I have hearts to unload.

[TheOther95Percent]

Tell me a joke (only one you'd share with your mother) and I'll fork one over.

[titaniumsalute]

1. Here's one

You know it is OK to smack a laughing fortune teller in the head?

Yup...you should always strive to strike a happy medium. (rimshot please.)

[TheOther95Percent]

2. LOL!

[titaniumsalute]

5. I woke up grumpy this morning....should've let her sleep!

I don't need another heart but felt like throwing out another joke.

[justiceischeap]

3. What do you call a herd of giraffe's

that goes east and a herd of giraffe's that go west?


A girrafic jam!

[TheOther95Percent]

7. I know a 5 year old that's going to love that joke.

Thanks for making me smile.

[justiceischeap]

19. You're welcome, thanks for the heart!

That's about the only joke I can remember. You have to do the arm movements when you tell it (making your arms criss-cross, kids seem to like that)

[Logical]

4. made this joke up when I was 10.......

What kind of car does a lemon drive? A lemonzine.

[TheOther95Percent]

8. Very good. Another one for my favorite 5 year old.

[Logical]

12. Thank you! Here is one back to you!!

[TheOther95Percent]

14. Many Thanks.

[rocktivity]

6. Why did the cow want a divorce?

She got a bum steer!


rocktivity

[TheOther95Percent]

10. LOL! That would be the first MrO95%

[NoGOPZone]

9. A joke? You don't have time for my life story nt

[TheOther95Percent]

11. Mom? Is that you?

[NoGOPZone]

13. .

[miso honey]

15. Can I have a heart?

Please?!

[WonderGrunion]

16. A nice pun

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.

[amuse bouche]

17. The next president

will be Santorum

[Politicalboi]

18. What do you call a sleeping Bull?

A Bulldozer.

[VenusRising]

20. I thought this was cute...

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time."

"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

[bhikkhu]

21. The best joke I know:

Two fish sticks are cooking in the oven.

The first fish stick says "man, its really hot in here"

The second fish stick says "Wow - a talking fish stick!"

...ok, so I don't know very many jokes...

[Tx4obama]

22. Here ya go ...

A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walked into the bar.
The bartender says, "Hi Mitt!"

[flamingdem]

23. Yoke

More like a saying?

If I "win" please donate a heart to member voteearlyvoteoften who is "heartless" at the moment. thanks.

[TheOther95Percent]

25. I will and here's one for you for the Monopoly board.

It would be funnier if it wasn't so true.

[flamingdem]

28. thank you very much!

[TNDemo]

24. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

[TNDemo]

26. Thanks for the heart!

You're all heart.

[TheOther95Percent]

27. I'm all out. Thanks for being such good sports.

[Politicalboi]

29. Thank You

[customerserviceguy]

30. A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar

The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Gave you a heart just for starting this thread!

[blondie58]

31. here is my favorite kid joke

Who invented King Arthur's roundtable?





Why Sir Cumference, of course!!!!



I crack myself up every time I tell it, pathetic it may be.

[blondie58]

32. okay had to go back and read the jokes

And noticed that you were out. That was really sweet if you, though.
And Lord knows, we all need to laugh.

[Old Troop]

33. OK. I'll take a shot...

A woman bought the fastest car she could find and decided to take it out for a spin.
She's cruising along a 80 mph when a motorcycle cop decides to pull her over.
He pulls out behind her and slowly gets up to her speed.
She decides to have a little fun and slightly hits the gas, raising her speed to 95.
He speeds up and begins to close.
She says the heck with it and floors the car.
She looks into the the rear view mirror and sees nothing but dust and smoke, so she turns around to see what's happened.
She finds the cop lying in a ditch with his motorcycle crashed into the woods.
So she asks him what happened and he gives a crooked grin and says,
"I was just catching up to you when you took off so fast that I thought the motorcycle had stopped so I got off to see what was wrong!"

[Vattel]

34. How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a big hole, fill it with ashes, and put peas all around the edge of the hole. Then, when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole.