every five or ten steps. She couldn't get a handicap placard because she was physically able to walk. Really stupid.

Because of the limited number of spaces when my husband was driving me, it was simpler to have him drop me off. He could park a little ways off and meet me at the door, leaving a space for someone who did not have that ability.

[nadinbrzezinski]

49. Sounds like fertile ground

For an ADA class action lawsuit, and I mean it.

[nadinbrzezinski]

36. The DMV and the doctor decided otherwise

Is that a problem? Disability and placards are not just physical disabilities.

[Skittles]

58. what is WRONG with people lately???

I simply said I would not have considered getting one for my brother - I'm not saying NO ONE should get them. SHEESH. Calm the fuck down, people.

[nadinbrzezinski]

59. Never mind...

Reminds one self to trash thread.

[Skittles]

62. sorry nadin

maybe it's not other people and I am simply becoming more inarticulate

[liberal_at_heart]

3. we were very fortunate

Our son never had safety issues. He was able to understand from a pretty early age when we told him not to leave the house alone or not to play with knives he listened. When he was little, I was always holding his hand or picking him up and carrying him. But once he was able to understand that he needed to watch for cars we let him walk by himself. Some autistic children do not understand the dangers of the world. Some autistic children do wander and have to be supervised all the time. Our son is not old enough for a driver's license. He has asked us if we think he will ever drive. We have told him we will have to see when the time gets here. Our son does have sensory issues. He can become overwhelmed by too much input and can become confused about what to do and can get frustrated. So, I don't know if he will be able to handle all the visual input that will come at him while he is driving and whether he will become confused about what to do. We will just have to see I guess. I'm not sure I understand why you're asking if an adult autistic person who has a driver's license can get a placard when the story that is being told is about a child who wanders and does not understand the dangers of a parking lot.

[duffyduff]

22. Many of them are severely mentally challenged

and would have NO concept of safety.

This isn't "high-functioning" autism or Asperger. This child clearly has some serious issues.

[Quantess]

14. "It sounds like someone with either a power trip or a beef because they were parking there,"

That says it all.

[MineralMan]

18. If they have a placard, they can park there.

It is that simple. I frequently take my mother-in-law places. She's 85, and has had a handicapped placard for the past few years. It's because she can't walk worth a damn, and has to use two canes or a walker. But, it's me who's driving the car, and I have no handicap at all. Sometimes, I come back out and drive off to run an errand or two, then come and pick her up after she's done with whatever she's doing.

I parked in a handicapped space and helped MIL into the place she was going. When I get back into the car, the fact that I am not handicapped is not a reason to yell at me. I'm leaving. I'll be back, and I'll park there again, go in and help her back out to the car. If she's not with me, I'll never use the placard. In fact, she carries it in her purse, so she can use it with anyone who gives her a ride somewhere, no matter which car is being used.

If there's a placard, it's OK, folks. There's almost certainly a reason for the car being parked there. Yes, sometimes someone uses that placard wrongly, but you don't know whether that's the case or not. That teenager parking in the handicapped zone may well be going into wherever he or she has parked to get his or her grandmother, whose placard it is. Leave it alone.

Now, cars without placards or handicapped plates? Yell away...

[Dpm12]

19. I have high-functioning

autism

[duffyduff]

20. Irrelevant. This boy appears to be severely impacted.

Wandering is a very real problem with many who are severely autistic.

[duffyduff]

24. I'd rather the family have a handicapped parking badge

than the child run off and get hit and killed by a car because they didn't have one.

THAT is the bottom line.

[muriel_volestrangler]

27. However, having parked in a disabled space, you still have to watch them just as carefully

It's still in a parking lot. They can still go in the wrong direction, where there will be the dangerous cars. It seems to me that it's the acting of being in a parking lot that's the dangerous thing, not the distance you then walk together.

[nolabear]

28. I like to err on the side of generosity.

First, autism is a spectrum disorder so has a range of accompanying issues that can vary widely. Second, as in the case with the nurse who wouldn't do CPR on the dying elder and this family, sometimes the human and humane trump the fearful and suspicious. That is the best of our nature, and if a few people abuse that, then it's still the best of our nature.

I have a severely autistic nephew who once ran through a TSA checkpoint. What they were put through...not the searching, but the fact they weren't allowed to catch and comfort their hysterical two year old and were viewed with suspicion and rudeness...has kept them from flying anywhere with their now older and well behaved son for fear of a repeat, not from him but from those who naturally treat them as if they are "other".

