My neighbor just called asking if I knew where her husband was...

[CTyankee]

He left his wallet and his cell phone at home (she was calling from it) but all their 3 cars were there. She wanted to know if I had seen him or knew anything about where he was.

I told her I had not seen him for several days, which was to me unusual. But she said he had been there all along, so I had to think it was just because of the bad weather that I hadn't seen him.

But my woman's instinct had told me something was wrong and I had mentioned it to my husband just a few days ago. I hadn't seen Jerry outside for a long time and that was unusual.

These are not elderly people. They have a 12 year old and an 18 year old, altho they got a bit of a "late start." But I am fearful. People can wander off due to brain tumors, as happened to a friend of mine, even in their 50s.

I'm a bit freaked out by this. Hubby thinks my "women's instinct" is wrong. I am not so sure...but I kinda wish it were...

[Sheldon Cooper]

1. Always trust your instincts.

If this is really an unusual thing, encourage your neighbor to notify the police and begin a search and rescue if that's appropriate.

[LittleBlue]

2. Don't dismiss your instict

If he's never done in the past, and has no known reason to do it now, you should be concerned.

[LeftofObama]

3. I certainly hope all is well with him.

I pretty much always trust my instincts/intuition. Please keep us informed. I hope he's safe!

[JI7]

4. how long has he been gone based on what she told you ?

[CTyankee]

7. He had been there earlier that day she said, so I had to guess that my estimation had been off...

but I still wonder. I hadn't seen him outside doing "something" for a couple of weeks, which was odd to me. I had seen her out there shoveling snow so I figured he might have been under the weather and she had to do it. I have the feeling that she "knew" something was a bit amiss, but she didn't want to admit it...

I'm getting really worried now...

[JI7]

9. has she contacted the cops yet ?

i would say you should contact them and let them know what you think/feel.

[CTyankee]

13. He's OK. She just said she "picked him up." Hubby called her back...

I think something is really, really wrong, but I don't know. All these years, this guy has been out and around like usual and alluva sudden he's gone, poof, just like that? It's not a good sign.

[bluestate10]

25. He wasn't hiking the Appalachian Trail, but my guess is that a similar outcome is at hand.

A guy just vanishes with a wife and children at home. Then, puff, out of the blue he shows back up. Maybe they have some wealth that would have protected the family, but the prospect of the husband being hurt or dead had to cross the wife's mind as well as the minds of the children and that is cruel punishment.

[southernyankeebelle]

45. You know kinda keep a note of it. If you have a private calendar just dot it down that

his wife called you asking had you seen him. Always trust your instincts always. Even if its nothing.

[Gore1FL]

66. Glad to hear he is safe. n/t

[bluestate10]

29. Sorry, sounds like an affair to me. nt

[CTyankee]

42. I really dunno. His wife is really glamorous. She is a reporter on our local ABC affiliate.

He is not all that glamorous. But they have a fast and firm marriage. They are both strong Roman Catholics. And they have been very strong in their support of their two kids. So adultery is not likely, IMO...

[bluestate10]

65. I had a girlfriend who had a young, 10 in looks sister. Her husband cheated on the

drop dead gorgeous sister with an older overweight woman. The sister's beauty and youth couldn't overcome the appeal of the older, heavier woman and what she offered the husband.

I will explain a fact of life, if a man hasn't spent time thinking about what marriage means and why it is important to him, he will ultimately go for a woman or man that seems better, even when that person isn't. A husband or wife is always at a disadvantage to an equally good looking, or even less good looking stranger. Any stranger that one meet in public are always at their best, always. A spouse always need to remind himself or herself that their spouse, during their bad moments are no worse than the beautiful stranger who are always seen at their best, until a relationship happens. The woman's husband see her at her worse, when she has an upset stomach and has to use the restroom ahead of him, he smells her morning breath and get whiffs of when she hasn't showered well. You only see his wife at her best, or close to her best. The fact that people are strong Roman Catholics means nothing when one of them gets the urge to stray, if it did, there would be no divorce among Roman Catholics, ever.

[frogmarch]

5. When did his wife last see him?

In your post you said you hadn't seen him for several days, but that she said he'd been there all along. So apparently he was inside, and that's why you didn't see him.

I'd be concerned too, especially since you said the weather has been bad.

[jerseyjack]

6. Check hospitals.

My friend's father went missing for several days. He was located in a hospital about 30 miles from his house. Hospital didn't notify anyone because of the federal privacy laws.

What a bunch of assholes.

[CTyankee]

11. Yeah, I had another neighbor who wandered off and was hit by a car and she had no

identification. Her husband only found out about it when he came home and found her not there and wondered where she was and called the hospitals...wow, what a shock...they really should have been in assisted living...

[nadinbrzezinski]

8. Advise her to file a missing person report with the PD

Like ASAP.

[CTyankee]

10. OK, hubby just called. She said she had just "picked him up" from

somewhere. She didn't say where. That is more than odd.

This is getting to be a bigger mystery. I would hope it is all much ado about nothing, but I still have the nagging feeling that his being "missing" around the neighborhood had to do with "something."

