Liberated Woman vs "Chirp Chirp" girl.

[jazzimov]

In regards to all the "benevolent sexist" threads we had recently:

Every person is different. Most of us guys are willing to compromise, IF we know what we are what the compromise rules are.

Some women prefer to be treated as "equals". This isn't about common courtesy, but about showing special deference to a woman, such as opening the car door open for a woman on a date.

When on a date, sensitive guys are at a definite disadvantage. We want to please the woman, but we are meant to intuitively understand what the woman's standards are, and if we misinterpret those needs then we are automatically deemed unworthy. In these circumstances, such seemingly trivial matters such as "opening the car door" takes on new significance. For instance, on a date should I open the car door as a "gentleman", or should I just unlock the door and run the risk of treating her as a "chirp-chirp" girl.

The hard part of this is that it doesn't only depend upon this person's opinions, but also upon what their parents have raised them to believe/expect.

Ideally, each party involved should know the other party well enough that this is a moot point. BUT, this only applies after several dates when each party has a chance to know each other.

But what about the first date, where one party commits a faux pas simply because of unfamiliarity or because of bad advice from parents, friends, preconceived ideas about opening doors, etc.

Personally, my parents LIED to me. Which, in retrospect, screwed me up for about 30 years of my life.

[kevinmc]

1. I just be polite .....

I never think about compromising or being sensitive, I open doors for men, women and kids. No one has every called me out for doing that .... it's just being a polite person. Don't think about it just do it and move on. Now if someone was to give me crap about it just slam the door on their head and say sorry .... my bad ... my grip slipped.

[TheMadMonk]

2. This isn't removing blocks of wood from holes in walls. This is carriage doors...

...complete with proffered hand to aid stepping down (or up) from/into the vehicle. This is a deliberate act of old time chivalry just a step short of cloaks over puddles.

And simple answer is: Ask. "May I get that for you?" first time you escort your prospective lady friend to your vehicle.

The answer, "Yes.", "No.", "It's not necessary.", or "Die in a fire chauvanist scum!" will let you know how to procede with the remainder of the evening.

[PotatoChip]

3. A few things.

1) Just be yourself. Don't try to conform to what you think you are supposed to do. If it is customary for you to open doors for people when the situation calls for it, then by all means, do it when on a date.

2) The 'Golden Rule' applies here as it should in every social interaction. Just do your best to treat your date as you would like to be treated, if you were him/her. Use the same common courtesies that you would use if say, you had gone out to eat w/a friend or co-worker.

3) Don't forget the whole point of the date. And that, presumably, is for the two of you to have fun while getting to know each other. Worrying about every little thing will make you both uncomfortable.

It really is this simple. I think you've been over-thinking this matter far too much. If the match does not work out after you've made an effort to do these 3 things, than that person is probably just not meant for you. Move on, and eventually you will find someone who is.

-My 2 cents fwiw.

[Niceguy1]

4. i like being a gentleman

And opening doors, etc. If a date is so sensitive to judge me poorly for doing so on the first date then she isn't the type of person i want to be around. I don't want to have to worry about offending her over petty things like that.