[Sheldon Cooper]

29. Are people really begrudging a handicapped parking placard to this family?

Really? Raising a child with disabilities is hard enough. Let them have the gpddamned parking space already. Jesus Christ.

[Tikki]

30. The diagnosis of autism is not ..one fits all...

I have no idea if he will ever drive..but at age 10 our grandson still has
spacial problems. Every time we are out and about he has to be reminded to stop
at corners and curbs and I would say he is mild to moderate on the spectrum.

Too late if a child gets hit by a car in a parking lot and parents of autistic children are
super attentive.


Tikki

[KamaAina]

31. Hed should read "Family of autistic *person*..."

or "man". Would they say "Family of black bullied over parking spot"?

And Ms. Lloyd is painting with an awfully broad brush. My "impaired judgment" was sufficient to secure a cum laude degree from an Ivy League school!

[liberal_at_heart]

32. yes, Lloyd should have said this particular child has impaired judgment not autistic people

This particular child had impaired judgment that made walking in a parking lot dangerous which is why they granted the family the placard. The autism spectrum is a broad spectrum. My autistic son can safely navigate a parking lot, but there are some on the spectrum that cannot safely navigate a parking lot. For those individuals, their family should be granted a placard. And you're absolutely right that the title should be family of autistic person.

[pstokely]

42. Would your son qualify for a placard?

?

[liberal_at_heart]

44. why do care so much whether people qualify or not?

Why are you so obsessed with this notion that there are all these people out there that have placards that shouldn't? Just live your life and don't worry about what disabled people are doing. Live your life and leave people be.

[FreeState]

38. Actually it should read no such thing

It should read "Child with autism."

The person is not autistic, the person has autism. There is a big difference.

[KamaAina]

40. The pendulum seems to be swinging away from "people-first language"

Canadian activist Michelle Dawson playfully asked a NY Times reporter, "Would you describe yourself as a 'person with femaleness'?".

[lumberjack_jeff]

39. Once you know one person with autism... you know one person with autism.

No two people with the disorder are affected in exactly the same way or to the same degree.

I don't need a disabled plate for my son, but many caregivers do.

[liberal_at_heart]

41. I love that line. It is so true.

[pstokely]

43. You may not need a disabled plate, but would you qualify for one?

It's easy to get one in some places

[lumberjack_jeff]

46. Maybe. I don't know, but I prefer that the process be easy rather than hard. n/t

[thucythucy]

52. Like where

for instance, "is it easy to get one"?

[RedCappedBandit]

45. Well said...

All that needed to be said, really. Thank you.

[dembotoz]

47. folks who have no medical degree making a diagnosis--that is pretty damn stupid

in these days of medical privacy this bull shit is well bull shit


i was married to a woman who had such a handicapped sticker
Age late 20s early 30s--sometimes she looked almost healthy.
if it was cool out you might not notice that she was too thin.
if she wore a hat you might not notice the hair.

we got our share of looks

so my wife had the BIG C

wish the bozo with the badge had pulled that on me

i would have fucking sued him for every penny he had.......

[Warpy]

51. Not all disabilities are visible ones

and the presence of the handicapped placard in the car should have given the bullyboy a clue.

Sadly, the only thing that ever gives bullies a clue is a bloody nose, literally or metaphorically.

[madokie]

56. I have one due to my PAD and inability to walk long distances

and sometimes i get some real looks from what I think of as assholes. Giving me the look like what are you doing using someone else's placard when it is obvious you don't have a disability. fuck 'm, walk a few feet in my shoes and then lets hear what you have to say.

Very seldom do I use it because most times I find a parking space that is only a little further walk so I pay forward

Its not like they're just given out to anyone who ask for one. It took a good 3 months from when my doctor initiated the paper work until it arrived in the mail.

[liberal_at_heart]

63. I like your attitude

Screw the judgmental assholes. Who cares what they think anyway? I sure as shit don't.

[43to42]

61. Can't cross a parking lot?

I am wondering that if you and your child cannot navigate a parking lot without trouble, why you are taking him into a restaurant????

What are the other paying customers having to put up with if you cannot control him??????

I know it sounds harsh, but...........

[gollygee]

65. Getting distracted and not being able to pay attention in a parking lot

does not mean unable to handle sitting still in a restaurant booth.

Do you believe people whose kids have autism shouldn't be allowed in restaurants? Yes, that sounds harsh.

[CBGLuthier]

66. nahh that does not sound harsh

not if you are a bad human being. Sounds like compassionate conservatism to me.