[msanthrope]

12. Is he a drinker? nt

[CTyankee]

16. No. He doesn't appear to be. I think it would have manifested itself before now if that

had been a problem.

He's been a really regular guy, always out there trimming hedges and trees and doing stuff around the house. When I hadn't seen him around the last month or so I wondered out loud what might have happened to him...

[msanthrope]

19. Sounds like a classic bender to me. nt

[monmouth3]

24. Or a form of dementia she's not had the courage to tell anyone yet....n/t

[msanthrope]

32. Possible, but the leaving of the personal effects sounds more planned than not. In either instance,

I hope that family gets the help they need.

[Warpy]

54. If that's the case, she needs to

Often a sudden onset of dementia like symptoms is completely reversible. It can be due to drugs or improperly taken drugs or an electrolyte imbalance or other readily correctable problems.

True dementia is slow and insidious, symptoms developing over a very long time and apparent to all.

[CTyankee]

56. I am wondering. This is strange. One day the guy is out there, normal as can be..the next

day he's gone and nobody knows where he is. I always felt that she knew where her husband was so I was not TOO concerned but when she called I thought "Oh, shit!"

ACK, it's a problem. What to do?...

[spooky3]

59. Have you considered calling her

and saying you do not in any way want to nose into their business, but you were wondering if there was anything you could do to help?

[CTyankee]

61. hubby just called to ask her just that...

[spooky3]

73. good - I hope it went well.

[Warpy]

62. Try talking to her to find out the scoop

and if you get it out of her that there's some sort of change going on, do tell her what I told you.

If she cuts you off, respect her privacy. After all, it could be a girlfriend or they had a big fight and he stomped off without anything, too mad to think about car keys and wallet. You just don't know at this point.

Chances are your gut feeling is right, but we can't do anything for people who want us to butt out.

[CTyankee]

63. Since this has never happened before (after 10 years) I fear something physical....

I don't think she would have called me if it had been something to do with a big fight. I think it is much more something to do with a mental disorder (and I am hoping not a brain tumor) that is making him forgetful of his cell phone and his wallet...that is strange...

[Yo_Mama]

70. Or blood sugar or a host of other conditions

It could even have been some medicine he was taking. Or depression. Some people are light sensitive and this long winter might be wearing.

But obviously things are not right.

You two are nice folks. Just continue being friends. It can be as simple as just calling to say hello and to ask if there is anything they need.

It's a fine line between nosiness and keeping an open door, but that line is there and you two can navigate it.

[alfredo]

69. Early onset Alzheimer's?

It can hit as early as the 40's.

[LiberalLoner]

48. As a child of an alcoholic, I agree - and since usually every effort is made

To look and act normal and cover up the secret in alcoholic families, you very well could be unaware if that is the case....

[seabeyond]

14. see if those three cars come back. nt

[CTyankee]

17. his cars have always been here. that's what is strange.

[alcibiades_mystery]

15. Bender

Dude took cash.

[msanthrope]

18. That's my guess. nt

[CTyankee]

21. And no bender before now. They've been next door since 2003...

[alcibiades_mystery]

34. That's the nature of the thing

Be happy you're not familiar with its contours.

[gollygee]

36. Are you sure you'd know?

People sometimes keep quiet about that kind of thing.

[CTyankee]

58. Yeah, I know that, but I just don't think it is that.

I really don't know and I don't have the knowledge to know, quite frankly...

[Hekate]

49. Go visit her in the next few days on some pretext

I'm serious. Don't dismiss your intuition -- it comes from many sources of input, a lot of them subliminal, and your subconscious works at the clues...

Best of luck.

[Politicalboi]

71. Maybe she killed him

Just because she said he called, doesn't make it so. Unless you see him with your own eyes, I would wonder.

[Orrex]

20. I'd like to hear more about this "woman's instinct"

But I'm glad that he was found, in the end.

[CTyankee]

26. Oh, I dunno. Just wondering why such a thing would happen to a guy who was so "regular"

in his ways for the 10 years he's lived next door. Also, I never saw a real change in him over that time. IOW, nothing alarming about him...except recently I hadn't seen him and his wife was doing a lot more than he had been doing such as shoveling snow...that was very different. I thought he might be sick so I dismissed it. Now I think my women's intuition might have been right on target...

[polly7]

31. It does sound like there's something going on with him if

she's been doing the outside work for awhile he normally did and was worried enough to call you. I don't know of many people that leave at all anymore without their wallets or phone. I hope he's not ill.

[Orrex]

39. It's definitely a weird situation!

Props to you for being a good and concerned neighbor.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

40. Sorry to be the one to say it but

maybe he was going to do something drastic and changed his mind. That's the first thing that occured to me when I read your OP.

[CTyankee]

46. lordy, I hope not! These are very religious people!

They lost a baby due to an early miscarriage several years ago. It was just traumatic for them. But they devoted and still devote effort to help community foundations establish rooms for people whose babies are in hospitals where there are no rooms for the child's families to have some privacies for doctor-family discussions...

[UnrepentantLiberal]

57. Wow.

This is a real mystery.

