Said on the TeeVee

[Scuba]

Conan

The son of Hugh Hefner has been arrested on a charge of domestic violence. When he heard this, Hugh Hefner said, "Son, there's a right way and a wrong way to disrespect women."



Letterman

Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex.



Fallon

Happy Valentine’s Day. Everyone on the campaign trail is celebrating with their sweetheart. Rick Santorum and his wife Karen, Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista, Mitt Romney and his Swiss bank account.