[raccoon]

74. +1. nt

[malaise]

22. Did he have a brain tumor?

Strange indeed

[CTyankee]

35. I do wonder. It happened to another friend of mine. Her husband wandered off and was found

collapsed by the side of the road. She told me he had been acting strangely recently and she feared it was Alzheirmer's (which his father had died with). But it was a brain tumor. Her husband was a dedicated runner and had taken off for a run, only to be found by the local police. He was taken to Yale-New Haven Hospital where a brain scan revealed his tumor.

I am waiting for the next chapter of our neighbor's problem. I do not think this is normal or regular.

[polly7]

23. I'm glad to hear he's found and 'ok' .... hopefully all is well. nt.

[pipi_k]

27. OK so I read

above that the wife said she picked him up, but I still would not feel all was well until I saw him for myself, outside doing stuff or whatever.

Maybe I've read too many True Crime books and seen too many shows, but I wouldn't put it outside the realm of possibility that someone planning to rid themselves of another person would start working on a plausible alibi/story for the person's eventual REAL disappearance, if you get my drift.

Anyway, I hope all truly is well...

[CTyankee]

37. highly unlikely. She is a science contributor to our local abc affiliate. She would not

be in a conspiracy for very long, if ever. She is a straight shooter as is her husband (even if he is a republican).

[pipi_k]

68. Maybe...

maybe not.

I didn't mean a conspiracy, exactly.

Just a plan she has cooked up in her head.

Heinous things aren't always done by heinous (on the surface) people.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I've seen/read enough not to put anyone above doing something horrible...

[sufrommich]

28. I wonder if maybe he's having some mental health issues?

Perhaps she's dealing with someone who's been acting erratic for the past couple of days. Hope everything is alright though.

[CTyankee]

38. that or a brain tumor...I hate to sound alarmist but it happens...

scary, isn't it? One day you are fine, then you wake up and you are not. Geez...that is so scary...

[sufrommich]

43. Without getting into too much personal detail,

I have a family member with schitzoaffective disorder. She exhibited strange behavior for a couple of weeks and disappeared overnight once because "the radio told her to leave",up until that moment,we had no idea she was suffering with a serious mental illness. Your neighbors story brings back those memories for me.

[CTyankee]

47. please god that is not the case. I am hopeful. But I am also a bit doubtful that all

is well.I think there is more to this than we think right now...Just my women's intuition...something ain't right...

[hrmjustin]

30. Glad to hear he is found.

[randome]

33. Was he...

...captured by aliens, whisked to the 34th and a half century, where he lived twenty years trying to rebuild the Arctic glaciers before falling into a wormhole and finding himself back home?

It happens.

[SoCalDem]

41. Since she DID call you, a home-visit might be in order

as a concerned neighbor-friend.. Maybe she will open up on some insight..or not..

Either way, you could lay eyes on him to prove to yourself that he's there and intact

[CTyankee]

50. Yeah, I've been waiting to see him all these weeks I haven't seen him!

Something is wrong. I don't have it in me to do what you say I should do...

[pinboy3niner]

44. At least you now know that he's safe and you can stop worrying

Beyond that, it's just idle speculation. The couple may have some things to work out. He also needs to hear that you and others were worried needlessly by his unexplained disappearance.

[CTyankee]

51. I'm sure his wife has stressed that to him. I said as much to her on the phone when

she called me. I'm so glad he is back safe and sound. Whether he is mentally OK is another story...

[mercymechap]

53. Maybe you should have someone

call his home and ask for him, personally. If she claims he's not home that will raise another red flag. If he does come to the phone they can always claim that he's not the John Doe they thought they were calling.

[CTyankee]

55. thanks but I think she's telling us the truth. He's back. But I think they are still trying to

find out what has happened. I want them to have their famlly privacy in the meantime. We'll find out soon enough. I'm just happy he's okay....

[bvar22]

52. DEpression can manifest itself that way in Middle Age.

I hope he is OK.

[CTyankee]

60. thanks. I hope so to. He is a republican but I think highly of him as a neighbor and a person.

He has been kind and very generous with his time and effort with us in bad snow times. So I cannot be angry with the guy. He's been a great neighbor...

[Drew Richards]

64. This same thing is happening to my brother...took 3 years to diagnose he had a small stroke and

He just wanders off forgets everything its heartbreaking and there is nothing i can do.

Also it was misdiagnosed for three years as mild depression.

[wordpix]

67. early onset Alzheimer's, altho wife would know it if he needed watching

You usually have lots of warning that the person with Alz. is getting to the wandering-and-could-get-lost stage.

[lynne]

72. Probably talking with a neighbor -

- or drinking with a neighbor or looking at tools or something else that would make him lose track of time. If the property they live on has some size to it or has trees to block the view, he can be in one spot doing something and she not even know he's there.

My husband leaves his cell in the house all the time and it irks me as it will ring and I've no clue where he is. Usually he's out back working on some project. 20 yrs. ago no one would think a thing about a cell and keys in the house. We've gotten used to constant contact and panic when we can't find someone immediately.